Faith In Love (16 page)

"She came to her senses.  She got out of her depth – with you all.  Don't think I don't know about you, too, Faith." 

"Like I said, we're all casualties, Joan.  How can you take her side?"

"I don't see it the same way you do.  I don't think you should ask me questions like that.  You might hear a few harsh words, about you, your precious hubbie, your neurotic daughter with her emotional blackmail, "Fuck me or I'll starve myself to death!" and you, your fucking hypocrisy.  You make me sick, the lot of you!"

"Don't be ridiculous!  You're addicted to her, that's all.  It's like a drug."

"For
you,
she is.  I'm glad you can see that.  It's different for me, I love her.  I know her and I love her.  I'm going to be with her forever."

"Good luck!"

"I won't need it.  I'm happier than I've ever been."

"Incredible!"

"So long, Faith.  I won't be seeing you.  Perhaps you'd go now."

"With pleasure."

"I doubt it.  But if you don't go I might find it necessary to give you the kind of medicine you gave Eva!"

"What d'you mean?"

"A pop on the nose, Faith.  Nothing would please me more.  Now, if I were you I'd fuck right off!"

I found myself on the outside of the suddenly slammed front door.  I was breathing hard and fast.  The cold crisp air of outdoors made me dizzy for a moment, the bright daylight brought quick tears to my eyes.  I brushed them away on my coat sleeve like a lonely child.  I stepped off down the path and out the gate, and set off on the short walk home.

~ ~ ~

"Eva!  That fucking woman was here again!  She said you might have AIDS."

"She doesn't mean it.  She's just upset.  Anyway, please don't swear, darling."

"She's upset?  I'm upset, Eva.  You better believe it!  I nearly gave her a smack."

"Thought you didn't hold with violence, darling?" 

"Don't you
darling
me, Eva.  I think I've had quite enough of you and that family.  The strain of it – all of them just round the corner.  A whole nest of your ex-lovers.  It's obscene.  I can't even go out.  I could bump into them at any moment." 

"I thought you'd come to terms with it all, Joan." 

"Never!"

"You're very upset."

"It's that fucking woman.  I can't bear it!  How could you, Eva?" 

"How could I?  What about you?  Look, you couldn't help it; I couldn't help it.  Let's admit she's irresistible and leave it at that!" 

"Irresistible?  That's it, Eva!  I want you out!  Clear off!  Go on.  Now!  I'm not joking.  Go to that poky little place you've got in Soho."

"Oh, you know about that!"

"I know more than you think, Eva.  I've been keeping an eye on you for a while now."

"Since when?"

"Long enough.  Let's put it like this, not much you told me came as a surprise."

"Well!"

"Words fail you for once?  Good!  Now clear off!"

Tuesday, April 5   

"Isn't that your handsome sister-in-law across the road, Faith?"

"I can't see her."

"I think so.  Look, Faith!  By the newsagent.  With the blue raincoat and the big umbrella."

"No, Pearl.  It is not."

"Oh.  If you're sure.  Oh, look, she's going now anyway.  You're right, of course.  It can't have been her.  She'd have come in, wouldn't she?"

"She would have." 

"Very like her, though."

"Very."

Wednesday, April 6

"I loved her.  I still love her.  I shouldn't say it, but I do."  (His big hard fingers dug into my arm, but I didn't pull away.  His tear-stained face was a shocking sight.)  "Oh!  Oh!  Faith.  Will I get over this?  Will I ever?  Will you help me?  Oh, you're twice the woman she is.  Why couldn't I have stayed by you?  What is it about me?  Will you help me change?  Oh Faith, I swear to you, I'll change.  Oh!  Oh!  She's gone now – Oh!"  And he clutched his stomach and rolled back onto the bed like an old sea lion, his face white and twisted and whiskery.  The first time I've seen him as old, and him still only thirty-nine. 

"Good riddance!" I said.  "We're well shot of her, all of us.  Don't forget what she's done to our Carol.  You're not the only one who's got something to cry about."

All of a sudden, I thought of Joan again.  I didn't wish her any harm, despite her rudeness.  Nor Eva, if the truth be told.  I had an intuition they didn't live around the corner anymore and if they didn't, I was glad of it.  Let them try to make a life wherever they were, maybe somewhere where the sun shines longer and stronger than it ever does here. 

Can't see it lasting, though.  Can't make anything lasting, with that one.  Like making bricks without straw.  It can't be done.  I suppose, though, that Joan's best placed to try, if anyone is.  There's not much Eva can do now, that won't be a repeat performance.  Joan's certainly seen it all before.  And she'll see it all again, I should think.

Eva's like one of those actresses who can't keep off the stage, always making a comeback.  What does that make Joan, then?  Her manager?  Wardrobe mistress?  Warm-up act?  Whatever, the show must go on for those two, even if the audience has long gone home.  Oh.  Yes, Joan can be the audience too, if she's got the patience. 

Thursday, April 7

"It's good of you to see me, Phil, at so little notice.  I know how busy you are."

"No need to be formal with me, Faith.  I always felt like a brother to you, you know that.  I should, perhaps, thank you for coming all this way to see me.  Please, sit down.  Will you have a Scotch?  No?  Oh well.  I assume you want to talk about Eva.  Am I right?" 

"I've heard so many versions, Phil.  I've come for yours.  You two were married five years.  What do you say?"

"Four and a half, she left in the April, but, I take your point."

"It's not too painful still, is it Phil?"

"Let's get on with the story Faith, shall we?  It's what you've come for.  Eva now, how can I put it?  She's not what Don thinks, Faith, that's for certain.  She's definitely more of a woman's woman.  At the hotel, oh, it sounds fanciful, but she was a regular Romeo with the chambermaids!  Course, I didn't know that straight away, it was all done behind my back.  I had to find it all out for myself in the long run, much like you have Faith, and your poor little girl.

She did love me though, I'm not saying she didn't; she loves everyone, or no one.  Mostly she loves herself.  She does like to be with men, too.  Well, me, Don of course, and a few before we met.  But mostly, I promise you, it's women that interest her.  Small, dark women, like you usually, and, well, Carol.

I have to say Faith, if I'd known you knew her, either of you, I could have predicted the nature of the relationship."

"You make it sound inevitable Phil, like a compulsion.  She was, still is, living with a blonde."

"Exception that proves the rule."

"She's not a force of nature, though.  She's human.  She can make choices.  She must take responsibility for her actions, Phil.  Like we all must!  Like Don must!"

"I wasn't surprised by him, either.  It's just what he would do.  Ever since we were boys, he's wanted what I've got, even if it's not as good or as much as he had.  Just because I have it, he must have it.  By whatever means."

"Inevitable, again?"

"Exactly."

"Sociopaths, both?"

"A matching set."

"Deserved each other?"

"Precisely."

"You may have a point there, Phil."

~ ~ ~

"You can stay the night if you want to, Faith.  It's a long way to travel back so late."

"On the settee, Phil?"

"In the spare room if you like, Faith."

"I will stay then, if you don't mind.  I must phone Don, though.  Otherwise he'll worry."

"He doesn't deserve you, Faith."

"You may have a point there too, Phil."

Friday, April 8

"I'm glad you're home, Faith.  I've missed you."

"You're going to miss me a lot more.  You're going up to visit your brother."

"Phil?  When?"

"Now.  You can have dinner on the train.  Stay up there a while.  I'll phone the office Monday – you're entitled to some sick leave." 

"You're sure he wants to see me?"

"He's your brother."

"If I was him, I'd do me in."

"You're not him.  Now get going."

"I could go to the football match."

"For a change!"  

"You're sure you'll be all right on your own?"

"I won't
be
on my own.  I've got my daughter to look out for me.  It's about time we spent a bit of time together, just the two of us."

"Is she happy with that?" 

"She is."

"I'll see you next week then.  If I'm still alive."

~ ~ ~

Don snoozes on the Intercity up to Lancashire.  Is it a dream or a memory that floods his brain? 

  Eva to Don: You could say you come up for the football.  She'll never know.  Like you did this weekend."

"Yeah, but I'm a Spurs supporter.  They're playing away!"

"So are you."

"All right, all right." 

"Just tell her you've changed your team!"

"I can't do that!"

"Don't be daft, just pretend.  Tell her you've fallen in love with United's goalie or something.  She'll go for that!"

"Now you're being daft.  She won't believe I've changed my team, just like that."

"Donald, she will!"

"She bloody won't, you don't know her like I do!"

"I know her well enough.  Trust me, Donald!  She will believe it.  I know women!  I am one, remember?"

"She's not a woman, she's my wife!  She'll know I'm lying." 

"Isn't it worth it?  You could come up every couple of weeks, when they're playing at home."

"I'd miss seeing Spurs!  I'd sooner get a divorce!" 

"You can be so foolish, Donald.  You'd lose your home, your job probably.  You'd never see your daughter again, all because of your childish loyalty to one football team."

"Eva!  I couldn't pretend to support a team I don't support!  I couldn't keep it up!"

"I'm disappointed, but not surprised."

"Faith would catch me out."

"Faith would not catch you out.  People don't see what's staring them in the face, let alone things that a clever person has taken some trouble to camouflage."

"I'm not that clever, Eva."

"I didn't mean you.  Listen, Donnie, I guarantee she will accept that you have changed teams, necessitating a fortnightly flight northwards.  She will accept this, without demur, for two reasons.  One, she will be glad of the break –"

"Hey!"

"– in routine, I mean, Don-Don, and, secondly, she will see it as yet another overflowing of your boyish enthusiasm, which of course it is, though not in fact for footie." 

"Sex, not soccer!"

"Fucking, not football!  Yes!  So, you will do it?"

"I'll give it a go, Eva.  Though if it doesn't work out, we'll have to rethink."

"It'll work out.  I promise."

~ ~ ~

"I should never have married him.  I knew it was a mistake.  Even at the altar I was thinking, 'At least I can get a divorce!'"

"Eva!  You weren't."

"I was, Don.  I picked the wrong brother, that's all there is to it."

"I agree with that!"

= CHAPTER 10 =

Saturday, April 9

"Carol!  Wow!  These veggie sausages are really great!  Why didn't you tell me?  God, to think I could have bought these instead of those poor pig's bits your dad always demanded.  He would never have known the difference.  Bangers and mash, lovely!  You can cook again, my girl.  In fact, you've just been appointed head chef!  You can come with me to Tesco's tomorrow as well.  Will you do that?  I'll see my Sunday shopping duties in a whole new light, I bet.  Should be fun." 

Monday, April 11

Faith gets a letter.  Unfamiliar handwriting and a central London postmark.  

"It was always you that I wanted, my little gypsy curly head, you that I loved.  It was because I wanted to get close to you.  That's why I did everything I did.  I've loved you since the day we met.  Since my wedding day.

So sweet, so petite in your smartest clothes.  To do honour to me and to Phil.  I was touched.  I was moved by you.  Neither Don nor Phil nor the little one nor anyone else ever did that.  Only you have touched my heart.  Please do me one last favour if you ever cared for me at all.  Visit me, please, on your day off next Thursday.  You know where.  I swear, love, only you!  E"