Fairplay, Denver Cereal Volume 6 (15 page)

“
Stop!” Anjelika said.
“Just stop. You are doing exactly what Noelle does when you accuse
her of ‘jabbering on.’”

Charlie clamped his mouth closed. The effort
was so sincere that his eyes bulged. She smiled.

“
Slow down, Charlie. You
have something interesting to say, but you sound like a drug addict
or a ten year old girl,” Anjelika said. “Calm down in the manner
we’ve practiced so I can understand you. Let’s take a few breaths
and see if we can’t come up with what you want to say.”

Frustrated, but knowing she was right,
Charlie took one deep breath, held it and let it out. He opened his
mouth to resume his verbal diarrhea.

Anjelika shook her head. He took another
deep breath. His eyes shot at her and she shook her head again. He
blew out his breath. Looking away from her, he took another deep
breath and then another. He looked back and she nodded.

“
The guy I talked to
called some guy named Shaw from Regis Jesuit,” Charlie said. “He’s
the coach or something. He’s going to come to basketball tonight to
watch me play.”

“
How wonderful,” Anjelika
smiled. “And?”

“
I’d like to know if I was
placed in high school so I can go to Regis,” Charlie
said.

Anjelika smiled her ‘go on’ to him.

“
To play basketball,”
Charlie said.

Anjelika gave an exaggerated nod.

“
Because that’s my sweet
spot right now,” Charlie said.

“
Your reward for working
so hard,” Anjelika said.

“
Right,” Charlie said.
“And Sandy agreed that if I do the ballet exercises with everybody,
I could play more and…”

“
Please take a moment,”
Anjelika said. “You may ask me anything Charles, but you must ask
me.”

“
I know but…” Charlie
said.

“
No buts,” Anjelika said.
“I’m not going to guess at what you want. You must ask.”

Irritated, mostly with himself, Charlie
nodded and looked away. He’d had no idea this ‘becoming a man’
thing would be so difficult. He knew he had a lot to learn, but
outside of reading, school was pretty straight forward. He’d always
struggled with the communication stuff.

And yet, what he’d learned so far had really
paid off. Grown ups talked to him at work. Sandy and Aden
understood what he needed. When he was upset in Tucson, Jake and
Mike were able to help him. Even his girlfriend, Addy, had noticed
the difference. Nodding, he looked back.

“
Mrs. Anjelika, I’d like
to know if my exams placed me in high school.”

“
Thank you,” Anjelika
said. “Yes…”

Charlie felt a flood of relief. He hooted
with joy.

“
And no,” Anjelika
said.

“
No?” Charlie asked. “What
do you mean no?”

“
There is no question that
your math scores are beyond high school level math,” Anjelika said.
“But your reading…”

“
Sucks,” Charlie slumped
into himself. “So what?”

“
Your reading does not
qualify you for traditional high school,” Anjelika said.

“
What?”

“
And if you want to go to
a Liberal Arts university like we talked about,” Anjelika said.
“Even MIT will require you to have the capacity to read
well.”

“
What if I
don’t…”

“
Do not start with me,
Charles,” Anjelika said. “Basketball is fun, but it is not your
future. You and I both know that you need to finish college, for
yourself, for Sandy, and for your father. We have worked, you have
worked, for six weeks to create that future for you.”

“
It’s not fair!” Charlie
launched a familiar rant. Anjelika raised her eyebrows at him. “You
know it’s not fair! How is this fair?”

As she did whenever he started this rant,
Anjelika walked out of the room. When she returned, she had her
purse and her keys.

“
No!” Charlie yelled. “I
don’t want to go to some orphanage or see something horrible or
know how lucky I am. I want you to answer the question. You TOLD me
that I could ask you anything. So I have a question.”

Anjelika set her purse down on a table next
to the couch. Charlie practiced a few deep breaths so she wouldn’t
ride him about being upset.

“
What is your question?”
Anjelika said.

“
It’s not fair that I
can’t get ahead because I can’t read,” Charlie said. “My father
died! My mother is a crazy, lying, cheating person. I had to live
on the streets! I was an addict! And…”

He shook his head and plopped down on a
couch.

“
You act like its fair,
but it’s not,” Charlie said.

“
Your question?” Anjelika
asked.

“
Why isn’t life fair?”
Charlie asked.

“
That’s a good question,
Charlie,” Anjelika said. “Why do you think life isn’t
fair?”

“
Because I’ve had a hard
life,” Charlie said. “And I can’t do what I want to because I can’t
read and I can’t
read
because I lived on the streets and can’t see! And don’t tell
me life isn’t fair! I hear that at meetings all the time. Life
isn’t fair; get used to it. Well I want to know why!”

“
Is that the biggest
unfairness in life that you’ve seen?” Anjelika asked.

“
No.”

“
And?”

“
It’s still not fair,”
Charlie said.

“
The question about
fairness is a question for the philosophers,” Anjelika said. “We
will read…”

“
No,” Charlie said. “I
want
your
answer
to why life isn’t fair.”

Anjelika sighed. She sat down on the couch
with Charlie. For a moment, she just looked at him. Tall, handsome,
smart, fair-skinned Charlie wanted to know why his life wasn’t
fair. After all of the suffering she’d seen and endured in her
life, she had to wrestle with her own indignation.

“
Why isn’t life fair?”
Charlie repeated.

“
I will give you my
opinion,” Anjelika said. “But you must know that this is just my
opinion based on my life experience. If you are truly interested,
you should ask the wise adults around you. Your sister, Sandy, my
Jillian, Delphie, Sam, Jacob, Aden and your friends at work. I’d
further encourage you to ask Noelle. She has a deep understanding
of how life works. I will also research the philosophers and we
will read what they think.”

“
So what’s your opinion?”
Charlie asked.

“
I believe the issue of
fairness is an issue of our perception of time,” Anjelika said. She
raised a hand to the ‘but’ rising on Charlie’s lips. “As humans, we
perceive time right this minute. Now! Right?”

Charlie nodded.

“
In this moment, we tend
to see only ourselves,” Anjelika said. “You are right this moment
thinking only of yourself and your plight. Right?”

Charlie nodded.

“
When we ask, ‘Why isn’t
life fair?’ we are asking about right this minute,” Anjelika said.
“When my ex-husband was beating me, I wanted to know right this
minute why this injustice was happening. Why was it happening to
me? It was very unfair.”

Charlie nodded.

“
That is what I mean about
perceiving only this moment,” Anjelika said. “Something
overwhelming or unfair happens and we perceive two things. One, it
is unfair and two, it is happening to me. Is that what you are
feeling?”

Charlie nodded.

“
Yet at that same moment,
billions of people are experiencing their lives in ways that are
either fair or unfair.,” Anjelika said.

“
What do you mean?”
Charlie asked.

“
We can both agree that it
wasn’t fair for your friends Jeffy and Razor to suffer so much and
die so young,” Anjelika said. “Right?”

Charlie nodded.

“
That was a great
injustice,” Anjelika said. “Much greater than your inability to
read. You would agree?”

Charlie nodded.

“
At that same moment,
someone was treated fairly,” Anjelika said. “You, for example. You
were living with your new family. And at the same moment, an animal
was abused and a child went hungry and someone who worked hard
achieved greatness and…”

“
But we only see what’s
happening to us.”

“
That’s exactly right,
Charlie,” Anjelika said. “In the moment, which is where we perceive
our plight, we decide things are unfair. We feel great rage at our
injustice. How can life be fair?”

Anjelika stopped talking and looked at
Charlie. Noticing her pause, he turned to look up at her.

“
But the truth is, we are
uniquely incapable of perceiving anything outside of this moment,
particularly when we’re upset.”

“
We can’t know the answer
to why life is unfair,” Charlie nodded.

“
Why?”

“
Because we live in the
present and the question is about everyone’s present at and all of
time.”

“
Very good Charlie,”
Anjelika said. “You need to improve your reading. You know
this.”

“
It’s still not fair that
my inability to read as a result of my difficult life screws up my
future,” Charlie said.

“
It is very difficult,”
Anjelika said. “And very human. We all have challenges in the
moment that we must overcome. This is yours. Whether it’s fair or
not, we will have to leave to someone else to decide.”

“
Fine,” Charlie
said.

“
Fine?”

“
Fine.”

“
There are some
obstacles…”

Having heard her say this before, he
continued the next part of the conversation.

“
I will not be able to
overcome. I can change course.” Charlie smiled.

“
Like a boat tacking
against the steady wind,” Anjelika said. “Letting go in the moment
to hold onto your final destination.”

“
So what can I do?”
Charlie asked. “I only have a month before school
starts.”

“
Sandra spoke to Aden
about your scores.”

“
So everyone knows I’m a
retard?” Charlie’s face turned bright red.

“
Don’t use that word,”
Anjelika said. “It is an insult to everyone who hears
it.”

“
Everyone knows I’m
stupid?” Charlie asked again.

“
You are not stupid,
Charlie,” Anjelika said.

“
Fine, I’m not stupid,”
Charlie said. “Everyone knows?”

“
Your soon to be
step-father knows that you struggle with reading,” Anjelika said.
“It may surprise you, but it was not news to him.”

“
Fine,” Charlie said.
“And?”

“
You may not be able to
play for Regis this year,” Anjelika said. “We’ll have to look at
their admission requirements. But you might be able to play at
another school. Maybe you’ll get their attention and go to Regis
next year.”

“
Oh,” Charlie said. “Let
go in this moment.”

“
Exactly,” Anjelika said.
“Change tack.”

“
What about school?”
Charlie asked.

“
Sandra heard that Denver
Public Schools has an online program,” Anjelika said. “She spoke
with Aden about the program. He is going to call and to learn more.
If you do well, you might be able to transfer to Regis next
year.”

“
I can’t play basketball
online!” The exasperation crept back into Charlie’s voice and
Anjelika gave him a stern look. He looked away from her, gained
control of himself, and looked back. “What about
basketball?”

“
Sandy’s client said you
can play any sport at any DPS school,” Anjelika said.

“
Any one?” Charlie
asked.

“
Any DPS high school, any
sport,” Anjelika said. “Jacob and Aden are talking to schools and
will bring the information home for you. There are other sports
than basketball.”

“
I really like
basketball,” Charlie said.

“
It’s good to do things we
aren’t good at,” Anjelika said.

“
Like reading,” Charlie
said.

“
Yes,” Anjelika said. “Are
you ready to get to work?”

“
Yes.”

“
Did you clean
up?”

“
At work,” Charlie
said.

“
Do you have your
glasses?”

Charlie took his reading glasses from his
bag.

“
We are reading
The Door in the Wall
today,” Anjelika said.

“
Out loud?” Charlie
asked.

“
Yes, let’s read it out
loud,” Anjelika said. “I’ll start and then you go. We can talk
about it one chapter at a time.”

Charlie nodded.

“
To our dear friend H.R. I
know thy works: Behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no
man shall shut it: for Thou hast a little strength and hast not
denied my name.”

“
Isn’t that some bible
thing?” Charlie asked.

“
Revelations,” Anjelika
said. “Go ahead.”

Charlie swallowed hard and began
reading.