Faith In Love (12 page)

"I'll do what the fuck I like.  You can't run my life and nor can anyone else!"

"Watch your bloody step, mate!" Joan snarled viciously.

"You watch yours!"

All the time this exchange was taking place I was jamming myself into my jeans, cramming my feet into my shoes, as fast as I could.  Everything seemed to have shrunk overnight, to at least a size too small, but at last I was decent. 

Then, with my socks and knickers in my pocket and one arm in my coat sleeve, I hurtled up the hall and out the door, with Joan stumbling red-faced after me.  Fortunately, she was naked and it was cold, otherwise she might have pursued me down her pretty little road onto the High Street and all the way to my house. 

~ ~ ~

Sunday, March 27.  PM.

"Hi Joan, how you doing?"

"All right.  Nice journey?"

"Fine.  What's up with you, though?  You don't look well."

"I'm all right.  How's your mum?"

"Worse."

"Sorry to hear it."

Eva looked gloomy.  "It's awful seeing her like that.  She's not the woman she was."

"She's still your mum."

"That's right."

Sunday, March 27

At the same time, less than a mile away, at Faith and Don's terraced house;  Don comes in looking tired and drawn.

"Hi, Faith.  How are you?"

"Hallo, Don."

"Good weekend?"

"Yep."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing.  How's Phil?" 

"My big brother?  He's as usual.  No change."

"Nothing to report there?"

"No.  Why?  He hasn't phoned has he?"

"Why would he if you've just seen him?" 

"Well, he wouldn't would he?  That's what I mean, if he did, it would be an emergency.  So naturally I was worried, when you implied he phoned."

"I didn't mean to imply that, Don.  I'm sorry if I worried you.  Come on, let's have a cup of tea.  I'm tired, even if you're not."

"Oh, I am, Faith.  Sometimes I'm not sure I can take the strain."

"All that traveling."

"Yes."

"It would have to be worth it, Don."

"At one time definitely, Faith, but now I'm not so sure.  Perhaps I need a change of pace." 

"Tired of football, Don.  Must be getting old."

"A bit harsh, Faith.  But still, I am tired."

"Probably need a holiday.  I expect that's all it is."

"You're probably right."

Monday, March 28.  PM. 

Faith is on the telephone in the hall by her front door.  She is nervous because Don could come in at any minute.  This is one call he must not overhear.

Phil says, "If you'd kept in touch, you'd have known he never stayed overnight with me;  that was just something he told you.  Oh, I offered… of course I did, he's my brother.  But then I got fed up with being refused every time.   

"He said he wanted to be with the crowd, you know – the other supporters.  Bunch of louts, best avoided I would have thought, but that was part of the buzz, he said.

"I did always think it unfortunate he couldn't have stayed true to Tottenham as it were, nearer to home and all that, but I supposed he had his reasons, though it did seem odd to switch teams suddenly like that.  I suppose, like you Faith, I had assumed it to be a lifelong commitment, a bit like marriage or Radio Four.  I was wrong about marriage as well, wasn't I?

"Of course I never challenged him on it!  Why should I?  I didn't even see him most times he came up, certainly not to talk to.  If he came at all he rushed in, rushed out, just taking time out from his busy schedule to say hello to me. 

"It all seemed a bit excessive, him having to come up for every home game, driving all that way, paying out all that for hotels, driving all that way back again.  But then I'm a fishing man, different thing altogether. 

"I never guessed what might be behind it.  I'm afraid I took it at face value, much as you did, Faith.  But then I'm the trusting sort.  I suppose I must have vaguely seen it as one of Donald's more madcap schemes.  He always had something on the go, even as a child, usually something that didn't bear close examination.  Quite often I have been obliged to get him out of trouble over the years, but surely I don't still have to be my brother's keeper do I?  Not at our advanced ages. 

"And, as for Eva, well I'm sure she'll get more mileage out of either of you two than she will out of me, these days anyway.  I'm not the nostalgic sort I have to say, and any feeling I had for her withered on the vine rather a long time ago. 

"I assume you are quite sure of your facts, Faith?"

"No, I'm not Phil, I must admit.  This call to you is part of the fact-gathering phase, you might say."

"So, it might be coincidence."

"The Manchester connection?  Certainly.  What do you think though, Phil?"

"Let's just say, Faith, I would put nothing past either of them."

"You think they are capable of such sustained deception?"

"Separately and together.  Without a doubt." 

"Oh."

"What's your next step?"

"I'll play it by ear, Phil.  See what happens."

"Don't swim out of your depth, Faith, will you?"

"I'm unsinkable."

"Hope so.  Call me if you need me."

"I will.  Thanks Phil, and, I'm sorry."

"You've done nothing wrong.  It's not your fault.  Don't let them shift the blame."

"I understand.  Goodbye, Phil.  I'll be in touch."

Faith replaces the receiver just as Don's key turns in the lock. 

Tuesday, March 29 

Just before closing time, Eva appears at the shop.  Faith tries to seem relaxed, although she highly anxious and almost afraid of Eva. 

"Please come round after work.  I've got a surprise for you."

"I can't come, Eva.  If you'd come yesterday – I have to get straight back tonight."

"Please, please come.  I need to see you.  I couldn't come yesterday.  It's tonight I need to see you.  Tonight or never!  I desperately need your womanly wisdom.  The benefit of your excellent advice."

"I honestly can't come, Eva.  I have to finish up here and be in before Don gets home, like I said.  I'm making something special to eat tonight."

"Wonderful.  He's a lucky man, but still, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't vitally important.  Can't you do both?  You could, if you leave early.  What about Pearl, couldn't she cover for you?  Why don't you ask her?  I'm sure you would do the same for her in an emergency."

"What's this, Faith?" says Pearl just then, unashamedly jumping into the conversation.  "If it's a family problem I can help out, I really don't mind.  Go ahead both of you, I can finish up here.  I don't suppose we're going to get a sudden rush on, are we?  And I hardly think Owen's going to show his face in here again this evening.  Off you go now.  Just leave it to me.  Quickly Faith, change out of your overall and go."

"Well, I can't stay long.  I could just pop round."

"There you are then.  We're all agreed.  Let's go!"

~ ~ ~

Eva's car sped past the turning into her road and headed south. 

"Are we going to the flat, Eva?"

"As you can see, we're going somewhere else."

Fifteen minutes later they had parked and disembarked outside a tall redbrick block of flats, overlooking a fashionable London square.  They entered and ascended several flights of stairs in silence, till Eva unlocked a door. 

"My pied-a-terre!" she declaimed as she threw the door open, standing aside for Faith to enter. 

"It's beautiful," said Faith. 

The furniture was probably Regency, the carpets probably Turkish, the flames of more than a dozen of white candles flickered in reflection in a heavy mirror that was probably antique. 

"Do you like it?"

"I love it.  Is it yours?"

"Goes with the job.  It's a perk.  Part of the hotel, really.  In theory they could let it out, probably will do if they're offered enough.  Till then, it's mine."

"You're lucky."

"You make your own luck in this world, I think.  Anyway, I'm glad we got here before the candles dripped everywhere.  Sit down please, Faith."

"This chair is amazing!  You just sink into it!"

"Yes.  Now Faith, I know what you said about drinking, but I believe you like vodka and lime and I've got some for you."

"You bought me some?"

"In the fridge.  I've got ice too, if it's not too cold for that.  Would you have a drink with me?"

"Yes, Eva, I will.  Shall I get it?"

"If you would, and I will light the fire." 

"A real fire.  Eva, you're very clever."

"Am I?"

"Lighting a real fire.  I'm not sure I could do it.  Anyway, what can I get you to drink?  Don't say lager, please."

"Funnily enough I can't stand that stuff.  I know it's the tipple of choice for around one hundred percent of the drinking population, especially lesbians, it seems, but I'm a vodka drinker too, Faith, same as you are.  Though I prefer orange juice as a mixer."

"Amazing."

"It's in the fridge."

~ ~ ~

"Right.  Now, Faith.  We're both properly sorted.  The fire's on, we've each got our drink.  We're each nicely settled in our comfy armchairs, though there's a perfectly good settee over there crying out for some company – now it's time for a serious chat."

"Is it?"

"I think we each have serious things we need to say to the other.  For example, I hear you've been messing with my little Jo Jo again."

"If you mean Joan, I didn't know she belonged to you or anyone else."

"You knew very well, Faith.  And after our little tete-a-tetes, too.  Did you do it to get even?"

"For what?" 

"Imagined slights, feared infidelities.  Perhaps you don't get enough attention."

"Who from?"

"Me, of course."

"To be honest, I wasn't thinking of you at all."

"Well, now you know how it's done, Faith: sleight of mind, like a conjuring trick with the conscience.  Now you feel it, now you don't!  The way to infidelity is through willed ignorance.  Sex being a delightful drug that brings forgetfulness, much like opium."

"You haven't had opium!"

"Not knowingly.  So how was it, Faith?  Do you like it with Joan?  Isn't she delicious?  It was very naughty of you to do intimate things with her again, though.  Now you're as bad as the rest of us."

"Who?"

"The human race, of course.  That offspring of apes and angels that infests the earth.  I almost thought you were not one of us, Faith.  I almost despaired.  But now – Oh, what fun!  Now it's my turn to play the wronged spouse and yours to be the guilty party!  Come on now, down on your knees and beg my forgiveness.  I know exactly how you can make amends."

"Is it all a game to you?"

"I love my games and my diversions, it's true.  What else is life for, but to be enjoyed?  I delight in my body and in your body and the sensations two people can share.  I delight in passion, and in pleasure, and in pain.  But no, it's not a game in the sense you mean.  I said this is a time for us to deal with serious things.  I meant it.  Listen to me please, Faith: I was angry about Joan, I admit, and you might think you should be angry with me too, but the here and now is for you and me, no one to watch, no one to judge, no one to know.  We can sort this out between ourselves.  I will punish you, Faith, as you have punished me. 

"Come on!  I'm ready now.  I'll make you think of me and no one else!"

~ ~ ~

The firelight flickers on Eva's long naked legs.  The curtains are drawn.  Faith kneels naked in front of Eva.  Her arms clutch the backs of Eva's thighs.  Faith's head is bowed.  Eva's right hand is in Faith's hair, the dark locks looped around her fingers.  Her left hand grips Faith's shoulder.  Eva drags on Faith's hair.  In silence, Faith resists and then succumbs.  Her head is forced forwards.

Faith wants to be forced.  

~ ~ ~

"Where've you been?  We've been worried!"

"I was up the library.  Lost track of time."

"Library?  What is it – all night opening?"

"Late night.  It's eight o'clock, Don, not midnight."

"We never thought of the library.  Never thought you went there."

"Times change Don, obviously.  People sometimes start doing what they didn't do before and if they like it, they keep on doing it.  That's life.  Anyway, have you eaten?"

"Carol made some chips." 

"You'd live on chips Don, if you could.  You're like a little kid."