Ever the Same (15 page)

“That sucks, honey. I mean for real. Not just because it’s last thing you saw but your last memory of him.”

“Yeah. It was….” Bloody. Weird. Nauseating. “I’m glad I wasn’t driving.”

Audie squeezed him, silent, and he knew his cowboy had no idea what to say.

“We were heading to a date night on MoPac. A panel truck on the other side of the road lost control and flipped after hitting the median. No one was drunk, speeding, anything. It was just an accident.”

Those rough, scarred hands kept moving, kept petting him, soothing. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too, for Randi, most of all.”

“I get that. Hell, Grainger’s momma is still very much alive, and he never gets to see her.”

“Yeah. She… she doesn’t want to see him? At all?”

“No.” Audie sighed. “Cramps her style, you know? If she admits she had a baby with two gay guys, well, that just makes it worse.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I can get that.” Except he couldn’t. He couldn’t imagine not needing his Randi, not worrying about her.

“I can’t. It’s easier without her, I think, but I wish she could see what I do when I look at my kid.”

“I know, right? They’re just… magic.”

“They are. They grow so damned fast too.”

He laughed. “No shit. It was yesterday she was in diapers.” Now she was learning her letters.

“Yeah.” Audie laughed. “Listen to us old folks, huh?”

“Me, maybe. You’re still a baby.”

“Hey, it’s not the age.”

Now that made him cackle like a hen. “Yeah? I’m afraid I might lose that battle too….”

“Maybe.” Audie kissed his nose. “You’re made of win as far as I’m concerned.”

“Thank you, honey. Really.” It felt so good to hear that.

“Can I stay for a bit? I won’t make anything weird with Randi, I promise.”

“I’d love that. Honestly.”

“Good deal. So would I.”

He thought Audie was as lonely as he was, needed touch and togetherness.

They sat together, rested together. He liked how Audie could be quiet, could just be with him.

He didn’t sleep. They just sat. Held each other. He could get used to that.

That was a damned dangerous thing.

Chapter 11

“Are you
crazy, Son?” Audie’s mom was smiling when she said it, but he could see a shadow of concern in her eyes. “He’s blind. How is he gonna ride?”

Audie just shrugged. Dixon had good balance, a good head on his shoulders. Audie had been reading up on it, and horse therapy worked, even for blind folks. “Ain’t like I’m gonna walk off and leave him.”

“No, I don’t suppose you will. Still, what good will it do, spending so much time with him? I mean, I hate to be cruel, but what’s the man supposed to do with his life now? He’d have been better off taken with his… friend.”

“Momma!” He thought Dixon felt that way too, and he couldn’t abide it. “He’s a talented musician and a good daddy.”

“How good can he be, as he is? It’s easy now, but she’ll grow.”

“You’re sure down on him.” It set his teeth on edge.

“No. No, I’m just… I guess I’m more unnerved by it. I can’t imagine how awful it has to be for the whole family. I start thinking about the complications and…. Jesus.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. He got it. He did. Momma worked her ass off and, in her world, if someone couldn’t pull their weight, they needed to get out of the way and not cause trouble. “It’s tough, but think about it, Momma. How bored he has to be. I can give him a little distraction.”

One of her eyebrows arched, but she didn’t say a word.

“Stop it.” His cheeks heated, but Audie brazened it out. “I’m gonna go get the horses saddled.”

“I assume Dixon’s little brother is bringing him out?”

“Yeah. I’ll take him home.”

“Where’s his little girl?”

“Spending a couple weeks with her other set of grandparents in Houston.”

“Oh good. Good for her.” Momma nodded. “She needs normal folks.”

“Momma!”

“What? She’s got a teenaged uncle, two hippie grandparents, and a blind dad.”

He stared at her, a muscle in his jaw twitching. He loved her to death, but God, she could be narrow.

“Go on, now. I’ve upset you.”

“Well, yeah.” He headed out, not really wanting to dwell on it anymore. Horses were so much easier than people.

Everybody fucking acted like Dixon was worthless. He wasn’t, not one bit. He could play and sing. He understood how hard it was to be a dad, especially a single, gay one. Dix had a wicked sense of humor and a touch like velvet, and Audie was so made for him, so damned pissed at the world on Dixon’s behalf. The man could make him laugh like no one else, and the sex….

Good Lord, save him.

Dixon just laughed and told him he was easy because he had so little experience. Maybe that was true, but he knew a good thing when he touched it. He knew what felt good, and he knew he was making Dix’s world spin.

He pushed his momma’s knowing eyes out of his mind and went to saddle Daisy and Skamp.

“Y’all are going to be good for me, aren’t you? You’re going to behave.”

Daisy nudged him, her placid expression boding well for the day.

He scratched her ears, smiling as he heard Dalton’s car pull up. He walked out into the yard and waited, tickled that Dixon was there.

“I brought the evil butthead to you.” Dixon had a shiner, and Dalton had a bruise on his jaw that was stunning.

“Oh. Hey.” Well, that didn’t bode well. “Thanks, Dalton.”

Dalton grinned, though. “Anytime. Son of a bitch can still fight.”

“I’m right here,” Dixon grumped, climbing out of the truck. “Go away, Dalton.”

“Daniel wouldn’t have been so easy on you, you know?”

“I know you’re a pussy, man, you don’t have to tell me.”

Dalton hooted, winked at him. “Call if you need a ride, you big dork.”

“I will.” Dixon waved a hand vaguely in Dalton’s direction before turning toward him, reaching out.

Audie took his hand. “Hey, honey.”

“Hey. How’s it going?”

“Well, I had a snarl with my momma, but no fisticuffs. What happened with you?”

“Really? I miss Randi. Dalton and I just got into it, you know. One thing led to another, and suddenly we’re throwing punches.”

Audie pulled Dixon close, holding his hand so they could walk back to the barn. “Well, as long as nothing is broke, I guess you’re okay.”

“Nothing’s even really sore. Did I bruise?”

“You got a shiner.” He tugged Dixon into the barn to kiss him.

“Least he didn’t hurt something useful.” Dixon cupped his jaw, brought their lips together.

Audie hummed into the kiss. Hell, this was what he thought about all day.

“God, you’re addictive.” Dixon smiled—and it made Audie float.

“Thank you.” He stroked Dixon’s cheek. “Been waiting all day for that.”

Dix nodded, nuzzled into his touch. He kissed the sweet mouth again. Dixon opened up, tongue flicking against his lips. They kissed deep, long and slow and happy. Thank God for this moment, for this man.

He was hooked through the fucking balls.

When they broke for air, he leaned into Dixon’s body a little. “You ready to ride?”

“Why do I have the feeling that you don’t mean what I think you mean?”

Audie laughed. “Man, you got that innuendo thing down. We can do that too, but the horses are saddled.”

“What can I say? I’m clever. Hell, maybe if I fall down and hit my head, my sight will come back.”

“Hey, stop it.” He pinched Dixon’s ass.

Dixon jumped, grinned. “What? It could happen.”

“If I thought it would do more good than not, I’d see to it.”

“Yeah. I asked the doctors. Things are… pretty well horked.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” He squeezed that hand he held.

“Yeah. Enough wallowing. Teach me.”

“You got it.” He brought Dixon over to Daisy, let him touch her neck. “This is Daisy.”

“Like Duck?”

“More like the flower, I think. Gracie named her.”

“What does she look like?”

“She’s a bay mare, which means she’s brown with a darker mane and tail, and she has a white blaze and two white socks.”

“Is she nice? I’ve never ridden….”

“She’s a doll baby. She’s not a fighter or a nervous Nellie.” She would make Dixon think he was an expert.

“Okay. Okay, what do I do?” Dixon was purely scared, but there was a determined set to his mouth that proved the man was here to cowboy up.

“First you take a deep breath.” He held on, letting Dixon feel his hand, letting his surety come through.

Dixon sucked in air, then did it again. Good. Good man.

“That’s great. Now you come say hi, just like you did with Sarge.” He drew Dixon slowly toward Daisy.

“Hey, Daisy.”

Daisy’s head bobbed, nodded.

“She’s saying hi.” He let Dixon stroke her, let them scent each other.

Dixon kept petting, exploring carefully. Daisy stood and nibbled on Dixon’s shirt. It was adorable.

“Is she wanting something?”

“She wants a carrot. She’ll get one when she’s done her work, though. Are you ready to get a little closer?” He wanted Daisy to feel Dixon’s weight.

“Sure. Sure, just tell me what to do.”

“I want you to put your hand on the saddle horn, here, and lean your body weight against her side.”

Dixon’s hand wrapped around the horn, tracing it, always exploring. The other hand came up to rest on Daisy’s neck, and she blew softly. “Is that okay? That sound?”

“It is. She’s being curious. Sharing breath.”

“Sharing breath… that sounds neat.”

“It is.” He rubbed Daisy’s nose, praising her.

Daisy nickered softly, staying relaxed for him.

“Good girl. Okay, Dix, we’re going to move outside. I don’t like mounting up in the barn.”

“Okay. What do you need me to do? I’ll do it.”

“Just turn toward your left and keep your hand on the horn. Let the horse guide you outside.”

“You’re coming too, though, right?”

“I am. I have her lead, and I’m right here. Otherwise she’ll stand here and nibble pockets all day.”

“Okay.” Those poor knuckles were tight, and Dixon was strangling the horn.

“Did I remind you to breathe?” Audie stroked those white knuckles.

“Breathe. Turn left. Keep your hand on the horn.” Dixon chanted the words.

Audie tugged at Daisy’s halter, moving out in front of her a few steps, but keeping an eye on Dix.

Dixon stumbled over the first step, then smoothed out. Daisy never even flinched, though her ears swiveled with her curiosity.

They managed to get outside without Dixon falling or having a stroke. That had to be a positive. Poor guy was looking a bit gray around the gills. Still, he didn’t call the game, so Audie was going to let it keep playing.

“Okay, good.” He tied Daisy’s lead to the fence so he could help Dixon mount. “You always mount from the left. So you’re going to reach up and grab… no, honey. To the left some.”

Dix fumbled a bit, then he got one hand wrapped around the horn. Good man.

“Okay, perfect. I’m gonna help you put your left foot in the stirrup and you’ll swing your right leg over.”

“Sure. I can do that.”

“I know you can. I can help. Hold on with your left hand now.”

He helped Dixon get his foot up and into the stirrup, making sure the man had good balance. “Now, put your weight a little forward, bounce on your grounded leg, and swing. Keep your upper body close to the saddle.”

Dixon had to try twice, but he got it, damn near launching himself over and off the other side.

“Whoa, now.” He got Dixon settled into place. “Good deal. So, get your ass to a comfy place, and we’ll adjust your stirrups.”

“Am I far up? It feels tall.”

“She’s not like Sarge, our Miss Daisy, but she’s fourteen hands. Average quarter horse.” Audie chuckled. “Bigger than a llama.”

“Shut up. I never tried to ride a llama. That was Damon.”

“Oh holy shit. That had to hurt. Those babies are too small for that.” Llamas might not kick as hard as a horse, but they could sure leave a mark.

“He was home for spring break and punishing Mom and Dad for not subsidizing a trip to Corpus.”

“Man, you guys are some trouble.” He grinned, thinking what it must be like to have brothers instead of sisters.

“I could tell some stories.” Dixon was beginning to relax now, finally.

“I bet. Okay, you just concentrate on getting loose, letting your hips shift when Daisy does.” He measured out Dixon’s stirrups, got them just right.

“Are you going to be on a horse too?” Dixon’s face was scrunched up.

“Sunglasses, babe. It’s bright out here.”

“Oh. Okay. I have some in my breast pocket. Can I let go to get them?”

Audie nodded, then remembered he had to talk. “I got her.”

“Okay.” Dixon got them on, then fumbled for the horn again. “Okay, unexpectedly weird.”

“The glasses? Or trying to do something on a horse?”

“Not holding on. Sitting on something alive.”

“Oh now, you do that a good bit.”

It only took about a second before Dixon got it and cracked up. Daisy stamped, but didn’t move too much, and Dixon moved with her now that he had relaxed.