Evolving Dreams (New Beginnings Series) (22 page)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Meg walked out of the
airport after seeing her parents off for home. It was after one o’clock. The flight had been delayed and she had waited on the concourse with her folks. She was trying to call Trace to let him know she was on her way, but got his voicemail again. She had tried to reach him before church to say “good morning,” but he didn’t answer then either. He must have been at breakfast with Claire and Michael—and maybe Sean too—and it had probably turned into quite a family meeting. Hopefully they were able to get Sean straightened out.

She hung up without leaving a message, deciding to just head on over there. He was expecting her even if she was running a little late. That’s when she noticed he had left
her
a voicemail. It looked like he had sent it while she was at church. That was weird . . . he knew she would be in church with her phone turned off. She hoped everything was okay. She entered the code to retrieve the message.

“Hey, Meg . . . I just wanted to let you know that Charley came by and we’re about finished cleaning up. There’s really no reason for you to come by. We’re supposed to be over at Sonny’s by kickoff time . . . um . . . noon, I guess. So . . . hope you’re having a good morning with your folks. Um . . . talk to you later . . . bye.”

She stopped dead still in front of her car and stared at the phone—stunned. She snapped the phone shut and dug for her keys, got into her car and sat for a moment. Huh! Maybe she just assumed they’d spend what was left of the day together, when he had had plans all along. This felt wrong, but she couldn’t logically say why. Of course she shouldn’t assume anything. He had a life before she came along. Just because you were in a relationship you shouldn’t expect to be joined at the hip. She chuckled to herself. He’d call her later and everything would be fine. She started the car and steered it toward Tobi’s house. She was tired anyway and could use a day of rest. Maybe even a nap. She tried to remember—when was the last time she had had the luxury of a nap? She also tried not to worry over Trace.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Trace sat at the bar in his kitchen and stared at his cell phone as if it were a snake. Finally he reached out slowly, picked it up and flipped it open. He dialed and then waited for her to answer.

“Hello?” Meg answered breathlessly. “Trace?”

“Hey.” He couldn’t make himself say her name.

“Did you have fun watching football at Sonny’s?” she asked with forced cheer. He could sense the hurt, though, coming over the phone.

“Um, yeah. Listen . . . I have to talk to you.”

“Okay. Do you want me to come over there?”

“No! Um . . . I’m packing to go out of town.”

Meg gasped, “Not another deployment so soon!”

“No. It’s just a training thing—parachute training. Someone from the team needs to go and I guess it’s me.”

Trace rubbed his eyes. Of course, he wouldn’t tell her that he had spent all day at Sonny’s on the phone pulling strings to make it happen. The training opportunity offer had been made a couple of months ago and he had turned it down. Now he was taking it as an opportunity to run.
Away from her. He was just going to end this thing with Meg quickly. Like ripping off a band-aid.

“Oh,” Meg said, sounding bewildered. “I don’t remember hearing about it. Did I forget?”

“It just kind of came up.” Trace tried telling himself it wasn’t
exactly
a lie. He didn’t remember ever feeling like a coward the way he did now.

“Will I hear from you, Trace?” Meg asked.

He slid off the stool and paced over to the door, staring out into the dark toward the beach. “Meg,” his voice cracked, as he knew it would when he said her name. “I just think we should end this while we still have good feelings for one another. We both know how hard long distance relationships are. You don’t even know where you’re going to end up and what you’re going to be doing.”

All he got back was dead silence. “I don’t want you to make any career decisions based on what you think I might want you to do. It should be about you.” He paused then said, “Please, Meg. Say something.”

“So you’re dumping me for my own good?” she asked.

“Please don’t think of it that way.” He paced back toward the kitchen and muttered, “Jeez . . . I hate that word . . . ‘
dumping
.’”

“Just be honest with me, Trace.”

“That was an honest reason, Meg. But I don’t think I can handle it, either. I can’t be with you and not be with you at the same time. Maybe you think that’s selfish, but I’m thinking of you—and your feelings—too.”

“No you’re not, or you would have talked to me about it first, before proclaiming that it’s not going to work.” Meg sighed in defeat. “Well . . . I guess that’s it, then. Thanks for everything, Trace. It’s been fun.”

“Meg . . . I . . . I really . . .” He couldn’t come up with one thing to say.

Meg broke in, a catch in her voice, “Bye, Trace.
Please
take care of yourself.”

Then she hung up. But Trace imagined he could hear her sobs from where he stood in the middle of the kitchen in his little house on the beach. It seemed lonelier than ever because he knew she’d never be back there again. And the funny thing was, he didn’t remember ever feeling really lonely before Meg. He threw the phone across the room and stormed back to his bedroom to pack. He had to catch the redeye in a few hours.

On the plane as he flew out to Arizona, he couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t even close his eyes. This morning before dawn, he had lied when he told himself he was the one being brave for both him and Meg by breaking things off. But now he knew the truth. Every time he closed his eyes the faces of his friends’ wives flashed before him. Faces of courageous women who, time after time, watched their loved ones leave—headed off for dangerous missions, not knowing if they would ever come home. Sometimes they
didn’t
come home. And he couldn’t even make himself be brave enough to watch Meg leave and wait for her to come back. He was disgusted with himself and was relieved no one he knew was there to see what a coward he really was.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

The next morning Tobi came around the corner into the kitchenette of her small apartment. Meg quickly lowered the cool cloth she had been holding over her tear-swollen eyes where she sat at the table.

Tobi raised her eyebrows and met Meg’s eyes, “Don’t even try to hide it, hon. I heard you crying all night long.” She reached over to turn off the tiny television on top of the refrigerator. She figured the talking heads didn’t have any good news to report this morning anyway. They rarely did.

“Oh, Tobi! I’m so sorry. Did I keep you awake?”

“No, you didn’t. My anger at Trace did.”

Meg shook her head. “I probably vented to you way too much last night. I know you didn’t sign on for all my drama when we first became friends.” She shot a half-smile at Tobi. “I know you probably don’t believe this, but prior to my visit to sunny San Diego I was relatively drama-free.”

Tobi turned the burner on under the teapot and opened the pantry looking for Meg’s peppermint tea. “Oh, I believe it. I, however, can’t say the same. Maybe you should stay. I think you’re a magnetic force pulling all of the drama that usually finds me to yourself. I’d be willing to pay a small monthly fee if you’d stay so I can keep my nice calm life a little longer.”

Meg stood up with a chuckle and hugged Tobi. “I love you! Maybe I can put you in my pocket and take you with me wherever I go. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”

“You’re never gonna be without me. That’s where Trace and I are different. I believe in long distance relationships—with a little work—and we are bff’s for life! No question.”

Meg sat back down at the table. “I heard your phone ring after you went to bed last night. Everything okay?”

“It was Sonny,” she answered, wiggling her eyebrows at Meg.

“Really? Did he call to ask you out for a hot date?”

“We may never know. I lit into him about Trace.”

“What? Why? That has nothing to do with
Sonny
.”

“Did you or did you not tell me that Trace spent the day with Sonny yesterday?”

“Yes . . . but I still don’t understand . . .”

Tobi stood up as the teapot started to whistle and poured hot water over the teabags resting in two mugs. “Meg, you know how guys are. They get together and talk each other out of—or into—things. And usually they’re talking each other into doing something stupid, or out of relationships.”

“No way. Sonny . . . and Charley too . . . have always treated me really well. Like one of the guys, actually. I can’t see this being anyone’s fault but Trace’s. Maybe mine.” Meg stared into her mug as she stirred in some sweetener.

“Don’t blame yourself,” Tobi said angrily. “That’s another thing guys do—make us blame ourselves for things that are not our fault.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I wonder how they do that. I used to think that if I could have a super power it would be to fly, but now that I think about it . . . maybe it would be the power to get other people to blame themselves for something I did. That could be pretty cool.”

Trying to keep Tobi on topic could be a struggle, but Tobi’s quicksilver mind was a lot of fun too. Meg steered the subject back on track. “I’ve just been lying awake all night trying to figure it out. I came up with a few possibilities, but all of them make me madder at Trace and they make me look stupid. I don’t know what to think.”

“Okay, run ‘em by me. Whatcha got?” Tobi asked.

“Really? Well . . . scenario number one has him just killing time with someone who just happens to be handy. Then, when she—meaning me—starts getting a little too serious and expecting more than he’s willing to give, he brushes her off.” She looked expectantly at Tobi.

Tobi shook her head. “I don’t buy it. From everything Trish and Val have said, that’s not his MO. He rarely dates anyone more than once or twice. If he does go into a longer relationship, he’s upfront about it not going anywhere long-term. From what you said, he seemed on board with a long-term relationship with
you
. No . . . I don’t think that’s it. What else have you got?”

“Okay . . . scenario number two is the drama-thing we were just talking about. Some guys just don’t deal well with that. He probably doesn’t want to have to worry about some woman and how she’s feeling all the time. Here I am—Sean and I have had this big to-do and now I’m going to be trying to get my professional life back on track. That could take a lot of energy, and he has his own thing going on. He may have decided he doesn’t need to take on
my
baggage.”

“Nope. He’s been really supportive of you through this Sean drama. He took your side from the beginning. I’ve never seen him act as though he had anything but faith in you and your ability to get back on your feet. What could have set him off all of a sudden?”

“Well . . . Sean showed up last night and caused that scene. Maybe that was the last straw.”

“No way. He blamed Sean and Steffy for that. You’re in the clear.” Tobi raised her eyebrow at Meg. “And you can’t throw this new drama into the mix because he caused this one. Now . . . hit me again.”

Meg laughed. “Alright . . . this is the last one and my least favorite. It
really
makes my heart hurt.” She took a deep breath. “It’s the abstinence thing. After everyone left the party the other night and we finished cleaning up, things got a little . . . heated . . . I guess you could say.” She looked down and blushed.

“Really . . .” Tobi drawled. “Interesting. How heated?”

Meg looked back up at her. “Not over-the-line heated. Just . . . you know . . . making out . . . necking, to use an old-fashioned word.”

“Sounds like fun,” Tobi prodded.

“Well . . . it
was
fun. I’m not saying it wasn’t. But I had to put the brakes on.” She watched Tobi’s face. “I know you don’t understand this at all. Maybe you’re not the right person to talk to about it.”

“No, no . . . You can talk to me. I may not understand it fully, Meg, but I respect your beliefs. This is a big deal to you. I know that.” She cleared her throat. “Why do you think that prompted him to break things off, though? Did he lose it when you pulled away?”

“No, nothing like that. He was really understanding about it. As understanding as a guy could be at a time like that, I guess. But I know it’s harder for a guy to turn it off. You know?”

“Oh, I
do
know. Was he mean to you about it?”

“Not at all. But, you know, after that I came back here right away. And we didn’t do a lot of talking about it. Then yesterday he dodged me all day until he called last night and broke it off. What would you think?” She finished her tea and took her mug to rinse it out in the sink. “I think he decided that he couldn’t handle a relationship the way I’m asking him to. I’m sure he’s used to having more intimate relationships with the women he’s been involved with. And when it comes down to it, I may not be worth the trouble. We’d be apart most of the time anyway, so he could find someone else closer to home who would give him . . . more to come home to, shall we say.” She turned back around to look at Tobi, biting her bottom lip. “That’s the reason, isn’t it?”