Faded (Rock Star Trilogy) (13 page)

I raise my eyebrows at him. “It’s your turn, which means I get to ogle you from behind now.”

He thinks about it for a second. “I’m
definitely okay with you ogling me. In fact, feel free to touch.”

And then Stephan smiles. It’s the kind of smile that could literally make any girl fall into bed with him. I’m praying that he tells me he loves me soon, because I don’t think I can tell Stephan no that many more times.

Stephan is a much better bowler than me. He rolls the ball, and it goes perfectly down the middle of the lane. He gets a strike the first time.

“That is how you do it,” he tells me, and then grabs my hand as we walk back to sit by everybody else.

“You two are disgusting,” Mona says, crinkling her nose.

Ethan agrees with her. “They are all over each other all the time. It’s absolutely disgusting.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Bridgett defends me. “I wish I had a guy who loves me half as much as Stephan loves Scarlett.”

Damn. We can’t get away from
the L word
tonight.

“Maybe if you didn’t push people away, somebody
could
love you,” Alec tells Bridgett sharply. “It’s your turn.”

Bridgett glares at him, as she storms past him to grab a ball.

“Geez, Alec, think you could tone it down a little? Bridgett
did
just get out of a two-year relationship with a douche bag. Not to mention, she’s just getting over her eating disorder, and she just had a heart attack.” I scold him. Nobody can talk to my sister like that.

“You’re right
.” He sighs. “Sorry.”

“What’s going on with the two of you?” I ask.

“Nothing.” He turns his attention forward.

It feels very awkward. Everybody is just sitting there, not looking at each other. I can tell Stephan is upset that Mona is here, and Mona is upset that Stephan is here. But now would be a perfect time to get them to talk.

“S
o…
” I start out, not sure what to say. “How was school today?”

I don’t ask anybody in particular, but neither Mona nor Stephan acknowledges the question. Ethan tries to help.

“It was good for me,” Ethan says a little too eager. “You know, there isn’t that much time left until Thanksgiving break.”

Stephan turns to me.
“That reminds me, Mom wanted me to invite you, Bridgett, and Alec over for Thanksgiving brunch and dinner.”

“Definitely,” I agree. “Sounds good.”

“So what are you doing for Halloween?” Mona asks me, refusing to look at Stephan.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” I answer. “
I may go trick or treat with my niece, Anna, but I’ll probably do whatever Stephan wants.”

“Well, I was going to invite you to my annual Halloween party. I suppose you could bring
him
if he promises not to speak to me,” she says a little bitterly. “I
really
hope you dump him
soon
.”

“Not going to happen.”
I quickly respond.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Stephan asks Mona. “I’ve never done
anything
to you!”

She glares at him. “You exist.
That’s my fucking problem
.”

“Maybe we could talk quieter,” I suggest.

“That’s right. I
do
exist. And these are
my friends
. Why are you here?” He yells back, completely ignoring me.

Great. I finally get them talking, and now I can’t get them to stop.

“This is
my town
. I should be able to go to the bowling alley without seeing you!” Mona’s face is red as she yells at him.

“Well, it’s my town too. Besides, I still don’t know what your problem i
s…
” He pauses for half a second. “Actually, yes, I do know what your problem is. You’re a snobby bitch! That’s your problem!”

“I am
not a bitch
! Take it back!”

“Mon
a…
” Ethan tries to calm her down, but she shrugs his hands off.

“Never. I won’t take it back, because I would be lying if I did.”

She gasps. “You’re
a…
a…
” She searches for a word.

“Can’t think of anything mean to say?” Stephan laughs.

“You’re a jerk! I can’t believe I’m related to such a pigheaded, stuck up,
asshole
!” Mona starts to grab her purse, but Stephan rips it out of her hands.

“What do you mean
related
? We are
not
related!”

Oh, shit.

“You’re my half-brother.” She grabs her purse away from him. “Now you know, so leave me the fuck alone. Seven months until we graduate, then I never have to see your fucking face again!”

She stomps past us all and runs outside.

I look at Stephan. “Go after her!”

He looks at me for half a second, and then runs out after her. The cameras run after them. I sit down on the bench beside Ethan.

“Do you think we should follow?” he asks me.

I shake my head. “No, I think they need to talk without us. This conversation is about three years overdue.”

“More like eighteen years overdue,” Ethan counters.

“Well, what are we going to do now?” Alec asks us. “It’s Mona’s turn.”

Bridgett punches his forearm. “You’re so insensitive.”

Alec rubs his arm. “Ow. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a bruise.”

Ethan rolls his eyes at them. “You two should just kiss and get it over with.”

“That would require Bridgett touching me, and unless it’s to hurt me with
physical violence, she has a no touching policy,” Alec tells Ethan.

Bridgett storms away, soon
followed by Alec. Ethan and I are the only ones left there.

“Wow. Bowling sure brings out the violent side of people,” I say, half laughing.

Ethan shakes his head, and I’m wondering if he is as confused as I am. “You want to play a game of pool instead?”

“Yes.”

10:53
PM

I’m waiting on you.

Ethan and
I play pool for three hours before Stephan comes looking for us. Mona isn’t with him, but he doesn’t look angry so that has to be a good sign. But I’m still worried. What if Mona told him that I knew the truth? Will he be mad at me for not telling him sooner? And if she didn’t tell him I knew, then should I tell him? I mean, I should,definitel
y…
He will find out eventually, right? Certainly they would put the conversation I had with Ethan on the show. But maybe they won’t. The documentary is about me, not them. But if that were the case, the cameras wouldn’t have followed the two of them outside.

Maybe I’m just
over-thinking this
.

“You ready to go home?” Stephan asks me. I wait for him to say something else, but he doesn’t. So I just nod, and follow him outside to his car. He opens my door for
me as usual, and I’m thinking this is a good sign.

“S
o…
” I say once he gets in and starts the car.

He looks at me and waits for me to continue.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I ask.

“Mona is my half-sister,” he says the obvious. “We decided to not tell anybody. Mona’s dad does
n’t know, and she doesn’t want him to until after she leaves for college. Besides, people knowing wouldn’t change anything.”

“And what about the two of you?” I ask.

Stephan shrugs. “It doesn’t really change our feelings towards each other, Scar. We will just go back to ignoring each other at school. It’s for the best. I really don’t want Mom to know. It would break her heart.”

“They’re both going to find out once the documentary airs,” I half-shout. “The whole world will know. I think you should tell them now.”

Stephan puts the car in reverse. “Well, it’s not up to you. And I think you should stay out of it.”

“Whatever.” I put on my seatbelt and stare out the passenger side window as we drive home. Neither of us says a word the whole way there. He stops the car in front
of my house. I unbuckle my seatbelt and start to get out.

“Wait,” he says before I get out. “I’m sorry. I’m just very confused right now. I went my
whole life thinking I was an only child, and now I find out that I have a half-sister. Not that it really does any good, because our father is
dead
. I just need a few days to process this. I’m sorry that I took my anger out on you.”

“It’s ok
ay. I understand, Stephan. But you really need to learn to talk to me if this relationship is going to work. You can’t shut me out.”

“I know
.” He sighs. “You’re right. You are the most important thing in the world to me, and I want us to last.”

I bite my lip, considering his words. “The most important thing?” I echo his words.

“Yes. And I know we are young, but I’ve never felt so certain about anything in my lif
e…
You are the one, Scar
.”

My heart
jumps into overdrive once again. “Really?”

Ok
ay, maybe it’s a little silly, but I need him to confirm his statement. I need to know that he doesn’t regret his words.

“Really
.”

Please tell me you love me.
I need to hear the words.

“
How do you
feel
about me?” I fish for the words and hope that he bites.

“I feel like the luckiest guy on the face of the earth,” he starts. “How ma
ny other people find their soul mate at eighteen?”

“How do you know that I am?”
I ask, still hoping he says the three magic words.

“I feel it,” he answers easily.
“Do you feel it too?” He reaches out his hand, and traces the side of my arm. “The electricity between us is undeniable.” He then traces his way over my collarbone, and down a little bit. “We are meant to be together.”

“I feel it too,” I say, hoping that he moves his finger just a little farther down.
But he doesn’t. “Stephan?”

“Yes?”

“Will you kiss me,” I ask, a little breathless.

“Yes, but I won’t in the front seat of my car. Can I walk you inside?”

I know exactly what he’s asking. But I can’t let him come inside, because if he does, I won’t be able to tell him no. And
I can’t make love to somebody who isn’t in love with me
.

“No.” I can hear the sadness in my voice. “But you can walk me to the door.”

He smiles, but I can see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes. I am sure that my own face mirrors his.

Love sucks.

Stephan and I get out of the car, and he holds my hand as he walks me to my front door.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to come inside. I do, more than
anything
. I jus
t…
can’t.”

He
looks sad, and it breaks my heart. “I understand, Scarlett. I will wait until you’re ready.”

It’s just the
opposite!
I’m waiting on
you
!
But I can’t tell him that.

Stephan kisses me on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.” I walk inside my house and lean against my closed door. “I love you, Stephan,” I whisper and then slide down to the floor.My chest hurts. So I do the only thing I know how t
o…
I write a song.

Thursday, October 30

6:06
AM

Stephan’s song

It’s after six in the morning, and I still haven’t gone to sleep, but I have a completed song.
I take my acoustic guitar and run into Alec’s room. He’s still asleep, but I poke his face until he wakes up.

“ALEC! I WROTE A SONG! WAKE UP SO I CAN SING IT TO YOU!” I y
ell at him.

Payback is a bitch, unless you’re the one dishing it out.

He rolls over and attempts to sit up. “I’m up. Stop shouting.”

“I wrote a song. And I want your opinion,” I say. “I think it could be
the song
.”

He now looks awake and excited. “Let me go grab Bridgett! You can play it for us both.”

Five minutes later, we are all three sitting on Alec’s bed, and they watch me as I play the song. The song I wrote for Stephan. The song I wrote for
me
. I poured my heart and soul into the lyrics. They’re so personal, and I’m honestly scared to play it for them.

My heart is literally breaking as I sing the song. I thought writing it would make me feel better, but if anything, it makes me feel worse. My chest feels heavy. But I continue playing, and singing, because it’s what I do. I sing. I perform. I pour my heart and soul into
my music.

After I’m finish singing, I look up at Bridgett who is crying. “That was beautiful, Scar.”

Alec nods his head in agreement. “We have a hit.”

“You need to call Stephan and tell him how you feel.”

“
NO
!” Alec yells. “First, let’s record the song. You can’t fake that kind of emotion. After you record the song, you can sing it for him. But we need to get this recorded
right now
! I’m going to call Otto.”

While Alec calls Otto, I grab a quick shower. As soon as I’m out, Alec is knocking on the door telling me to hurry. I throw my wet hair up into a
bun and toss on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. The best part of going to the studio is I don’t have to dress up.

I grab my favorite guitar
— my red, Gibson Les Paul, and we head toward the studio. Even after being awake all night, I’m still not tired. In fact, I feel exhilarated.

When we get there, I go right in and start recording. I lay down all the t
racks without a hitch, and by 11 AM, my song is recorded.

No.

Not my song.

It’s
Stephan’s song
.

It feels good.
I still can’t believe we got a perfect song recorded in less than six hours. It has to be some kind of record.

We head home while Otto mixes the track, and I head straight to bed and crash.

3:17
PM

Slutty zombie.

I wake up when I feel my bed move. I look at the clock to see that it is well after three PM, and I missed yet
another
day of school. I don’t have to look beside me to know that Stephan is there.

I roll over. “Hey,” I say groggily.

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s ok
ay.”

“I missed you at school today. When I came to get you this morning, nobody was here. I was worried,” he says.

“I am sorry that I made you worry, but I wrote a
Grammy worthy song
, or so says Otto, Bridgett, and Alec. I was forced to record it before it lost any
magic
, so Alec says.”

“Can I hear it?”

It’s Stephan’s simple question that makes me panic, and I have to ask myself:
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Oh my
God, I just wrote an entire song about Stephan. I basically confessed my love to him.

Maybe he won’t know.

Of course he will know
, I argue with myself.

Stephan is staring at me, waiting for my response. And for a moment I think, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Stephan knew how I felt.
The truth is
I am in love with him
. I want to tell him every single day of my life.

But then I think back to how he reacts every time I say the
L word
. He
always
freaks out. I don’t want him to freak out. I want him to love me back. If he knew I wrote a song about my love for him, he would probably break my hear
t…
Only Stephan doesn’t just have the ability to break it. He would shred it up, set it on fire, and spread the ashes in the deepest parts of the ocean. I would never be able to repair the damage.

That
or he would tell me he loves me too.

I’m still not ok
ay with the odds.

“No,” I finally say. It’s a simple answer.

He waits for an explanation. Well, too bad for him, he’s
so not
getting one. Ever. In fact, I am going to make sure he never, ever,
EVER
hears the song.

Ever
.

Great. Now I’m singing Taylor Swift in my head.

“Why can’t I hear it?”

“Because the song is
about you.”

Fuck. I am pretty sure I just said that
out loud
. I instantly slap my hands over my mouth.

“You wrote a song for me?” He is smiling. “Scarlett, I
have
to hear it. Nobody has ever written me a song before.”

“You can’t hear it.
Ever
. I’m serious. I didn’t really think about you hearing it when I recorded it. I wrote it to make myself feel better. And then it was six in the morning, and I hadn’t slept. So I played it for Alec and Bridge. Who told me it was awesome. And they made me record it before you heard it, ‘cause if you heard it, it would lose the feeling. But now that I recorded it, I wish I hadn’t. Because you
can’t
hear it, because you will spread the ashes of my heart in the deepest parts of the ocean and I will
NEVER
heal from that.”

He thinks about what I just said. He’s probably trying to process it. In fact, I’m still trying to process what I just said.

Caffeine.
I
need caffeine
.

“Why wouldn’t I like the song?” he asks.

I sigh. “How about we drop it for now. You will eventually hear the song, but until then, I’d like to enjoy the time we have together.”

“Did you write me a break up song?”

“NO! Oh my God, never.” I laugh. “It’s quite the opposite really. Which is why I know that you will
HATE
it.”

Stephan sighs. “Scarlett Ryan,
you are the weirdest person that I have ever met
.”

“
Good
weird
or
bad
weird
?” I bite my lip while I wait for his response.

“I will have to get back to you on that one,” he jokes. “So, when do I get to hear the song that will make me spread the ashes of your heart in the deepest parts of the ocean?”

“
I’m thinking never
.” I pause, and then nod my head. “Yep,
never
is the
perfect
time
.”

“You know that I’ll hear it eventually.”

“When you do, could you just pretend you didn’t? That way things won’t be weird between us.”

“Things are already weird
between us, Scarlett.” He laughs.

“I will admit that this is possibly the weirdest conversation that we’ve ever had.”

“I’m so glad we cleared that up.”

“Me too,” I agree with a laugh.

After I get up, Stephan informs me that we are going shopping for Halloween costumes. Thankfully the filming crew has the night off, so it’s just us two. Alone. Finally.

“So when is Barry sending your contract?” Stephan asks me, as we look through the superhero section.

“Tomorrow or Saturday,” I answer. “But the rest of today will be spent talking about normal, non-music business stuff.”

“Ok
ay,” he agrees.

“So how was school today? Was it weird seeing Mona?”

He shakes his head. “No way. If we aren’t talking about the music business, than we are definitely
not
going to talk about
her
.”

“I guess that is fair.”

He pulls out a costume. “I could be Iron Man.”

I crinkle my nose. “No way. Thor is way cooler of a superhero.”

“He’s not a
superhero.
He’s a god. There is a difference,” Stephan quickly replies.

“Whatever.
I really don’t care
. He’s a mythical creature either way. He can be whoever the fuck I want him to be.” I shake my head.

“What are you going as?” Stephan asks.

“Who cares?” I laugh and decide to quote Mean Girls. “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” I pause then say, “I was thinking slutty zombie.”

“I think I’m going to like your costume,” Stephan says quickly.
“And I will totally let you bite me.”

“
Only you
could think about sex during the zombie apocalypse,” I joke.

“Well
somebody
is going to have to repopulate the earth. It’s a rough job, but I think I’m up for the challenge.” He puts his arm around my shoulder and starts walking me to the door. “In fact, we better get started now.”

I remove his arm from around my shoulder. “Right. You get started without me. I’m just going to grab my costume.”