Fairy Thief (30 page)

“
Well, why do the people wear pants at all?”

This time, both boys took a step back. “Well, you gotta kneel down sometimes….” Dead silence. “C’mon, Brint, let’s go.” The brown-haired boy clamped his hand on his friend’s arm and quickly pulled him away.

Orji decided not to pursue the subject with anyone else – he made for a strange stranger. But he was quite sure these people would find the ways of
his people
off the wall at times, as well. He wondered how the old warmongers were faring. He wondered at the absurdity of the latest alien-encounter tales. One thing was for sure, he was going to miss those alien stories. Who knows, maybe in his realm, he was now a folk hero — a martyr, or at the very least, a celebrity. He knew without a doubt that the town’s people would be spinning tales about his “alien abduction.” Those that weren’t dead. When they didn’t find his carcass in the street they would naturally assume he’d been abducted by aliens. It would be a nice supplement to fortify their weak beliefs.

He approached an old man sitting on a park bench. As he sat down, the man smiled with very worn lips. His face was so steeped in wrinkles, Orji had trouble finding the man’s mouth amongst the trenches.

The man croaked, “Heh-hee! What a day! Think they’re still having crappy weather in Dazidukk? I hope so, those daffrigits! Hee-hee.” He leaned back against the bench and entwined his bony fingers.

“
Funny you should mention, Dazidukk — I came to ask for directions.” Orji’s mind was buzzing, searching for the different jumps he could make to lead the discussion to a nonchalant chat about portals.

The old man jerked forward. “What? Go to the Center Building, register, go through the portal….” He shook his head as if Orji were a naughty puppy.

For the second time today, this odd realm had taken Orji by complete surprise. All of the realms had been a little odd, but this one, this was
the
Oddrealm. He sat there dumbly. His Go-Into-Town-And-Spy mission was so easy, he was slightly annoyed. He wanted to have at least a
little
adventure. Saffron was going to be thrilled to hear that all they had to do this time was walk to the center of town, sign a paper, and walk through the portal. Orji’s shoulders slumped as if he was deflating.

Just then, a beautiful woman walked by. He watched her pass, a feverish light growing in his eyes. He grinned. His grin turned into a huge, cheek-aching smile, and his eyes glowed beneath his veil with an evil idea. He sprang from the bench and giggled with glee as he headed back out of town.

As he jogged along the trail outside of the city, he took off his rod and veil. He came upon the twins. They were gliding straight at him. On the ground below, Deva bounded along like a puppy to keep pace. It was an odd thing, to see a cow bound. The twins seemed glum. They were shaking their heads, ‘No.’ Orji assumed correctly that they didn’t find Ny and Markis.

“
He didn’t even pass through here to get somewhere else. This is getting annoying, but at least the trees are friendly here. The trees told us the portal is in town. All we have to do is register and walk through. It’s not even going to hurt this time, can you believe that? Just walk right through to the other side.” Tai scratched his head, then suddenly started flinging his arms wildly all about him, to scatter the cloud of butterflies that had gathered out of nowhere and were flitting about his head.

“
Whoa, whoa, big fella! Here,” Orji stood and moved two steps closer to the twins, well within their personal space, and stood quietly. In an instant, the butterflies broke up and flew away.

Wo looked sideways at Orji.

“
Don’t worry, my friend; I’m not moving in on your little heifer there — just clearing the butterflies for you. Some old coot sprayed me earlier with this foul-smelling stuff that repels…” he smelled his shirt, “…probably everything.”

Tai snorted, “You don’t have to tell me. Whew, you reek!”

Orji winked. “I have no idea what I smell like! Got some good news, boys….” He proceeded to tell them what he learned of the town, and even better, the plan he’d been cooking up in his head. “Of course, it’ll help her get over her fears….”

“
Orji, there are people with big coconuts in the world, even bigger than yours, who wouldn’t do what you think you’re going to get Saffron to do.”

“
She’ll do it — go in the woods over there and fix your pants. We’ll be along soon. Just don’t make fun of her right from the git-go. We need to get her far enough into the city that she won’t consider running back to the woods… We need to get to that portal.”

The twins flew off , followed by their bovine lover.

“
Wait!” Orji walked through tall, blue-green grass to get back to them. “You’ll need to wear these too.” He handed each of them an eye curtain and curved rod. “Poke the ends through your hood. Like this….” He showed the twins the correct way to wear the unflattering headgear.

Half an hour later, Saffron was ranting, raving, and screaming in the middle of the woods. Orji had told her that he had met the twins on his way back from town and they hadn’t found Ny. He had also told her that she needed to prepare herself to go into town to use the portal. He told her
exactly
what she needed to do.

“
I’m sick of this! I’m sick of weird people who do freaky things! I’m tired of you always telling me ‘We have to, Saffron,’ ‘It’s the only way, Saffron.’ This is stupid and it’s GROSS! Who walks around with their derriere hanging out?!” Then she screamed some more. After a while she threw herself to the ground, panting.

Orji said nothing during the entire tirade — in fact, he was speechless. Saffron had such
passion
in her — if only she would use it for good instead of hysteria. He waited a little while before he said, “Saffron, do you ever stop and think before you start screaming? The only reason this is a big deal is because it’s a big deal to
you.
Nobody else out there in this realm, thinks there is anything odd about the way they dress. If you could give up your prejudices for one afternoon….”

“
I am
not
prejudiced! I’ve got a poster of Will.i.am on my closet door!”

Orji made the wide-eyed, I-think-you’re-a-lunatic face. “So?!”

“
So…he’s black.” Saffron stammered.

“
Saffron,” Orji tugged at his ear lobe, “there are a million more things in the world to be prejudiced about than just the color of someone’s skin.”

Saffron’s face turned purple with rage. “Don’t you talk down to me! I know what being prejudiced is, and I’m not!”

Orji broke out into a big, toothy grin. “Good! Prove it! Stop complaining, stop making fun of and belittling things and people that scare you, and just do it! Let’s go out into this realm, Saffron! Let’s show everybody that we can hang bare-assed in the wind and not have a care in the world!”

“
Very funny,” Saffron sulked.

“
Look at you, Saffron — I bet you’d look cute with your rump hanging out of your pants!”

“
Oh, my God.” Now, all the color drained from Saffron’s face. She sat down hard, as if she had already cut the trap-door out of her pants, and wanted to hide her behind. That’s what Orji had told her just now — the people in the town — they had
holes
in their pants…! Right where the bum is…! For convenience! “Why do they
do that?
” she asked miserably.

“
I talked to some boys — this culture seems to think it’s ridiculous to cover certain areas of their bodies – they don’t want their functions hindered. Like the boy said, ‘it’s all nature’.” Orji lowered his voice, gentled it to a lilt. “Saffron, we have to get to the portal and search another realm. Do you have any idea how much Earthrealm time has passed?”

Saffron shrugged, “Not
that
much time….”

Orji’s shoulders slumped. She really liked to repress things. He didn’t care how long this quest took — he had nowhere to be, and no one to miss him. Life was just one ongoing adventure. Now that these nice folks took his body to a cloud far, far, away — he couldn’t age either. He was thrilled. He could see each and every realm — even if it took him 500 years — and he’d always be this same, young, strapping-hot guy. He smiled —what a world! But people missed this girl. And she missed them. He could see it in her sad eyes and ever-slowing reactions. Time meant everything to her.

“
You can’t look at me.” Saffron mumbled.

Orji stared at her blankly. “What?”

Saffron sucked in some air and stood up tall. “You can’t look at me.”

“
OH!” Saffron’s meaning suddenly dawned on him. He brushed his knuckle under her chin. “No problem — I’ll walk in front of you.” He looked as sweet as angel — one of the ones that set up shop below-ground.

“
Okaaay…en oh — NO!” An uninvited image of Orji’s naked butt floated to the surface of her consciousness. She tried desperately to beat the image down with hard-blinking eyes. “No! You will walk on the
side
of me — that’s the only way I’ll do it”

“
Fine, fine. C’mon, I’ll help you cut your pants.”

“
Oh, you wish.” Saffron refused to make eye contact as she thrust her hand out, “Gimme your knife; I’ll do it myself!” She turned and walked into the woods, ruthlessly swatting at helpless branches. “And don’t follow me, either,” she spat over her shoulder.

He mimicked her as he watched her walk away.

It was a long time before she emerged. The twins had sneaked back into the camp twice, impatient and rearing to go. Orji mouthed, ‘No!’ and waved them back to their camouflaged waiting spot. She walked super-slowly out of the woods and kept mumbling, “OhmyGod, OhmyGod….” with each footstep.

Orji experienced just the slightest pricking of shame when she finally stood before him.

She was so scared, she was shaking. Her eyes were dark with fear, her pupils dilated to two large, black spots. Her hands were at her chest and she wouldn’t stop wringing them. She entwined her fingers so violently that her knuckles cracked. Tears welled in her eyes.

Orji had never seen anyone quite like this — unless you were to count that time he and his buddy were captured by terrorists. The terrorists threatened to skin them both alive. Orji and his friend had glanced over at a pile of bodies with no skin seeping fluids into the dirt in the corner of the compound. They knew the terrorists weren’t kidding. At that point, Orji’s friend had started to panic — to fall apart just the way Saffron was now. Orji hoped nothing
really bad
ever actually happened to her — she’d give herself a heart attack. She could probably self-combust. “Saffron,” he whispered, and gently massaged her shoulders, “never mind — you don’t have to do this….” He sighed. “We’ll go at night — we’ll break into the town building and use the portal.”
What if there’s an ‘on’ button and you have no idea what it is — or, how to activate it?
“Or maybe, we’ll have the twins make you invisible. Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out.”

Saffron swiped at her eyes and immediately resumed the hand wringing. “No,” she said flatly, “I’m sick and tired of being a baby — I’ll do it.”

Now Orji felt like a real loser. “Saffron, you’re not acting like a baby. This fear you have, it’s…it’s not your fault. I know I’ve been pressuring you to get over it — and maybe I’ve been wrong in doing so. I never thought it was your fault…. This fear you have — it’s just something that happens to some people. It seems like it’s terrible.” He shrugged, “I was just hoping you could get over it, so you could have a little happiness in your life —breathe a little freer.”

“
I said, I’ll do it.” Again, flatly.

“
Okay, then, here’s your veil.” Orji handed her the veil and rod. He swung his pack on his back. He had repacked the entire camp while Saffron dawdled in the woods. As it turned out, it wasn’t a very big realm. The twins had scouted the entire world in a few short hours. There had been no reason to set the camp up in the first place. But they didn’t know that at the time.

Orji helped Saffron adjust her veil, then carefully turned around and moved close to her side. “There. Neither one of us can see the other – although, I don’t mind if you can’t control yourself and need to take a peek.”

Saffron’s eyes became slits as she ground her teeth.

“
No? Well, okay, but you’d be the first to complain.”

Quickly, Saffron pushed her veil-rod back like a headband, and looked up into Orji’s eyes. She had never considered his sex life before. What was he talking about — she’d be ‘the
first
to complain’? What was he, some kind of man-ho? Her stomach did a little flip-flop before she got control of herself, and forced all considerations of Orji’s past out of her head. Though it had been nice. For those two turbulent seconds she wasn’t thinking of her poor hiney…. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.