Everlasting (Night Watchmen, #1) (22 page)

Every word in his mouth had a noose wrapped around it, and when he spoke them, word by word, they jumped, free falling to their death, hanging any chance we had. I can’t think. I can’t even breathe. Die. He’s going to die. He pushed her away so he would die and not her. He is cursed. He will die.

Die.

“Jaxen…”

“No!” he yells, pushing my hand away. His eyes dig into mine, pooled in pain and anger. His breath hitches in his throat, desperately dragging the air in. “We are Hunters, Faye. We don’t feel. We don’t fear. That is the definition of strength. That is what makes us, and being around you makes me not want that. You make me want to be someone else, someone free, and I can’t afford to be that way. My time is limited, and while it is, I must make use of it by devoting myself to the Coven. That’s what I must be until my last breath, because to truly let myself go, to let myself feel this…whatever it is between us, whatever it could be…I know it will be taken from me one day...” He stops, a shudder rippling from his shoulders to his legs. “I have to be strong.”

My heart is torn into pieces that can never be put back together. My breathing is shallow and labored. He moves, leaving me, walking away from me. I can’t let that happen. He has to be wrong. He has to feel loved. He has to know.

“What if we can find a way?”

He stops, steps away from the door, his chest rising and falling heavily. A bitter laugh rips from his soul. “You think we haven’t tried over generations upon generations? There’s no way to undo it. Now you sound like Jezi.” He turns back for the door.

“So you’re just going to walk away? Shut yourself off and never know love? Never know what your heart is truly capable of?”

His head falls. “I have to.”

And just like that, he leaves me standing there, lost and hollow. Just like that, he becomes a breeze, drifting past me. He’s untouchable and unattainable.

He’s everything I’ll never have.

I
find myself in front
of Katie’s building. My head pounds, but I keep moving one foot in front of the other, desperate to find solace. The inside is nothing like I expect it to be. Novices scatter about, all heading either to their rooms or to their next class.

I try to blend in and find my way, but after my display in the dining hall last night, I don’t think blending in is an option for me any longer. The eyes of every novice penetrate my thin exterior. I’m aware of every hair on my body, every move I make, and it makes my insides overheat. I want to glare at all of them, yell and scream to make them stop, but instead, I avoid eye contact and continue forward.

My breath rushes out when I reach Katie’s room. I dab at the sweat on my forehead and knock on her door. She opens it a moment later, but the look on her face makes me shrink even further in place. She stands, holding the door, her eyes narrowed on me. “Yeah?”

I haven’t heard this tone from her before, at least not directed toward me. “Can I come in?” I ask, pulling the collar back on my jacket. I feel like it’s suffocating me, inch by leathery inch.

She sighs forcefully, and then steps aside. A book rests open on the desk, the pages blank. She has two photos on the wall, one of her and her family, and one of us standing together on graduation day. My heart forms into mush.

“So,” she says in a tone as cold as the early November air outside. She folds her arms across her chest. She’s wearing black jeans and a black long sleeve shirt. Her auburn hair is pulled back with a pencil, the same way my mother always wore hers. The knot in my stomach pulls tighter.

“Katie, I…”

“You what? Ruined everything?” she spouts off, her arms falling to her side in long, rigid lines. “You think you’re so cool, don’t you?”

My heart speeds up, racing to catch my mind up with what’s happening. “What are you talking about?” I ask slowly, carefully.

She drags a hand through her hair, the pencil falling to the ground. Curls spill down her back. “What am I talking about?” she asks animatedly. “What do you mean, what am I talking about? Bypassing the rules? Using your powers in the dining hall? Were you just trying to show off?” Her voice is octaves higher now, her face a mottled shade of red.

“Katie, I was only trying to help you. Chett was…”

“I already told you, Chett’s my problem to deal with, not yours. Got it? I c
an take care of myself. I could have handled it, and now, now he’s being punished! Do you know what that means?!”

“You won’t get slapped around anymore?” I ask through my teeth. The pulse in my wrists is pounding and making my hands shake.

She flinches as if my words have slapped her. Disgust curls her features. “How dare you?” she seethes.

I take a step for her. I don’t understand where this is coming from, why she’s acting like this. “Katie…”

“No, Faye. We knew this day would come, the day where we reach a fork in our friendship. It came, only you’re here at the Academy and you’ve done nothing but screw everything up. You’ve left me powerless! I can’t even train, Faye, not without Chett. I don’t even know when he’ll be back, but when he comes back, he’s going to be so pissed. Not to mention that everyone thinks I’m some weak little Witch.”

“They’re wrong…”

“No, you were wrong! You shouldn’t have done that. I asked you not to and you didn’t listen. You don’t understand how this Coven works, do you? You can’t just parade around flaunting your powers like that. Despite being,” she pauses, looking me up and down as if I’m contagious, “whatever you are, you can’t do whatever you want.”

“Is that what’s bothering you? Really? Or is it the fact that I’m not poor and helpless anymore? Is it because you thought you were the shining star, off to the Academy, while poor old Faye was stuck as a Defect in college? Is it because I don’t
need
you anymore?” I stop as soon as the last sentence slips out, sucking in a huge breath. Wet warmth covers my cheeks.

“Leave,” she says, her words low and almost inaudible. She looks off to the side. Tears slip down her cheeks.

It takes everything in me not to flip on her. It takes everything in me not to scream in her face and shake sense into her. It takes everything in me not to beg for forgiveness. I know she’s upset, and I get that it’s because she’s powerless, but somewhere inside of her, there has to be the Katie I know, the one that puts friends above anything else and promised we would stick together no matter what.

“I’m so sorry, Kat,” I whisper hugging an arm across my chest. “I don’t want to fight with you. You’re my best friend, my sister. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Leave!” she screams, her hands in fists at her sides.

I flinch back, hearing all the hurt in her tone, the hurt that I’ve caused, and walk out without another word.

By the time I make
it back to my room, soaked to the bone from an afternoon drizzle, I’m desperate for a distraction, for something to take my mind off the people I care about and the fact that I’m helpless when it comes to fixing my relationship with them. I head for the bathroom, hoping I can soak this chill inside of me.

I turn the hot water on, shuck out of my clothes, and step into the bath. The water envelops me, covering every bruise on my skin, every cut in my flesh. I think about using my magic to finish the healing process, but choose not to. I’m too tired to care. My face still throbs, but only mildly now. It pales in comparison to the crippling pain in my heart. Between Jaxen and Katie, I don’t think this day can get any worse. I don’t think I can take any more bad news. I run my fingers over the bruises on my skin. They are reminders of everything that has happened, everything that I’ll continue to fight for.

I finally relax and close my eyes, but the silence in my mind is an open invitation for thoughts, and I’m not ready to think.

I pull the plug on the tub and step out to dry off. I change into black sweats and a tank top. Books about war tactics, fight techniques, and paranormal creatures are stacked on my desk; a gift from Gavin. I grab a book and scoot back against my headboard when a knock sounds on my door.

“Come in,” I say, tossing the book to the side.

Cassie steps in with her strawberry hair twisted up into a messy bun piled high on top of her head. Wild curls fall in no particular order. She isn’t in uniform, but is wearing a pair of dark denim skinny jeans and an off-the-shoulder lavender sweater sporting a black cat stitched on the front.

“Hey,” she says, shutting the door behind her.

“Hi.”

She moves to the end of my bed and sits, glancing over at the book Gavin gave me. “Figures he’d give you something boring to read.”

I sigh. “I’ve only just started tonight.” I plunge a hand through my hair, pulling it all the way through to the end.

“Well, call me your savior, because I have a solution to the boringness of these books. That’s actually why I stopped by.”

“What?”

She leans in and says with a low tone, “Gossip.” She smiles proudly. “I know things. Things that not everyone knows in this Coven. Things that would probably get me in trouble if anyone found out that I knew them. And I’ve decided I want to share them with you.”

My heart flutters a little. “Why?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. ‘Cause I like you. ‘Cause you’ve had a rough day. ‘Cause someone needs to cut you some slack.” She pauses. “By the way, you sure you don’t want me to finish healing that shiner?”

I shake my head.

“Okay then,” she says. “Well, anyway, I tried to tell Gavin that you would be better off leaving this Academy, but he won’t hear of it. Banishment would be better than what the High Priesthood has in store for you, should they get their hands on you, that is. But he’s a stickler for following the rules. Lame.”

My thoughts freeze at the word banishment. What could the High Priesthood want from me? Visions of laboratories and doctors flood my mind. I quickly shove them away and focus on her. I briefly remember Gavin on the phone with Cassie after my meeting this morning. I remember him scolding her. “Is that what you told him on the phone this morning?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? I mean, why shouldn’t I stay here?”

Her eyes dart left and right, and then she says, “Because, despite what Mack and all the other Elders want us to believe, there isn’t a single soul worth trusting higher up in the food chain. They all have personal agendas. Take Clara for example. She’s a raging bitch who can’t be trusted, and the fact that Mack knows this and goes around her every chance he gets just proves my point. Why else do you think he tried to keep your existence a secret for so long? I bet if you hadn’t blown your own cover last night, he would have never said a word to the other Elders and High Priesthood. He would have kept you all to himself.” She leans back, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“Kept me to himself?”

“Yeah, probably to escape the clutches of Clara. Maybe even to start a riot against the Coven leaders. Who knows?”

She’s lost me. This is unheard of. He wouldn’t do that...would he? A shudder settles over my shoulders, spreading to my limbs. I hate that I suddenly feel so naive, so blind to what’s all around me. “Yeah, but why can’t Clara be trusted? She’s Mack’s partner. They should be stable.”

“So should your friend and the Witch-hating asswipe. Open your eyes, chick. Things aren’t what they seem. Mack and his Witch are far from stable, just like a lot of other affinity bonds. Word is, Clara has her eye set on a High Priesthood position, and once you get into it, you don’t need your power anymore, or your partner.” She lifts her brow.

That’s exactly why my mother turned down the Priesthood position offered to her years ago. She’d never consider leaving my father’s side. Magical power was taken from our leaders after Mourdyn’s fall. It was the Divine’s way of maintaining control within the Coven before they left to eternally sleep in Ethryeal City. It was a position only meant for those who were truly in it for the Coven, because to sacrifice your magic and your partner is like cutting off a limb. That would explain Mack’s lack of respect for her.

“How do you know this?”

“I’m nosy,” she says with a shrug as she examines her fingernails. “The more educated you are in the politics of the Coven, the better chance you have at surviving inside it.” She leans down on her hand, glancing around my room. “But aside from that, Mack doesn’t want anything to do with leadership. He’s only an Elder because of Clara and his guilt over Weldon.”

My face compresses in confusion. “Weldon?”

She clears her throat. “Weldon is Mack’s twin.”

I feel my jaw drop. “Twin?” There can’t possibly be two of him.

She shifts a little, her smile growing wide. She’s loving dishing out all of this information, and even more, she’s loving the response I’m giving her. “Yeah. He’s umm…well, let’s just say he’s a rare breed. Not a lot of people know about him. He doesn’t fall under the Coven anymore.”

I cross my legs, scooting closer to her. “Why?”

She takes in an over exaggerated breath and then lets it out. “
It’s a complicated story. I’m not even sure I should be telling you, but in short, Mack was taken by a clan of Demons when he was little. He was taken to the Underground.”

“Underground? But I thought…”

“That no one could return from the Underground? Yeah, technically they can’t, but his twin Weldon made a deal with a Demon and ended up switching himself out, allowing Mack to return to our plane of living. Weldon didn’t return until many years later, and learned his Witch, Clara’s twin Claire, had replaced him while he was in the Underground. It’s a crazy mess, right?”

I nod, still trying to place everything she said together.

“Weldon hasn’t been the same since. He doesn’t really have a side to be on. He’s an outsider now. He stays over in Brooklyn at an abandoned theater.”

I sit there for a moment, staring at her in shock. Mack
and
his twin have not only been in the Underground, but have managed to escape as well. “That’s crazy.”

“Tell me about it. And speaking of Mack, he’s out of town. He and Jaxen left a little bit ago to meet with the Priesthood in Ethryeal City. They won’t be back for a week or two.”