Exploits (24 page)

Fuck. Don't cry, Stefanie. No! Not now. Shit.

My shoulders start shaking and a voice drops honey tones into my ear, "I love you, babes. I'm sorry I hurt you."

He starts caressing my back and I believe him. I need a new brain, because he's convinced me. He did know the risk. And it's blatant that he knows me and my reactions better than I do. He knew I'd bolt and reject him. But he told the truth anyway. I don't really have a reason to doubt him, do I? Is this the new leaf we needed?

The sheer anxiety that he might never see me again was a catalyst for the truth? Can we really have the dream? I know he's a magician. He conjures up things in me very few have been able to achieve. In a room full of
men, I'd choose Gary over all others. 

I'll never have Marty, and Gary did come first. Marty was perfect. We never had a disagreement or an altercation. But Gary is worth fighting for. I'll be
damned if that bitch gets my man. She knows I love him. She's always known. And she just thrives on dropping her acid into perfection to watch what happens. Me walking away is exactly what she'd want. No. I'm staying.

I nod.

Finally, he lets me go and examines my face streaked with emotional pain. He kisses me so tenderly that it almost undoes my feeble self control.

"I'll make you coffee. Let's catch up. What
have you been up to?"

And just like that, he changes gears, makes me feel normal, attractive, special, interesting.

… Pause …

… Play ...

Three hours later as I'm sitting on the floor next to a black leather couc
h
,
(
yes the floor is more comfortable)
,
he starts to interrogate me about the real issue.

"Did you have sex with anyone?"

I nod. His eyes turn into icicles and he unleashes the demon.

"Who is he?"

"No one you know."

"But ... Shit, Stefanie. I didn't think you'd be like that. I thought you'd wait."

Why are you such an egotistical asshole, anyway?

With a voice saturated in scorn, "What? Gary,
fuck
you. You dumped me for another woman and you expected me to wait for you? You gave me no reason to hope for that. I moved on. Yes, I did have sex. You aren't the only person to get away with having a body and using it."

He's charged. I can sense the tension.

"How many men did you fuck?"

My eyebrows arch. I don't know why but I'm scared the truth will send him away from me back to megaslut. So I lie, "One."

"The moron Graham and Cindy saw you with?"

I nod uncomfortably. Mercury is settling in my stomach and it's getting heavier.

He bolts out of his chair and stalks to the window, "Jesus, Stefanie! I never thought you'd screw an Arab!"

He swivels and glares at me, "I don't think we can do this."

You racist prick! I never asked him what ethnic group he got his colouring from. It didn't matter to me!

I nod, feeling tears threatening again. I'm better off without him anyway. I don't respond and stand swiftly, making a hasty escape.

"Wait!"

I pause, with my hand on the door handle.

"I'll get over it. I need you more."

I slowly turn and examine his face with my cautious gaze.

"You promise it was only one. You're not lying to me are you?"

Yes, I am. And I know you can sniff it out with your supernatural super-sense, but there's no way I'm changing my story now.

"Promise"

Burn in hell, liar, the flames want you.

He nods, "Stefanie, I love you."

I'm stunned. This is already an emotional roller-coaster ride.

He nudges his head, "Come here."

Cellular memory kicks in and my legs respond to his command before my mind has a chance to challenge my emotions.

Lips trail down my neck, "Now I have to have you. You're mine."

Yep, you have to mark your territory with your scent. I don't care. When you do it, I am transformed.

... and like a lamb to the slaughter, I let him strip me of my dignity and clothing. Again ...

…
Pause …

…
Play ...

The next day at approximately three in the afternoon, his phone rings. We've just fallen back into step with each other. We are both comfortable and ‘home’ with one another. I don't feel like a stranger in this place and answer the phone without compunction, "Hello?"

A throaty, gushy voice, exhales into my ear, "Hello, is Gary there?"

Office Stefanie kicks into gear, "Yes he is, who shall I say is calling?"

"Lesley."

My heart splinters into needle-like daggers, piercing my body in every direction. It's not too late to leave.

"One moment, and I'll get him."

But he panicked when he heard the phone ring and ran like Kali was after his skull for her belt. He's standing here looking more nervous than I've ever seen him. Ever.

I hand the phone to him, "It's for you."             

His expression is transparent. I just caught the Master of Lies lying to me. Red handed asshole!

The phone, you see, is still right next to the door. My bag is on the table right next to the door. I pick up my bag, throw open the door in a flounce, and stalk away from him, forever.

Chapter 31

Forever and a Night

Okay, so forever lasted a whole fifteen steps at a brisk pace. My heart is pounding so fervently with outrage, that it hurts. It feels as though it's doubled in size. Since when did I give my heart to McDonald's to supersize it anyway? Maybe a supersized heart would help me. Get more blood flowing to my brain and injecting the dormant brain cells with much needed oxygen to see the big picture and WAKE UP.

A hand grips my arm and spins me around. The fright completely shuts out sound as blood pounds past ear membranes. Good lord, he's pale. He looks panicked.

Suck it up, asshole.

His voice filters in, gaining in volume, as my heart decides to abruptly deflate back to caged size.

"I promise that was a sheer coincidence!"

"Hmmm mmm." I purse my lips in total disbelief. They say there's a thin line between love and hate and it's true. I waver between the two constantly with Gary.

"
Please,
Stefanie."

Oh look, it sounds like he's begging. Wow. Gary pleading with me for a change? Not some doe-eyed baby girl. Oh shame, he's getting all choked up. Bet he never thought I'd have the strength, or self-esteem, to choose to walk away the minute he slips up.

Who's desperate now, dipshit? Looks like it's you for a change. After all the times I stood in those shoes, I feel sorry for you. Mistake number one for me.

"You
have
to believe me. I told her to go to hell and hung up. I'm doomed! I swear I haven't heard from her in months. It was just really bad timing."

Tears begin. Sigh.

"
Please, Stefanie
, don't go." All choked up and heart wrenching.

It's strange the way I'm feeling so detached to this right now. As if I'm a voyeur on my own life. Disjointed. Victims of trauma do that don't they? When they can't handle any more emotional pain, they disengage in order to cope. Is that what I'm doing?

He tugs my hand, "Come back. You have to finish your coffee. You can't just leave. God Stefanie, I'm
fucking
cursed."

And so, like the imbecile that I am, I let him lead me back into his lair. Unresisting. I have a soft spot for him. I believe every lie he tells me. I'm positive I believe him because he's telling the truth. But a huge part of me is always on guard, never completely fooled.

Not any longer. Although the sheer transparency of his emotional duress is going a long way to convincing me that he really loves me and doesn't want to lose me.

"What did she want?"

"She just called to see how I was doing. And to find out about you."

Yeah right!
"Is that so."

He reaches with trembling fingers for his smokes, lighting one before staring at me with more tears highlighting his incredible eyes, "I told her when I made the mistake that I wanted to get you back. Of all the times to call me, she chose now, to find out if I managed to get it right."

"I'm sure she really cares about that. She's just checking to see if you're still available." Just call me Sarcastic Stefanie.

He turns from me and walks away, staring fixedly out of the window. I don't know why I'm being so cold when he's so distraught.

Eventually he turns to face me. I'm sitting down again, nonchalantly finishing my coffee, pondering whether I'm strong enough to handle the Gary ride again. He looks broken.
Oh no.
My heart aches just looking at his expression.

There's something about him being vulnerable and needy that just sucks me right in.

… Pause ...

… Play …

I fell for it. I had to move back in with him because my lease had ended on my place. I no longer had an income, but was led to believe that it wouldn't take longer than two months for him to sell his home, give notice at work, and we'd be off on a huge adventure together.

To be honest, I was excited. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be anticipating travelling the world with Gary. I was more than happy to do nothing while I waited those two months.

But I was no longer stay-at-home Stefanie. I couldn't be. I had friends. And this time I wasn't going to lose them. So imagine his surprise when the moment of truth came calling.

"Is it okay if I go out with the lads tonight?"

I'm impressed he considers asking me still. "What are you up to?"

"Just off to shoot some pool."

I nod and grin, "That's fine."

His face illuminates with an effervescent smile. I smile back and pry discreetly, "What time? Are you having dinner here?"

"Seven. Nah, I think we'll just grab something there."

Mental happy dance! It's Thursday night! Ladies night! I am
so
going out now.

"Great. I'll phone Selene and go out with
them tonight."

Oh look, he's grumpy. Mr dissolve-your-pants-with-my-smile looks decidedly grumpy.

"What for?"

What the hell is that supposed to mean? I have fun with the girls.
There is no way I'm staying home while
you
go out! The fire ignites in my eyes and I'm so ready to take a stand.

"Gary, I'm not sitting at home twiddling my thumbs while you go out!"

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know yet! I haven't called her."

He glares, "I don't like this."

Too fucking bad.
I glare straight back, "If you don't want me to go, then
you
can't go."

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Gary hasn’t heard the word ‘can't’ from me, ever. This is a whole new educational experience for him. I want to smirk so badly as I watch his internal struggle.

After interminable silence, making me wonder how he's going to react, finally he exhales
"Fine. But I want to know where you're going, and who with."

I nod and grin, "Fine." I stretch my legs and strut to the phone. Making a point. Dialling Selene.

… Pause …

…
Play …

I am dressed in my tight black jeans and a loose shirt. I'm wearing my Doc's, my hair is down, I have just enough make-up on to accentuate what I
have that works. Pure Poison by Dior, and a smile hot enough to smelt titanium, I’m good to go.

I skip down the stairs with my bag and get into Michelle's car which is already packed with girls from work. I smile at Selene, Michelle, Julie, Lindsay and Terry.

"Hi!"

Selene smirks wickedly, "I never thought I'd see this day."

I wink back, "Me neither!"

Michelle interrogates, "So are we getting drunk tonight?"

The interior of the vehicle explodes with a chorus of ‘Yes!’ We smell like a bouquet of flowers. We all look stunning. I am delighted that at last I am in a normal relationship, with normal boundaries.

The first thing that happens once you are in the door, is the free drink. Which we down. It's our
ritual. We then take turns buying rounds of drinks in quick succession. Within an hour my head is foggy. My ears are deafening and shutting down from the insane base pumping at us.