Ever: The Ever Trilogy, Book One (Volume 1) (22 page)

I know my mouth must have been open as I watched, but it fell to the floor when he finished and one of the high school boys said, “Yeah Dad, that was
awesome
!”

Dad?

All the guys whooped and hollered, and the dad walked away smiling triumphantly … and a little sloppily. I guessed it hadn’t been his first moment of impressing the kids tonight.

The guy whose dad had just finished impressing the crowd saw Jessie walk in, and his face lit up at the sight of her. He pushed through the crowd to greet us, irritating a few of the female partygoers as he left them behind to come to us. I saw their glares directed at Jessie and imagined she probably dealt with them at school on a daily basis. He stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted Greg—who was, of course, still holding Jessie’s hand. He looked familiar as if we’d met at one party or another before this one.

”Hey, Jess. I’m glad you came. Who are your friends?” He gritted his teeth behind a forced smile, and I could tell he struggled to be polite. And when he said ‘
friends
,’ he wasn’t looking at me, just Greg.

“Hey, Scottie! Great party! This is my boyfriend Greg—”

Greg extended his hand, but Scottie ignored it, looking down at me as if just realizing I was even there. He stared at me for a split second before recognition dawned on his face, and he smiled—a real, genuine smile—not the scary smile Greg received.

“—and you remember my best friend Ever, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, your lesbian lover, if I remember correctly?” He laughed and winked at me, which made me laugh too. I still found it quite funny that Jessie’s school thought she’d been coming out of the closet when she brought me to her prom last year. Jessie smiled awkwardly and glared at me, pissed that people still joked about it. She’d never seen the humor in it like I had. Greg turned to Jessie, a smile on his face and his eyebrows raised in question.

“Lesbians, huh? I can get down with that.” Greg put his arms around both of us and laughed.

Jessie glared at me again. “Oh, Ever. Do you see? It
never
ends.” To Greg she said, “And,
no
. Don’t get any ideas, Greg. It’s not
that
kind of party.”

They both laughed, and Jessie dragged him over to the keg, leaving me trapped in the corner with Scottie.

“Ever, huh? Cool name. I remember you from prom last year.”

Yeah, I’d figured that much out by the lesbian comment. “Thanks. So, was that your dad just now, Scottie?”

“Oh, yeah, but he’s not usually like that. It’s just been … different … since my mom died. And it’s just
Scott
. I don’t know why Jess insists on calling me Scottie like we’re still in third grade.”

“Oh, don’t worry; she sometimes calls
me
by my
full
name. I’d take a third grade nickname over
that
any day.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. “Uh-uh, don’t even go there. I won’t tell you what it is.”

“Okay. Okay. I get it.” He laughed and lifted his hands in surrender. “You can tell me when you’re ready.”

Which will be never.

A large group of kids gathered around the pool, chanting, drawing our attention outside. Scott’s dad was at the center of the group, beer bong in hand, standing on top of a rock slide in just his boxers. Scott rolled his eyes and groaned, turning his attention back to me.

“See?” He motioned toward the backyard and shook his head. “First keg stands, and now this. My mom would flip if she could see him right now.”

“Yeah. That’s um … cool, I guess.”

“You don’t have to lie, Ever.”

“So, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but … you said your mom died? Was it recently?”

“Yeah, just last month actually.”

He leaned in closer, his momentary displeasure toward Jessie and Greg no longer apparent on his face. I could tell by the sudden glint in his eyes that he had set his sights on me. It happened at every party I went to with Jessie. Something about being the mysterious girl who no one knew was apparently hard to resist. The elusive homeschooled chick.
Yeah, I’m irresistible all right.

Oh well. Whatever takes my mind off Toby.

“Wow, I’m sorry. I mean, I know
‘sorry’
sucks to hear, but … well, I understand. My dad died last month as well.”

“No shit, really? Man that sucks. Well then, I guess I’m sorry too. Should I say I’m
‘sorry for your loss,’
or does that bug you as much as it bugs me?”

We both laughed at that and moved on to compare stories about all the people who had said stupid things in their attempts to console us. We talked about how our parents died—the funerals, the time leading up to the funerals, and the way our remaining parents changed since the death of their spouses. Turns out it wasn’t just my mom who’d drastically changed, though our parents changed in opposite ways. Where my mom curled up inside herself, Scott’s dad decided to live every second like it was his last. From skydiving and rock climbing to tonight’s being a kid again—
and
the life of the party.

We were sitting at the kitchen island, a freshly poured beer in front of each of us. I played with a Sharpie, doodling on the side of my red cup instead of actually drinking its contents.

“You’re not much of a drinker, are you?”

I smiled, my cheeks flushing just a bit. “So, it’s obvious?”

“Yeah. I’d say so. But hey, it makes a great art project.” He motioned to my doodling before standing up and heading to the fridge.

“Okay, there’s Coke, Sprite, Red Bull, and … oh, Cactus Cooler, too.”

Ah, perfection.
“A Cactus Cooler would be perfect.”

When he returned with my drink, he sat so close to me that our knees touched. I reflexively moved my legs away, not wanting to be that close to another guy, but after quick consideration, I put them back. Scott was sweet, and I enjoyed talking to him. The distraction was welcome, and my mind was almost completely distracted from thinking about that other person—or, those other
people
.

We’d been sitting in the middle of the kitchen, talking for almost three hours, when he reached a hand up to run through his unruly blond hair, and I noticed how cute he was.

He caught me looking at him and paused. The hand absently taming his hair slowly made its way to rest on top of my thigh, and his other hand reached up and settled on the back of my neck. My body tensed up—little did he know I’d only kissed one other guy. He leaned in to kiss me, and my heart skipped a nervous beat. My head screamed at me to
run away!
—or maybe that was my broken heart screaming at me—but I ignored it. I had to move on with my life. Frankie was a
ghost
, and Toby was an
asshole
. He was obviously not interested in me anymore. Toby suddenly coming back to me was as likely as Frankie suddenly
not
being a ghost anymore. Pining for either of them was pointless and silly and had caused me nothing but pain.
Lots and lots of pain.

I closed my eyes and leaned toward Scott, anticipation and a little bit of guilt making my nerves jittery.
Guilt! What’s wrong with me?
I parted my lips slightly, and when his lips connected with mine I was …

Disappointed.

I’d hoped I would feel the same spark I felt with Toby, but …
nothing.
I was doomed. I once thought no one would ever be able to kiss me the way Toby had. Turns out that was a safe assumption.
Damn.

Kissing Scott wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t even bad, really. It just wasn’t … Toby.

Or Frankie. Not that I would ever know what
that
felt like.

Wow, I
am
pathetic.

Jessie walked up right then and interrupted us by clearing her throat. I’ll admit it: I was a bit relieved. I felt horrible for feeling that way, but I couldn’t help it. My heart was already torn between two guys—there really wasn’t room for a third.

Jessie tried to hide a look of utter horror with one of her trademark million-dollar smiles, but I could tell something was wrong.
Shoot. She can’t be mad at me for kissing Scott, can she?

“Jess, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Where’s Greg?”

“Um, yeah, Ev, everything’s fine; it’s just time to go, that’s all. Hey, Scottie, thanks for the great party. See you at school on Monday.” She grabbed me by the hand and started pulling me toward the front of the house.

“Jess, wait—you aren’t mad that he kissed me, are you?”

Scott caught up to us, grabbing our arms to stop us.

“Wait! Why are you guys leaving? Ever? Stay awhile. I’ll drive you home later. Jess, I’ll drive her home, okay?”

Looking at Scott’s pleading face, I knew he couldn’t actually drive me home because of how much beer he’d likely had to drink, but I did want to stay. Sort of. I had finally been feeling somewhat
normal.
I was carrying on a normal conversation and had even laughed a little. I liked the way Scott looked at me, and the kissing aside, I liked the way Scott make me feel: not
as
broken. It was nice to have my mind on other things for a change, and I figured if we kept talking
and stopped kissing
, I could go back to being distracted from my thoughts about—

Toby.

When I saw him, it was like the wound in my heart reopened and all the pain rushed back out to the surface. Like I was bleeding internally.
What is he doing here? Why can’t I just have a night out and finally feel good again?

Greg walked toward us, leaving Toby sitting on the couch with a stricken look on his face. Greg’s face was angry, and I knew they must have just had some sort of argument.

Then I saw that Toby was with someone.
Oh my god.
Greg must have been defending me or something.

Next to him—no, scratch that, she was practically draped
on top
of him—was the girl from the library. I couldn’t believe it. Toby’s eyes met mine, and I froze in place. She was oblivious to me and didn’t even seem to see that Toby had stopped paying attention to her, his gaze locked on mine, his body tense like mine. Clearly unfazed by whatever Greg had just said to Toby, the girl continued running her fingertips up and down his arm and talking away, smiling to herself at whatever clever thing she was saying. I watched Toby’s fists clench, clearly angry at seeing me here.
Oh god, he hates me.

My heart pounded, and my eyes burned. A pain formed in my stomach, and I couldn’t stop looking at them, even though it killed me inside.

I knew I couldn’t just stand there and stare at him in shock, but now that he’d seen me too, I knew I couldn’t run away either. Could I?

I quickly sorted through my options. Option one: confront him. I imagined marching over there and screaming at him and making a scene, throwing my drink on her, possibly even … no, too dramatic. Option one was out. Option two: say hello and act like I didn’t care that he was with someone else. I knew that would be incredibly painful and close to impossible. Or, option three—the easiest and most attractive option: run like hell in the other direction.
Yes. That’s the one.

“Ev,” Jessie whispered, “why are you nodding your head?”

Whoops.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t take my eyes off Toby, which meant I wasn’t likely to run away either. So, I chose option two. Because clearly, I hated myself and enjoyed inflicting pain upon my heart.

I grabbed Jessie and walked over to where they sat on the couch. I tried to look happy when I approached him, but the tears were knocking right behind my eyes, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I lost all composure. I’m sure my forced smile looked more like a painful grimace, but it was too late to choose option three. Greg stood behind us, one hand on my shoulder, lending support. I tried to muster up all the nonchalance I could. I pictured Toby’s carefree stance outside my house that first day I met him and tried to copy it, but picturing him on that gorgeous day only made my heart hurt more and my grimace tighten.

Toby stood when I approached, sparing a quick, angry glance at Greg. Toby was probably mad Greg didn’t stop me from coming over here.
What an asshole.

I felt Scott come to stand next to me before I heard him speak. He looked from Toby, to Jessie, and then to Greg, before looking back at me, trying to assess the situation. I could tell he was searching my face for some indication of what was going on, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Toby.

Scott reached out and grabbed my hand, and my stomach tightened. Toby’s gaze locked on our clenched hands, and he narrowed his eyes. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

Scott leaned over and whispered, “Hey, Ever, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“She’s fine. Who are you?”

Oh, hell no. He’s kidding, right? Does he really think he can speak for me?

I scoffed at Toby, unable to keep my mouth from falling open. I turned my attention to Scott, whose face was reddening. I could tell he was offended that this
stranger
would stand in
his
home and have the audacity to ask
him
who he was.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Scott. I should probably go.”

I looked back at Toby, locking eyes with him, daring him to speak on my behalf again. A million feelings and thoughts flooded my mind, anger leading the pack. I swear I saw relief in his eyes.
Is it relief that I’m leaving? Geez, what did I ever do to him?

“Hey,” was all he said.
Hey?
Is he serious right now?
After not seeing Toby for
four weeks
and then seeing him there, with
her
… all he could say to me was ‘hey?’ It seemed so casual, so careless … so … .

Oh.

It
is
casual.

He’s over me.

The knot in my stomach twisted tighter.