Everything Changes (12 page)

His fingers ran over the button of my shorts.

Please, God, let him take them off
.
PLEASE!

There were so many
things that I wanted to do with Parker and had wanted to do for a while. I had
been stalking him since January and damn it if I didn’t have some pent up
hormones to unleash on this boy. There was no way I was going to miss my chance
with him. It may not have made sense, and it might have even been crazy, but I
would take this opportunity to show his shy ass a thing or two.

My mind gave up and my want for him took over as
I tilted my mouth back in Parker’s direction and invited him to kiss me again.
My fingers worked their way into the hair at his temples, reveling in how soft
and light it felt as I pulled him back to me.

My breath caught when he got the button undone.
Suddenly he froze.

Damn.

“Rowan, maybe we shouldn’t do this,” he said
hesitantly, looking sad, lost, and angry all at the same time.

“Why not?” I was shocked. I thought we both
wanted this after the flirting and touching all day. I did…parts of him
obviously did. We were all alone. What was the problem?

“I just…you don’t think it’s too soon?” He
sighed, moving me off his lap and placing me beside him. “Maybe we should slow
down?”

Don’t most guys want to move faster?

“I don’t want us to rush into this. I want this
to be special for you, for us. Not something where we get caught up in the heat
of the moment and give into our desires.” He leaned his head back against the
pillow, his eyes focused on the ceiling.

“Desires?” I questioned, hoping he would tell me
what he was thinking for once.

“Rowan,” he groaned, running his hands through
his mess of hair. “You have no idea how bad I want this. How bad I’ve always
wanted this.” He gently placed his hand under my chin making me look at him.
“I’ve wanted you since the first day I saw you standing in that coffee shop
with your hair pulled back, white tank top, and those cut off shorts...” he
spoke softly, kissing my forehead. “I want you to think about this and I want
you to want to be with me too. I don’t want you to feel rushed,” Parker said
softly.

It was reassuring to know that all those times
that I watched him from afar, he felt the same way and made me feel less like a
stalker and more like the average teenager.

“I do believe you stopped me, not the other way
around,” I pointed out. “So I would be the one rushing you.”

He laughed and ruffled my hair a little. I sat
back into his arms and leaned my head against his chest.

“I’m curious now though. Have you…?” His voice
trailed off and I knew exactly what he was asking.

“No. Never,” I mumbled against him.

Though he said nothing, he seemed relieved as he
rested his chin on my head and took a deep shaky breath.

“Have you?”

“No.”

“You never did it with anyone in California?” I
knew he didn’t in Washington, at least I didn’t think he did. He was always at
the shop working, aside from Sundays. And Sunday’s, he rode his dirt bike. I
knew this because they always rode out from our property.

Guess who waited next to the window every morning
to watch him?

Me.

Parker looked confused. “What?” His brow furrowed
as he contemplated what I asked him, like I was stupid for asking.

“I just thought…well…I thought with being a
professional rider that you…” My voice started to fade as his expression
changed from confused to amused in mere seconds.

He gasped and coughed a little. I wasn’t sure I
wanted to know after the look on his face.

“No. Never,” he said, shaking his head. Then he
started laughing again. “I was fourteen at the time, so...well...I mean when I
got into that series I was fourteen. That wasn’t really on my mind.”

I laughed. I had a cousin that was fourteen and
knew Parker was full of shit now.

“I mean, yeah, it was on my mind,” he corrected,
“but I didn’t have time for that. Besides, those girls…they only want one
thing.”

“Money?”

“Exactly. That’s all any of them care about.” He
nodded, rubbing his jaw with his right hand. My eyes went to his fingers
wanting them back on me. “It’s all about what you can do for them.”

“You seem to know this well. Have you had…”
twisting the blanket between my fingers, I kept my expression at bay
“...experience with these girls?”

“I’ve known a few, yes, but I’ve never had a
girlfriend
or anything like that.”

Well, now I feel stupid.

“Oh,” I said, nodding my head a little. That
truly surprised me. Aside from being shy, Parker had a confident side to him
that was attractive, and I knew damn well other girls saw that, especially the
ones that hung out at the tracks.

“You and Joey never did?”

I knew that was coming. Joey acted like I was
his, but we had always been just friends. “No, we’re just friends.”

“I just thought, well...” Parker shrugged, his
eyes narrowing a bit “...he may have said something.”

“No,” I stated firmly.

This wasn’t the first time Joey said we were
together. In the third grade, he bought me a dozen long stem roses on Valentine’s
Day and everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend when all I did was
share my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with him. “I’ve never had a boyfriend
before.”

Parker shifted so he was sitting up against the
headboard. “Do you want to have sex?”

Did I want to?

Yes, I did. I wanted to have sex with Parker in
the worst way. Looking down at my jean shorts with the button still undone, it
was even more apparent to me that I wanted to.

“I do,” I said to him, watching his reaction
closely.

“Me too,” he said with a light burn to his
cheeks. “But not tonight, okay?”

Nodding, I felt a twinge of rejection, but I also
had enough nerve to keep me from arguing. I didn’t know why, but up until then,
I never thought Parker O’Neil would want to have sex with me. He was a
seventeen-year-old boy. Of course he wanted to have sex.

Don’t get me wrong, I imagined it a time or two
when watching him handle tools in the shop and the way his muscles flexed when
he would lift an engine. Yeah, I imagined it all right. But thinking he would
want to have sex with me, Rowan Jensen, his boss’ daughter? Nah, those thoughts
were distant.

July 2,
1997

A lot happened that summer. It was mostly a blur,
but as the Utah sun heated up, so did Parker and I. It was rare that we weren’t
together.

We spent many nights hanging out by the pool
getting to know each other.
 
Under the
secure blanket of moonlight, we opened up to one another. He told me about his
dad and his memories of his mother. I told him about my mom and her accident and
why I felt like my parent’s needed me around. We understood each other, even if
we had completely different backgrounds, we came together. I had an entirely
different view on Parker after just a week there. The boy I stalked was just a
figment of my imagination. There was so much more to Parker as a person than I
ever realized.

He was smart, scary smart. I was convinced he was
some sort of encyclopedia. He could rattle off strange facts you wouldn’t think
a kid that spent his childhood straddling a bike would know.

He was sensitive. He cared deeply for Justin and
his grandmother, Elizabeth, his only living family on his mom’s side. And then
there was his love for Motocross.

That summer turned out to be one of the best
summers of my entire seventeen years. Of course it didn’t have much
competition, but any time I spent with Parker was great.

Even after our summer, and the times I saw him
throughout the last five years, any time I was with Parker, alone, was
memorable to me.

I remembered every touch, every kiss, and every
unspoken word he told me with just a look.

I remembered the real Parker.

It was Wednesday afternoon, and we were on our
way back from a ride when we ran into Dusty and another guy named Wesley
Cameron. While Parker seemed to tolerate Wesley, he wouldn’t give Dusty very
much. Dusty tried but it seemed the more Parker saw Dusty, the more he shut
down around him.

Justin, who was with us that day, noticed as
well. Leaning forward on the bike, he shut it off and hung his head when their
conversation shifted. “Have you ever seen Parker in a fight before?” Justin
asked, taking his helmet off to set it in front of him.

Addy
stayed
at the condo today, something about too much sand in her hair.

“No…why?”

Justin winked and leaned back on the bike like he
was stretching. “If Dusty doesn’t stop now, you’re about to see one.”

“Will Parker actually fight Dusty?” I went to
take my helmet off but Justin stopped me. “I thought they were friends.”

“Keep that on.” His hand moved from my helmet to
rest on his in front of him as he leaned forward appearing relaxed. My heart
that had started pounding at the mention of a fight began to calm with his
relaxed appearance. “They used to be friends.”

“What do you mean
used
to be? And why were they friendly at the restaurant that one
day?”

Justin kept a close eye on Parker and Dusty as
they talked about ten feet away, near the edge of the trail.
 
“It’s really not my place to say.”

“Justin,” I begged. “Just tell me.”

“Dusty is just bad news. He said some things that
weren’t true after our dad died and then fed Parker’s sponsor lies. Never
underestimate Parker. That’s your only rule to understanding him. Remember
that.”

I nodded, wondering what that meant when I heard
the faint noises of voices intensifying.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking
about,” Parker growled, stepping closer to Dusty who’d just swung a leg over
his bike.

We couldn’t hear what Dusty said to him, but
whatever it was, Parker didn’t agree with him and pushed him off his bike. He
stood over him, threatening, waiting for his response when Dusty abruptly
stood. “Fuck you, O’Neil!” He took off down the trail, throwing sand in
Parker’s face.

A cloud of dust and rocks shot towards us. Justin
tipped his head forward to avoid the spray in his eyes, and I did the same
since my goggles were in my hand. Parker stood there for a moment watching
Dusty and Wesley ride away. The loud rumble of their four-strokes at full
throttle echoed throughout the canyons.

“Come on, Parker, let’s go!” Justin shouted over
the noise before starting his bike.

That was when Parker withdrew again and didn’t
say anything. The rest of the night, he was quiet but nodded when asked a
question.

“What happened out there today?”
Addy
asked, noticing the change when we sat around the fire
that night after dinner. She had stayed back at the condo earlier and sat by
the pool. I almost wished that I had done the same.

I shrugged, sinking back into my chair with a
bottle of water in hand. “I don’t know.” I felt defeated. I felt like
everything I had worked to obtain with Parker was gone now because of this
Dusty guy.

At least I wasn’t lying to
Addy
either. I had no idea what was said between Parker and Dusty, therefore I had
no idea what was bothering him.

I had a feeling Justin knew by the change in his
demeanor as well, but he was also Parker’s brother. He wasn’t about to push the
issue or give me any details without Parker’s consent.

When we eventually went to bed that night, Parker
didn’t say a word to me. I never understood how he could turn so quickly. It
was almost as if there was two sides to him. I knew then that I didn’t really
know either one of those sides. Parker tried not to be that way. You could see
the conflict in his face and those eyes.

July 3,
1997

The next morning when I woke up in his arms, I
peeked up to see him staring at the ceiling, the same expression of irritation
and anxiety drowning him. When I stirred, he looked down at me and smiled
halfheartedly.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he offered. “I
didn’t mean to take that out on you.”

I didn’t say anything, just smiled. “Let’s go for
a hike.”

“Wow.” Parker chuckled as the morning light rose
over his shoulder and hit my eyes, blinding me. I squinted and he moved his
shoulder to block it for me. “I don’t have to do anything special like make you
breakfast in bed or anything?”

“Why would you need to do that?” I propped myself
up on my elbow to look down at him.

“I was a jerk.” His eyes focused on mine for just
a brief moment before looking at the wall behind me.

“People are jerks sometimes.”

His eyes closed as he leaned in, pressing his
lips to mine once. “Don’t let people treat you like that,” he demanded. “You
deserve better.”