Fade In (28 page)

I wake to the smell of coffee and bacon. I stretch, feeling really great. I pad sock-less towards the kitchen, listening to the sizzle coming from the pan and a cappella singing.

Ben still shirtless and his day-two jeans ride low, dragging on the floor under his bare feet as he cooks. His earbuds run down his back to his phone, which is tucked into his back pocket. The tempo must be building in the song because he taps the fork he's using to flip the meat against the rim of the pan.

He's jamming.

I wait to hear something familiar and that’s when he belts, “Ooh, forgot my woman, lost my friends. Things I'd done and where I've been.” I know it's Alice and I smile.

I examine everything, not wanting to miss a single element, and catalogue it away for another day. The aroma of breakfast. The sight of him in my kitchen making breakfast, my presence unknown. He's in his own world.

I watch the sinew and pull of each of the muscles in his back flex as he shakes his ass and dances quietly, his hair messy and sticking up all over the place.

It's perfection. It's a dream come true. How did I not know about this? Where did I irresponsibly pass the exit sign that read “Sexy, dancing, shirtless man making breakfast”? I've had years and years to find and experience this feeling. It’s ironic that now I realize how lovely it is to open my eyes and appreciate what's in front of them.

The Ben Show goes on and on. I slide down to sit, my back against the hallway wall, and pull my knees into myself. It's too good to interrupt.

He gets two mugs from the cabinet and pours them full. He doctors them carefully and turns the burners off, plating the food. I am aware that my PG-rated peep show is coming to an end. A little saddened by that, I know that the coming interaction will be a nice Band-Aid.

I don't want to startle him when his hands are full, so I walk up to him and kiss the center of his back. He takes a long breath and pulls the buds from his ears.

I hear the smile in his voice when he says, “Hi there. I was trying to be quiet.”

“You were. I woke up on my own.” I keep kissing him, each one land on freckles that I make a note of to map out later. He smells delicious, and I would rather just have him for breakfast.

“What are your plans for the day?” he asks. “I have an idea.”

My lips are reluctant to stop pecking his flesh.

“I like this. Let's do this today.” I rain kisses on him, hoping I'll get my way.

“Mmmm. That sounds nice, but I have a better idea. Let's eat.” He's up to something.

We eat at the breakfast bar, and I patiently wait for the announcements of our big plans.

“Last night you said something and I've been thinking about it every since.” His face brightens. “Let's go. Let's go on a trip. We can drive, we can fly, or we can take a train. I don't really care. Let's map it out. Pick a few places and just leave.”

I wasn't expecting this. My thoughts were a lot more in line with hiding out here all day and playing What Can I Put Here and What Goes in There.

He's ambitious, this one.

“Like where? For how long?”

“I don't know and what does it matter? What do you have going on in the next few weeks?” His head cocks to one side and waits for the answer he already knows.

“Nothing really. The only thing I have to be here for is Winnie's bachelorette party, but that isn't for a few weeks. You already know all that.” The idea of running off sounds too good to be true.

“Where is one place you want to go? First reaction. Go.”

“New Orleans.” I'm not sure why that pops out. I've never been and have always wanted to go, but it doesn't seem like a first-choice type of place.

Smiling, Ben says, “Yeah, I like that.” He gets up and runs to the office, returning with paper and pen. “Where else?”

“The Keys. I guess.” His enthusiasm sweeps me along for a minute before a practical inner voice tells me to hold up. “This is crazy. We can't go to all of these places.”

“Why the fuck not, Tatum? What are we waiting for? We have plenty of time. We have plenty of money. We just have to go. So what are you waiting for? Now, where else?” He's insane, but it sounds so fun. “Just give me two more,” he says, scribbling notes, already planning things to see.

“Are you serious? This is crazy, Ben”

“I'm dead serious. Let's do it. We can leave in the morning for wherever. We'll be back in plenty of time to get everything lined out for Winnie, and when we get back, we'll do all of the stuff your doctor said. But first, we do this. Now.” He angles the end of the point at my face. “No waiting.”

I think about it. It's spontaneous. My heart races. I haven't felt like this for years.

Free.

Alive.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask Ben. “It's your trip too. Oh, wait. You have work. You should probably suck up to your boss so she'll let you off. You don't want to get fired.”

“I'll work on her in a little while.” He taps the pen against his lips. “I've always wanted to go to Seattle, the Northwest. See the big trees in Northern California. Go to the Goonies house.” He laughs.

“I want to do that too. That's on the list.”

“Where else? One more.” He looks like a younger, less serious version of himself, and I'm loving the change. He's always been fun and easy to be with, but this feels different. This feels honest. This is right.

“No. That's all. That's what I want to do.”

“Okay. Let’s talk about a few things.” This is the Ben I'm use to. Rules-and-parameters Ben. If I'm being honest, I'll take him either way.

“You're such a buzzkill.” I crunch down on the last piece of bacon that's on Ben's plate and wait to hear the guidelines for our adventure.

“All right. First, no boss-employee stuff.” Ben looks to me for approval and to see if I'm on board with the idea.

“I like it,” I quickly agree, deciding to put my own stamp on the rules. “I have one.”

Ben wasn't expecting that, so I have his attention. Wide-eyed, he looks at me. I know he may not exactly like what I'm about to ask of him.

I request, “I want you to relax and just be you. I'll just be me.”

“Deal. You have to tell me what you want the whole time. No matter what it is. Anytime, anywhere. If you want something, just say it. If you want to leave, if you want to go somewhere else, just say so. This is your trip.”

As much as I like the idea of a trip just for me, I feel a little guilty. I want him to think of it as his trip, too. “Deal, as long as you do the same thing. We share the trip.” It's compromise.

“What do you mean?” he asks, like he's the most oblivious person on the planet.

“You have to live by your rules. If you want me to tell you stuff, then you have to tell me too.”

“That's fair enough.” He smiles, and I can see the excitement in this pretty green eyes.

“Shit. I need to pack. You said we're leaving tomorrow morning? Where are we going first?”

“Get your laptop. Where do you want to go first?” he asks, and I know he doesn't care one way or another.

I retrieve my computer and open it up, forgetting that I was surfing some less than PG sites the other night. I blush. “Shut up. It's totally normal.”

He just shakes his head and takes possession of it. “You said New Orleans.” His lightning-fast fingers type, and within minutes, he says, “That works. We could fly there and then fly into San Francisco, drive up the coast, see the trees, and then check out Seattle for a few days. We can fly from there to the Keys and stay a while before we come back home.” He faces me after unleashing his loose agenda for approval with eager eyes.

“God. How in the fuck were you not a personal assistant? Were you a travel agent in a former life?” I nudge his shoulder and chuckle. “I'm cool with all of that. I trust you. Ah! I can't believe we're going to do this. I seriously need to pack.”

“Yeah, me too. I might run home and get my stuff ready. Do you want to come with me?”

I never realized that I haven't been to Ben's place. Now that I've been invited, I can’t wait to see what it looks like.

“Yes. Let me get dressed. I can take a cab back in a while and get ready. This is fun.” I loudly clap my hands together and rub them against one another like a crazed villain, wagging my eyebrows. “I'll get to see all your stuff.”

“Well, you'll see the stuff I have there at least. It isn't much. Most of my stuff is still in D.C. I just brought the essentials. You know. TV. Clothes. Books. Music. Bed. Chair. That stuff.” He sends a few pages to my printer in the office and I hear it beeping that it's finished.

I have to ask. “Does this feel weird to you? Us?” I know that I've thought about this for months and wanted to attack him since the moment I saw him, but it doesn't feel as strange as I imagined it would in my head.

“No. Not really,” he tells me and stands to come close. He wraps me up and lifts me so that we are eye to eye. “I've wanted this. I want you. I just had to wait. Does this feel weird to you?” I see a hint of insecurity behind his gaze when he knits together his brows.

“Honestly, I thought it would. But it doesn't.” I'm not a shy girl. I hardly make time for my brain to register what my mouth is saying before I'm spitting out obscenities. Then there are times like these when I'm not sure what to say. So I go against my best judgment and try this tell-him-my-feelings shit that he's been insisting on. “I wanted this too. Thanks for waiting on me.” I kiss his nose.

“You're worth it. I would have waited longer.” I feel my face warm with his sincere words. He kisses my nose and sets me back on my feet. “Get dressed. Let's go. I'm staying here tonight.”

My face must say what my libido is thinking.

“It will be easier to get up and to the airport if we're at the same place,” he says, but he looks like he’s calling me a filthy-minded hussy. Which I am. So I'm okay with it.

I throw on a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt. I really need to think about what I should bring. I need a list. Ben's been doing all of my stuff lately, and I, for the first time, realize how much I want to prepare for this trip. Myself.

I'm looking forward to packing. Probably because I'm looking forward to time away. Time with Ben.

I don't let my constantly negative thoughts pollute my mind with lasts. Rather, I choose to focus on the firsts that I'm getting.

We don't call Ray for a ride. Instead, we walk out to the street and Ben flags us down a cab. I get in first and look at him as he stands there holding the door open with a huge grin.

“What? Aren't you getting in with me?” I ask.

“I should have a long time ago.”

I think,
Yeah, like, thirty seconds ago, but whatever.

When he gets into the back seat next to me, he kisses me fiercely. He holds my hand the whole time.
Note to self, Ben likes cabs.

I really need to text or call Winnie and Cooper, but I think better of keeping his hand in mine. It feels so good.

When we get to his building, it looks a little run down. But I know, from Cooper, that turning these old warehouses into modern living spaces is a really big business for real estate. I bet it's really cool.

He walks me up a ramp that leads us to a big metal door. Taking his keys out, Ben unlocks the latch and swings the iron gate-like door open. Then he takes a different key and unlocks a latch in the center of the solid iron door. When he does, the center splits, half going up and the other half going down. An elevator. It's pretty cool. I smile and watch him go through these motions that are all new to me.

“Why haven't you ever asked me over before?”

“I don't know. I thought about it. You never asked me about it or anything, so I just didn't say anything.” He pulls a canvas rope and the two doors pair back up in the middle. There are two ropes on the side, and he pulls one down, the elevator jerks, and we move up, up, and up. I look skyward and there's no ceiling. I've never been in one like this.

“You like my elevator?” Ben laughs. “It's cool, huh? I liked it too the first time I rode in it. My brother owns the building, so it works out nice.” He looks relaxed and more content that I've ever seen him.

“It's so old. Is it safe?” I could live without the jerking.

He laughs. “It's safe.”

Soon, we’re at the top and he opens the same type of door on the other side. Stepping out, I see that his place is big. The ceilings are very tall, and there are exposed pipes running all ways across the open overhead space. The multi-paned windows are still huge—some clear, some frosted, some amber, and some a light green color. The floor looks like polished concrete.

He has a leather couch and chair next to a small coffee table against the far wall under the long wall of windows. His kitchen is to the right of that. The room is probably sixty feet by sixty feet, and he only uses about ten square feet of it.

“This is it. Like I said. I don't really have much here.” He walks ahead, pointing out the major areas. “Living room. Kitchen. The first door down that hall is the second bath and the others are the other three bedrooms.”

“Wow. This place is huge.” I wouldn't have to worry about bumping into anything.

“It is. Come on. Help me.” What a turn. He’s asking me to help.

My face is splitting, and I take the hand he holds out to me. He likes touching me, and for the first time ever, I like being touched too.

In his bedroom, there are books in stacks dozens high along one wall. It's like a book wall. He has a lamp sitting atop one of the taller piles.

“You read a lot.”

“Yeah. It's sort of an addiction.”

A man with a reading addiction? I've never met a creature like him.

“That's hot.” I lick my lip thinking about a naked Ben reading in bed. In this bed.
Dear Lord.

“It's hot? So that's what you're into? If I would have known that, I would have been reading on the job all the time. We can take a few if you want. I mean, I'm taking a few and I'll read them to you if you want. Since, you're into that kind of thing.” He winks at me and pretends to be seductive, all the while being so sexy I can hardly breathe.

“Yes, please.”

I plop down on his bed, and it's firmer than I was thinking it would be. Ben pulls shirts, shorts, and jeans from his closet. I fold them so they'll fit nicely into his luggage. He takes a suit out and gives me a questioning look.