Everything but the marriage (17 page)

"No." The single word was flat and harsh. "That's something I'll never be."

He walked out without another word, leaving Annalise staring after him with a frown. What had she said to upset him?

♦ 4: ♦

Devlin strode out of the house, aware that he'd overreacted. Annalise's comment had been nothing more than the sort of casual remark anyone might make. She'd had no way of knowing that her words were going to touch a sore spot that he'd thought healed long ago.

Maybe he wouldn't have snapped at her if he hadn't suddenly had a picture of her stomach swollen with chOd—his child. He shook his head, dismissing the image. It was impossible for more reasons than one.

Even if Annalise could have children, she'd never have his child. No woman would ever have his baby. If there was any chance at all that the madness that had driven his father to abuse his children was buried somewhere inside him, he'd never take that risk.

There were moments when he lay awake at night, listening to Annalise's quiet breathing and thought of what it might be like to build a life with her as a permanent part of it. But he wasn't going to let himsdf be blinded to reality by a passing fantasy.

And reality was that he was a bom loner. If only Annalise didn't make it so hard to remember that.

Chapter 10

It occurred to Annalise that there was a certain lack of justice in the fact that, though she'd been the one to start feeding Lobo, the first person he allowed to touch him was Devlin. Once that hurdle had been overcome, it wasn't long before the huge dog lost most of his wariness. But while he was tolerant of Annalise, he made his preference for Devlin's company quite clear.

Fortunately the dog's lack of appreciation was the only complaint she had with her Ufe at the moment. She was living from day to day, putting the past behind her, not looking too far into the future.

Somewhere in the back of her mind was the knowledge that things couldn't continue as they were forever. She and Devlin were lovers, they were living together. Yet there'd been no mention of evai the

most rudimentary commitment between them. They'd simply drifted wordlessly from one stage to another, skipping more than a few stages in the middle.

But it felt right, and for now, that was enough. She'd lived with darkness for so long. Devlin had helped her bring light back into her life. Let the future take care of itself.

*'Kelly called this afternoon," Annalise said as she scooped pasta salad onto her plate.

**Is everything all right?" Devlin set two glasses of iced tea on the table and took his seat.

"Yes. She called to invite you—well, us, I guess—to a party somebody is giving for her husband's firm. She said she could use a little moral support."

"Remington Construction was building a rather pricey batch of condos in Indianapolis," Devlin said.

"Maybe that's what it's for." She waited but he seemed more concerned with his dinner than with his sister's invitation. "What do you think?"

"I'm not really much of a party-goer. Unless you really wanted to go..." He let the question trail off. He looked up as he spoke, catching the fleeting look of disappointment, quickly smothered, in her blue-green eyes.

"No. Of course not. Do you want to call Kelly or should I?"

Devlin took his time in answering. He stabbed a curly noodle, frowning at it briefly before putting it in his mouth. He didn't taste the garlicky dressing that coated it.

Aimalise had been living with him for over a month. She'd gone to Remembrance with him a few times, made the trip herself once or twice. Other than those trips and Kelly's two visits, she hadn't seen another person in all that time. It was hardly surprising if she had been looking forward to going somewhere.

It was different for him. He'd had more than his fair share of humanity after eight years in prison where privacy had been a nonexistent commodity. He could probably live the rest of his life without ever going to a town bigger than Remembrance.

A party with a bunch of people he didn't know and didn't want to know sounded just this side of hell. But there'd been that flash of disappointment in her eyes. She wanted to go and she couldn't go without him.

"Why don't you call and tell her we'll go?" he said slowly, knowing his conscience would nag at him if he suggested otherwise.

"Are you sure? You're not going because you think I want to go, are you?" she asked shrewdly.

"Of course not." He'd spent too many years in prison, he thought with a touch of black humor. He could lie without batting an eye. "Kelly is my sister and this sounds like something that's important to her. If she wants a little support, the least I can do is give it to her. You don't have to go if you don't want to," he added innocently.

"I don't mind. It sounds like it might be interesting." Annalise's mouth curved into a slow grin. "Actually, I really did want to go."

Devlin wondered if it was a dangerous sign to find himself wanting to lean across the table and kiss the smile from her lips.

Like Annalise, Devlin was living day to day. Unlike her, it was the way he'd had to live most of his life. Until recently, there'd never been a time when the future was more than a hazy picture in his mind.

When he was yoimg, the future had consisted of surviving his father's unpredictable rages. After he left home, the future had started to take shape. He'd begun to think of what he might want to do with the rest of his life.

And then Harold Sampson had killed his wife and framed the last man who'd been fool enough to sleep with her for the crime. After that, there'd been no reason to think about the future. The state had his future all neatly wrapped up for quite a while to come.

Since leaving prison, he hadn't considered any further ahead than the next task on the house. He didn't know what he was going to do when the house was finished. Maybe he'd become one of those people who were forever adding onto their home, living in a constant state of construction. There were worse ways to spend your life. God knows, he knew that from personal experience.

Only recently, he'd begun to think that might not be enough. He'd started to wonder if there wasn't something else he'd like to do with his life. Of course, thanks to Harold Sampson's last minute surge of penitence, he didn't have to worry about earning a living.

But he didn't really like using the money. His distaste for it had grown rather than diminished. It didn't matter that, as Reed Hall had pointed out, it was the least the bastard had owed him. It still felt like blood money—paid for with his blood.

But as Reed had also pointed out, he had few marketable skills and eight years in prison would not make a good impression on his resume.

He scowled at his reflection in the mirror. Why was he suddenly giving so much thought to the future? Hadn't he learned a long time ago that plans for the future were nearly always derailed long before they came to fruition?

His eyes shifted to the bathroom door which stood open a crack. Annalise's voice drifted from behind it as she sang an old John Denver tune. Her voice was sightly off key and he found his mouth curving upward as he listened to her mangle the lyrics.

He didn't really have to look any further for the reason he was thinking about the future more than he liked to admit. There was something about Annalise that made him do a lot of things he wasn't accustomed to doing. Like adopting stray animals he thought as he reached down to peel loose the kitten that had climbed his pant leg almost to the knee.

And going to parties he had no wish to attend. He deposited the kitten in front of Beauty who promptly flatted it with one paw and began giving it a thorough and unappreciated bath.

Devlin straightened his tie, his frown deepening. Sometimes, he found it difficult to remember what his life had been like before the storm that had brought

Annalise into his life. The picture seemed hazy around the edges, as if Annahse's presence had sharpened the focus somehow.

She'd switched to a show tune, humming the parts she didn't remember the words to. It felt good to be standing in his bedroom, listening to her getting ready just behind the bathroom door. A pair of kittens tumbled at his feet, doing their level best to tear each other to pieces. The scene was one of domestic tranquility.

That was what he felt. Tranquil. It wasn't something he'd known a great deal of during his lifetime. If asked, he might have said he didn't know what it felt like to be tranquil. But Annalise had brought that into his life.

"Do I look aU right?"

Devlin had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed her entrance until she spoke. He saw ho* reflection in the mirror and felt the breath leave his body.

Did she look all right? She looked like heaven, like every fantasy he'd ever had, like all the dreams he'd never let himself have. She looked like more than he could ever hope to possess.

He turned to face her, his expression carefully composed, revealing no hint of the tightness he felt in his stomach.

**I prefer your hair down," he said, reaching out to touch the sleek chignon that confined the heavy length.

"I thought it would look too casual," she said.

"It looks good this way," he said, banishing the slight hesitation from her expression. "You look really nice," he added, realizing immediately how hopelessly inadequate the comment was. "Beautiful," he amended. "You look beautiful."

"You really think so?" Her smile was at once pleased and shy. "Do you think this dress is okay?"

"It's fine."

It was more than fine. The style was deceptively simple. Sapphire blue fabric covered her from throat to knee and shoulder to wrist. But the soft fabric was so fluidly draped that it seemed to caress her body rather than simply conceal it. The skirt ended at her knee, floating softly around her long legs.

The color made her eyes seem more blue than green. Or maybe it was anticipation that made them look so bright and eager. He wished he'd thought of taking hsx out to dinner or a movie, rather than waiting for Kelly's invitation to make him realize that Annalise might crave something more than his company exclusively.

But taking her out to dinner made it seem as if they were dating. And dating was something you did when you were thinking about getting involved.

And of course you're not involved^ his mind asked derisively. You 're only sleeping with her, you jerk. If that isn't involved, what is?

"Ready to go?" He looked at his watch, as if concerned with the time. They had plenty of time, even considering the length of the drive ahead of them. But he didn't Uke the direction his thoughts were taking.

* * *

The sun was just disappearing from the sky as they reached Indianapolis. Devlin felt his hands tighten on the steering wheel and forced them to relax. He hated the feeling of being surrounded by so many people, so many buildings.

It was only for one evening, he reminded himself. He could tolerate ianything for one evening.

But he wasn't so sure when he realized just where the party was being held. The developers hadn't spared any expense in giving the party. They'd rented one of the best restaurants in the city, which just happened to be on the top floor of one of the nicest hotels in the city. All thirty stories of it.

Standing in the beautifully decorated lobby, Devlin stared at the elevator, feeling beads of sweat break out on his forehead. The doors slid open, revealing a spacious, pleasantly lit elevator. All he saw were the boxlike proportions and the fact that there were no windows, no way to get out once those doors slid shut.

^'They're holding the elevator for us," Annalise said, starting forward.

Devlin's hesitation was imperceptible as he followed her. It was an elevator, he told himself. People got on and off elevators all the time. He couldn't spend his entire life avoiding them.

He stepped into the cubicle. Immediately his tie felt too tight. His jacket seemed to have shrunk. There was only one other couple on the elevator, but he felt as if the air were being used up too quickly, as if suffocation was only a breath away.

He was unaware of Aimalise glancing at him, her eyes showing sudden concern. She'd sensed his hesitation in the lobby and attributed it to a lingering reluctance to attend the party. She knew he'd only decided to go because he felt obligated to support his sister, and perhaps he'd sensed the interest she'd tried to conceal.

But the tension she felt radiating from him couldn't be explained away as a lack of sociability. His jaw was so tight she knew he had to be grinding his teeth together. Beads of sweat dampened his forehead.

Concerned, she reached out to take his hand. His fingers closed over hers, his grip too tight. She offered no objection but only moved closer so that her shoulder brushed against his. The elevator faltered for an instant, a hardly perceptible shift in speed. Devlin's fingers tightened so crushingly that she had to bite her lip to stifle a gasp.

When the elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open, his relief was palpable. He stepped out quickly, as if half-afraid the doors might slide shut, trapping him inside again.

Kelly had been watching for their arrival and she appeared before them immediately, sweeping them off to where she and Dan were seated. In the hustle of introductions and greetings, there was certainly no chance for Annalise to consider Devlin's behavior. But in odd moments during the evening, she found her thoughts drifting to those few seconds in the elevator when his hand had clung to hers as if he were a drowning man and she were a lifeline.

The answer wasn't hard to guess. In fact, it was a wonder it hadn't occurred to her before. The house he'd helped to design provided more than a few clues. Every room was full of windows. Even the bathrooms had large expanses of frosted glass that let in light and made the room seem larger, less enclosed.

The only doors were on the bathrooms. He'd had to install a door when he'd settled her into the guest room. Most of the rooms didn't even have a doorway that would take a door. Wide arches visually expanded the space, preventing any sense of being closed in, no matter where you were.