Every Day is Like Doomsday (4 page)

Innya waited until most of the students were gone
because she noticed that Elliot had done the same. She
didn’t blame him, really. She stuck her hand in her coat
pocket and fingered the large stack of $100 dollar bills
there, a gift from Dean Woon if she would agree to perform one simple task: take care of Elliot, make sure he
survived until he could survive on his own. The Dean
had assigned her the outlandish task just before class and
Innya had been skeptical. But then the Dean had handed
her an envelope stuffed fat with cash and she immediately
reconsidered. She could either be somewhat poor while
reveling in her dislike of this pathetic kid, or she could be
well-off and help him out. She decided that she’d rather
have the cash and so she became nice-for-pay, although
all this kindness was going to leave a bad taste in her
mouth, she just knew it.

“This is your fault,” she said to Elliot’s back as he
slipped his notebook into his backpack so slowly he was
almost moving backwards. She watched him cringe at
the sound of her voice and rather liked the little boost
it gave her ego.

“Go ahead. Ridicule away,” he said, all sullen and
dejected and pathetic.
“I’d love to, really, but that’s not why I’m deigning
to talk to you. You heard the Sergeant. I have to take you
to your classes. I shouldn’t even have to breathe the same
air as you and if you had not been hanging out by the gate
at the football game none of this would have happened.
Why were you there, anyway?”
“My father wanted me to hand out pamphlets about
the Church. I don’t know why. It’s not like any of you
even care about G.O.D. even though it’s the only reason
you’re allowed to exist.” Elliot shouldered his backpack
and started to walk past her but she grabbed his arm firmly.
“Look,
shifezza dell’orso
, you are nothing to me.
I don’t know what kind of sick fantasy you have about
getting into the VA but I know you’re a fake. You’re no
Villain any more than I’m the Virgin Mary.”
“Why does everyone always compare themselves to
the Virgin Mary?” Elliot asked. Innya was in no mood for
philosophical conversation and smacked the left side of
his head with an open palm. “Ow!”
“I don’t think you understand. I have been ordered
to take you around campus. I have to do it. And as much
as I would love to see you take a punch I’d much rather do
it myself than let those
bleistiftspitzer
get at you.”
“So, they tease you, too, huh?” Elliot asked, his eyes
narrowing in suspicion.“And that sounded German,so what
exactly are you? What’d you do,Google curse words in other
languages and memorize them so you can sound worldlier?”
“You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you?” Innya asked
without missing a beat. She was an expert at hiding her
thoughts. At the moment she was hiding the fact that she
had learned to curse while growing up in the circus, which
complimented a fair amount of time spent on the internet, and that she had been the brunt of their classmates’
jokes since she showed up two months ago. She hid these
things because that would be too much like admitting
weakness. No, it was better to lie. Lying was always the
right answer. “Don’t start thinking you’ve found a kindred
spirit. I hate everyone equally, so you had better fall in line
before I get irritated.”
“You’re not irritated?”
“You haven’t seen irritated yet.”
“Really? Well that’s surprising, because I thought
I had seen irritated when I saw you got off the bus, and
again when you saw me walk into the classroom.”
“Well, your very existence is irritating.”
“Whatever.”
“Coming?” Innya almost hoped that Elliot would
say ‘no’, that he would break down and cry and curl into a
ball and not want to leave this classroom, because the last
thing she needed right now was an appendage that Red
and his buddies already didn’t like. But she had taken the
money and the assignment and she wasn’t one to back
down from a fight, so if he needed protection, which he
obviously did, she was going to provide it. And when she
ruled the world she would make them all pay.
Elliot lifted his sullen eyes to hers and he looked
so dejected that she couldn’t help but feel a little bad for
him. Maybe she needed to rethink her stance that everyone deserved to suffer. Maybe some people were here just
to provide amusement for those who dealt out the suffering, namely, her.
“I guess.”
As they walked across the campus, the chilly air
buffeting their cheeks, Elliot’s step gained buoyancy. At
first he walked behind her but by the time they reached
the warehouse he was walking right in step with her.
“Thank you for speaking up about Lester, by the
way. Getting eaten would have really made my crappy day
that much crappier.”
Innya got the feeling he was just trying to make
conversation but she didn’t begrudge him an answer. He
had a right to know his enemies, after all.“Stay away from
him. His goal is to eat the world and everyone and everything in it.”
“Odd and impossible goal.”
“Ask the teachers who said that and mysteriously
disappeared”
“And his name? Lester? His parents must have
been huge Villains to do that to their kid.”
“Perhaps that’s why he ate them,” she said matterof-factly.
“Oh. So it’s for real, huh? You weren’t just kidding
me?”
Innya stopped walking and stared hard at him. She
waited in silence until she saw his Adam’s apple flinch,
and then said flatly, “Do I look like someone who likes
to kid?”
Elliot blinked, “Not at the moment. No, you don’t.
So, hence the straightjacket?”
“Hence the straightjacket.”
They had reached the doors to the warehouse
and Innya stopped him right before they went inside.
She could already hear large pieces of junk being tossed
around by those students who liked to show off their
super strength and she didn’t relish having a hunk of
metal tossed at her head.
“Look,” she said, “You are a liability for me. There
are some people here who already want you dead because
you’re the only one who got away. The guys who were
banished to Antarctica were
achterschip
but they were
popular guys. I have been asked to help you out and I will
but I will not put my existence on the line for you. We are
not friends. Do you understand?”
Elliot smiled wanly as if he didn’t quite believe her,
but he nodded anyway.
“Good.We’re done for now.Just don’t piss anyone off.”
“Can-do, boss,” Elliot said in a voice that was way
too chipper given the circumstances.
Innya rolled her eyes. “And don’t ever say that again
if you want to survive.”
She turned her back on him and entered the classroom, not bothering to see if he was following her.

Elliot walked into the room and the first thing he
noticed was its size. It was twice the size of his dad’s airplane hangar and piled high with junk. The second thing
he noticed was the kitchen sink that sailed past his head
and exploded against the doorframe directly behind him.
Chunks of porcelain smacked him in the back of his head
but since he would rather be hit by the shrapnel than by
the thing itself he considered himself lucky.

Giggles erupted from the other side of the massive
room and Elliot looked over there to see Red and his
buddies stifling smiles.

“Sorry,” called Red.
“Yeah, no problem,” said Elliot. He couldn’t prove
that they had done it on purpose but knew that they had.
He realized quickly that he needed to keep very aware
of his surroundings at all times, not only in this class but
on campus. He had enemies and it was only his first day.
Really, he thought, that that was very Villainous of him.
Elliot turned to ask Innya a question but she was
gone. She must have sensed the danger of standing so
close to him and used the distraction of the sink to put
some distance between them and he couldn’t blame her
for it. Still, he scanned the room in search of her just in
case he needed an ally. Several students were perched on
various pieces of junk, old car seats, bumpers, and threadbare couches. Finally, he spotted her on a metal catwalk
that bisected the room. A dinky-looking spiral staircase
ran up the wall on the left side of the room and connected
to the catwalk Innya occupied as well as another one that
hugged the walls all the way around the room.
Despite the great view she must have had no one
else had joined her. She walked to the middle of the catwalk and sat with her legs dangling over the ledge and
her elbows leaning on the bottom pipe of the railing.
With her sweater hood pulled up and her platinum hair
obscuring most of her face Elliot couldn’t tell whether she
was watching what was happening on the floor or not.
She looked like every other kid sitting on a bus listening
to her iPod. That’s right, he told himself, any other superhot, magnetically attractive girl sitting on a bus listening
to an iPod probably full of death metal.
He turned his attention away from Innya only with
the greatest effort. Most of the kids in the classroom were
standing. Some were playing with bits of junk, tossing
them high into the air throwing, kicking or levitating
them into the many piles. A couple of identical boys were
playing catch with a ball made of some kind of crushed
metal. They moved so quickly and threw the ball so hard
that Elliot could barely wrap his mind around their game.
One second one of the pale, black-haired boys was holding the ball and then he threw it in a seemingly random
direction. A moment later his twin had the ball and he
had had to run from across the room to catch it and Elliot
hadn’t even seen him move. It was almost as if he just
appeared where the ball was going to be. Then he threw
it back in a random direction and the brother moved the
same way. At first Elliot thought that they were teleporting, which was awesome, but then he realized that he
could see the faintest trace of a blur along the path of
movement and he realized that they were just moving at
lightning speed.
“I see you’ve noticed The Twins,” said a voice beside
Elliot and he jumped and turned, half expecting to get
clobbered by a tail pipe or something. Instead he saw a
burly-looking teacher wearing black sweatpants and a
tucked in gray T-shirt. He had white hair and a whistle
on a lanyard around his neck. He looked like a man who
was used to being bigger and scarier and stronger than
everyone around him but now probably felt sidelined by
the kids coming up who were bigger than he ever was. He
looked like a man with a chip on his shoulder.
“Hey, Coach!” shouted someone and the Coach
waved without taking his eyes off of Elliot.
“They call themselves The Twins?” Elliot asked.
“How original.”
Coach looked at him and narrowed his eyes.“You’re
funny,” he said without a trace of a smile, “Funny can be
good. Strong is better.”
“Yes, sir.”
“So you’re the new kid. Got mixed up with Billy
and Greg from the outside, huh? That was some mighty
fine work.”
“Uh, thanks?” Elliot said. He wasn’t sure how much
he should take credit for but at least someone was being
nice to him for once and he didn’t want to ruin that by
announcing that he hadn’t really done anything.
“But that’s not going to cut it in my class!” Coach
suddenly shouted. He looked like that old college basketball coach Elliot had seen on TV a few times, the one that
always yelled inappropriate things and threw furniture at
his players. The shout echoed around the room and those
who had only been watching the other kids suddenly
turned in their direction.
Elliot was dumbstruck.He looked nervously around
for Innya to come and help him out like she had said she
would but she had moved from her perch in the chair. He
was alone. So he played up his dumb, easy-going persona.
“Sure thing, Coach. I wouldn’t think that it would.”
Elliot was surprised at how at ease he sounded. One thing
was a definite: this was not going to be his favorite class.
“Good,” said the Coach as a wicked grin spread
across his face. He turned to face the room and blew his
whistle. It was so shrill that Elliot’s eardrums vibrated
and his ears rang for a few seconds afterward.
“Listen up!” the Coach bellowed. “We have new
meat today so let’s show him what you’ve got. Who’s my
first taker?”
“We’ll do it,” the Twins said in unison, and suddenly they were standing right in front of Elliot and he
realized that one of them was a girl. They really were, for
the most part, identical. They both even had a mole in
their chin that was the exact same size and in the same
place. Elliot had underestimated just how disturbing it
was to be looking at a boy and a girl and not be able to tell
them apart save for the fact that one had breasts.
“Wow,” said Elliot in wonder at their rapid movements.
“Blows your mind, doesn’t it?” asked the boy.
“Can’t believe it, can you?” asked the girl
Elliot answered truthfully, “No, I can’t.”
“Stop fucking around and show him what he’s up
against, here,” said the Coach and in an instant they were
gone. And then they started a game of catch that absolutely blew Elliot’s mind. If he had been in awe before
then there were no words for the way he felt now. As
creepy as they were looks-wise, their physical prowess was
amazing. His eyes wanted to cross they were moving so
quickly.
This went on for only a few minutes before Coach
blew his whistle again and through the ringing in his ears
Elliot heard him call for the next act.
An older girl, probably a Senior, mused Elliot, with
dark skin and wild, curly hair that looked as if it was trying to fly away from her head, stepped into the center
of the room. She closed her eyes and suddenly the muffler on the floor beside Elliot’s feet started to hum, then
gurgle, then he watched with amazement as it started
to plunk out a sorrowful tune that sounded as if it were
being played on an old keyboard. A moment later a couch
cushion across the room joined in the song, and after that
other pieces joined in until it sounded like an 80’s New
Wave band was playing in the warehouse.
He didn’t even realize that emotional depth could
be portrayed with a keyboard but the song was so sad that
he felt his eyes getting wet. As he looked around he saw
that everyone else was affected, as well. He realized that
the music that was manipulating his emotions.
“Aw, Casio, knock it off, man!” someone shouted
and in an instant the music changed, became angry and
driven and Elliot suddenly had the urge to punch someone, anyone, anything, as hard as he could.
To his right two boys who had just been standing
there watching the show suddenly jumped on one another
and started throwing punches. Elliot jumped out of the
way as the melee came toward him and that only made
him angrier. He lunged, ready to throw a few punches
despite the fact that he’d never hit anyone before in his
life, when the Coach grabbed his shoulder and shouted in
a voice thick with rage, “Enough!”
The music changed again. This time it was so soft,
so sweet and light that before Elliot even knew what was
happening his legs gave out. He slid to his butt, laid down
on the concrete floor and fell asleep, unable to keep his
eyes open anymore with his head so full of the beautiful
keyboard music.
“Wake up!” a voice shouted and Elliot snapped
to attention. He was lying on the ground, hugging his
backpack. He climbed to his feet and noticed some of
the other kids doing the same. The girl they called Casio
still stood in the center of the room, smiling and looking
generally pleased with herself.
“You’re next, kid,” said Coach, slapping Elliot on
the back and giving him a little shove towards the center
of the room, “Show us what you got.”
Elliot snapped out of the lingering sleepiness, shook
his head to clear it and gaped at the Coach.
“No, I didn’t. I mean… not today… I mean… can’t I
just watch?” he sputtered. He felt the judgmental eyes of
the entire class picking at him.
“There is no next time in this class. If you wait
for the perfect moment to lob the car at your opponent
you will not get a next time. You are here to show us
what you’re made of, to help you determine your area of
expertise, your major, if you will. So get out there and
show us what you got.” Elliot didn’t immediately move
and Coach added, “I’m not asking, I’m telling.”
Elliot dropped his book bag and walked to the
center of the room. His brain ran itself ragged trying to
decide how to get out of this with life and dignity intact.
In a few moments they would all know that he was a
fraud. They would smell his fear and find him out and
then he would be really screwed, a child of both worlds,
accepted by neither.
“You know, the thing is,” Elliot started, “Strength
isn’t really my forte. I’m more of a mental kind of guy…”
Someone snickered and Elliot added, “I didn’t mean
mental as in crazy, I meant mental as in using my intelligence to outsmart my opponents.”
And then Coach said the one thing that made the
experience even more terrifying. “Fine then, Mr. Smarty
pants.” Then to the whole class, “Who wants to be outsmarted by Mr. Smarty Pants, here?”
To Elliot’s absolute horror Red stepped forward.
He faced Elliot, looked him squarely in the eye, and gave
him a look that would have made Manson shudder. “I’ll
take him on,” he said.
Elliot gulped and felt like a cartoon character. He
tried to remember what Red had said his ability was but
then realized that Red had only mentioned his friends’
abilities, not his own. Elliot had no idea what was about
to happen.
And then Red started to get redder, or more red…
he wasn’t sure about the grammar and he supposed it
didn’t matter since he was about to die. Suddenly he didn’t
like the idea of dying without knowing what the correct
grammar should be in this situation. He was going to die
regretting not paying more attention in English class. Oh
G.O.D., how absolutely pathetic.
As he wallowed in grammatical self-pity he wasn’t
paying attention to what Red was doing. And by the
time he came back to reality Red had become a monster.
He was now the size of three men; three burly, buff, Mr.
Universe-type men and his skin had turned the color of
a ripe tomato. He looked bizarre and the red of his skin
clashed terribly with the carrot orange of his hair. Elliot
just closed his eyes and cringed and waited for death to
come at him in a form he hadn’t even thought of.
He didn’t know what happened but all of a sudden there were cheers and gasps from all around him and
Elliot opened his eyes and saw that Red was once again
a normal size and he, Elliot, was still very much alive.
And standing in front of him, adjusting her jacket, stood
Innya. Her back was to him and he had no idea what she
had just done but he seemed to be the only guy in the
room who didn’t have hot sex written on his face. Most of
the girls looked angry but some of them looked as awestruck as the guys. Elliot was confused. Red walked over
to the old couch and flopped onto it, a dreamy smile on
his face.
“What just happened?” Elliot asked Innya quietly.
She turned around, zipped up her jacket and said, “I
just saved your ass.”
“How?”
Innya smiled a crooked, conspiratorial smile but
said nothing. Then she walked around a pile of trash and
was gone. Elliot made his way back to his backpack and
picked it up, wishing that he hadn’t brought it with him.
How was he to know that he was going to be the only
kid on campus with one? The Dean hadn’t told him that.
He picked up his backpack and the Coach seemed
to shake off whatever languor Innya had cast over him.
He blew his whistle and shouted, “That’s enough for
today! Lunchtime.”
The kids obeyed and Elliot realized that he was
starving. He hadn’t eaten since pizza the night before
with Adam and Sarah. At the thought of his two best
friends his chest felt hollow but he sucked it up, slung his
backpack over his shoulder and looked around for Innya.
As he waited Coach said, “Nice thinking, getting
a buddy to jump in for you and distract your opponent.”
“What do you mean?” Elliot asked, thoroughly
confused. But then he realized that the Coach was serious and he said, “I mean, of course. We work as a team.”
“It’s good to see, because I haven’t been able to get
her to do anything since she started. She hasn’t shown
any interest in combat and I don’t trust anyone who isn’t
interested in a hand to hand battle.”
“So, uh… We work as a team, but we don’t share
everything. So can you, um, tell me what it was she did to
distract Red?”
The Coach laughed and once again that dreamy
look passed over his face. “She flashed us her tits,” he said
and then he turned and walked out of the warehouse.
Elliot’s jaw dropped and though he tried to haul
it back into place it would not stay up. Part of him was
offended at her lack of decorum, part of him was grateful
she’d been such a quick thinker and saved his life, and
part of him was just really sorry he missed it. He was suddenly incredibly envious of Red, which was just pathetic
because Red was a bully meathead.