Fall On Me (4 page)

It scared the hell out of me that she may
have to undergo another transplant in a few years. The doctors
warned us that the average kidney transplant lasted between ten and
twelve years. He'd also pointed out–since I'd lost my shit in his
office–that others have been known to last for the lifetime of the
recipient.

Because Tracy is Lee's biological mother, her
chances are better than most. The doc had said that living donors
are the best kind because the kidney's completely healthy, and
blood relatives make the best donors because their tissues match or
some shit. All I knew was Lee was healing and recuperating and I
was living in a constant frenzy of fear, waiting for the next bad
thing to strike us…

"Tell him there's an extra twenty grand if
he's out by the end of the month."

Kelsie gaped at me. "But…today's the seventh,
sir?"

I smirked as I turned around and headed
towards my car. "Fine, fifty grand," I said throwing my hand in the
air. "Just get me in that house as fast as possible, Kelsie."

****

It was a twenty minute drive from South Peak
Road to University Hill, and within ten my phone was ringing.
"Kelsie," I said putting the phone to my ear. "Tell me you have
good news."

"Yes, Mr. Carter," I heard her say on the
other line. "I offered twenty. He accepted. You'll have the keys by
the twenty fifth."

I sighed in relief.

Thank fucking god.

"Good. Thanks, Kelsie, I owe you," I said
before hanging up. Little Kelsie was going to be getting a bonus,
that was for fucking sure. The girl had the temperament of a
skittish foal, but she was a damn good lawyer.

Pulling into the driveway of my old house, I
killed the engine and headed up the steps. My head hurt every time
I came here. Pushing every fucked up mental image my mind was
shoving to the surface aside, I turned the door knob. "Derek," I
called out as I stepped inside. Jesus Christ, it was a good thing
Lee couldn't deal with coming back here. Derek was living like a
slob. "Derek," I shouted louder as I made my way through the
rubble.

What a fucking pig sty.

I climbed over the piles of dirty laundry and
empty beer cans, not stopping until I reached the kettle. Flicking
it on, I busied myself with washing a couple of mugs and then
grabbed some milk from the fridge. I opened the gallon and quickly
closed it. Uh, I was sure I'd bought that very same gallon when I
moved out, along with some groceries when I'd realized my dumb as
fuck best friend wasn't feeding himself. Jesus.

Carrying the two mugs of black coffee I made
my way down the hall to Derek's room. Opening the door, I looked
inside and shook my head in disgust. "Get your ass up, douchebag,"
I growled. "It's seven in the evening."

Derek stirred from where he was lying face
down on his bed. "Fuck off, Kyle," he mumbled, grabbing a pillow
and covering the back of his head with it.

"I'll give you fuck off," I muttered. I'd
tried everything with him these past few weeks. Talking didn't
work. Pleading worked even less. Action was the only thing left.
Setting the mugs down on the floor, I crossed the hall to the
bathroom and filled a jug with water before heading back into his
room and tossing it over his stupid ass. The blonde, who was
sprawled out next to him, squealed and leapt up off the bed.

"Oh my god," she screamed, boobs out and
pussy bare. She glared at me for a moment before her eyes took on a
predatory gleam. "Divert your eyes, pretty boy, unless you feel
like joining us?"

I snorted in disgust. "Divert your ass,
Blondie, out of my fucking house. Now."

"Sorry, sweetheart," Derek grumbled as he sat
up slowly. "The slumber party's over.
Daddy's
home."

"Say goodbye to your friend," I growled as I
swung around to leave. "And take a damn shower."

****

"What's with the cock blocking?" Derek
muttered as he strolled into the kitchen ten minutes later with a
towel around his waist. "Not cool, Kyle. Not cool at all."

I had to use every ounce of my self-control
to keep my ass in my chair and remind myself that Derek wasn't
himself. The memory of how I'd found him a few weeks back came to
the fore point of mind–a constant reminder that Derek wasn't coping
as well as he made out.

I'd met his first sleep over buddy–naked in
my goddamn kitchen–five days before Lee was due home while my
daughter was upstairs sleeping.

I'd gone downstairs to grab Hope's morning
feed, in just my boxers, only to be violated by a big breasted
brunette with a dirty fucking mouth. Needless to say I'd lost my
shit, and after tossing her ass out of my house, I'd stormed into
his bedroom and had almost choked with fear…

His room reeked from the stench of whiskey and sex.
He was sitting at the foot of his bed, fresh from a shower with a
towel wrapped around his waist. "Is she gone?" Derek asked. I
couldn't answer his question because my heart had stopped fucking
beating when I saw what he was holding in his hand.

"What are you doing, Derek?" I managed to squeeze
out even though my lungs felt like they were about to burst inside
of my body.

"I'm tired, Kyle," he slurred, obviously still drunk
from the night before–if he'd even gone to bed. "It's like my mind
is stuck on repeat. Constantly playing out the same scenes over and
over until I feel like I'm going crazy. And then I welcome the
insanity. Sometimes I want to fall into that dark hole in my head.
Fall in there and stay in the black. Black is easy." He laughed but
it was forced. "I was fucking her and seeing Cam. How messed up
does that make me? Visualizing myself with a dead girl who didn't
even want me when she was alive…"

"No," I choked out as I sank down on the bed next to
him and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills–I hadn't even known
he'd been prescribed–out of his hand. "You don't fall into the
black, the dark or any of that shit. You feel like falling then you
fall on me, you got it? You can always fall on me."

Derek slumped over. Resting his elbows on his knees,
he covered his face with his hands. "This isn't me. I don't do this
to women…I don't know who I am anymore. I don't have a fucking clue
of what to do with myself. I've lost my job. I'm so screwed…I'm
sorry, dude. I know you probably don't want Hope around me when I'm
all fucked up like this. Shit, I don't want her around me when I'm
like this."

"Stop talking crap, you know Hope loves you. You're
fucking great with that girl and we all know it…Why does this
conversation sound like you're saying goodbye?" I asked, fucking
terrified. I'd never been in this position before, or at least not
with someone I'd give my right arm for.

Derek didn't answer me which caused my anxiety
levels to hit the roof. "Look, Derek, I know this sucks. I don't
ever want to feel what you're feeling right now. She tore your
fucking heart out when she left with Mike and I know you said you
were okay about it, but it's clear that you're not. It's okay to be
angry, to be shredded. If Lee pulled that shit on me and died
before I had a chance to get closure I don't think I'd even
function. But you have to get through this, dude. I'm here for you.
You need to know that, man. I am here for you."

Since that morning I had tried everything to
wake his ass up. Nothing worked. Even though he did seem a little
more stable and smelled better, I found myself losing patience fast
with the stranger walking around in my best friend's body. "You're
an idiot, Derek. That chick was nasty. I could smell the STD's a
mile off."

"I've been called worse," he grumbled
plopping into the chair next to me. "And unlike your stupid ass, I
always wrap it up. So are you here for an actual reason, or did you
just stop by to berate me for my poor choice in women and drill me
on my methods of birth control?"

"How much did you drink last night?" I asked
ignoring his smart remarks. I was starting to think that I was
stuck inside some warped universe.

For the past four months I'd put every ounce
of my time and energy into getting Lee better and out of that damn
hospital. And now she was home, Derek had gone and lost his damn
mind. I knew he was hurting. I'd known that even when Lee was in
her coma. He'd managed to keep it together for me even though his
whole world had crumbled. I'd leaned on him too much. When I'd
needed help with Hope, or with the business, I had turned to Derek
and he'd supported me without clause or stipulation. I'd put too
much on his shoulders. It was only a matter of time before he
cracked.

Derek didn't answer, but the way his eyes
flinched when I spoke too loud was answer enough. I hissed in
frustration. "Jesus, man, you have to stop this. You're gonna put
yourself in an early grave."

He looked at me with dead eyes. "Do I look
like I care?"

"Don't," I warned. "Don't fucking say shit
like that. Not after Cam…"

"Don't talk about her to me," he shouted
jumping up from his chair. "I'm dealing with this my way."

That was the problem. He wasn't dealing with
it at all. He'd closed himself off. I think the shock and the
adrenalin kept him functioning for the first few weeks after the
shooting, but when that wore out the guy had just…slumped. Now he
refused to speak about Cam, to me at least. "You're going to have
to talk about her, preferably sooner than later."

"Preferably never," he shot back in
annoyance.

Okay, change tactics…

"I bought the house on South Peak Road," I
told him watching for some glimmer of life. I saw nothing besides
the slight flare of his nostrils. "The one I was telling you about
with the apartment in the basement. I get the keys in a few weeks.
I want you to come with us and get out of this damn house."

He folded his arms and stared me down. "No
thanks."

"This is not healthy, dude," I argued.
"Living in this house after what…"

"I said I'm not moving out, Kyle," he
shouted. "I don't want to. So you can either accept that or throw
me out."

I sighed heavily. "You know I'm not going to
throw you out, you idiot."

"Then let it go."

"Fine," I hissed as I stood up and made my
way out of the kitchen. I wasn't getting anywhere with him and I
was needed at the hotel. Lee got nervous if she was on her own too
long and I'd been gone with hours. It was dark outside, she'd be
worried by now. I never left her on her own. This was the first
time we'd been apart in the twenty-two days she'd been home. Fuck.
I needed to hire someone to keep an eye on her when I couldn't be
there. It didn't do either of us any good to be constantly
worrying. "Did you talk to Lee about meeting her mom yet?" I'd
asked Derek to drop it into conversation whenever he saw Lee. I was
hoping he could make her see sense…

"It's not happening, Kyle," Derek said with a
sigh. "You need to let it go, man."

"Not happening," I snapped. "They need to
speak to each other. It's going to happen. I can't just sit back
and do nothing."

"That's your problem, Kyle," Derek growled.
"You don't always have to
do
something in order to help a
person. Sometimes you can help more by just listening and more
again by
hearing
what that person is telling you."

"Whatever, dude," I growled as I gestured
around at what used to be a respectable looking house. "Listening
won't get shit done around here. Clean this mess up."

"Sure, thing, dad."

"Dig deep, Derek," I said when I reached the
front door. "And keep digging until you find yourself. I know
you're in there. Don't let it win. Fucking fight it, dude."

****

Chapter 3

Nervous
wreck

Lee

Where was he?

He'd been gone with hours.

I paced the floor of our makeshift home in
the honeymoon suite of the Henderson hotel. Anxiety was gnawing at
my stomach. I didn't like feeling this way but it was impossible
not to all things considered. I checked on Hope, and then I checked
on her again. She was sleeping soundly in her crib–had been with
the past thirty minutes and I knew she was down for the night. I'd
been blessed with a baby who slept right through since she was
eight weeks old.

I peeked through the curtain once more. It
was getting dark outside. I hated the darkness. You could never
tell what was lurking in the shadows–or who. Grabbing my cell, I
powered it up and dialed his number.

"Hey, you've reached Kyle. Leave a
message."

"Kyle," I whispered into the phone. "Can you
please call me when you get this?" I hung up and turned my phone
off quickly. I needed to get a handle on these nerves. I needed to
get rid of them. They were ruining my life. I was okay with being
on my own, but it freaked me out when I was alone at night. The
silence disturbed me–it unleashed my nightmares.

I couldn't turn on the television. My face
was all over it. I couldn't turn on my phone, my parents were
tormenting me. All I could do was sit in this damn hotel room and
stare at the four walls while my mind stirred up every bad memory
just to torment me.

"Your mother's alive."

Those were the same words I'd been battling
with since I opened my eyes in that hospital room and looked into
his blue eyes.

"She's a real nice lady," Kyle had said to me
when I'd woken up from my coma, but I couldn't say that I agreed. I
was grateful for the kidney and I was incredibly lucky that it had
worked right away. There was a girl down the corridor from my
hospital room who had to have continued dialysis after her
transplant. The type of kidney failure I'd suffered was called
acute kidney injury (AKI). It happened to me because of the damage
caused to my kidneys when Rachel shot me.