Fade In (17 page)

With the pads of his longest fingers, he touches under my chin to lift my eyes to his. “Better?”

I can only nod my head. This is an official swoon. I'm not sure if it's the mild concussion I might have given myself or the tidal wave of emotions dizzying me.

Ben gets into the driver's seat after stowing the Jeep's soft top. We set forward and he hands me the player again. “Just hit play,” he instructs. I hit the center button and let song after song soothe my confused mind.

As we drive, I see more and more primitive-looking buildings and vehicles. We pass a real-life horse and buggy at one point because the traffic was forming a long line behind us.

Finally, he turns us down a long lane that hosts trees on both sides. It is a beautiful sight. Straight in front of us and going on for at least a half-mile, the trees are in bloom, and I can smell the sweet blossoms with every deep breath.

“Where are we? Is this it? It's so pretty, Ben.” I look back and forth from him to the way and back again.

“We're almost there. Just around this corner.” Ben alternates between watching me and the road. He sighs, “There's that smile.” Ben puts his hand on my leg and runs his thumb back and forth as we round the last curve into a parking lot.

He's so affectionate, and I'm not used to this. Any of this. I might go into shock.

We walk up to a white building with a long wraparound porch covered in rocking chairs. I read the signs and realize where we’re at.

“Welcome to No Diamond Cave,” a round little man says from around the counter. “What can I do for you two today?” He smiles, lifting his arms like he'd gladly give us the whole wide world.

“We'd like to see the cave,” Ben answers. “Is it open?”

“Well, the cave is actually without power right now. I have a service man around to fix it, but he had to run to town to get some things. If you'd like to wait a bit, I'm sure he'll sort it out.”

Ben looks to me to see what I think, and I shrug a noncommittal whatever. Ben tells him that we're fine waiting and asks if there's still a little restaurant.

After being pointed in the right direction, we are seated in a tiny little diner near a window that overlooks a beautiful valley.

“It's so pretty here. Thanks for bringing me.”

“I'm glad you like it. I think you'll like the cave too. I came here as a kid once, and for some reason it just sounded like a good drive.”

“Well, Mr. Harris, this date”—I drag out the word so he knows that I know what we're doing—”is very original. No one has ever taken me out of the city on a date. I like it.”

Pleased because I am, Ben leans towards me in the seat and whispers, “I prefer Benny to Mr. Harris.”

“Really? I'll make note of that. So you were little when you came here, huh? Is it the same?”

“I think so. I was only about five or six when my Moo...grandma and grandpa brought me.” He catches himself, but not soon enough.

“Again, Moo-Moo? I like her already. Tell me where is this Moo-Moo you speak so fondly of?” Instantly, I'm praying that she's still alive. I shouldn't have been such a dope. It's very likely that grandparents of grandchildren our age aren't still above dirt.

“She lives in a retirement home north of the city. She loves it there. She's pretty happy I think. I try to visit when I can.”

“That's nice. Do your parents visit her, too?”

“They do. It's just not as easy for them. Sometimes we go together.” It probably would be hard seeing your mother getting older and having to think about a loved one's mortality.

“It sounds like you spent a lot of time with her when you were growing up. She must be great.” My mouth stops just before I say something that I need to keep to myself. Something exactly like,
I'd love to meet her sometime.

“I did. My grandparents were always very close by when I was little.” The tension in his face leaves almost completely when he's speaking about his Moo-Moo. It's irresistible.

“Do you have brothers or sisters?”

“A brother. Eight years older. I guess they knew they could do better,” he kids.

He's so different today. Forthright and open. I really like this side of Ben Harris.

After his last comment, he pretends to be arrogant as he stretches his arms up and grandly lands them on the top of the booth seat on either side of his body. Spread out like that, he looks huge. I take my time cataloging every minute detail. The definition of his pecks and the spattering of reddish-blond hair that's peeking out from his jeans. The long ridge that symmetrically runs along the bicep on each arm. It's the perfect time of day, and the light through the window makes his skin glow. It's quite the sight.

One I hope to never forget.

We order sandwiches and fries. We’re in no hurry or rush. He's thoughtful and asks me about everything. It isn't so much the things he wants to know that grab my attention. It's more the way he listens.

I really think he likes me.

“I hope we get to go inside the cave. I've never been in one before,” I admit. This is mostly true. Honestly, if anyone would have suggested I go to a cave before, I would have thanked them to fuck off. I'm nearly blind. A cave isn't really the safest place for me. But being with Ben makes it seem different. It doesn't seem so daunting. It feels like an adventure. I'm not that scared.

“We will. If they don't get the power on, I'll see if we can take some lanterns in. I kind of hope that the power says off.” Ben's face beams with excitement.

I look at him like he's insane. “Are you sure that's safe? I mean, if the lanterns went out, we'd be in complete darkness. We should wait.” Okay, now I'm a little apprehensive.

“Don't you trust me? I'm a guy. My sense of direction is unparalleled. You'll be safe. Promise.” I know he's already decided that were going in, so there isn't any use in protesting.

“I trust you. I think.” I try to smile, but I'm certain it looks more like I'm going number two.

“I'm going to go see how it's going with the power and see if we can go in anyway. I'll be right back.” Slapping the table top, Ben gets up in search of the jolly round man.

I hit the ladies’ room before we trek into the cave in the dark. It'd be a shame to piss my pants on a first date.

Ben somehow convinces the guy to let us go in. We sign a waiver releasing him from liability or whatever. That was a big flag for me, but Ben just rubbed his hands together like a mad man, laughing at my nervousness.

Before I know it, we're walking into a dark cave with only a lantern to light the way. Immediately, I feel a little apprehensive. The temperature is drastically cooler than outside no more than a few feet from the entrance. It’s quiet and still, and it smells earthy.

I follow behind him as he walks us into the main entrance, and he stops before the path turns to stairs for a rapid descent into God only knows what.

“Are there bats in here, Ben?” I should have worn a turtle neck. Something about knowing that they could be lurking around in the shadows gives me the creeps.

“I'm sure there are, but I don't think they'll bother us. We're too big. They can see us.” I can only see a little ways head of him where the light from the lantern washes the ground. “Tatum, are you honestly scared?”

“I don't know. It's just really dark now that we're in here. I don't know if I want to go without the power on.” I can feel my heart beginning to race and my senses go on high alert.

“What are you feeling?” He never bullshits.

“Nervous, I guess.”

“What is making you nervous? Is it the bats?”

“I don't know. I think it's because I can't see where I'm going.”

“Neither can I. Here, hold my hand. We're on equal footing in here. I can't see much either.” His protective hand is a small comfort, and my fingers lace with his as he pulls me a little closer.

When he sets the lantern down at our feet, our bodies make a shadow on the cave's wall behind him. It looks romantic—a man and a woman holding hands and looking at each other. Ben's other hand frames my face.

“It's dark in here, but nothing in here will hurt us. We just have to relax and use our senses. Our bodies are made to make up for what we can't see. What can you hear?”

This is a lesson. I'm so stupid. He doesn't like me—he wants to train me. What a foolish girl I am.

My carefree mood is soured. I say, being short with him, “I hear water.” Then I think,
To hell with that. I'll tell him what I think about it.
“I thought this was a date. I'm not that scared anymore. Let's just get this over with.”

I make to pick up the lantern. He can hear the annoyance that I didn't really try to hide. And I feel his hand squeeze mine.

“Don't do that. This is a date, but it's also a chance for you to open your eyes, too.”

“Is that supposed to be funny? You take an almost blind girl to a dark cave on a date? What the fuck, Ben? I thought it was just an adventure, but you just made this fun, spontaneous trip feel clinical. You made it about my sight, not about me. It feels like therapy. Is that what are you trying to do?”

“No. That's not what this is. You're being defensive.” His voice isn't patronizing, but he speaks calmly even though I'm almost shouting at him.

“That's awfully easy for you to say. I'm the one being schooled here, right? I'm the one who needs to open her eyes, right? This was a use-your-senses field trip, right? I think I'm going to go wait in the Jeep.”

My hand tries to rid itself of his, but he won't let go.

“Dammit. Stop.” He shakes our linked hands.

“This was a mistake. You work for me.”

“I said stop it, Tatum!” The authority in his voice demands my attention. His volume echoes off the walls.

My ears are so tuned in. With the shock of his shout, it feels like they've opened and now I hear his breathing, too.

Ben takes a long inhale and exhales slowly, calming his approach. “I wanted this to be fun. The power is out. So yeah, that changed the game a bit. But don't assume that I didn't want this to be a date. I didn't have ulterior motives. Can you please just take a walk with me in here for a little while? Hold my hand. We'll talk, probably argue. I'll say that you look beautiful and you'll ask me out on our second date.” His volume recedes the more he speaks. “I don't want to upset you. I just wanted you to see that even if it's a little scary in here, even if it's dark, that I'm here. I won't let anything happen. That's what I meant.”

Why does he always have to say stuff like this? It's so confusing. One moment he's all analytical and the next he's sweet and caring. I can hardly make heads from tales with him. I did hear one thing loud and clear though. He wants to go out with me again.

“But no more blind crap. Got it? It's like I'm on a date with my optometrist. That's not fun, Benny.”

He picks up the lantern, and hand in hand, we start down the steps that lead us to a dirt path.

“Oh, come on. Mark's not so bad,” Ben says.

I laugh, but then I think,
Mark? Dr. Meade?

“Mark Meade? My doctor? You're on a first-name basis with my eye doctor? Do you know him?”

How would he know him? I asked him to call and confirm next week's appointment the other day, but he wouldn't have spoken to Dr. Meade himself. Charlotte would have answered, and she never calls him Mark.

He tenses for a second like he forgot something and then asks, “Isn't that his name?”

“Yeah, but—”

“Hey,” he interrupts as if something just hit him. “You called me Benny.”

“You said you liked it.”

“I do. A lot.” Good thing it's dark, because I feel myself flush red hot.

The farther we walk into the cave, the cooler it gets. Ben stops us a few different spots, where there are nameplates and information about the caves most popular spots. There are allegedly rocks and formations that resemble animals and objects. Ben says that he can see the formations in just about every place we stop. I see pointy rocks, but it is a good time.

After an hour of strolling around, we stop in a large sort of room. I can tell it's big because our voices carry in the space and the light from the lantern doesn't make it to the ceiling. He washes the light around the chamber and finds that there is a bench close to where we are.