Ever: The Ever Trilogy, Book One (Volume 1) (36 page)

His words carried through the open window, and I paused, afraid he and whoever he was talking to would see me. I knew I should leave, and I was shocked at myself for staying to spy on Toby
again
. But I couldn’t seem to make myself leave. Something kept me there, hiding outside his window in broad daylight. I felt like maybe I’d learn one of the truths I was searching for. Like maybe by eavesdropping, I would learn more than Toby would tell me himself.

I would
not
be ashamed. I needed answers.

“It’s done, Tobias. As soon as I have this mess sorted out, we’re leaving. The time that takes is all the time you will have. My priority is fixing this situation with Ariadne, not worrying about your love life. This has gotten far too out of hand.”

“You don’t think I know how out of hand this is? Give me some credit, Ted! What Ariadne did … well, I can’t even wrap my mind around it. She’s completely psychotic!”

“Is she now? What about you, Tobias? Have you not also lost sight of your work, made the wrong choices when it comes to this girl? I don’t see much difference between you and Ariadne right now.”

Me.
They’re talking about me.

Someone walked to the window, and I held my breath. I heard Toby sigh. Then, remarkably, Ted sighed as well.

“This is my fault, Tobias.” He was calmer, more relaxed. He sounded almost sympathetic.

I tilted my head, my brow crinkled in confusion.

“I shouldn’t have brought you here. I should have known what would happen.”

“What do you mean? How could you possibly—?”

“Just believe me when I tell you that I’m sorry. For
all
of this. But I can’t allow you to stay here any longer than necessary, Tobias. Tell the girl what you will; I won’t ask you not to. But as soon as I’ve fixed the mess Ariadne has created, we’re gone.”

“I can’t leave.”

“I know.”

After a few long seconds passed, I began to wonder if they had left the room.

“I love her.” Toby’s voice was quiet, almost timid.

“You
can’t
.”

When the door slammed shut, I heard Toby cuss under his breath, his frustration evident. I knew he was alone, and I could reveal myself to him, but I couldn’t find the courage. I actually
had
learned something by eavesdropping.

Toby loved me. He truly did.

A part of me loved him too.

But I also knew I loved Frankie—and that Toby was a soul collector.

I had to end things with Toby.

Regardless of my feelings for him or his feelings for me, he caused all of this pain in my life. He’d brought these people—could I even call them that?—into my life, and chaos ensued. Ariadne connived and cheated, and Frankie was now human again, his soul belonging to her—whatever that meant. Greg used Jessie as a way to get to me, and now my best friend nursed not only her confusion but a broken heart as well. My mom—well, my mom was a mess. There was no pleasant way to put it. My mom had completely checked out of reality, and frankly, I had no idea what to do or how to help her.

To make matters worse,
my
soul was possibly in jeopardy … or whatever crazy thing Ariadne hinted at when she’d said
‘an eye for an eye’.

And it was all because of Toby.

So it was clear. I had to end things with him before anything worse happened. The choice was out of my hands.

I took a deep breath.
I can do this.
The tears started to fall, silently weaving a trail down my cheeks, proof that my decision was breaking the part of me that loved Toby. Pooling all of my strength, reaching down as deeply as I could to find it, I prepared to confront him.

He jumped out of the window and landed just a few feet in front of me. I shrieked, quickly pressing my hand to my mouth to muffle the sound.

He whipped around to see the source of the sound.

“Ever? What are you doing here?”

After the initial scare wore off, it was replaced with pain—heartache to be precise. Looking at him standing there, his messy hair, his gorgeous face … it was hard to believe what I was about to do. But I didn’t have a choice. This wasn’t just about me anymore. This was about everyone I cared for.

“Why are you crying, babe?”

He quickly closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me, spreading light kisses on my neck and up to my earlobe. My heartbeat picked up pace, and my eyes overflowed with more tears. He felt my stiffness and realized after a few seconds that I wasn’t returning his embrace. He leaned back to look at me.

I found I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him.

He lightly traced the tears on my cheeks with his fingertips. “Ever? Look at me.”

No. I can’t.

“Babe?”

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly pasty and dry. I forced myself to meet his gaze. His eyes—
god I love those eyes
—were dark and pained, and I knew he
knew
what I was about to say before I even composed myself enough to speak the words.

“Don’t, Ever. Please don’t.”

More tears fell as Toby’s half of my heart shattered a little more.

“I know you’re upset, and I’m so sorry. I’m trying to find a way to fix it, I promise … but please, Ever.
Please,
don’t do
this
.”

I have to
, I reminded myself.
This isn’t about me. And it isn’t about Toby. It’s about my Mom. And Frankie. And Jessie.

He pulled me back to him, crushing me in a fierce embrace. His lips closed over mine, hungrily kissing me, claiming me, urging me to change my mind with the passion of his kiss.

Without words, he almost convinced me. I almost gave in. I wanted to. I loved him.

But I loved my mom. And Jessie. And Frankie.

I loved Frankie. How could I love them both so much? So differently and yet … so
equally
? So
intensely?
A muffled sob escaped me, and he pulled back.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.

I pushed out of his arms and, unable to find any more words, I ran back into my house, barely seeing anything through my tears. Right into Frankie.

“Oh!”

“Hey, Doll, I’m sorry, I just—” One look at me and he stopped talking, closing his arms around me tightly.

“What has he done?” he practically growled.

“Nothing, Frankie. He’s done nothing. I … I just broke up with him.” I slowly collected myself, realizing I didn’t want to cry to Frankie about the end of my relationship with Toby.

“Oh, Doll, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I had to do it. It was over between us. I can’t … what he’s done … and you … .”

I looked up at him, and the part of my heart that had always belonged to Frankie swelled with warmth. As I looked at him, I knew that with time, and with Frankie, the parts of me hurting right then would heal. I knew I’d made the right choice.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

No.
I didn’t want to be alone at all, but could I really ask Frankie to comfort me while I cried over another guy? What kind of girl would I be if I did that?

He reworded his question, speaking softly. “Do you want me to go?”

I couldn’t find the words to tell him to leave me alone. More tears made their way silently down my cheeks.

He sat on the couch, pulling me down next to him. “Are you sure, Doll?”

He knew me too well.

I shook my head.

He pulled me into his arms. “I’m here for you, Doll. I’m always here for you. I did this for you.”

Another sob escaped me.
What?
I looked up at him, confusion and a small dose of fear fighting for center stage in my mind. “What did you say?”

“I did this for you, Doll. I love you.” He said it so matter-of-factly, like it was normal, obvious even. “It’s always been you.”

It’s always been me.

I cried more, letting it all out, unhindered by anything. I just needed to cry. I was confused, scared, happy.

Frankie was holding me, comforting me. I loved him, and he loved me.

And nothing else mattered now.

I had never wanted anything so badly in my life. Just Frankie.

Finally
Frankie.

A
few hours later, after a
very
long shower, I was finally ready to go. I met Frankie in the living room just as Jess came inside. Frankie looked practically edible in his new jeans and Chucks. My heart skipped a few beats at the sight of him.

“Hey, Doll.”

“Hey, Frankie. You look … .”

I trailed off then, searching for the right word. I couldn’t possibly say
edible
out loud.

“Yes, yes, we all look fantastic. Unfortunately, if we stand here too long, no one else will get to appreciate us. And, Ev, your cheeks match your shirt, B.T.W.” She giggled as I flushed more. “Oh, geez, come on, lovebirds.”

“Jessie.”

“Oh, Ever. Like he’s not looking at you the same hungry way you’re looking at him. Seriously, this is like
the
worst third wheel status ever.”

“Jess, you are not the third wheel. We are three friends going out to a party, nothing more.”

Although, while saying that last part, I had to look down at the ground. It was a total lie. It felt even more like a lie when Frankie reached for my hand and I dodged it by pretending I’d forgotten something and running back to my room. What was I doing? I’d just broken up with Toby, and now I was already starting something with Frankie? Was this even right?

There’s a name for girls like me.

“Relax,” I said to the reflection in my bathroom mirror. “Relax. Enjoy your night.”

As I stood in the bathroom, trying to collect myself, I reminded myself that I should be getting answers. I should be
confronting
Toby, not just breaking up with him and calling it a day. I should be questioning Ariadne. Possibly even finishing up where Jessie left off.
Anything
but going out and acting like everything was normal. There was nothing
normal
about my life, and going out to some pointless party seemed like the exact opposite of what we
should
be doing.

“Ever? You coming?” Jessie was in my doorway.

I quickly looked past her.

“He’s in the car, Ev. What’s up?”

“What are we doing? What am
I
doing?”

“We’re going to a party, Ev. No big deal. And look, you’ve been in love with Frankie for how long now? A
really
long time. You’ve only known Toby for what—a few months? And honestly, he’s caused
all
of this mess. So, I don’t fault you for wanting to gobble up Frankie now that he’s in human form again. I mean, look at the guy. He’s practically begging for it!”

I laughed at that and wondered briefly if Jessie
could
read my mind. After all, the first word that had popped into my mind had been
‘edible
.’ I took a deep breath.

“Seriously. Forget about Toby for one night. I’m not saying you need to go rip off Frankie’s clothes, but just … let’s just try to enjoy ourselves. This mess will be here for us in the morning, unfortunately. Toby will still be next door. Ariadne will still be a total bitchface. Your mom will hopefully be better, but if not, we can deal with that, too.” She paused to take a breath. “I, for one, am totally over this whole thing, and I’m going out. Screw Greg and Toby and their soul collector nonsense!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me back down the hall.

I felt better.

Sort of.

Jessie was right. A night out would probably do us all some good. And it was nagging at the back of my mind that Frankie needed a night out more than any of us. Who was I to deny him something he’d missed out on for so long?

Yeah, this is for Frankie,
I told myself.
Like a favor for Frankie. That’s all.

And then it hit me. Frankie couldn’t possibly go to a party! What was wrong with us? Someone could recognize him! Oh my god. We’d almost just made the biggest mistake in the history of the world.

“What is it, Ever? You look like you’ve just seen a gho—” Jessie giggled.

“Jess, we can’t take Frankie out … to a
party
. What if someone sees—?”

“Oh! Oh my god! You’re right!” She gasped. “What were we thinking?”

I shook my head and sat on the bed. She sat next to me. When Frankie finally showed up in my doorway a few minutes later, I’m sure we both looked like we’d been shocked—eyes wide, and confusion on our faces. We’d narrowly missed a catastrophe.

“Girls? What’s going on?”

“Frankie, we can’t take you out to a party tonight. What if … ?”

“Oh.”

Clearly, he hadn’t thought of it either.

“Well, that sucks.”

“Well, maybe not, I mean, you guys didn’t even go to my school. And the party’s all the way out in Costa Mesa. So … .”

“Jessie, you can’t be serious. Think about it!”

“Wait a minute. She’s right, Doll. No one will recognize me. It’s been over two years, and we probably won’t know anyone anyway. And even if someone
does
recognize me, they aren’t really going to believe what they’re seeing. Right?”