Everything to Nothing (58 page)

‘So you blame
him?’

‘Yes, as does
everyone else. And now he’s drunk in meetings and he’s assaulted my
best friend, a sixty year old man, putting him in hospital with
fractured ribs and a punctured lung. He’ll pull through, but the
doctors say he’s been lucky. Unsurprisingly that is not the kind of
man I want my daughter to be associated with so you will break up
from him.’

‘No, I won’t.
He needs me.’

‘No, he
doesn’t. He needs a five year one on one session with a
psychologist in a padded room! Where are you going?’

‘To see
David.’

‘At last you
see sense!’

Sally had one
hand on the door out of his office and she turned to look at him.
The tears could not hide the fierce look of determination in her
eyes. ‘No, you misunderstand me. I’m going to see David to tell him
that I’ll be there for him, forever, and that we are going to get
through this, together.’

She opened the
door and made to exit the room but her father’s voice stopped her.
‘You step out of this room now in this manner and you can expect no
more support from me. You’ll no longer be allowed to live in my
house. Your bank accounts that I am trustee of will be frozen which
will leave you penniless. You need to realise the mistake you are
making and the actions I take will make your life unbearable until
the day he has nothing more to do with your life. Do you hear
me?’

Without
responding Sally stepped out of the room and gently closed the door
behind her.

Chapter 43

She stepped
across the threshold of the small flat and managed to avoid
stepping on the mail that had been sitting there all day. With one
hand full of bags of shopping and her heavily pregnant body
hindering her even more, she managed to stoop and pick up the
letters. Walking a few more steps she turned right and entered the
kitchen which consisted of second hand appliances and battered old
work surfaces.

Dumping the
shopping on one of them she opened the letters and was not
surprised that they were rejection of employment letters along with
a couple of red utility bills. Without giving them another thought
she dumped them all in the bin and took the few paces into the
small living room where she lowered herself onto the settee with
the faded upholstery and broken springs.

For a moment
she contemplated the unshaven man sat in a scruffy old armchair
staring at the television. His once slim body now had a beer belly
and his once olive coloured skin was pale. He looked sad and
scruffy and the beard on his face did nothing to detract from this
look.

‘Did you make
it out to the job centre?’

‘No.’

‘Oh well, never
mind. Maybe you can make it out tomorrow. I managed to get us some
food with the last of the benefit money but that’s it now until
next week so we’ll have to make it last as long as we can. I had a
small modelling job today. Of course given my current condition it
was for a facial product.’

‘Yeah, I know.
I’m trying to watch this.’

‘But as I was
leaving they received a call and said that tomorrow’s shoot had
been cancelled.’

‘That’s a
shame. We can talk about it later. I’m watching this.’

But Sally knew
they never would talk about it later. The stack of rejection
letters was from modelling agencies refusing to represent her.
Sally could not even get work at a supermarket stacking shelves.
Everywhere she turned she saw the hand of her father hovering over
her like a phantom. As promised he had thrown her out, frozen her
bank accounts seemingly in the attempt to leave her destitute so
she would come crawling back to him and beg for his forgiveness.
But what her father did not know was that she still had the money
she put away from modelling work but this had not lasted them
long.

David was no
help. Again her father’s hand hovered over his life, but eventually
David managed to get some labouring work for cash on a building
site until he lost his temper with the foreman and hit him with a
spade. Since that day David had rarely left the tiny flat that they
were renting.

Over the
following months their relationship had hit rock bottom. They had
not made love since the day that David had got the job and was for
once full of life. Unfortunately in their short lived happiness
they had forgot to use birth control so Sally was now heavily
pregnant with twins. Despite Sally’s best attempts they had not
made love for eight months since that night the twins were
conceived and now David barely looked at her and rarely slept in
their bed with her.

Now
conversation was practically non-existent between them as he
slumped further and further into a depression that he had not been
able to get out of since Simon’s death. And Sally was close to
breaking point. She was at a loss as to how she could support him
through this time in his life when he was not willing to support or
help himself. Her last hope was the twins. If they did not snap him
out of it nothing would and she might as well give up.

For the next
month she tried everything to try and bond with David. She
suggested going to the movies, walks in the park or even a trip to
the seaside, but all suggestions were greeted with negative words
or not even words, sometimes just negative grunts. Then one day as
she was getting up out of bed her waters broke a week early.

Calmly she
walked into the living room and asked David to take her to the
hospital. In a moment that she thought she would never be able to
forgive him for, he shook his head and pointed at the television.
Instead Sally picked up the telephone and called the one person who
had never let her down in the past, Michelle.

They had not
spoken in a few months, and certainly neither of them had called
each other. The last time they met was by accident on the high
street in the town. The proceeding few months after Simon’s death,
Sally knew that Michelle was avoiding her, not answering her phone
and not seeing her when Sally went around to her house.

That day on the
high street Sally could not believe how much weight her friend had
lost, how skinny and ill she looked. But even now, after so many
months of not speaking to her Sally knew she had no option. David
was no in fit state to help with anything never mind a woman
entering labour so that left her only one option. Before she
dialled Sally withheld her number and was relieved when Michelle
answered.

‘Hello?’

‘Michelle, it’s
Sally.’

For a moment
Sally thought Michelle had hung up straight away, but then in a
reluctant voice like she was forcing herself Michelle said, ‘Hi.
You withheld your number.’

‘I know. I
needed to speak to you urgently.’

‘What
about?’

‘My waters have
broken.’

‘Oh.’

‘Can you give
me a ride to the hospital?’

‘Can David not
take you? At least you’ve still got a partner who can run you
around to places.’

The words
struck Sally like a dagger. ‘Please Michelle, I really need
you.’

Over the phone
Michelle then heard the words, ‘I’m trying to watch the fucking
television! Will you shut the fuck up whining at her?!’ being
shouted at Sally. Michelle then said, ‘Can you not get a taxi?’

‘I can’t. I’ve
got no money.’

Michelle could
not stop the smile spreading across her face. ‘You’ve got no money?
Nothing? Even for a taxi journey?’

‘They’re coming
a week early! I was going to take some money out of next week’s
benefits to take care of the taxi. I’ve just spent all my money on
food and stuff for the babies in preparation for next week.’

‘Benefits?’
Another smile grew on Michelle’s face.

‘Please
Michelle, I really need you now. I’m scared. I don’t want to do
this on my own.’

‘Where are
you?’

‘At home.’

‘I guessed
that. Where is home now?’

Sally told her
the address and Michelle told her she would be there in fifteen
minutes. Quickly Sally went into her bedroom and threw some basic
essentials into a bag and then perched on the edge of the bed.

After twenty
minutes she heard the apartment buzzer and she took the bag and
walked to the apartment door. On passing the lounge she looked in
and David was still sat in his chair, sipping from a can of beer,
staring at the television. With a tear in her eye Sally went down
to Michelle to face her gloating looks.

*

‘Come on Sally,
you can do it! One more big push! Go on!’

With her face
bright red and a thick sweat on her brow, Sally took the deepest
breath of her life and pushed and pushed as hard as her exhausted
body could manage.

‘That’s it!
Well done! The head is out!

Michelle
hovered in the room in the background, now dressed in an
appropriate hospital gown and cap, but even the gown could not hide
how skinny and gaunt she had become.

Since her
fiancé’s death she had started her new job with a law firm but
after numerous sick days off that culminated in two weeks absence
she did not pass her probation period and was released by the
company after only six months. When she received the news from her
manager the psychological strain on her was too much and her
anorexia got worse.

The depression
she had entered after Simon’s death and her low self-esteem of
being slightly overweight contributed to her decline. After losing
her job it got worse. Now she rarely ate, and when she did it was
quickly followed by a trip to the toilet where she forced herself
to vomit. So far she had managed to hide the condition from her
parents who just put her weight loss down to the grieving process
and that Michelle would recover given time, but she did not.
Instead she got worse. Her withdrawal from previous friendships,
including her close friendship with Sally, was another sign of
this, but again her parents again put this down to grieving.

Now, as
Michelle watched Sally give birth to new life, she started to feel
sick. Her already pallid complexion was even paler and her sunken
eyes watched as the midwife lifted the newborn baby girl, cleaned
it with a towel and then slapped its bottom which caused it to
start crying. Quickly the midwife studied the baby and when
satisfied passed the baby girl to a nurse who placed her in a small
crib. Then the midwife returned her attentions to Sally.

For a moment or
two Sally was relieved and then the second baby started on its
journey out of her body, but the passing of this second child was
much easier for her. With another almighty effort she pushed the
baby boy out of her and the midwife gave a whoop of delight and
repeated the same process she had done with the baby girl.

Once the
afterbirth had been passed and Sally was cleaned, the midwife
lifted up the baby girl from her crib and passed her to Sally who
cradled her in her left arm, and then received the boy in her right
arm.

With a beaming
smile the midwife said, ‘And do we have any names yet?’

Sally’s eyes
were brimming with tears. ‘Yes. The girl will be called Sophia
after my mother, and the boy will be named after my father,
Jacob.’

‘Two beautiful
names. Now I presume your family will be outside so I will call
them in.’

‘No, no-one
will be there. It’s just me and…’ But as Sally looked up to find
Michelle she realised she was no longer in the room.

After the birth
of Jacob, Michelle had run from the room un-noticed, threw up in a
toilet and was now making her way home trying to erase the vision
of the two new additions to Sally’s life and the vision that would
haunt her for the rest of her life, the vision of Simon’s arm lying
in the grass.

*

Sally stayed in
hospital for a week, enjoying tending to Sophia and Jacob, feeding
and caring for them. By the time she was ready to leave her benefit
payments had gone into her account so she was able to take a taxi
home carrying the babies in each arm.

As she entered
her apartment she dumped her bag in the hallway and entered the
lounge and as expected David was sat there watching television.
Sally stepped between him and the media device and showed him his
children. ‘The girl is Sophia, the boy is Jacob. Sophia, Jacob,
this is your dad, David.’

‘Get those two
horrible little creatures out of my sight! Ugly little things.’

‘You’re going
to have to help me! I can’t bring them up on my own!’

‘I’m watching
television! Get them away!’

Unbelievably
hurt, Sally walked out of the lounge and placed them gently in
their cots. Sophia kicked her legs a little but Jacob did not wake
from his slumber. Carefully Sally covered them both in a small
blanket. Exhausted she collapsed in a chair next to the cots and it
was not too long before she joined them in a deep sleep only to
waken an hour or so later by their cries of hunger.

*

In the last
month since Sally had brought his children home David had barely
looked at them. He had never once fed them, and he had never once
even touched them. They reminded him of better, happier times and
he hated to even look at them.

One night
though Sally was exhausted. She had been up all the previous night
as they would not settle at all and now, deep in the heart of the
night, Sophia was crying but Sally did not wake up even when David
shook her. Cursing, David wrapped the pillow around his head but
could not get back to sleep while she cried and cried.

With another
loud curse he got up and walked over to the cot where she was
lying, kicking her tiny legs. As David leaned over the cot he made
eye contact with her for the first time and with a few more kicks
and cries she stopped crying. ‘Thank fuck for that. Go to sleep
now!’