Fairy Thief (12 page)

She squawked and slapped his hand away.

“
That…” Li affixed a chain from the monocle to Tai’s lederhosen bib, “…will enable you to see a portal.” She stroked Tai’s hair and bent to kiss him on the tip of his nose. “Please behave. And although you can communicate with your brother telepathically, please have respect for our Saffron and speak out loud.”

Tai started to slosh away. Wo looked at Saffron and tilted his head, indicating she should follow.

Li wrung her hands. “Remember — though most realms have the energy to support magic, you must guard against it. Magic is not...legal — it will not be accepted without backlash….”

“
Yeah, yeah — we know,” Tai grunted without turning around. “Confucius say balance in all things, yeah — can we go now?”

Wo blinked and slapped a wet frond out of his way. “Who’s this Confucius?’

“
It’s this dude, a proclaimer that the humans are all rabid about.”

Saffron wrinkled her nose. “Confucius is dead — he died, like, a million years ago…?”

Tai shoved her in the shoulder. “Duh!” But he didn’t look too sure of himself now.

There was genuine worry in Li’s voice when she yelled, “Saffron, you must sleep. You must rest your soul from time to time!” Saffron could hardly hear Li because Tai and Wo had linked arms, and were already flying her away.

“
Why do I have to sleep?”

“
Oh, we’ll tell you later, babe. Shet your yap, now.” Tai winked at her.

“
No. You tell me right now!” Saffron spat, and tried to yank her arm from Tai’s grasp. The twins ignored her.

“
Crap!” Wo did not fit the majestic and enchanting title of ‘fairy’ or ‘winged child,’ when he said, ‘crap.’

“
What?” Tai howled with laughter at Wo saying, ‘crap.’

“
Where are we going, Tai?”

“
Hell, man, I don’t know — I thought you knew!”

Wo sighed, “Turn around everybody, we’re headed back.”

“
What? ….Oh fantastic! How are
you
two supposed to help me search ‘several hundred realms’?”

“
Keep your panties on lady — we just need a starting point.”

Saffron glared at Tai. He was
so
rude!

Several streaks of lightning ripped through the sky behind him, casting him in an eerie light.

Saffron instantly felt nervous as he shrieked like a maniac.

They landed in front of Li. She answered their question before they asked. “The caves in New Mexico.”

“
Come on, Daffy Saffy,” Tai sang out and grasped the belt loop on the backside of Saffron’s jeans.

Wo gently took her arm. The trio shot into the sky.

“
Wah – what? What the hell are you doing?” Saffron was spitting-cat-mad as they gained altitude.

“
I am whisking you away, oh, great lady, to the portal of your dreams!”

“
Listen, ass — you’re not carrying me from portal to portal by my belt loop! And why the hell are my jeans going up my rear if I’m only a soul. Why can I still feel this? Why can I feel everything? This is so aggravating!”

“
Now, now, Luv — calm down. Of course you can feel everything. Your soul is working on autopilot. You don’t need your body to experience physical sensations — you’ve got the
memory
of your body within your soul. It’s kind of like ‘phantom pain’, you know, when people lose a limb — an arm or a leg — they swear they can still feel pain in the missing limb.”

“
Ah, yeah — I was told this already! I was also told it would go away! When is it going to go away?”

“
When are you going to let it go?” Tai yanked her wedgie higher.

Saffron roared.

The wind pressed Wo’s baby curls flat. “Be careful, Saffron. It’s not safe to hold onto these memories of physical feeling. If you think someone has chopped your arm off, you’ll really lose it, if that’s what you believe.”

“
And by the way, Saffron,” Tai elbowed her hard, so that she went sliding into Wo, “we aren’t going to make you feel all dopey like the fairies did on your other rides to our realm. It takes energy to give you such a comfy ride, and, sorry but, I’m using all of my energy to get around — no cushy, cushy, here.” He smirked.

Wo shrugged and continued to fly her straight ahead.

“
And why did you call me that stupid nickname? How do you know that name? Don’t call me that
ever
again!”

“
Saffron, we know
a lot
about you!”

Tai’s smile was so ugly, Saffron was afraid Ny had broadcast their filthy relationship for the whole world. Had he? Saffron wanted to shrivel up and die. She looked over her shoulder at Wo.

He nodded and raised his eyebrows twice in confirmation.

She wasn’t too thrilled to be strapped to these arrogant little punks. Maybe she shouldn’t have complained and just done this with Li. Who knew there could be fairies more annoying than Mother-Hubbard-loving-smothering, Li? “Great.” She lowered her eyebrows and sulked all the way to New Mexico.

Chapter 9

T
hey arrived at Bandelier National Monument half an hour later, as the sun was setting. They landed on ground that ran along the top of a red clay cliff. Two hikers were coming along the path, straight for them. The hikers startled Saffron. She gasped, then hurried to back out of their way as they came tromping by in their expensive hiking boots, the woman limping as if she had a nasty blister.

“
They don’t know you’re there, Saffron. Man, are you ever jumpy. The humans in the Earthrealm cannot see us.” Tai flicked her shoulder. “Well, most of ‘em anyway.”

“
How am I supposed to know that?” She wanted to hit him, so badly. “
I
could see you when
I
was in my human body,” this came from Saffron in a ‘nah, nah’ sing song voice.

“
Well, I guess you’re special then. Watch this….” Tai jumped five feet in front of the hikers. Suddenly, his soul appeared to solidify, wings and all. The woman hiker screamed and pointed straight at Tai while grasping at the shirt of her companion. By the time the man looked up, Tai had disappeared. All the man saw was empty space. “What?! What is it?”

While the woman began to gush about the angel that was just
right there
(!), Tai walked away from them and flipped Saffron the bird. He grumbled as he walked past her, then started down the path that would lead them into the valley. As Tai passed Wo, he poked him in the shoulder then screamed out in girly glee, “Oooooh! An Angel! Hah, my foot!” He held himself while he laughed; as if the force of the hilarity would topple him off the edge. “I
love it
when they call us, ‘angel’.”

“
Should we scale that cliff ?” Wo pointed up.

Tai knew in general where the cave was, but not exactly where it was. Li would have known exactly where the cave was. Why wasn’t she here taking care of this redheaded Banshee? His soul was relatively new — he was only one hundred and fifty years old after all — and his insight, as well as Wo’s, was somewhat limited compared to the ancients. When Li volunteered them for this quest, he was all for it. After all, they had never lived a life outside of the Fairyrealm. They had taken some tours, of course, but had never lived a life in any human realm.

But now, he wondered, was this girl always going to be such a pain? Didn’t she ever smile? Did she never
ever
stop complaining and being altogether a total drag? He knew her soul was just as old as Li’s, maybe even older, why should she regress so much in human form? Again, these were questions Li would have answers for, but he had none. He likened becoming human to intoxication — souls regressed into dimwits.

Tai and Wo decided not to scale the first cliff. The three of them formed a single line to move down the narrow trail, first Tai, then Saffron, then Wo. Tai looked up at Wo as they passed each other on the switchback — Wo was a little irritated, too. When they first landed, they mentally agreed that they were done carrying Saffron. If she wouldn’t give up her earthbound inclinations, then she would walk. He huffed; she was about as stupid as a fish jogging in water. They could travel faster by flying, but they assumed it would be some time before they could convince Saffron that her soul could fly — so convinced, so stubborn was she, and smug in her assumption that she was incapable of flight. Tai thought that Saffron would not allow herself to believe she could fly. The twins were not going to carry her about like the queen of Sheba. Their journey, at the outset, would be slow. And what did he care about time? Nothing. She was the one bitching about rushing, and here she was – walking when she could fly. A smile tickled under Tai’s tongue. He struggled not to laugh as a fantasy formed in his little, black, mischievous heart. Saffron wouldn’t learn new tricks very quickly. She wouldn’t let go of her old memories without a fight either — her kind never did. With any luck, her soul would remember — in crystal-clear detail — what it would feel like to get a big fat blister on her toe. Tai let the smile fly free for a moment, then frowned. No, she had better not get a blister — he would have to listen to her complaining, probably for days, or until her soul assumed enough healing time had passed and the wound vanished.

They arrived at the bottom of the canyon. There were only a few tourists left, milling about the dry, dusty, canyon floor. They were over at the far end of the long cliff, about to end their day’s sightseeing. Wo, Tai, and Saffron gazed up at the red rock cliff in awe. From where they stood, it looked as though hundreds of holes — some as tiny as pin pricks, some as big as manhole covers and bigger — were either carved out of the rock or formed naturally.

“
Once, hundreds of years ago, some of these holes were the
homes
of the Anasazi people.” Wo turned his head to inspect the canyon that opened wide around them, then he looked back at the cliff and spoke again. “This cliff is actually the lava from an ancient volcano. A river ran through here, eroding the lava and creating this cliff. Since this lava is not as hard as rock, the people were able to scoop it out and create their homes. See,” Wo pointed to a hole, about the size of a car door, that had to be at least three stories above them, “even that was somebody’s home.”

Standing in the shadow of the cliff, Saffron gazed up at the hole that Wo pointed out. She wondered how mothers took care of toddlers up there, how often did they walk out the front door and fall off the cliff? Quickly, she looked down at her feet; just thinking of living up there was giving her vertigo. “How do you know all of that, Wo? Are you, like, a history buff or something?”

Wo stared at her in confusion. “I asked the trees….”

Saffron’s eyes flashed.
That’s right; the trees are conscious….
She looked nervously around her and saw a short tree several yards up on the cliff. Its limbs were long and gnarled. It had leaves at its branch tips and leaned sideways from being pushed by the endless winds that roared through the canyon. She had a sudden vision of the tree – a twisted face in the center of its trunk — uprooting itself and walking towards her. She shivered and decided to never carve or otherwise hurt another tree again.

They walked farther along the path and, as they made their way down and around corners, more and more holes appeared in the cliffside. Leading up to some of the holes were ladders made of trees, placed there so that the tourists could inspect the insides of the caves.

“
Why are we just walking around here?” Saffron stopped suddenly and narrowed her eyes at the twins. “You don’t know where it is, do you? I was worried that we might not be able to find Markis once we got beyond the portal, not that
you wouldn’t even be able to find the portal
!”

“
Of course, we can find the portal!” Tai snapped. “We just need time to concentrate and we won’t be able to concentrate if you keep up your bitchin’! What do you think the portal is? An amusement park ride?” Tai started to shriek like a strung-out circus ringmaster, “Come one, come all; come vampires, come werewolves, come all black witches and wizards, come aliens, come psychotic humans who, for some reason got their mental wires crossed and are able to see magical things! Come into the flashing portal! It’s right here! It’s right in front of your face! It’s easily accessible to you all, so you can go right through and pollute, annihilate, conquer, destroy, and enslave the outer realms!” Tai had been throwing his arms around as he screamed, but now they finally hung limp at his sides as he breathed heavily and shot daggers at Saffron with his bulging eyes.