Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (10 page)

I pushed the PH button once again and let the doors close. I was still inside the small softly lit cabin, propelling me back in the direction of the only man that would ever hold my h
eart.

I had no idea what I was going to say when I got there. No idea what I wanted to happen. I just knew that I couldn’t leave things the way they
were.

As the door opened, Alfie stood in front of me. His face tear stained. The sight of that destroyed me. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt
him.

I didn’t get the chance to speak. Alfie rushed me, his arms pulling me hard against his whole body as his mouth crushed mine in a move that was epically important for the both of us. I couldn’t help but kiss him
back.

Goose-bumps radiated across my skin and juice trickled from the sodden folds of heat onto my panties. When he broke the kiss, he began frantically peppering kisses all over my neck. His vise-like hold on me was leaving me struggling to breathe. I felt d
izzy.

An array of emotions rushed me. I struggled with feelings of euphoria, pain, fear, and lust. These were all overridden by the feelings of love, and the pleasure of being against his body again. We just seemed to fit together like the finest set of hand- forged sp
oons.

I pushed him back against the wall and staggered back against the other side. “Stop, Alfie. I came back because I knew I couldn’t leave with a bad feeling. I came back to speak to you, not for that to happen.” I pointed to where we had been kis
sing.

I sobbed. “I hate the fact that we can’t even be in the same room, but I can’t get involved with you again. It’s not what I want. I am beginning to do something with my life, A
lfie.”

I tried to sound convincing. “You need to leave me alone. I can’t stay strong when you’re pulling this shit with me all the time. I’ve struggled with the decision I made about us. Please don’t let it be in vain for me. You have achieved everything you set out to do. It’s my turn now, A
lfie.”

Alfie’s jaw twitched. “You don’t have any idea how I feel about you, do
you?”

I smirked. “Alfie, you moved on. Zoe’s your life now. I bet that poor girl did what I wouldn’t, and gave up everything, just to be with you. I would say she loves you more than I do after that, wouldn’t
you?”

Alfie ran his hand through his hair again. “Leave her out of it.” I bunched my brows and scowled at his lack of consideration for the girl he was currently
with.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that? You’d blow this girl’s life just like that, huh? Poor girl, you’re so fucking selfish. I’m glad I made the choice I did, but I don’t want this constant mind fuck every time we see each other.” He growled and held me by my
arms.

“Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll walk away.” I swallowed and held his stare. It was boring holes into me. The thought that he’d cheated with me on his girl, that I was responsible for making another man cheat on his girl, just like Will did with Saffy, gave me the strength to do the only decent thing I could
now.

“Part of me will always love you Alfie, but I am not
in
love you anymore. I just don’t like to see you hurting.” My face was pas
sive.

“I’m still attracted to you, but that’s not the same thing. Don’t blow everything you have now with Zoe because of me. I’m never going to change my mind about you. Luca’s my future
now.”

As soon as the words were out, I was shocked that I had been able to deliver such a bold lie with such conviction. “The reason I came back up here was because it is totally possible we are going to run into each other from time to time. We both need to be able to handle that. We’ll be pleasant to each other, but apart from that, I don’t want you to converse or seek me out to do this shit again. Do you understan
d me?”

Alfie continued to stare at me for the longest time. He finally threw his hands up. “Fine, go.” He hit the elevator button again for me to l
eave.

He traveled down with me this time. When I stepped out, he let the door close again. Leaving me standing in the foyer a
lone.

Digs was coming out of the men’s room and as soon as he laid eyes on me, his hand swept under my armpit, and he frog marched me into the deserted breakfast
room.

“What the hell happened to you?” I shook my
head.

“It was that piece of shit, Alfie, wasn’
t it?”

I tried to sound as unaffected as I could. “I’m okay, Digs, it was just something I had to do.” I gave him a small smile and tried to sound unaffected by what had just happened. “Digs really, it’s all good, we just cleared the air, that’s
all.”

His eyes searched my face for reassurance, and he must have convinced himself, because he nodded. “Want to go home soon?” I smiled grateful he wasn’t pushing me fur
ther.

“Yeah, it’s been a big day and it’s caught up with me.” We left the party at two thirty in the morning and headed back to Lennon’s p
lace.

I flopped onto his queen bed in the spare room barely registering that my head was on the pillow and crashed immedia
tely.

Chapter 10
– Exposure

W
hen I woke during the night, there was someone lying beside me. I froze. His hand was draped over my hip all slack and relaxed, and from the faint snoring, he was sound as
leep.

I reached out and found the little switch on the wire of my bedside light. With a soft click, the room was bathed in lamp light. Cody lay beside me, unconscious, wearing a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Thankfully he was face down, so I only had his backside to deal
with.

“Cody what the fuck you doing in my
bed?”

Cody peered up at me with one eye. “Sorry, I crashed in Lennon’s room, and the dude got into bed. As if it wasn’t traumatic enough having a dude lying next to me, the guy sleeps like a fucking gymnast doing a floor routine. So…I kinda gave up that gig and came in here. I figured with you having the only other bed, you wouldn’t mind all that much, you being used to sleeping with Jack n’all. I just needed somewhere to lay my weary ass,” he mum
bled.

I exhaled loudly, trying to decide what I thought about Cody lying in the same bed as me. I definitely didn’t want any misconceptions about why he was t
here.

“Hang on.” The mattress dipped under my weight, before I stood and walked to open the bedroom door. Then I got back into
bed.

“If you have to touch an ass in your sleep, make sure it’s your own, Cody. And if there is any snoring you’re on the tile floor with a blanket, go
t it?”

Cody chuckled. “You needed to open the door to tell me
that?”

“Nope, I opened the door to prevent the others from thinking I was getting jiggy with you.” I smi
rked.

It actually felt comforting to have someone lay next to me. I slept like a contented baby. When I woke up, I was the one spooning him with my hand cupping a pectoral muscle, and my body snuggled up tight to his
ass.

My eyes sprung open and as soon as I realized what I was doing, I jumped back like I’d been scalded. Cody’s body was shaking in silent laughter. “Been lying here wondering what your reaction was going to be when you woke up to what you were d
oing.”

He looked over his shoulder, and the shock on my face made him crack up with laughter. “You left me lying like that? You fucking pervert,” I hi
ssed.

He smirked as his eyes crinkled up with humor. “Hey, less of that. I wasn’t the groper here, I was the one being groped, reme
mber?”

Lennon walked past the room and tracked back on his heels. “Shit. No fucking way, this isn’t happening.” He looked completely freaked out at seeing both of us in bed and stalked into the room. Cody looked at me and wi
nked.

“Lily was promised a threesome with Rick last night, and it didn’t pan out, she was a little…what was the word you used again, Lily?” He left the conversation hanging in the air, and I struggled with whether I should play along or tell Lennon the t
ruth.

Seeing Lennon’s devastated face, I decided to put him out of his misery. “It isn’t what it looks like Lennon.” He puffed his cheeks out, then let the breath he was holding hiss past his
lips.

“It never is,” he commented bla
ndly.

I grinned. “Seriously, Lennon? It’s your fault. You drove Cody into my
bed.”

I turned to Cody. “What was it you said, something like, Lennon sleeps like a gymnast doing a floor rou
tine?”

Lennon’s wide eyes flicked between the both of us, and I reassured him again. “We did sleep together, but that’s all we
did.”

Lennon smirked. “Gotcha! I had you going there, didn’t I h
oney?”

He smirked again and turned to Cody. “Get the fuck out of her bed, Cody. Besides anyone fucks Lily… it’s me. Boss’s perks an’ all.” He winked, laughing loudly at his own joke, before walking away in the direction of the family
room.

We all spent the day lazing around and resting. I was reading on my kindle and listening to music when Luca called. He had just landed at Miami airport. It was a surprise; he’d come back a day e
arly.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing him, especially after kissing Alfie and all the shit that happened between us at our launch p
arty.

I already knew that Luca could never make me feel the way that Alfie did, but he deserved the chance. It was early between us, and I had a lot of bag
gage.

The problem was that I knew something now that I didn’t before, when I had started dating Luca. Alfie still loved me, and I still loved him. Love just wasn’t fair somet
imes.

I couldn’t let myself go backwards. Sometimes I used to get mad at myself and think, fuck the music. I loved Alfie. He was everything I wanted. Then I’d fool myself into thinking that I could live without making music, that listening to him and his band could be en
ough.

Maybe I could write music for them, rather than playing it. If I were a music teacher or wasn’t successful with XrAid, what would I be doing with my life? Most musicians aren’t lucky enough to play for a li
ving.

Then, in my more rational moments, I knew I just couldn’t do it. I’d end up jealous and angry at Alfie for not being able to do the one thing I knew for sure I was goo
d at.

Oh, but the way I craved him was like a drug. He was my addiction, and I was still learning to fight against it. Alfie and I had our chance together, and we blew it. Now, after the launch party, everything has cha
nged.

I really needed to let him go for good. Despite how I beat myself up about kissing Alfie, the last thing I would ever want was for his girl to suffer because we had been lusting after each other. Her life would be turned upside down, and I was not going to take responsibility for breaking the
m up.

Luca drove directly to my apartment. And, as tentative as he had been up to that point, when he saw me he pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately. He stirred me more than any man since Alfie, and as desperately as I tried not to compare, I did an
yway.

The feelings I had weren’t nearly as intense as with Alfie, but his touch was experienced and sensual. I moaned, and he responded with a grunt, leaning back to look at me. “Ciao, la mia bella regazza,” he husked. (Hello my beautiful
girl.)

Smiling, he closed the distance between our lips again. His open hands splayed down the sides of my hips to my thighs and back, before wrapping tightly around my back, and pulling me cl
oser.

I found my hands pulling his shirt out of the back of his pants, and they began to roam over his strong back, but I was thinking about A
lfie.

Raking my nails down his beautiful smooth skin made Alfie groan, and I could feel goosebumps erupting where my hand trailed across his
skin.

He shivered and moaned loudly. “Oh, Damn,” he muttered as his thighs pressed into mine motioning me back against the
wall.

His hands came up to tangle in my hair as he deepened the kiss. I moaned loudly as his mouth swallowed the sound I
made.

Suddenly, I remembered who I was kissing and pushed him away from me. “Stop, too fast.” I stared at him breathle
ssly.

Luca looked worried. “Lily. I don’t want to mess this up by pushing myself on you when you are not ready.” I smiled and said a silent prayer of th
anks.

“Luca, I’m not ready to have sex with you. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to touch you, or for you to touch me, but I need to slow it
down.”

He smiled affectionately at me, his eyes holding my gaze. “Good, because I don’t think I can ask my hands to restrain themselves much longer around you. You’re a very, very beautiful girl, but I’m trying to be pat
ient.”

I smiled. “You told me that already t
oday.”

He smirked. “I only speak the truth, oh, and Lily…from my perspective? You may touch me whenever you want.” He winked playf
ully.

Luca drove me to his place, where he showered and changed after his travels. Afterwards, we went to dinner in a little Oceanside grill near his
home.

The food was amazing. It would have been a very romantic evening, actually, if I had been less preoccu
pied.

The restaurant had a guy playing an acoustic set, and his choice of music was very easy listening until he sang a cover of The Wanted, ‘All Time Low.’ As the guy sang the words, it was as if he was daring me to ask myself the question, “How do I choose between my head and h
eart?”

On the way to the restaurant I had spent time in the car talking about the previous night’s gig with Luca. I even tested him a little by telling him about Cody’s sleeping arrangem
ents.

Luca wasn’t put out by what had happened. “I’ve heard of a lot worse than two bandmates sleeping in the same bed.” He chuckled and told me some tales from his time promoting music tours for bands in Eu
rope.

The more we talked, the more I liked him. Luca had been in the music business and was still loosely connected, but not a musician. He got me, but without us having to think about spending years apart, like Alfie and I would have if I continued to make m
usic.

Luca and I walked the boardwalk after dinner, and he slung his arm over my shoulder. We strolled along the South beach, and although it felt balmy, there was a slight breeze. His thumb stroked up and down my upper arm absentmindedly as he ta
lked.

If I was going to do this with Luca, then he needed to know about my broken heart. It wouldn’t be fair for him to do this without knowing what had happened last night with A
lfie.

Knowing that I was taking a gamble by telling him, and that it could ruin my chance at happiness with him. However, honesty was important to me, especially after all the shit Alfie and I had gone thr
ough.

I liked Luca too much to start getting into this with him without honesty. This was partly why Alfie and I could never have worked. Our whole beginning had started out with Alfie not being frank about his situa
tion.

Luca stood quietly, his face not giving away any feelings he may be having at what I was telling him about my altercation with Alfie last n
ight.

When I was finished I huffed out a ragged breath, trying to supress the emotions that recounting it had stirred inside me a
gain.

Luca tugged me into his chest and hugged me. “You told him you care about me. I can tell you mean that, Lily, by the way you’ve been honest with me. I don’t like that he kissed you, or that you kissed him back.” There was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stared into his hurt eyes, waiting for him to tell me I was too messed up. Hell, I might have agreed with
him.

Luca took my shoulders in his hands and pushed me away from him, his arms stretched straight, looking me right in the
eye.

“Thank you for your honesty, Lily. I’m glad you told me. I don’t want there to be any secrets or lies between us. A loving relationship is built on honesty, straight talking, and consideration for the other party involved. I’m sorry he hurt you, and I get that you still love him. I can hear it in your voice when you speak about
him.”

Smiling his slow, sexy smile. “I’m willing to try to help you heal and maybe one day your love for him will be replaced by your love for me. It is early in this relationship for you and me. I’m very happy with how we are. I’m kind of excited actually about what the future may hold for us. So, I’m willing to give us a shot if you
are.”

I smiled at him feeling relieved and placed my cheek on his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady, beating in time with
mine.

Luca’s hand stroked my hair, and he tilted my chin with one hand and bent to take my lips with his. Giving me a slow, tender kiss. My hand slid under his loose fitting shirt and stroked the warm, silky skin on his
back.

I was wearing a cropped top, and he was already touching my flesh because his hand was resting on my w
aist.

We headed back toward the restaurant and came across a bench that was set back near a shower area. Luca took my hand from under his shirt and clasped my fingers in his. He lifted it to his mouth and brushed his lips agains
t it.

I tilted my head, and his lips spread into a slow seductive smile. He pulled me over to straddle him, and we began making out. We briefly forgot where we
were.

I was surprised at myself, and he was definitely affecting my senses. I wondered if how Luca was making me feel was the same way Alfie had felt when he met Zoe. Pushing that particular thought aside, I allowed Luca to work his magic at turning me on in a way that I had long forgo
tten.