Extraordinary Losers 1 (3 page)

CHAPTER 3: THE FRUIT PARADE

Now class, it's time you practise percentage problem sums,” Miss Jacobs announced. “Copy these questions on the board for homework. Remember, draw your models as neatly as possible.”

“Yes, Miss Jacobs,” I was the only one who responded. She was the sweetest teacher ever. The only one who didn't pinch us or yell at us unnecessarily.

“Loser,” Leonard murmured. I could hear every word my classmates were saying. In fact, I could even hear them fart. I knew who the farts-a-lot rep in class was. I could hear Clandestino sniff 10 tables away and the scritch scratch of his nails against his skin. I could hear the “poof” when Janice accidentally sat on her hidden donut and deflated it!

Miss Jacobs looked around. “Who wants to help me give out the exercise books?”

“Me! Me!” Janice jumped up and down.

“Let's try Clandestino,” Miss Jacobs said. “He has never had the chance.”

“What kind of a name is that? Clandestino Chang,” Leonard taunted. “So dumb!”

Clandestino rose from his chair. He slammed his pen on the desk and glared at Leonard. He was the skinniest boy, so no one was really afraid of him. The tall heap of exercise books was retrieved from the table. Clandestino looked at Leonard. He glowered at him, revenge in his eyes. Like a pair of chopsticks, his fingers picked up an exercise book in the pile. Then, bending his knees, he breathed deeply. (He looked like a frog that was about to leap.) Suddenly, he flicked his wrist swiftly towards Leonard.

Before we even realised that the book was headed towards Leonard, there was a loud “YOOOOOOWWWWLLLL!”

Leonard squirmed in agony.

“What happened, Leonard?” Miss Jacobs asked. “Did you get your book back?”

“Ye… yes, Miss Jacobs. Ouch!” He rubbed his fingers. “Paper cut! Silly Cland…”

“Then be quiet!” she said. “Don't make a big deal of a paper cut.”

There was indeed a cut on his index finger. Blood was oozing out onto his exercise book that was already on the table, facing him.

Clandestino smiled. The class was stunned. Mundi Sakdipa's eyes were bigger than they had ever been. Janice's jaw dropped. What just happened? How on earth did he do that? I wondered.

Leonard licked the blood from his fingers. “One day, Clandestino, one day!” he muttered.

Of course no one heard him. Except me. Clandestino continued, tossing the books across the classroom like Frisbees. We took more pride in catching those Frisbees than actually solving problem sums. Keeping an eye on my oncoming book, I caught mine like a pro.

“Good job, Darryl,” Janice said, noticing.

“Heh, thanks,” I said, feeling a little awkward that the drama queen was striking up a conversation with me. No one else sustained paper cuts that morning.

I looked at my Math exercise book. One of the pages was folded, sticking out like a paper aeroplane. Hopefully, not another “SEE ME!!” emblazoned in red again.

When I flipped to that page, a strange note greeted me. It was typed on a yellow stick-on.

“Odd,” I muttered. “Very odd.”

Janice leaned over. “What is?”

“Oh… nothing.”

“You sure? Here, you can have my book, I have already copied out all the sums on the board.”

“How can that be? Miss Jacobs just finished!”

“Yeah, well,” Janice said.

“No thanks, Janice, I'll pass. Thanks.”

The yellow note read:

What? Who typed that? I looked up at Miss Jacobs, but she was not looking in my direction. I studied the note carefully, but it was hard to figure out who it had come from. The yellow stick-on had a little image of an apple on it. All my classmates weren't intrigued by their exercise books. Only me. Meet where? What in the world?? What secret meeting was this?

A cryptic message! “Telling no one” was difficult. Maybe someone wanted to interview me for position of head prefect. See if I could tie a tie perfectly or something?

“Okay, now that everyone has received their books, let's move on,” Miss Jacobs said. Then, she started droning, “If there are 160 buttons in a drawer, and 70 per cent of them are white and 30 per cent are black…”

She started drawing models on the board.

“What a racist statement!” Justin cried. “More whites than blacks!”

The class guffawed heartily. Miss Jacobs couldn't restrain her laughter either. Just then, Justin raised his hand. “Erm, Teacher, I think I smell urine!”

“Really? Where?”

“There!” Leonard pointed to Mundi. Mundi was trembling from the looks of 40 disgusted faces.

True enough, his legs were wet and glimmering with… eeewwwwww. Class 5B laughed out so loudly that my eardrums ached.

Miss Jacobs gave Mundi a look of sympathy and walked towards him. “Are you okay? Go and wash up in the toilet.”

Mundi stood up.

“Erm… Miss Jacobs, I think he needed to go to the loo, but he didn't dare to ask,” Clandestino defended him. Mundi was still silent. He bolted off to the toilet, a wet patch on his butt.

“Stop laughing, 5B!” Miss Jacobs hollered. “He is too shy to speak up! You should be helping him, like Clandestino, and not mocking him.”

Justin whispered, “Yeah, help him by giving him my baby sister's diapers!”

“Haha, what a wimp!” Leonard concurred. Leonard and Justin were the “gang leaders” of the class. If they laughed, everyone laughed. Except for those of us who had brains.

Five minutes passed and Miss Jacobs was still harping on her button story. Mundi returned to his wet seat. “The buttons move here, and some buttons move there… and you minus this and divide that…” I felt tired for the buttons. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Janice hand Mundi a pack of tissues and a disinfecting wipe.

“Are those baby wipes? For babies?” Leonard asked. I could hear some girls giggling.

Mundi accepted them and hastily wiped down his chair. Before he could settle on his wet seat, there was a resounding “BRRRRRRRIIIIINNG!” It was dismissal time. Phew! Saved by the bell! I dog-eared the special page and stuffed my Math book into the secret compartment of my bag (the same compartment I hoard French fries in).

When I reached home, Sophia was already logged on to her Facebook account. I sneaked up behind her.

She was posting and labelling her baby teeth pictures on Facebook. What an attention seeker!

“A watermelon?” I remarked. Sophia was chatting with someone who had a watermelon as a profile picture.

“Who is Watermelon?” Aunty Maryanne heard me.

“Darryl! Stop it,” Sophia whined. “Stop being a busybody!”

“You'd better be careful… Watermelon… that's crazy,” Aunty Maryanne added.

“I know what I am doing,” Sophia said. “He's too shy to show me his real picture.”

I thought it was very odd. Who would call himself Watermelon? Perhaps Watermelon was a fruit activist? Recently, changes were made in school. Fruit juice, barley and lemonade are the only drinks sold at our canteen now. Soft drinks are officially banned in school canteens. All other drinks that make your tummy ache, rot your teeth, or make you hyperactive and fart are banned… although fruit juice kind of makes my tummy ache and makes me fart too.