Every Girl Does It (2 page)

Nine Years Later…

How I ended up here
,
I have no idea
.
W
ell ac
tually, I take that back
.
I do.
T
he whole thing started when my boyfriend of
two
weeks asked me to be his da
te to his best friend’s wedding.
B
eing the naïve idiot that I am
, I
said, “Well
,
of course,” because naturally I
’
m in love with him after
fourteen
days and will do anything he asks
(
cue large sigh here
)
.

So
,
you can imagine my surprise at the predicament I
’
m in
–
not
that I shouldn’t have seen i
t coming. A
girl should have a sixth se
nse about some situations.
He
never let me see his place, nor did he take me out in public, nor did I ever
actua
lly meet any of his friends.
It was
a series of coffee dates and quick yet passionate kisses on the cheek
,
which
led me to this church on this
particular
day
.
Desperate
?
N
o, I
’
m not, but perhaps I’m a little to
o
hopeful.

Dear friends, who also happen to be happily married
,
are always reminding me I
’
m young enough to be independent, free
,
and I should enjoy this time in my life.
Please.
I’d roll my eyes and say choice words to them, if they could take their eyes off each other long enough to notice.
Which brings me to why I’m too hopeful
.
I
want what they have. However, that is no excuse fo
r the sorry situation I fi
nd myself in
today
.

Oh
,
to leave this place
!
B
ut I can’t
. M
y only ride is with my stupid
(
you guessed it
)
ex
-
boyfriend who is still in the corner sobbing his eye
s out. And you may ask, “Amanda
, that’s odd
.
W
hy is your now ex-boyfriend sobbing his eyes out?” To which I will answer
,
“Because he’s lost his mind.”
Literally
tossed every brain cell
in his possession
into
a
trash can and set it on fire, no joke. Looking at him just makes me all th
e more sick to my stomach
.
A
s
I said befor
e, I should have known.
Used,
like some worthless replacement for what he really wanted all along
,
that
’
s what I feel right now, and it’s the simple truth.

With all the snot running down his face and the tears
,
I find myself wondering what I
ever
saw in him.
What
’
s wrong with me? Normally I’m not this stupid
.
I go for the jocks, but because of bad experiences
which
we don’t need to
review, I decided to go
for the nerdy guy
.
Sensitivity might be a nice chang
e.
W
ell
,
I got the sensitive part; not what I had in mind.

It would have been nice to know a
n
important little detail.
The best friend, whose wedding I just inadvertently destroyed, is a girl.

Furthermore,
there was no way for me to know this girl
was the love of his life
,
and
I was actually going to a wedding to witness my date stand up in the middle of the
ceremony
–
God,
mayor
,
and everyone else I have known since high school
—and
say
,
“I object!”

I
can’t make this stuff up, not even if
I
tried. Naturally
,
the groom was a little ticked off
.
Y
ou could tell by the fact that his face and neck got so red his head looked like it was going to pop right off hi
s body. Next thing I kn
o
w
,
my ex-
boyfriend
wa
s grabbing me, yes
grabbing
me,
by my dress strap
,
I
might add
,
and tugging me to stand up with him. Sorry
,
but my loyalty
doesn’t run
that deep.
I briefly
contemplated
slamming my
head against a wall.

You can imagine the ruckus he caused
,
since the bride
not only fainted, but took all six
of her bridesmaids down with her
,
simultaneously knocking over the giant cand
elabrum
which
set part of the church on fire.
T
he highlight of my day was watching the
incredibly
muscular fireman put the small blaze out. Sometimes my life is pathetic, I admit.

But back to my snotty-nosed ex-boyfriend, maybe if I sneak away quietly he won’t notice I’m gone.
Gathering my purse and coat
,
I walk toward the door. Sweet freedom
.
I
can see it
.
I can smell it
.
A
nd I
can feel it.

“Amanda?”

Ugh, I knew I was lying to myself
.
I never made it out of my house in high school
.
W
hy would I be able to sneak out now?

Defeated, I turn
around to see who had said my name and notic
ed
an attractive firemen walking my way
.
Now I’m curious
,
but I see the ex-boyfriend slowly look my way as well
. Oh
no.
This is not good. Doing what I do best, I
smile at Mr.
Hot-Fireman, and say,
“
Hi.
”

“Yo
u don’t remember me
,
do you?” The deep voice sent shivers up my spine
;
it was like melted chocolate.
The ex-
boyfriend has a crazed look in his eyes
and suddenly sprints
toward me and Mr. Fireman.
Next thing I know, Derek
,
still snot faced and angry, is on top of the fireman throwing punches Ultimate Fighter style at the back of his head.

“
Derek! Get off of him, what are
you doing?”

“I’ll fight for you
,
Amanda! Don’t worry! I love you!” Insert more crazy snot induced sobs here. Men.

The poor hot fireman didn’t
even know what hit him
. Lucky
for him he was still wearing his helmet which blocked part of the blow from Derek. The unfortunate part was
,
although it d
id block the hit from Derek, the blow sent the hat flying off of the f
ireman’s head into the giant cake
,
sending the
b
ride
,
yet again
,
into hyster
ics and judgmental looks my wa
y. I feel the need to shout,
T
his is not my fault
!

Derek
is
finally
thrown off of the
f
ireman
,
and
I
escort him outside amidst the entire town shaking their heads in disapproval. Th
anks for the help guys
! No one even bothered to
get up from their seats, rude.

“Derek
,
what the heck are you doing?”
He shove
s
his, now I realize
,
small hands into his pockets and snif
fs, “Well, I just thought
maybe since things didn’t go well
,
you know
,
today, that we could try again.”

Oh my
goodness
.
T
his cannot be happening
.
H
e is actually serious
.
T
his
is not his joking face. Is he d
runk? He must be d
runk
off communion wine
.
I
t
’
s the only explanation I can come up with at this point.

“Derek,” I tr
y
my stern voice, hoping he
’
ll
get the hint without me having to slap him across the face
.
I don’t like criers
.
H
is tears must stop now
. They must stop,
I
tell you
! Okay
,
calm down and tell him how it is. “You’re an idiot.”

M
aybe that was to
o harsh, make it better. “So,
p
lease stop crying! I won’t
try again with you when there was no
thing to try in the first place
.
Y
ou took me as a date to your best friend’s wedding
,
then tried to ditch me
to
hook up with the bride
. And
now that it didn’t work
out
as you planned
,
you want to t
ry with me?” The shrillness of my voice was elevating, and getting louder
,
but I could
n’t
control myself
.
Tremulously,
I try to reclaim some shreds of dignity
,
so I add,
“I
’
ll have you know
there are guys
who
would kill for an opportunity to date me!” What
,
just because they aren’t lining up doesn’t mean it
’
s not true
.
“How dare you think you can have a second chance with me
.
Y
ou
'
r
e
lucky yo
u had a first
.
” My fists a
re clenched so
tightly
against my sides
,
I kno
w if I breathe one more word I
’
ll
release
them all over his face.

The sobbing baby turn
s
suddenly
into a little monster and retort
s
,
“
W
ell
,
that’s not what I hear.
Did you know
they had to bribe me to even go out with
you?
I would be doing you a favor!”

W
here did that come from? Where is ‘Mr
.
I C
ry
A
ll the
T
ime and
H
ave
F
eelings
T
o
o
’ man? My mouth drop
s
open as I
’
m
rendered speechless. Then out of nowhere
–
like a flash of lightning
–
Mr.
Fireman
storms
up to us and punche
s
Derek in the nose.