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We stood facing one another for several awkward moments. “I don’t want you to think that…that…I’m here for any reason besides…besides you getting some sleep.”

“I know,” I said. “I trust you.”

“Then just go to bed. I’ll be right here. On the couch.”

I forced myself to take a step back, too far to feel him. Walking away was easier after that. I paused outside my bedroom door to say goodnight, and even from a distance my breath caught at the sight of him standing in my home.

Once in bed, I tossed and turned fitfully. One minute I could see the image of Everett, feel him pressing down on top of me, sense his anger, hear Geery’s screams. The next I was thinking about Jesse, so near, but too far away. It was sweet of him to stay, but he had no way of knowing the real secret to his comfort was in his nearness. I punched my pillow, tossed it aside, pulled it back, stuffed it under my head, tossed off my blankets, pulled back the sheet. Everything was so soft in this blasted room. So textured. With so much visual stimulation.

But it wasn’t the bed or the room keeping me awake.

Eventually, I grabbed my pillow, wrapped myself in a blanket, and shuffled into the living room. Resting peacefully, Jesse seemed like a being too perfect for any world. I stood as close to him as I dared, close enough to sense him. Even in his sleep I could feel it—his affection for me, as if I were part of his dream world. I listened to his steady breathing for a long, reverent moment.

Then with a sigh I dropped onto the floor next to him. I must have fallen asleep instantly, because my next moment of awareness was when I woke with a start. Alone and intolerably empty.

 CHAPTER THIRTEEN

A small piece of paper was on the table—the ripped corner of a paper towel. Jesse probably had a hard time finding paper in the house—one thing for which neither I nor my mom had much use. A number was written on it, a phone number probably. And the letter J.

I snatched it and curled up on the couch, my face pressed into the cushions. I fingered the note, lifting my head from time to time to gaze at it, and run my finger over the writing. I wondered where he’d found a writing instrument. His car, maybe. If it weren’t for that simple evidence—and his lingering, distinctive aroma—I might have thought I’d dreamed the whole thing.

At some point I remembered my phone and went to my bedroom to retrieve it. Not that I expected him to call. I didn’t think he even had my number. But I hadn’t expected him at the party either. The screen had a picture of an envelope that I’d never seen before. I pushed some random buttons and eventually learned I had nine messages. Several button pushes later I figured out they were all from Lacey. There were three text messages in a row:

>>where are you? what’s going on?

>>text me!

>>call me!!!!!

The fourth message was voice mail. Agitated, I continued pushing buttons until Lacey’s voice finally came through, almost drowned out by excited chatter in the background. “Hey Mira! Why aren’t you answering? Everett says Jesse showed up at the party and freaked out. Are you safe? Call me!”

I groaned. Went back to the couch and laboriously entered the words
I’m fine
. I was still working on it when Geery’s voice came into my head.

I pushed send, then stood quickly and moved to the next room, feeling irrational guilt for being caught on the couch where Jesse had slept.

I rubbed my eyes, not used to the concept of lying to Geery.

I stepped through the back door, near the pool.

I sat on the edge of a lounge chair. Geery was never serious like this.

I wrapped my arms around my knees.

She asked impatiently.

I insisted. But I knew better. There was
something.
And no matter what it was, my future linkmate wouldn’t possibly understand.

When Geery spoke again, it was in a deep exaggerated voice.

I smiled to myself.

She chuckled.

I lingered on the lounge chair and watched the rising sun reflect orange on the surface of the pool, considering what Geery had said. I wanted to just disregard it all.

If only she weren’t so right.

Somewhere on Nreim was a perfect, three-hundred-point-match linkmate preparing himself just for me. As hard as that was to fathom, I had to remember him. And to prepare myself for him. Just like I’d been taught since I was too young to understand.

It occurred to me that this must be the real reason human males were so off-limits. They weren’t bound by their genetics to wait until full maturation to fall in love.

Which made perfect sense. It explained why sending teenagers was such a big deal. And why there were so many rules designed to keep me isolated. Even why they’d chosen the least appealing candidate—to better the odds that no one would be attracted to me.

But it didn’t matter. The problem would be solved by Sunday evening when Mom came home. She’d know instantly that something was wrong. If I weren’t sent home for going to the party, I certainly would be for allowing Jesse to spend the night.

And that was fine with me. I rose and stepped into the house, which was unnaturally dark and gloomy after being in the sunshine. My parents would be disappointed. But they’d get over it. Some day I’d forget the way Jesse made me feel. Maybe this love of Jesse’s was nothing compared to that of my linkmate.

I remembered the feeling from last night and shivered. I couldn’t imagine anything better.

But most importantly, Jesse would be able to use his big heart to fall in love with someone else. Someone with the freedom to love him back. I returned to his former spot on the couch, buried my head into the cushion, and awaited Mom’s return.

Otherwise known as the end of the world.

 CHAPTER FOURTEEN

I remained on the couch almost the entire weekend—only arising to attend to pesky human needs, made worse now that I wasn’t on my cube diet. Sometime Sunday evening—or maybe it was Monday morning—Mom nudged me and told me to go to bed. I arose, too delirious from hunger and thirst to think about arguing.

I awoke with a start the next morning at the sound of Mom moving about the house. I held my breath. If Mom had sensed anything last night she could have just thought I was having an emotional dream. Mom opened the door a crack. I closed my eyes and held still. I remembered the bruise on my neck, but didn’t dare make the movements necessary to cover it. A message came by stream. I ignored it, as though I were sleeping. My eyelids fluttered nervously.

The door closed quietly.

I exhaled and opened the waiting message:

I didn’t know what to think. Or what to do. I could just stream Mom and confess everything. But why get myself into trouble if I didn’t have to?

I was still dazed when I found myself at the doorway of my first period class, face to face with Everett. The world hadn’t ended. And I wasn’t sure why. Everett smiled and bowed gallantly, his abhorrence for me as strong as ever. My hand went to my neck, to cover the aching bruise. I had a new appreciation for cell regenerators. I had no idea pain could last this long.

“Thanks for coming to my party,” he said.

I swallowed and dashed past him into the room. I wished he could feel that my revulsion was as strong as his. He followed seconds later with one arm around Lacey and another around Dionne. Lacey eventually sat in the desk in front of me. Dionne and Everett selected seats in the row next to us. I leaned forward—my gaze on Everett—to whisper in Lacey’s ear. “Lacey, please be careful. He’s dangerous.”

Lacey didn’t even turn around. Seconds later, my phone vibrated. I tried to keep my head up while glancing at it. >>He told me all about the party. He even said you’d say that.

I stared at the back of Lacey’s head for a long moment, then put my head on my desk and tried to ignore all of them. The sound of Everett’s easy deep laughter—followed by girls giggling—was enough to make me wish I could scream. I didn’t even pay attention to Dr. Tom—my reason for being there.

I dragged my feet to my next class. There was only one person at the school I wanted to see. And common sense told me to stay away. The less involved I got with Jesse the better it would be for both of us. I should have just stayed home and waited for Mom.

 “Hey wait up!” Lacey called from behind. I pretended not to hear. “Mira!” It was Lacey’s voice, but to my surprise Everett’s arm came around my shoulder. Lacey was on his other side. I planted my feet and stooped over, so his arm passed over my head.

“Oh come on, just come with us.” Everett stretched his free arm towards me.

“No, really.” I took another wide step to the side to avoid Everett. As I did, I stepped into an invisible aromatic cloud I’d spent the weekend dreaming about. An instant later I collided with Jesse. Lacey giggled as she and Everett continued on their way.

“There you are.” Jesse linked his arm through mine and pulled me off the walkway. Then dropped his arms, embarrassed by what I assumed was his boldness. “How are you?”

I took a deep breath—and almost staggered at the intensity of it. Even stronger than I remembered. “I’m good,” I said.
Now
. I kept my gaze down, staring at his shoes once again. I’d never pull myself away if I looked into his eyes.

“I…I didn’t like leaving you alone,” he said. “But I didn’t know…I wasn’t sure…if I should…”

The bell rang. He sighed and shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

“It’s okay,” I said, glancing at the closing door. “It was really nice of you to stay with me.” I shifted my own feet and fidgeted with my hands in my pockets until the second bell rang. “We should go,” I whispered. I turned away and braced myself. Then stepped outside of the sweet-smelling cloud.

“If you want to report him,” Jesse said. “I’d support you.”

I stopped walking, confused.

“I’d tell the police what I saw.”

My stomach dropped at the word
police
. “No,” I said without turning around. He’d mentioned it at my house. But I’d been too consumed with him to notice.

“He shouldn’t be able to get away with what he did.”

I shook my head. “No.”

He stepped close again. Touched my fingers with his own. An electric shock raced up my arm. I kept my breath shallow. Tried not to lean back, closer to him.

“If he won’t leave you alone,” he said. “I…I…might have to hurt him.”

The sound of chords drifted out from the music room. Mr. Chavez was taking roll in his booming voice. I heard Everett’s name. Then Jesse’s. “No police,” I said firmly. I pulled my hand away and started to the classroom. Then called over my shoulder, smiling: “But I really don’t care if you hurt him.”

His returned smile told me he knew I was kidding. And sent a thrill up my spine.

The rest of the day was spent in an even greater state of awareness of Jesse’s presence than the week before. He appeared in places I didn’t usually see him. Heading to class when I went to lunch. Near his locker on my way to math. He was all I could think about in art history—sitting two rows over and one desk back. It was an effort to keep my gaze trained forward on Dr. Alison.

I knew that if I had any sense I’d just go home and skip work—now that the barrier that had kept Jesse at a safe five-foot distance was down. But I was compelled to stay. Like an insect is drawn to the light that could kill it.

Geery sent a stream while I vacuumed, at what had become our usual time—right before Geery went to bed. I was met with a reggae tune that I’d recognize anywhere. I streamed. <‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy.’>

  Geery complained.

I chuckled, even though I didn’t feel like it.

I picked up a large garbage bag and hoisted it over my shoulder, trying to come up with a witty and sarcastic reply.

Geery asked when I didn’t respond in time.

I dropped the bag outside the door.

I flipped on my vacuum.

Geery replied.

I gulped and tried to soften my tone.

Jesse walked past the room I was in and glanced inside. I shivered. And realized just how ludicrous those words were. I wasn’t fine at all.

Jesse was waiting when I took my trash to the bin. I approached with a large trash bag in each hand and the nerves in my stomach doing a wild dance.