Everything Changes (24 page)

“Rowan?” Michelle asked, stepping in
front of Jack and his bright smile and hers was just as bright.

I nodded and the next thing I knew I
was in her arms.

“It’s so nice to finally meet the
girl Parker can’t stop talking about.”

Parker pushed Michelle’s shoulder
trying to separate us. “Okay, enough of that.” He smiled as Michelle slapped at
his broad shoulders with a giggle. “I do not talk about her all the time.” He
let go of my hand and tried to cover her mouth, but instead ended up putting
her in a headlock. They playfully wrestled around with each other for a moment
as Jack moved closer and stood beside me.

Jack cleared his throat and I looked
at him. “He’s full of shit. He does talk about you.” He eyed Parker carefully
but kept amusement in his voice and expression.

Parker wasn’t amused, but the more
they talked, the more comfortable I was. He eventually came back to stand next
to me, his hand finding mine, fingers touching fingers.

Jack and my dad talked racing, mostly
NASCAR, but they talked about Supercross too and Parker’s plans for next year.
I learned Parker hadn’t agreed to anything yet, but he had a meeting scheduled
with Lonnie Gusto, Yamaha’s rep.

I knew of the meeting from Parker,
but I didn’t know details. They were details Parker wasn’t going to disclose
either.

Wrapped around each other near the
fire, I listened to story after story from Jack and Michelle about Parker and
Justin as kids and their early riding career. Apparently, Parker was pretty
aggressive on the track but always had patience which was rare for a kid of his
age.

Justin had quit riding soon after his
mom had left. He wasn’t into the politics of it and hated the commitment it
took. Now, with
Addy
securely on his lap, it was easy
to see why he chose not to.

With Parker, it was easy to see he
still wanted to race.

And that scared me a little because I
was getting to know him, and I knew it would be short lived.

Before he left that night, we said
goodbye on the porch. I was once again wrapped up in one of his hoodies. I’d be
adding another one to my collection.

“How many of my shirts do you have
now?” Parker laughed, pulling at the hood when we hugged. His lips moved to my
neck when he spoke.

I felt a shiver rand locked my arms
around his neck, bringing my legs up around his waist.

His hands wrapped around my backside.
Walking forward, he leaned against the railing of the covered porch we were
standing on. Everyone else had left and we were alone. That was when Parker was
himself. Even earlier with family around, he wasn’t as shy as he was when I
first met him, but he held a good portion of himself inside.

Now, with me, I saw all of him.

“You have a few left, don’t you?” I
asked, finding his lips.

“I have one left.” Since my weight
was supported by the railing, he moved his hands to my face and deepened the
kiss. He groaned, pressing forward, and I knew where this was heading
—
exactly where I wanted it to. Our
tongues moved together, finding a line, a groove we knew. Before long, he was
asking about my tree house and forgetting about sweatshirts.

The closer it got to the end of
summer, the harder it was to convince myself that I’d be okay if he left.
 
I also felt our physical relationship shift.
When we kissed, we both poured a little more into those kisses. When we
touched, the touch seemed to linger longer and mean more, like it was our
purpose.

Maybe we were in over our heads,
maybe we weren’t. I didn’t know and maybe I didn’t care. I was acting
seventeen, living for secret rides in the moonlight and tree houses.

Walking back to my house from the
tree house, righting my clothes and smiling, Parker stopped before reaching my
backyard. He pulled me against him with his hand.

I knew what he was going to say, and
I wanted to stop time so I asked, “Parker, why did you come to Shelton of all
places?”

He seemed caught off guard for a
moment and then squinted at me. “Jack thought it would be good to get away
after what happened with Dusty, and I’ve always liked the northwest trails. So
we came here. That house we live in is Michelle’s. She’s from here originally.”
He swallowed, half smiling, half not, his face tense. “And then I saw you and
staying for a while seemed like a good idea. I needed to get away and
understand what it was I loved so much about riding. Now I know.”

“I’m sorry for how you ended up
here…but I’m glad that you came. For whatever that’s worth.”

“Me too.” Holding my face in his,
looking at me with soft, sad eyes, his voice shook. “I…” he swallowed “...I
have to go to Anaheim next week.”

I smiled, my voice just as shaky. “I
know.”

And we left it at that because deep
down we knew. We knew everything would change after Anaheim.

CHAPTER
12

Rowan
Jensen

Dust Bowl

This is a condition when the track is very dusty
and causes limited vision for riders. It’s referred to as a dust bowl.

September
10, 1997

If I ever had to ever pick a time when I was the
happiest, it was that summer with Parker. I got to know him more every day. We
spent every day together riding in Belfair, camping out by the creek or
watching movies together. By the end of August, I didn’t feel whole unless I
was with him sneaking out to the tree house or the clearing or messing around
in his truck.

It didn’t take long and school began. Between
classes and frequent trips to the parts room, a few things happened. Parker and
I didn’t get much sleep those first few days of school, making up for the time
when we couldn’t be together.

Parker had met with Yamaha on multiple occasions,
but we avoided talking about it. Like a dust bowl track, I was seeing this relationship
with limited vision.

Avoiding the inevitable, I was the happiest I had
ever been. For once in my life I felt like I belonged to more than my family. I
belonged to a boy. I, Rowan Jensen, had a boyfriend.

Just like most things in my life, it came to end.

That morning, Parker called and asked if I could
meet him at the shop after school.

He’d missed the last few days of school since he
had to travel to Anaheim to meet with Lonnie, the Yamaha representative. His
voice seemed off which had me concerned, but I was so excited to see him, I
decided to look past that and just be thankful we were going to be together.

When I got to the shop, everyone was gone. Parker
stood leaning against the side of the shop with his head bent forward, staring
at his feet.

Though he didn’t say anything, I had a feeling
why he flew to Anaheim again and what this meant. He signed a contract with
them.

We both met at the shop and without saying a
word, we walked silently around the back, out of view from the traffic along Shelton-Matlock
Road.

“You’re leaving?”

Our pace slowed to barely moving as a light mist
of rain fell. He nodded and then sighed without looking at me. Instead, his
eyes focused on his feet while he mumbled, “I got a factory ride with Yamaha.
My flight leaves in three hours.”

I nodded and then shrugged, swallowing over the
lump in my throat and trying to be strong.

What did I really think was going to happen?

I knew Parker was a good rider, and when the
Yamaha reps began hounding him, I knew it was a possibility. Hell, Parker told
me it was a possibility.

Who was I to hold him back from his dream? No one
with that kind of raw talent would go unnoticed.

“It was a summer romance, Parker.” I sounded so
broken in that moment it was hard to even get the words out. “I wasn’t
expecting us to get married or anything.”

Parker’s eyes shot to mine, stunned maybe by the
harshness in my tone.

His head tilted sideways and his brows pulled
together as though he was in pain. “Summer romance?” His voice broke a little
at the end as he nodded a couple times. “That’s what you think?”

“Parker, let’s just call it what it was.” I felt
the tears pooling and threatening to spill any second. “We’ve known for a while
it would come to this.”

“That’s all it was to you?” He squinted, as if
the sun was in his eyes but it was just a ploy to stop his glazed eyes from
revealing the emotion he didn’t want me to see.

Tears couldn’t be helped; they slid down my
heated cheeks. They felt cool compared to the temperature of my face.

“I didn’t go into this thinking…” I let out a
whoosh of breath as I tried to continue but couldn’t. I lost it completely and
starting sobbing.

Parker reached out to me, pulling me against his
chest, and whispered in my hair. “Please, Ro, I don’t want—”

A sharp pain radiated through me. I wouldn’t let
him finish before I shoved him, my hands struggling to maintain strength. “Just
go, Parker.” I pushed against his chest. Rain drops on the only sweatshirt I
hadn’t taken from him coated my hands. “You don’t want to be late. Good luck.”

Parker cocked his head staring at me, holding my
gaze.

I wanted him to be happy, I did. I wanted Parker
to be happy more than I wanted myself to be happy. I had to let him go so he
could reach his full potential.

I started to walk away when he reached for me
once again, spinning me to face him. “You’ll never
―
” His
eyes blinked quickly before his hand slipped away from mine and he gave up. The
cool breeze shook me without the warm comfort—cold and aching just like it was
when he was away from me.

I could tell by his expression he was both angry
and confused at my response. I knew it wasn’t just a summer romance to either
of us, but facing reality wasn’t an option for me. I didn’t want to.

Without saying anymore, I left him standing there
and walked back to my truck around the front of the shop. When I got inside and
saw him still standing there looking at me, I lost all will again and cried.
There was no emotion to describe that moment; no words could clarify it. It was
what it was.
 
I definitely didn’t want to
fist pump the air. I wanted to punch the air for taking away the boy I loved.

Parker had a talent and I wasn’t going to hold
him back. I also didn’t want to be that girl that sat around at home wondering
if her superstar boyfriend would call. Just like that, everything changed. My
life changed.

Parker flew to Anaheim after that and followed
that dream. He was signed as a factory rider with Yamaha in the AMA Supercross
Series for the 1998 season.

It didn’t stop me from keeping up with him. I
used the internet to watch everything I could on him and learn everything I
could on his racing career.

Reading articles about him made me realize how
little I knew about it. I didn’t know when he won his first race or who his
idol was. I didn’t know stats or career highlights.

I knew Parker O’Neil. I knew the aqua blue that
held me in the moonlight. I knew the dark mess of hair and what it felt like to
run my fingers through it. I knew his strong body and the way it felt pressed
against mine. I knew his favorite CD was the
Lonestar
one he kept in his player at all times, a country boy at heart. I memorized his
every move, but I didn’t know him.

I never knew what the scar above his eye was from
or the burn on his shoulder that resembled an exhaust pipe. I never knew why he
wore a brace on his left knee or the story behind the five inch scar on it.

I never asked, and he never said.

Parker had dreams and they were his dreams,
something he didn’t share with me.

But maybe he didn’t share it because our time
together was short and limited. I wasn’t sure I would have the answer, but I
still followed him because my heart wouldn’t let go.

I’d like to say I continued on as though I was
fine but I wasn’t. Nothing about me or my life was the same. Once again, words
couldn’t describe what I felt nor could words describe how devastated I was
with his departure. It literally was as if my world just stopped turning for
this one boy and now he was gone.

There were times I had to take a few deep breaths
to mentally prepare myself for another day, another hour without him, and
another day of letting go.

Letting him go was easier said than done. I
dreamed about him every night. That smile and those blue eyes haunted me.
Suddenly, I was pulled back into his world, and I was willing to go too. I
looked forward to sleeping just so those eyes could hold mine. When I closed my
eyes, we were together and I needed that just to move on.

Why did it hurt so bad? Why did I love him more
now that he wasn’t here than I did when he was? Why did I let him go? I let him
go. I did that. I could have stopped him…but I didn’t.

Slowly, I had to come back to reality. The warmth
faded, my smile fell, and my conscience reminded me that Parker was gone.