Every Last Breath (9 page)

The sun broke over the mountain just after 6:10 am. All the talk about Christmas between her and Ben sent her on a search for a father and son photo where Jack held Eli. Her hunt for such a photo led her to online storage she once used. She had dismantled the family photos last year. It was the best way to help Eli understand that his daddy was not coming back into their lives. She wasn’t sure what would happen, but they would never be a family and in her mind, Eli’s life depended on staying away from Jack Burke.

Looking through the various albums had brought on a realization. Something had been missing from her life; it was evident in the photos. Regardless of her marital status, she had never actually felt like she and Jack were a family. There was no affection in their photos and the smile on her face, when she did see one, was more subdued and guarded than one would expect.

In fact, it had made her sick. After a run to the toilet, Maggie stepped closer to the mirror and took a good look at her aging face. When had her skin dried out and those wrinkles appeared? Her grays were starting to sprout up through her dirty blonde hair. She never cared before, but something about Ben made her want to care. Was she really happy dressing in flannel shirts and working with dogs? Did she miss city life and dining with publisher’s agents?

What happened to the Maggie that existed before Jack? Where was she?

Before her thoughts could relish in time gone by, Eli rushed into the bathroom.

“Where are you going in such a rush?”

Eli hurried to the toilet. “Can you give me some pryvassy please,” he grumbled.

He was growing up so fast. The toddler phase had been over for some time and this rough and tumble little man had taken his place. She turned on the TV just in time to learn that there was delay at school. Dropping Eli off was out of the question, she’d never have enough time to get to work and back.

She bet he was hungry. The only way to keep him out of the sugar cereal, which she promised herself she’d eventually stop buying, was to give him pancakes or eggs.

Maggie whisked up the eggs as Eli bustled out of the bathroom and toward the TV. “Ooh can I help?” Eli loved to cook.

“I would love your help.”

“Okay.” He pulled a chair across the wood floor and climbed up. “Let me do it then.”

She looked over his shoulder as he mixed the eggs like they were cement about to be poured. She measured the vanilla extract and buttered a hot pan. Eli set the table as best as he could. She flipped the pancakes and made their plates. “They look yummy,” he said licking his little lips.

She was happy to have him eat a healthy breakfast. “What are we doing today mommy?”

“You have school don’t you?”

“But mom it’s snowing. And you never bring me down the mountain in the snow.”

He was all about the fun, and who could blame him? “Can I play hooky today?”

“After we shovel the driveway first, then maybe we can go into town.”

The skate rink was a small pond in the center of town, directly behind the library. On a day like today, the pond was sure to be packed, but if she dropped him off at Claire’s she could still get to work, and since she missed a day or two since Thanksgiving, it was the right thing to do.

“Sure baby.”

“Is Claire going to watch me today?”

        With batter in the skillet, Maggie picked up her phone to check email, when a call from an unassigned number flashed up on the screen. Maggie did not answer. Anyone she knew was already programmed in her phone.

Eli kept busy most of the morning, between shoveling and playing with Lego’s. Once her street was plowed, she made her way to the kennel. Claire was out but would be back just after lunch. All Maggie needed was about five hours at the office and she’d be back on track.

Eli was fussy. He was hungry and cold from playing outside. Maggie drove home as fast as she could, just for her own sanity. When the garage door opened she pulled in slowly. “Mommy, where’s Vala?”

Maggie looked toward the door leading into the house. The dog was always at her post when they returned home. It was part of her training.

She left the car running and unbuckled her belt. “Eli, stay here.”

Maggie let the seatbelt slide off her shoulder. She exited the car with caution and approached the door slowly. Entering the house she was on full alarm. “Vala, here girl.”

The dog appeared but then walked by the kitchen. ‘Was she pacing?’

The dog did not make eye contact she just kept walking back and forth. In her year of having Vala, the dog had never behaved like this.

She looked back to the car, to make sure Eli was still safely tucked inside.

Maggie had no one to call. Klaus didn’t answer the office phone after hours. She didn’t exchange numbers with Ben, but she knew he was not in town.

Rather than chance it, she got back in the car and drove to the police station.

Eli had learned the evacuation procedures and knew about his safety bag, and who to listen to should a situation arise. But Maggie knew Jack; she knew the way his mind worked. She knew his tactics and scenarios. She knew where he would hide, and what he would do to gain control and terrorize.

She’d heard it for years. Jack would make a swipe around any place they ever lived, sizing up the potential danger of every window, crawl space, closet, door and hallway where a perpetrator could hide. These were so engrained in her mind she now worried someone else was hiding there waiting for her. 

Eli was now whining, which was unlike him. Maggie calmly marched into the police station, holding his hand. She approached the counter asking for assistance. Fortunately, there was an older female on duty. She took one look at Eli and escorted him to the break room for a snack.

Maggie kept her emotions in check and waited at the counter. Using her attorney and detective Brant’s name. She was told to take a seat, and an officer would assist her shortly.

She sat jittery, deliberating between two possibilities, the dog was either sick, or someone had truly broken in.

         She overheard an officer say, “Line two, The Springs.” Then an older man sitting behind a desk picked up the phone. A few nods later, he looked toward Maggie and hung up the phone.

“Ms. Burke,” he called her from behind the counter. She rose and took a seat at his desk. The officer folded his hands, “Why don’t you tell me why you’re here.”

She took a deep breath. “I have reason to believe there was a break in at my home.”

“A burglary?”

She straightened up in the chair. “I am not sure. I didn’t make it inside my house. I came directly here.”

“I see.”

She remembered what Klaus had told her. Do not let anyone know what Vala is capable of, otherwise they may sue you, try to poison her or even take her away. “Listen, I have a security dog on the premises of my house. She’d been trained to alert me if anything unusual is in the house. She has regularly met me at the front door, faithfully for two years. Except for today.”

“And what’s so special about today?”
       “When I got home, the dog was not at her station, and when I attempted to enter the house, she was seen pacing back and forth.”

He sat back. “I just got off the phone with the Colorado Springs Police Department, they have paperwork saying you have a protective order, against your ex-husband.”

Maggie could see that her clear thinking was making this much easier than if she erupted into an emotional basket case.

“That’s true. It’s also why I am asking that an officer escort us home and enter the dwelling before I bring in my son inside. 

He radioed the request to dispatch. Maggie felt exonerated.

Maggie was now keenly aware that it was still light out and a cop was pulling into her driveway. Her plan to not alert the neighbors about her circumstance was now out of the question. The sun was setting as she exited the car, Eli stayed buckled in until the policeman checked the property.

Eli was silent, which was a blessing. Her thoughts wandered back to the day Jack was arrested. It was her wake up call, and boy was it scary. When the police photographed the attic, Jack was in possession of a weapon that was linked to a battery charge two towns over. He had other devices and torture stations built into the roof of the home. The police alerted her as to the danger lurking above her head.

“Sound people don’t fantasize about killing others.” That’s what they told her. It was bad enough to deal with Jack’s hallucination and anger, but to know that he actually hurt someone, the way he’d been threatening to hurt her, she needed to run. Jack’s attic hideaway contained two dummies made of rubber and an upright punching bag that was covered in black electrical tape. The domestic advocate assigned to her case explained to Maggie what exactly her husband had been involved with. She was shocked. 

The body bag her husband had used for his sword training; was not the typical bag. It was covered with duck tape in specific areas, marking out Strike Zones on the human body. These lines represent severing points, one at the neck, two at the shoulders, two at the hips and one at the heart.

Maggie trembled as she stared at the black tape covering the heart. She’d seen the tape there for years and assumed the piece was a random mistake. She took a few steps back and fell down. Her eyes flushed with tears. She’d known about this, the bag. She had watched him practice his strikes but to her it was just a martial art— one she didn’t approve of, but she was just being paranoid, wasn’t she? She’d voiced her concerns many times when Jack propped Eli up on a bench and had him watch as he trained.

At one time Maggie even bragged about the violence and how Jack could protect her from harm, and yet here she was, surrounded by his lunacy.

“His father gave him the body bag. I’ve always hated it. I never knew why that piece of tape was there. I never knew.”

“From the looks of if, he’s been practicing for a long time.”

Maggie was going numb as reality sank in. “Twenty years,” she told the woman. “He’s been doing this for twenty years.”
       “Did you know he had any of these items in your attic?”

Maggie shook in fear.

“The reason why they are there does not matter; but given his mental condition and the threats he’s made against you, we urge you to leave the home, today. You need to get out while you can Maggie, do you understand what I am telling you?”

Maggie understood, she absolutely understood. Two hours later she lugged her bags out the door and never went back.

Her mother packed up her things once Maggie left Jack, and he was incarcerated. She brought the items to her house and held them until Maggie could retrieve them. Her mother never asked why she left, she only told her daughter to be careful. Maggie had not seen her mother since before she left. She wanted too, but her fears kept her on the run.

The night his father had gone off the deep end Jack was only nine. He had been locked in the basement since Friday night and didn’t know the day or time. Out of pure fright, he had peed in his clothes and slept with the rats. His father waited till late to slide a box of food onto the top step. Jack had a busted wrist, and other wounds, most of them had happened previously which is how he learned that pleading and crying would get him nowhere. He had begged his father to let him out, to forgive him for whatever he had done, but the sound of his son in pain seemed only to feed his anger.

Jack woke up one night to the sound of metal being dragged across the floor. His eyes flickered open. He had grown accustomed to the dripping water and the bang of pipes, but this sound pierced the child’s soul. He dared not move. He watched his father come into sight and back out again. He laid ever still.

When Jack went back to the house as an adult, he took Maggie with him. They pulled up to the three story monster, parking along the unkept curb. The roof was in shambles and the yard had not been kept in years. The broken fence and rusty posts lined a square lot. The trees out front were dead and overgrown, as were the bushes in front of the home. The walk out stoop was in need of paint. Jack wanted to revisit the scene of his horrific childhood; there on the wall was a small poster, tattered from the damp weather. It was a portrait of a child on his knees praying to God for protection and care.  Jack squared his shoulders, stared at the photo and elbowed the glass. The pieces hit the floor with a crescendo and Maggie stood there completely frozen. She made no movements as she watched the blood ooze from his arm.

He made no comment to the pain or the gash in his arm. He only studied her reaction. She quivered as he leaned closer. “Nobody overpowers me. You hear that!” Jack spit at the poster and turned around, the heel of his boots crunching the crushed glass. “Nobody,” he sneered.

He kicked over some moldy boxes and headed up the stairway.  Maggie stood frozen. She knew better than to talk to him. He may have forgotten she was there or he may turn on her. He had, in times past, mistaken her for his father during a fit of rage. The scary part was she didn’t know which of the two he would choose.

She stood alone, her legs shaking as the basement door shut. A stream of mascara dribbled down her hand as she wiped her eyes. She stared at the dimly lit floor as pieces of bloody glass lay in disrepair. What the hell had just happened?

When the policeman came back to the car he motioned for her to exit. She turned toward Eli, “Stay in the car sweetie, it’s warmer in here.” Maggie recognized the fear in her own voice.

“I will mommy.” His eyes were bright and wild with wonder. “Vala will get the bad people,” he said reassuringly. Maggie’s heart sank when she realized her boy was trying to comfort her.

Eli hugged his toy and watched with an enlarged gaze. Her adrenaline was pumping.

Maggie opened the garage door so Vala would hear the familiar sound. She’d been trained to make visual contact with her master before following a command.

The officer crept up the three steps from the garage to the house, slowly. With one hand on his pistol, the cop raised his arm to the door handle.

Vala appeared by the door, her face stoic as the officer and Maggie entered the house. Maggie spoke to Vala in Slovik and told her to stand down.

Maggie knew no one was in the house or Vala would have them cornered or would at least have stayed by the body. It took her two years to pay for Vala and it was days like this she could see where the money went.

Maggie looked around the house; so far nothing looked out of the ordinary. Vala rounded the couch and led her to a bird, lying in the center of the floor. “How did you get in here?”

The dog sat by Maggie, which was a sign of impending danger. “Jack,” she uttered aloud.

Vala rose to her feet and moved toward the door.

There was no way that bird flew in from the chimney. They didn’t have many birds at this altitude. Just then she heard the police officer call her from the hallway.

“Ms. Burke, can we talk?”

Maggie’s head jerked back. Eli stood in the doorway, tears running down his face. “Mommy, some stranger is outside.”

The officer exited the home as she ran to her son. Eli jumped into her arms and held on tight. “Baby who was it?”

“I don’t know momma but he scared me.”

“Did he come into the garage,” the policeman asked. Eli sucked his thumb and shook his head, yes. He held on tighter.

The police officer headed outside. Maggie clutched the back of Eli’s head and followed him outside. Vala had taken the protective stance, maybe Jack was outside.

The only figure in the area was a biker, pedaling uphill. When the officer questioned the rider, he said he hadn’t seen anyone. Maggie asked him if there were signs of a break in.

He replied no. “This may have been just a fluke, it has happened before.”

Maggie gulped. She stared at the house, “right,” she said sheepishly. She immediately thought of Ben. She needed him. She was not staying in the house alone. And she wanted confirmation that Jack was still in prison.

Doctor Gibbons welcomed Maggie and shut the office door. The room had been rearranged since her last visit. She’d been managing on her own, tracking her dreams, keeping her mind off Jack and what led her to Colorado. Then something like last night happens and it starts up all over again.

Maggie signed in, and sat down in a chair. She was uneasy in the oversized armchair and preferred to sit at the conference table on the other side of the room.

“How are you?”

“A bit shaken,” Maggie admitted, on the verge of tears.
       “Why?”

She assumed the doctor had been prepped on the situation last night. It was part of her protocol. Whether she knew or not, the doc would give Maggie a chance to put the situation in her own words. That was a crucial step to therapy.

“My dog was not in position last night to tell me the house was clear. I overreacted and went to the police station.”

“Why do you say you over reacted?” The doctor asked as she motioned Maggie to answer.

Her agitation rose. Maggie played with her nails, “Because it was nothing, just a dumb bird. He flew in through the chimney.”

“Maggie, with everything you’ve through. Did you expect to react differently?”

She knew the answer. “Well, no. But it was still embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing you can live with. Your reaction could have saved your life.”

“But my life wasn’t in jeopardy.”

“Perhaps not. But Jack will be out of prison soon. And these thought patterns will emerge. You either trust yourself to stay safe, or you don’t.”

She didn’t want to talk about Jack getting out. She knew he was months away from his release. And she knew he would track her down.

“We are going to check your levels this visit. Now answer as honest as you can, don’t over analyze your response.” Maggie shook her head indicating she was ready.

“O.K. Maggie, how are you doing with your response to danger?”

“Seven,” she replied.

“How are you doing with memory association?”

“A six,” she answered.

“And how would you rate your current state of anxiety?”

“An eight, at least.”

She marked the answers on a chart. “And how is your flinching and scaring?”

“It’s about a five.”

Doctor Gibbons looked up. “These are high levels. What do you attribute that too?”

She exhaled again and spoke slowly, “Everything. Jack, the holidays, last night. And, I met someone.”

Doctor Gibbons showed some interest. “Oh. Well that’s a positive. Where did you meet?”

“Actually, at my house.” Her shoulders curled up like a little girl.

“Great. Can we talk more about this new person?”

Maggie happily switched gears. “His name is Ben Hall. He lives down the street from me, with his aunt. He’s an engineer and works in Denver.”

“Why the long commute?”

“I haven’t asked him yet.”

“I see. What else can you tell me about him?”

“Eli seems to like him.”

“That’s good. Was Eli at home when you met him?”
       “Yes. We came home with a giant Christmas tree, tied to the car. Ben happened to see us drive by and came up the driveway to ask if we needed help unloading.”

“And you accepted?”
       “Yes. I didn’t feel threatened or even nervous. It was dark out when we got home. That usually sets me off.”

“Have you had any negative thoughts?”

“Of course, but my intrigue over the whole thing outweighs them.”

“That’s good Maggie. I think you took a major step. You trusted, you put your feelings first rather than your fear. That’s healthy.” Dr. Gibbons handed her a mirror. “Look at you. What do you see?”
        “I see healing. I see happiness.” She put the mirror in her lap.

“That’s not what I saw when we first met.”

“What did you see?” Maggie asked, regretting it the minute it came out.
        “I saw a woman who, without telling her story displayed self-doubt, some serious mind control, and intimidation. But look at you now. There has been progress in every area.”

“But what about Jack getting out of prison.”

The doc adjusted her seat. “There is nothing you can do about that. You have taken all the precautionary measures. All you can do now is move on with your life. Tomorrow is promised to no one.”

That night, after Eli was in bed, Maggie pulled down the cord to the attic where she stored their decorations. The sound of the springs brought back a memory. She eased her way up to the opening, every step an inch closer to her fear. When the police photographed the attic she passed out. She recalled the weapons and how it showed evidence of Jack’s neurosis. But the judge didn’t take that into account when he sentenced him. He was evaluated in therapy and given a light sentence.

Maggie took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was in a safe place now. There was no evidence that jack had found her, in fact the odds of that happening were less than 15 percent.

She dragged down a few boxes, careful to hide the wrapping paper so Eli wouldn’t see it.

How she managed to protect the child from the madness she had no idea. It was like trusting a ghost. She followed the advice of the professionals and she kept her composure as much as possible. But the composure had a dark side. She was able to hold a poker face with Jack. It became second nature. She could wield his moods with her body and her words, all the while being terrified.

She repeated her safe sentence. “I am safe now, we are away now. God is here. I am okay.”

She lined up the bins and boxes along the wall in the dining area, it was still empty. Why did she need it anyway, it was just her and Eli. They didn’t have many guests other than Claire, and now Ben.

Speaking of Claire, she needed to call her. She left a voicemail and hoped her friend called back. It had been three days since everything went down. Claire would know what to do— if she could just get a hold of her.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Vala slept outside the door. Maggie’s dreams were restless. She turned here and there, hoping to get comfortable. She reached over to feel for Eli multiple times. Each time she felt his soft curls, her mind eased back to sleep. She could hear his soft breathing as she nestled into the pillow and dozed off.

Like most women, her mind kept wandering. It was three weeks before Christmas and she still had no official plans. Her shopping was restricted to online and who knew how many packages had showed up at the post office. She needed to check. How many more holidays would she stay away from home? Celebrating with just the two of them was boring. Last year, Clarie had made it to Maggie’s for dinner, but that was after her girls left to see their dad. Eli had no one to play with.

She hadn’t asked but maybe Ben’s aunt would invite them over; Eli would love that. Or maybe a flight home would be the best way to put this behind her? She let the ideas resonate and left the warmth of her bed for a cup of tea.

A quick glance out the window had already showed the remnants of a late night snowfall, maybe 4-5 inches.

Maggie pulled out her journal and sat at the table with some tea. Vala was snuggled up by the fire. For the first time since the bird incident, she felt at ease.

Her pen eased its way across the page as a new poem flittered off her fingers. 

The darkness stepped back,
when the light in my heart began to spread.
And in that light was revealed to me,
a new thing,
born of heaven, a gift of freedom where love could grow.
Seedlings grew upon the ground
and all around me I am blessed.
For what is a flower if not cherished by the grower
and what is life if not lived in perfect love?