Exchange Rate (22 page)

I spoke up. “No, you brought us in so Ethan could have a shot at me.” I snapped my jaw shut when the men turned toward me.

“Well, now that I know you know, I can quit pretending it’s because you have any value. John’s age makes him less than desirable anyway. Alright, this is good. Let’s lay out your options. And this is the final say.” He lifted his eyebrows, crossing his arms. “When that baby is born, one of you will go, if the rest of you want to stay.”

“What?” I curled my lip. Had he just said...

“When you up our population, you’ll choose one of you to go, to bring the number down again.” Rowan nodded at each of us in turn. “Bodey, John, you Kelly, or your baby. One of you will go. Personally, I would choose either the baby or the old man, since neither has real worth.”

John was worth so much more than Rowan was letting on, and we all knew it. John’s work in the mechanics department had been commented on by patients in the clinic, even as they tried to avoid getting to friendly with me.

But he’d said someone would go.

“Go where?” I crossed my own arms, too terrified to continue the charade that I wasn’t intimidated by him. I was scared as hell.

“Go. Not here anymore.” He spoke slowly, like I was stupid. Why wasn’t I saying anything? I knew where they went. I knew what happened. I couldn’t speak. Fear immobilized me. Where had my courage gone?

John stepped closer between Rowan and me. “We’ll all go then. We won’t be separated.”

“Oh, John.” Rowan shook his head. “That’s no longer an option. I don’t mean go from here, I mean you’re terminated. We don’t allow people to leave – can’t allow a possible usurper out there wanting our resources. Can you imagine, if that happened? I’m not going to risk a possible attack on our members because your son and daughter-in-law can’t keep it in their pants.”

Bodey stood, his broad shoulders had filled out with access to food, time to mature, and strength training exercises required of the guards. “Neither of those are options, then. What else could we do?”

Rowan gauged Bodey’s seriousness. He pushed a foot out and lifted a finger to his chin to consider my husband. “There is one other way that will allow Kelly to keep the child. She can’t stay with you, Bodey, or with John.” He ignored my gasp and continued like I wasn’t there. “She’ll have to choose Ethan and live with him. Be his wife. I’ll marry them and they can be a family – legally – right here in Freedom Pass – your child will live and so will the rest of you.”

John’s sudden laughter startled me. His smile as he shook his head threw me for a loop. “You’re using the term
legally
rather loosely, aren’t you?”

I struggled to breathe, get back into my body. “You said I was too young to be married.”

Rowan shrugged. “My son wants you and that’s enough for me. Quite frankly, I’m not sure what the big fuss is. You’re not much to look at, and now you’re pregnant with another man’s child. Actually, this might not be an option after Ethan finds out. So I’m going to give you twenty-four hours to choose. After that, I’ll decide for you.”

I shook my head, grabbing the soft under-curve of my stomach. How could I have lost a member of my family or all of us – gone from bad-but-bearable to worse in seconds?

“She doesn’t need time to think.” Bodey grasped my elbow, his fingers warm.

I sighed. Finally, someone would say something reasonable.

He pushed me forward, a slight catch in his voice. “She chooses Ethan. She can go with him.”

I sharply glanced over my shoulder at him, yanking my arm from his grasp. “Bodey, what are you doing?” I tried to capture his gaze, but he stared resolutely at Rowan, moisture in his eyes glistening as he tightened his jaw.

Spinning toward Rowan, I cried out, “I’m not due for another few months. This seems sudden. Can’t I have more time to think?”

“No. I need time to make arrangements and I don’t think three months is enough for me. If you choose a family member, I need to find replacements for their jobs or if you choose Ethan, I need to set him up with a bunker of his own until I can find that second community.” Rowan shrugged again. “I’m sure you’ll make the right choice for everyone involved.” He glanced once more at my stomach and shook his head.

But he left without another word.

After he closed the door behind him, John’s voice filled the void. “We need to get out of here. Get some help. This is tyranny at its worst.”

Worst. Worst. Worst.

I whirled on Bodey, snarling. “How dare you? How could you? Trade me to Ethan so none of us will die? I can’t do it. I would never give you to someone – anyone – but you just tried to. And not just me. But your baby, too.” I lowered my head, unable to face his betrayal. “I don’t need your help. I’ll handle this.”

He gripped my arms in his hands. “I can’t lose you. You can’t die. Living with Ethan gives us a little more time to get out of here, get you safe, get the baby safe. If I have to, I’ll trade that baby for you.” Bodey tilted my chin up so I would meet his gaze. His eyes overflowed with tenderness. “I can’t lose you. I love you too much, Kelly.”

Love? He loved me enough to see me with Ethan. “Don’t you know being with Ethan is worse than any kind of death? I don’t want to leave you, not even a little, and you’re willing to push me away? I would die for you. I would die for this baby. I would die for John.” I struggled free and poked him in the chest. “You don’t get to trade me.”

I ran to our room and slammed the door. Hopefully, he took the hint that it wasn’t his room anymore.

Worst.

Worst.

Worst.

Chapter 20

I didn’t leave the bed when Bodey knocked a little later. Ignoring his persistence, I curled around the pillow he’d slept on just minutes ago. He jiggled the handle, but I’d locked it.

He’d been willing to let Ethan have me. Ethan. Another man. And his baby. Tears flowed like hot rivers of angry shame. Had I been foolish to think he loved me like I loved him? Why would he do that? The option was off the table. It wasn’t a choice. At least, not when my emotions were involved and since I’d gotten pregnant, I’d been controlled by nothing but emotion. Well, emotion and food.

Realization set in. Maybe it had to be an option. Rowan said someone would have to die or I could choose Ethan. Would it be such a bad choice to know we were all safe at least?

I could keep my baby and know Bodey and his dad were safe. I’d probably still even see them once in a while. My chest tightened at the thought of being anywhere other than with Bodey and John. Maybe I was too selfish, but I couldn’t see myself living anywhere, thriving, doing anything else. Living with Ethan would give him access to my body. What happened when he tired of me? Which, since it was Ethan, was a guarantee.

Roughly, I wiped the tears from my temples where they ran into my hairline. I sniffed.
Pull it together.
How had a happy thing – a new child – been corrupted into a terrible thing? Who had made Rowan a god or king? How could so many people go along with his conditions?

Because he had the weapons. He had the pull because he ran things during a time when people just wanted to survive.

I wanted to survive. I wanted my child to survive. I wanted John and Bodey to survive.

I just wanted to
live
as well.

Ethan was about to get what he wanted. But was I really what he wanted? If I went with him, how much would he expect of me? I’d only had the one man.

After a couple hours of arguing all the points with myself, I rolled from bed. With only twenty-four hours to decide, I didn’t have long to belabor the point. The choice to go with Ethan would require some getting used to. John and Bodey would need as much as possible. If Rowan made me leave as soon as I decided, I didn’t have long with my husband and my father-in-law. I swallowed the pain that thought created.

Padding to the door, I opened it hesitantly, unsure what I’d find. The lights were off and afternoon sunlight lit up the front rooms. John sat at the table, his head on his crossed arms.

But Bodey wasn’t there.

I shuffled to sit across from John, pulling out the chair and lowering myself like I had the bones of a ninety-four-old woman.

He lifted his head, the skin around his eyes swollen. “Bodey went to work early.”

I nodded, relieved I didn’t have to tell Bodey right away. “Okay. I... I wanted you to know I’m going to take Rowan’s offer and go with Ethan. That’s better than the alternatives, you know?”

His expression darkened. “Kelly...”

I jumped from my seat, disjointed and upset. “I’ll be back out for dinner. I just...” I lamely lifted my hand and let it flop at my side. I shook my head. “Yeah.” I turned on the ball of my foot and darted back into my room, closing the door.

A nap might be what I needed. Bodey could’ve at least tried to fix what he said before he left. He might have tried to get in our room, but he didn’t say he was sorry or anything through the door. He could’ve at least pretended to regret what he said.

I hated that I considered it, that I was going along with it, but really? What if he was right?

Oh, well, he was going to get what he wanted. Unfortunately, we all might.

~~~

I
missed lunch, not that I really cared. I’d picked up Mom’s Bible and flipped through the pages, tracing my finger over her highlighted marks and script where she’d made notes. The hundreds and hundreds of pages, flipped one by one, took so long and engrossed me so much with the closeness of my mother. I almost missed the gentle knock on the door and John calling to me from the other side.

Lifting my head, I closed the book carefully. “Thanks, yeah, I’m coming.” I touched the front of the book, trailing my finger over the embossed title, the indented text bumpy and smooth under my skin.

I hadn’t changed my clothes and I needed a shower, but my stomach growled. I’d eat with John first and then I’d have my last shower in our bunker. That night would be my last night with them. I had to make sure John and Bodey understood how much I cared. How much being away from them was going to tear me apart on a mental and emotional level. I could already feel the edges of my sanity shriveling.

Tears threatened so I shook my head and pasted a smile to my lips. Fake it. If I faked it long enough, maybe I could convince myself I was happy with my decision, that it was the best thing we could do for our family in the long run.

When I opened the door, a gust of air wrapped around me, bringing with it the rich aroma of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and fresh biscuits. A memory of my first night in the compound mingled with the saliva flooding my mouth. One thing they knew how to do in the kitchens was cook.

Suddenly ravenous, I claimed my seat at the formally set table.

John poured a glass of water for me and for himself. He’d served our rations, giving our plates as much presentation as he could with such a country meal. Gravy escaped the mountainous potatoes in brown rivulets to pool at the base of the white clouds.

“This looks good. Thank you.” I waited until he returned to his seat. Once he scooted in, I lifted my fork and claimed a large bite of the steaming potatoes. Oh, wow. I hadn’t realized how hungry I’d been. I ignored the topic we needed to discuss. I didn’t want to. He didn’t need to convince me one way or the other.

But the bliss of the food could cover up my fears, my sadness, my loneliness, if only for a moment. Thank goodness, they gave rations or I would be in the middle of the potato pan licking the dish clean.

John pushed his salad around, lifting his gaze to mine after a moment. “I’d like you to know your decision is
not
an option. You’re not going with Ethan, so you can just stop with that, right now.”

“Look, John, I don’t mind. It isn’t ideal, but at least we all stay together – I mean alive.” That was the most important thing – surviving. We wouldn’t be together, but we would be alive. I refused to acknowledge verbally that I’d rather be dead than have Ethan touch me, but I had a baby to think about. I had a family to think about.

Being raped by Ethan would have to be the lesser of the evils.

John put his fork down by his plate and narrowed his eyes. “It isn’t an option. So
stop
.”

I dropped my gaze to my plate, partially relieved he wouldn’t let me go with Ethan. At least John wanted me around. Bodey didn’t. Even that though, I couldn’t stay mad at. I would do the same thing. I would sacrifice anything to have Bodey kept alive. Which was what Rowan wanted me to do. He wanted me to pick someone to die – any of us.

What about me? I could be the one to go.

I shoved another bite into my mouth, less enthusiastic since I had to make my mind up about who was going to die when the baby was born. The whole thing wasn’t fair. There was room in the community. How could we only have two-hundred people in that large compound? We had room for at least three more people in our bunker alone. Some bunkers only housed one person but all were the same size with three bedrooms.

I swallowed, poking the air with my fork. “Will Bodey be back early since he went in before he was supposed to? We need to decide... we don’t have a long time, you know? I need to tell Rowan what I’m... what we’re going to do.” I couldn’t even talk right. My emotions tripped me up and tangled in my tongue.

John considered me, the stubble on his face shadowing the serious tension in his jaw and the slack in his cheeks. “What do you think Bodey would do? What do you think he would
want
? What he said was a desperate move, just like your decision to go with Ethan was. He doesn’t want you with anyone but him. All he can think about is saving you and your baby. What do you really think he would do, if going with Ethan wasn’t an option?” John leaned back in his chair, playing with the handle of the fork and searching my face.

I pushed my plate away, the food no longer appealing. “He would volunteer to be the one... to...” I couldn’t say die. I didn’t want to say it because the thought of Bodey dying might undo my mental barriers.

John crossed his arms over his chest and nodded slowly. “I can’t allow that.”