Fairplay, Denver Cereal Volume 6 (11 page)

“
I still want to,” Jacob
said. “More than you could know.”

“
I really want to,” Katy
said.

“
I really, really want
to,” Jacob smiled and Katy nodded.

“
Take a look Katy,” Jill
said. “This is the last time you’ll see him.”

“
Why?” Katy
asked.

“
He’s going to prison,”
Colin said. “There will be a trial but you won’t be involved. We
have enough evidence to put him away for a long time. Plus, he’s
been lying about being disabled. He’s not a young man. He’ll die in
prison.”

“
Why is he so bad?” Katy
asked.

“
I don’t think we can
know,” Jacob said.

“
I used to think that if I
gave Trevor everything he wanted, he’d be happy,” Jill said. “He
only wanted more. It was like his appetite increased every time he
got what he wanted.”

“
He never got full?” Katy
asked.

“
He never got full,” Jill
smiled.

“
What if I get bad?” Katy
asked. “Or Paddie doesn’t get full?”

Colin chuckled at her question.

“
I think it’s a very good
question,” Jill kissed Katy’s cheek. “But I think those of us who
ask the question, aren’t ever going to be like that.”

“
Oh,” Katy said. “And
Paddie?”

“
If Paddie loses his way,
I’m sure you’ll help him,” Colin said.

“
I will,” Katy
said.

“
Take a look if you want
to,” Jill said. “We don’t need to stay here a moment
longer.”

Katy lifted her head from Jill’s shoulder.
Peering over her Mommy’s shoulder, she saw Trevor’s scary father.
The horrible man had haunted her nightmares since they had gone to
bury her old Daddy. He was sitting in a wooden chair under a bright
light. She knew there was someone else in the room with him but he
couldn’t see them. He seemed to be waiting. She tried to read his
mind but her father blocked her. She scowled at Jacob and he winked
at her.

“
Can I have chocolate?”
Katy asked.

“
Sure,” Jill said. “I was
feeling like some ice cream myself.”

“
Liks?” Jacob
asked.

“
Are you ready to go?”
Jill moved Katy off her chest to look her in the face. Katy nodded.
“What do we say to Mr. Colin?”

“
Thank you Mr. Colin for
putting the monster in the box,” Katy said. “Can Paddie come with
us for ice cream?”

“
Katy,” Jacob
started.

“
Please?” Katy’s bright
face made Colin smile.

“
I’ll tell you what,”
Colin said. “Why don’t we all go? I wanted to talk to your Mommy
anyway.”

“
About Paddie or the new
baby?” Katy asked.

“
You’re ruining the
surprise,” Colin said.

“
Not me,” Katy bat her
pretty dark eyes in a way she knew made adults laugh. Colin
laughed. “Please.”

“
We’ll meet you there,”
Colin said.

He opened the door to the small room.

“
I’ll walk you out,” Colin
said.

They turned to their left and walked to the
elevator landing. They took the elevator up two floors and went out
into the parking lot. Jacob shook Colin’s hand. When Jill looked
down at Katy, she was asleep. They got back in the car. Jacob
helped Jill place Katy in her car seat.

“
How do you feel?” Jacob
asked.

“
Relieved, I think,” Jill
said.

“
We never talked about…”
Jacob said.

“
I know,” Jill said. “I’d
planned on talking to you today after lunch but we raced here
and…”

He leaned over. His hand cupped her chin.
They looked at each other for a moment and he started the car.

“
Listen Jacob,” Katy
imitated Jill’s voice. “You need to understand that I feel guilty
because I have this nice life and they don’t.”

Jill looked in the rearview mirror at Katy.
She let out her little girl snickering laugh.

“
You don’t have to feel
guilty,” Katy imitated Jacob’s voice.

“
I know I don’t have to
feel guilty,” Jill said.

“
I just do,” Katy imitated
Jill’s voice.

“
Oh,” Jacob
said.

“
And you shouldn’t feel
guilty that I’m going to have boys,” Katy continued in Jill’s
voice.

“
I don’t feel guilty,”
Katy imitated Jacob’s voice.

“
Yes, you do,” Jill
said.

“
Mommy!” Katy said in her
own voice. “Let me finish! I practiced!”

Jill looked at Jacob and he shrugged.

“
You feel guilty because
you think the boys are going to kill me,” Katy said in her Jill
voice. “They aren’t.”

“
How can that be?” Katy
imitated Jacob’s voice and his hand gestures. She was so cute that
Jill had to force herself not to take a picture. Jacob was choking
back a laugh. “All of the Marlowe women die when they have
boys.”

“
I’m not a Marlowe,” Katy
said in her Jill voice.

“
That would be kind of
gross, Daddy,” Katy said in her regular voice. “That would be like
Noelle having a baby with Nash. Ew.”

“
Well then how?” Jacob
asked.

“
Mommy you have to explain
it to him,” Katy said. “I’m just a little girl.”

She bat her eyes as if she was the most
innocent creature in the world. Jill shook her head ruefully.

“
You know I can heal
things, right?” Jill asked.

“
Injury, illness,” Jacob
said.

“
That’s how,” Jill said.
“The boys aren’t in any discomfort. Nor am I. We’ll go until almost
full term, at least that’s what the doctor says.”

“
I’m not unhappy either,
Daddy,” Katy said. “I don’t really want brothers but that’s all
right. I’ll be Mommy’s little girl for a while more. I like being
Mommy’s little girl.”

They drove out of the parking lot and onto
the Sixth Avenue Freeway.

“
Can I go to sleep now?”
Katy asked. “Or do we need to talk some more?”

Jill and Jacob laughed. Katy smiled at her
joke and leaned back to sleep.

“
Do you feel guilty
because you’re happy?” Jacob asked in low tones.

“
Sure,” Jill said. “I
think it’s pretty natural. Seems like you feel guilty because
you’re getting what you want.”

“
I don’t want to lose
you,” Jacob said. “I don’t want more children more than I want
you.”

“
You’re lucky you don’t
have to choose,” Jill said.

He smiled at her and slowed down for the
light at Sixth and Kalamath. Jill woke Katy up around Josephine.
Katy watched with round eyes as they drove past their old apartment
and turned down Vine to Liks on Vine and Thirteenth.

“
Look there’s
Paddie!”

Jacob smiled at Jill.

“
It’s a really good life,”
he said.

CHAPTER ONE
HUNDRED & SIXTY-THREE

Ice Cream

Sunday evening – 7:25 P.M.
Liks Ice Cream, Denver

“
Right there! Paddie’s
right there!!” Katy yelled with joy. She struggled against her car
seat. “That’s his Mommy and that’s Paddie!”

“
Stay in your car seat
until we get there,” Jill said. “Stop it!”

Katy fell back against her seat. Her arms
went to the sides of the car seat and her head mashed against the
back.

“
Okay, Mommy,” Katy said.
“Can you let me go now?”

“
Oh sorry,” Jill said. “I
didn’t mean to…”

Katy giggled.

“
What?” Jill
asked.

“
I was faking,” Katy began
to laugh harder. Jacob joined her laugh. Shaking her head at them,
Jill laughed. “I want to be your Katy as long as I can. I’ll be
careful, Mommy.”

Struck by the child’s sweet words, Jill’s
eyes filled with tears. Jacob pulled the SUV into a parking spot on
Race Street. Katy waited until the car had stopped before she got
out of her car seat. Paddie and his mother, Julie, were standing on
the sidewalk waiting for them.

“
Katy!” Paddie
said.

“
Paddie!” Katy said.
“Mommy can we…”

Katy pointed to the ice cream shop and Jill
nodded. Paddie looked at his mother and she nodded. Paddie grabbed
Katy’s hand. Laughing, the four year olds ran toward the ice cream
store.

“
Thanks for inviting us,”
Julie said.

“
It’s fun to see you,”
Jill said. “And any day Katy gets to see Paddie is a good
day.”

“
Paddie’s the same way,”
Julie said. “Colin will be here in a few minutes.”

Noticing the change in Julie’s tone, Jill
stopped walking to look at her.

“
Is everything all right?”
Jill asked. Jacob touched Jill’s arm and gestured toward the ice
cream store. Jill gave him a slight nod. He trotted to catch up
with the kids. Julie watched him walk away before she looked at
Jill.

“
You know I lost the baby
again,” Julie said.

“
Paddie slept over for a
week or so while you were in the hospital,” Jill nodded.

“
You’re such a good friend
to us,” Julie looked away from Jill. “We have so much… drama. You
and Katy have been a rock for Paddie. I appreciate it.”

“
We love Paddie,” Jill
said. “I’m certainly happy to help in anyway I can. What’s going
on?”

“
The last time I
miscarried?” Julie’s eyes filled with tears. “The doctor said I was
putting myself in too much danger by getting pregnant. I argued
with him because I believe that God gives us children. How could
God make me pregnant and make it so I can’t have the babies? It’s
very confusing to me.”

“
I understand,” Jill
said.

“
You do?” Julie’s eyes
scanned Jill’s face.

“
I think it’s in the water
at Catholic School,” Jill said. “When you don’t get pregnant? It
feels like you failed. Not just that you failed yourself or your
husband but you failed God.”

“
That’s how I feel,” Julie
said. “Like a horrible, awful, evil person.”

“
Jacob wanted kids and I…”
Jill said. “We didn’t get pregnant. Sandy was pregnant. Heather was
pregnant. Even Valerie, who’s had like two periods in her entire
life, was pregnant!”

“
But you’re pregnant now?”
Julie asked.

Jill nodded.

“
What do you think the
problem was?” Julie asked.

“
I think it’s not about
me,” Jill said. “If children are given from God, then I have to let
God decide the timing. I can’t hold onto the shame and
embarrassment while giving lip service to children being from God.
I have to give over the whole thing.”

Julie squinted at Jill as if she was trying
to think through Jill’s words.

“
But you got pregnant,”
Julie said. “I…”

“
It seems to me that
you’re getting a pretty strong message,” Jill said.

“
What do you mean?” Julie
asked.

“
You want children but
can’t have them yourself,” Jill said. “Maybe God wants you to adopt
or be a foster parent or help another woman out financially by
using her as a surrogate or… I mean, I’m no priest but I doubt God
wants you to risk your life when Paddie and Colin need you so very
much.”

Julie clasped Jill to her in an impulsive
hug.

“
They would be lost
without you,” Jill said.

Stepping back, Julie sniffed at her tears.
She gave Jill a wet nod.

“
What’s going on?” Colin
asked as he came up. “Did you ask her?”

“
We didn’t get there,”
Julie said. “Jill was helping me with…”

Colin gave Julie a warm hug. Jill watched
them whisper back and forth. When they separated, Julie wiped her
tears and gave Jill a salty smile.

“
I guess you know some of
what’s going on with us,” Colin said.

“
When we moved back in
together last year, we decided to adopt,” Julie said.

“
We signed up at Catholic
Services,” Colin said.

“
I agreed to it but I kept
thinking that... well, you know,” Julie said.

“
After this last time,”
Colin shrugged. “We’re both more excited about
adoption.”

Walking slowly toward them, Jacob balanced a
cup of vanilla ice cream for Jill, a cup of chocolate ice cream for
Julie, a cone of rocky road for Colin and a cup of pralines and
cream for himself. Katy and Paddie danced around them for a moment
and went to find a table. Jacob followed the kids.

“
We found out on Saturday
that we’ve been selected as a possible family by a young mother,”
Julie said. “We saw on the application that your friend Sandy is
the contact person for the mother.”

“
We wanted to pump you for
information,” Colin said. “We’re supposed to meet the mother
tomorrow morning.”

“
Is Sandy giving up her
baby?” Julie asked.

“
Rachel?” Jill asked. “Not
a chance.”