Fall (34 page)

Take your coat off.

Ow she says. My ankle.

What.

Ow ow ow.

She’s crawling on all fours to the bathroom.

It’s funny.

It’s worrying.

It’s sexy.

I’ll get some ice I say.

Men walk naked in their homes I’m thinking.

You don’t need clothes if you have a home.

William’s little kitchen.

Peas are better than ice I’m thinking. Coach said Put frozen peas on your ankle when you get home and I said I don’t have a home or peas so he gave me an icepack.

That’s chilly on the balls.

Why am I naked.

Peas.

William.

I’m gonna ask him if he cooks for himself.

Maybe he reads books.

Maybe he plays with his car.

Are you ok I shout!

Yeah she shouts!

Do you feel sick!

Kind of!

I feel good I shout! I’m surprised!

I’m coming out!

I have peas for you!

I’m not hungry she says and she’s on her hands and knees in bra and panties and she’s like a movie about Hot, but she’s crippled.

You’re beautiful I say. Are you ok.

She’s laughing.

You’re naked she says.

I have peas for your ankle.

Let’s get under the covers.

Mm.

Phoo.

Ooo.

Aah.

Mm.

Sss.

Pha.

Sh.

Ga.

Ga.

Gah.

Sss.

Listen to the noises I’m making her make.

Sh.

Ss.

Ga.

God.

God.

J.

Oh!

Listen to that.

Mgod she says.

Yeah.

Homgod she says.

Mm.

That was the most amazing . . . she says.

I’m proud. I might have to tell people about that one I’m thinking.

Julius.

Yeah.

I love you.

I’m resting frozen peas on her ankle.

I’m hungry.

That feels good she says.

What are we gonna do for breakfast I say.

You eat a lot she says.

Your peas are making me hungry.

You can’t eat my peas.

How does it feel.

It . . . I don’t know. It hurts. Does it look bad to you.

It’s pretty swollen.

I wish we had a car she says.

Do you want to get it looked at.

I don’t know. Should I.

My dad would know I’m thinking.

Maybe I say.

Maybe the peas will work she says.

Ice is good.

Brr she says. Come back under the covers.

Carrots.

There’s a carrot in her fish.

She smells like fish.

Guh I say. We fell asleep again.

Yeah. What time is it.

I don’t know.

I dreamt she says.

Me too.

I dreamt we were on a beach.

Nice I say. I think I dreamt about fish.

It was so nice she says. It was so. Everything was gold and like a blanket. My ankle was in the water. You had freckles on your nose she says.

It still hasn’t hit me that we’re at William’s.

I know.

Are you shy.

No.

Shy about what we just did in William’s bed.

Don’t. Now you’ve made me shy.

Let’s do it again.

Now I’m thinking about William she says.

This is where he takes his ladies. His lady friends.

Oo. Hey, J, my dream made me think about beaches. I think we should go somewhere warm together. I think my mom’s gonna surprise me with a ski trip at Christmas, but how about I tell her to take me and you somewhere warm.

Nice.

Hot.

Nice.

I’ll get a bikini.

Hot.

What colour.

Skin.

Skin colour. You’re a classy guy.

Fuckin A.

Where should we go. Where’s warm.

Noel’ll be going to Australia.

That’s too far. I don’t want to go somewhere where we know someone.

I can’t go anywhere anyway. Unless my dad comes. And he won’t.

Yeah. Mom’s going to Cuba tomorrow anyway. Let’s pretend she says. It’s cold in here.

It’s the peas.

Let’s go to Barbados.

Ok.

Ok.

Now what.

I don’t know.

Let me look at your ankle.

Fuck she’s beautiful.

That was such a fun anniversary she says.

I’m touching her leg. It’s gorgeous and a little fat at the top because that’s what real people look like. I am wise. It was great I say.

I don’t remember coming home she says. Up the stairs.

I remember. You said you were gonna have a nap in your coat. And then I don’t remember. I don’t know why I was naked.

You must have been excited.

Lalalalalololalolalalalalalolll

Double u double u

Lolanglanglo

My mouth’s between her legs

Langlang

What should I do loolululu.

This.

Liplipliplip.

This.

Latlatlatlatlat.

Ooo.

Yeah.

That.

Latlatlat.

That was so nice I say.

I feel shy she says.

I love her.

I’m standing. I’m wearing my boxers. Fall bought them they have monkeys on them. I’m cold.

I wish I had The Animal.

You don’t need The Animal she says. You have me.

She’s holding me from behind and I’m chilly and warm and I’m loved, fuckin: mmm!

I want to live here I say.

Me too she says.

I want to get this fuckin year over, get out of school, get my own place.

Maybe we’ll live together.

Yeah.

I hope so she says.

Sad spills hot water on the heart.

I’d love to live with you she says.

Let’s live here.

Ok.

William lives in the car anyway.

We’re skinny in our underwear.

Don’t be sad.

No she says.

Don’t be sad.

No.

She’s wearing William’s brown robe it’s hilarious.

I’m wearing his pyjama bottoms and there’s room for another Julius and a Fall and a village and an elephant. I need a belt I say.

There’s eggs she says. I can make an omelette.

Can you.

You bet.

What else can you make.

Here.

Anywhere.

Lots of things.

Can you.

Sure.

Make me a steak.

There’s no meat.

Make me a hamburger.

There’s no meat.

What is there.

Not much. I think maybe William doesn’t eat much.

He eats beer.

There’s beer.

He said don’t eat the beer. He warned me. I need a belt. I’m gonna get one.

It smells like suits in here I’m thinking. It smells like wisdom and whiskers and I really love my dad.

I need a belt.

What’s in those boxes. Secrets I’m thinking.

There’s a belt.

Wait. His belt’s gonna be too big. I’ll wear my belt. I’ll take a box and go through William’s personal secrets and problems and I’ll get my belt.

My pyjamas fell.

What’s that.

It’s a box of pictures I say.

William’s.

I found them in his closet.

You can’t go through those.

Sure I can.

I feel bad about eating his food she says. I found a tomato and an onion but he has eggs, tomato, an onion, and some beer. That’s it. And something I can’t tell, maybe beef jerky or salami.

I think that’s a penis. I had a dog with a penis just like that.

So we shouldn’t eat it.

Please make me an omelette. Please. Not with the dog’s penis, but the other stuff. I’m so fuckin hungry. We’ll replace his stuff. We’ll shop, or I’ll leave some money. I was gonna leave money.

You can’t leave money. And you can’t go through his pictures.

Why not.

They’re private.

William would go through my stuff. If he stayed at my place.

No he wouldn’t.

He would. He’d go through your stuff. He’d have your panties on his head.

Don’t say that.

We’ll have an omelette first.

Ok.

Can I watch.

Sure.

I’m standing back.

We could live here I’m thinking.

She’s cracking an egg like she knows what she’s doing.

You look like my grandmother in that robe.

Thanks she says.

You’re cute.

I’m warm. You look like you’re in a circus.

Thanks.

You look like a Russian dancer she says. That’s what it is.

She hoplimps to the stove.

Can I watch.

Sure.

A girl’s never made me an omelette before.

I’ve never made one for a boy she says.

Smells so good.

Box of photos on the floor.

She’s in her robe and we’ll sit on the floor and go through old times with William.

I want to eat on the floor I say.

There’s no table she says.

Exactly.

We’ve got to wash everything and leave it exactly like it was she says. And we’ve got to buy a new tomato and onion. And eggs.

Ok. That looks exactly like an omelette.

That’s what it is.

That’s so cool. You made a real omelette.

I hope it’s good.

It looks so fuckin great.

Get some knives and forks and carry me she says.

Fall made me an omelette.

Look at William with the neat hair. Look look look. Rolled up jeans.

So cute she says.

How old do you think he is.

I don’t know.

There’s a letter.

Don’t read it.

Why not.

I’ll be really mad if you read that letter.

It looks really old. Maybe it’s a love letter.

Put it away. Let me see some pictures.

Look at him with his buddies here.

Cute.

How come people get so fat.

These are such great pictures she says.

Everything’s kind of yellow and pale and there’s some in black and white and I don’t know what colour things were before my eyes were born.

Your omelette was delicious I say and I’m kind of lying but only because omelettes are boring, I’ve learned.

I’d love a blowjob.

That Korean food was so good last night she says. So fun.

That reminds me.

What.

Nothing.

What.

I wanna make a phone call.

To who.

It’s a secret.

I don’t feel so great she says.

Your ankle.

Maybe.

Korean food.

I think it’s a hangover.

You were drunk.

You were drunk.

I was fucked.

I was fucked.

Hm.

Ha.

We’re looking at each other.

She’s on the couch.

She’s reading a book.

She’s chewing her nails.

We live here.

514-849-5929

Hi. This is a message for Sean McAdams. You’re bald and you look like a fag and my girlfriend’s way too young for you.

Can you carry me to the shower she says.

You bet.

She’s heavy in her robe.

You’re heavy in your robe.

So take it off.

Godgod.

I can’t stop smiling.

She can’t stop smiling.

Hee I say.

She turns to the water and fills her mouth and spits it warm at my face.

Hee.

I’m gonna do that when she doesn’t expect it.

Aah she says. This is, like, the best shower I’ve ever had.

I really love my girlfriend. She’s standing on one leg.

She fits.

She’s tall but she fits.

Her ass against my hips.

Clean clothes and hair on my nose all fresh from the shower and nobody owns us or knows. I’m holding my Fall and that’s what I’m thinking.

J she says.

Yeah.

Scratch my back.

We’re on our backs on William’s bed and our eyes are closed and we’re not asleep, maybe both of us thinking what’s next.

It’s dark blue in my head. And there’s a NASCAR car and a nice guy with sideburns and a room down there with a brown couch and
chair and a Sunday light. And we’ll have to go out to the grey and the cold.

We had a shower together.

We did things nobody’s done, maybe.

It’s really hurting she says.

Maybe you should go to the hospital.

Do you think.

We could take a cab.

I’ve gotta see my mum later anyway. Maybe she could take me.

Do you wanna call her.

Maybe.

I’ll get the phone.

I’m worried about her but I’ve sprained my ankle before. It’s no big deal.

I can clean everything up I say.

Really.

Totally.

You’ll do it right.

Yeah.

You have to be respectful, Julius.

I am.

I want to help.

Just relax until your mom gets here. I’ll clean after you leave.

You’ll buy the food.

Yep. Onion, eggs, tomato.

You promise.

I promise.

What are you gonna tell your mom.

I’ve told her William’s a friend from school.

Ok. And what about the fact that he lives in a shithole.

She won’t come up. We’ll meet her outside and I’ll tell her William’s parents own the building.

Ok. You make it up and tell me later.

Ok she says. I wish we could stay she says.

Me too.

Promise to clean up properly.

I’ll go straight to the store when I get you in the car.

Promise.

Promise.

Come here she says. The day’s not over. I’ve got plans she says.

There’s a smile in her eyes and a joke I don’t get and I love her.

Away in her gold car, and it’s not so cold.

I like the grey.

I don’t know how to choose an onion and I don’t know how to choose a tomato and I don’t know where the store is.

I feel tall. Or lighter.