Evernight (The Night Watchmen Series Book 2) (34 page)

The general nods to himself as if he’s taking a mental note. “You don’t really have any fears, do you?”

Gavin shrugs a little. Looks between Jaxen and Cassie, before looking back at the general. “Nothing I can rattle off the top of my head, no,” he says with a grin, shoving his hands in his pocket.

“And you’re confident in yourself and your abilities,” the general continues, still as serious as ever.

Gavin pulls his hand out of his pocket, straightening out his shoulders. “I haven’t failed yet.” He jerks his head around when Jezi and Cassie cough, squinting at them.

Weldon’s chin drops as he tries to hide his smile.

“Where uh-where you going with this?” Gavin asks, this time sounding a little unsure.

The general’s face tightens, and the look he gives shuts everyone up. “You’re so wrapped up in your own ego that you fail to see your own weaknesses,” he answers. “You concern yourself with the rest of these cream puffs, feeding off being the one they look up to, and thinking you’re untouchable. That kind of behavior will get someone killed. Ego is the number one killer of Hunters in this Coven.”

Gavin’s face pales out, and then slowly, shades of red begin to appear.

“Walked right into that one,” Weldon says low enough that only Jaxen and I can hear him. Jaxen elbows him.

The general takes a step closer to Gavin, whose eyebrows are scrunched and chest is puffed out. “There’s a thin line between intelligence and stupidity when it comes to confidence, and that line is labeled doubt. The smart ones are the ones who consistently question what they’re doing, and why they’re doing it. And the dumb ones, well, you can guess where I’m going with this. They, like you, think everything will work out smoothly and never question anything.”

He takes a step back and looks at all the rest of us, his voice picking up to match the wind. “Let this be a prime example to you all. While having confidence is essential to performing well, it’s also essential to never get too cozy in your own skin. Know that in every situation you encounter in life, you can be as prepared as you want to be, but that’s only half the journey. The other half rests in knowing yourself, those around you, and the back-up plan to the back-up plan. You.”

He’s looking at Cassie now. Her eyes widen, and then resort back to a look of confidence.

“You’re the one who puts yourself above everyone else. The one element that you can never plan for because you never see it coming.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Cassie says, looking over to Jezi with a snarky look.

“Don’t look at her. Look at me,” the general says, getting closer to Cassie. He’s invading her personal space, pushing against her resistance. “Every choice you made in that simulation all had one common factor—how would it affect your well-being? Am I right?”

She shrinks away from him, shielding her face from all of us.

The general steps away from her, directing his speech back onto all of us. “Here’s another lesson for you—confidence is the strongest wall insecurity has to hide behind, but this wall is built on misguided falsehoods. It’s not impenetrable. Find its weak spot, and you have your opponent.”

He looks over when Weldon lets a snicker slip out.

“You can add yourself into this one, Mr. Jacobsen. Your confidence is a well-used shield you hide behind.”

Weldon purses his lips and rolls his eyes.

The general walks away from Cassie and stops in front of Jezi. She almost shrinks away from him. “You just need to focus more on everything and less on your affinity partner’s love life.”

She breathes out in relief when he walks away from her.

Jaxen doesn’t move when the general stops in front of him. They stare at each other for what feels like forever, and I’m not sure what’s going to happen. All I know is that someone could jump off this building and I wouldn’t see them because I’m that focused on the general and Jaxen. I’m that curious, but more so scared, to hear what he has to say.

“Jaxen Gramm,” the general says, taking his time with the syllables. If dragging things out were an art form, he would be the master of it. “You’re the wounded bird. The martyr. The one with everything to lose and nothing to gain.” He tugs on his mustache, eyes scanning over Jaxen. “You think you can swallow everyone’s pain. Walk every hard path for those you care about to try to spare them hurt.” He lets go of his mustache and stands straight. “I’ve got news for you. It’s not your job to carry their burdens, but to carry your own. And I know you have plenty.”

Jaxen freezes as the general looks over at me.

I feel pinned on the spot, like a fly caught in a trap. I don’t like it. My instinct is to squirm under his gaze, but I refuse to. I refuse to let him think he has power over me—to let him tell me how weak I am.

I’m sick of being predicable.

“She could be strong,” the general says, keeping his eyes locked on mine even though he’s still talking to Jaxen. “Stronger than anything this Coven has ever seen before, but you’re the one thing holding her back.”

I struggle to accept the compliment wrapped up in a neatly tied insult.

Jaxen’s eyes press into a flat line, and I fear for the general. “Hold her back? I do everything I can to protect and help her.”

The general finally looks away from me, and I feel like I can breathe again. “And your version of protection and help reverts back to the reason Hunters, especially male Hunters, have such a bad reputation. You strip her of her strengths by making her feel as if she
needs
you in order to function. By thinking she can only be strong if you deem her so. You need to have faith in those around you. Let them carry some of the weight. Give them the respect they deserve by lending out your trust.”

Jaxen’s pain is my pain, and it’s like someone pinning me against the wall by my throat. It’s like being forced to watch every awful moment of your life repeatedly in a room you can never leave.

“It’s not his fault,” I say. I can’t take another minute of his words… of his
observations.

“No?” the general says with mild intrigue.

“No.” I stick my chin in the air when he steps to me. “I’m the one who chooses how I truly see myself. Jaxen doesn’t strip me of my internal strength… I do. Confidence has to come from within, and I’m working on it.”

The general toys with his mustache again, digesting my words. “You’re right.”

His mouth opens and closes. He’s treading careful through the forest of my frail emotions, and it makes me feel ashamed. I don’t want to be viewed as wounded soul. I don’t want to live on eggshells anymore.

“You
are
responsible for your own confidence, but as much as he coddles you, there’s no way for you to have a chance to build it on your own. Not when you’re putting his life before your own, and before the greater good of this Coven. Love is blurring your decision-making skills, and it’s not a healthy mix. Not in our line of business. Not when the fate of this Coven rests in your hands.”

“Back off and cut her some slack,” Gavin says tightly.

The general snaps on him. “I don’t say this to hurt or offend any of you. I say this because you need to know the truth before you can be the best warrior you can be. Now, I want each of you to head back to the simulation room. I’ve formulated programs around each of your weaknesses. These, you will go at alone.”

We all turn for the door.

“Dude lost his mind a long time ago,” Gavin says as he passes through the door.

“I think he’s egotistical,” Cassie says to Jezi, following behind Gavin.

“I don’t think you want to hear what I think,” Weldon says to Jaxen and me as we approach the door.

“You three,” the general says from behind us.

Weldon, Jaxen, and I freeze.

“Do you have something you want to tell me?”

Weldon is the first to turn around. I already know by the smirk on his face that his next words carry a shovel just waiting to dig his hole deeper. “I do actually,” he says with a deliberate smile. “I love your method of teaching. That whole ‘break you down, poke your flaws’ thing… it’s so, I don’t know, refreshing.”

Jaxen elbows Weldon in the side. He grunts from the blow and looks over at us, wearing a cocky grin. I can’t reciprocate. I’m shaking in my bones, wondering if maybe he really did find my box of secrets. Wondering whose side he’s on… if Clara already knows we’re on to her.

I turn the rest of the way around after Jaxen, counting in my head, telling myself that everything will be okay, despite the awful pit in my stomach telling me otherwise. The general doesn’t look amused by Weldon. But then again, he doesn’t ever really look amused. His ‘faces’ are pretty much always the same, for every type of reaction.

Unreadable. Blank. Stern.

“Well, don’t leave us dawdling on the hem of anticipation’s skirt, sir. We’re all dying to know what you assume you know,” Weldon says animatedly.

My eyes grow wide. Jaxen stiffens next to me. I swear Weldon has a death wish.

The general clears his throat. “You Shadow Walked,” he says bluntly, staring directly at Weldon.

My stomach drops to the floor. I feel like a snowman on a sunny day. I’m stuck, with no way to move. No way to protect myself from the heat of his glare. I’m melting into nothing… melting into the fear that Clara’s going to win before I even got started. That her reach is even further than I thought. That she’s taken this man and bent him until he snapped in half and became hers.

The general continues speaking, and with every word that leaves his mouth, I think I shrink further and further into a well of emotions that are stirring up my insides.

“As you all know, this is a matter that’s not taken lightly within this city. You’ve been granted special sanctioning to even be permitted in this city, and yet you spit on it.”

“If you’re speaking in metaphorical terms, then maybe,” Weldon says, seeming unfazed even when my world is crashing down around me. “Because I haven’t technically spit on anything.”

The general levels his gaze on Weldon. “Don’t blow this chance, Weldon.” The way he says it is so personal, even a little sympathetic. Like he knows, maybe even relates to, Weldon’s misfortunes, and it makes me think that maybe I’m worrying for nothing. “You’re walking a thin line as it is being half-demon.”

Weldon jerks his head back in offense. “Of course you’d throw that out there. As if I didn’t know. Like I didn’t see the probing gazes of every jackass quartered up in our so-called “holy” city. This place reeks of hypocrisy.”

The general’s forehead tightens, and I want to step in front of Weldon. This is my fault. I caused this. I opened this door.

“Even so, it’s
our
way of life, and these minuscule details can’t be overlooked. Even the most unjust ones,” he says pointedly. “I never said I was a kind teacher. Just a good one.”

Weldon snorts under his breath, the sound scraping away the reserved look on the general’s face. “Well, I’ll let you know when I actually
need
to learn something. You Elites and your precious city… you all think this is what life’s about. What the Coven crams down your throat is truth. Boy, are you mistaken.”

I wait for the general to lash out for Weldon’s insubordination, but he doesn’t say a word. He locks his gaze on Weldon, and they start some kind of staring contest that neither is willing to back down from. The general’s hand rests over his gun. Weldon eyes it, but he still doesn’t back down.

“It was my idea. I forced him into it,” I say quickly, before my rationality has a chance to talk me out of it.

“Faye,” Weldon says cuttingly.

The general’s looking at me now. He tilts his head, thoughtful, swallowing my words. Exactly what I want. “I dragged him into it,” I continue, charming his attention on me. “He hasn’t “spit” on anything. He was just trying to be a good partner to me. Just like you instructed us to do.”

“Stupidity’s often mistaken for bravery,” the general responds in a clipped tone.

I flinch back at the insult, my mouth opening and closing more than I’d like it to. A retort would be stupid, brave even, and that’s exactly his point. I need to think.

The general’s hands fall back to his sides. “According to Seamus, you’re supposed to be showing this Coven that you’re one of us. That you don’t place yourself above anyone else.”

“I don’t place myself above anyone,” I say, confused by how he could think otherwise.

His brow quirks up. “Then why do you think you’re above the rules? You’ve broken three that I know of.” He starts rattling them off, using his fingers to count them up. “Elites have a curfew. That’s one broken. Elites aren’t to leave Ethryeal City until after they have completed training. That’s two. Elites are never to use another for their own advantage. That’s three. Shall I continue?”

I think my stomach has lost its bottom. “No, sir,” I say evenly.

“I’m not going to ask you what you were up to. I don’t want to know,” the general says, tucking his hands back behind his back. “But what I will say is this—whatever you think you’ll find… whatever proof you’re looking for… even if you did find it, it won’t end well. Eyes are everywhere in this city.” He looks around the rooftop, and a small smile hitches the crook of his mouth. “Well, almost everywhere.”