Fallacy (Apprehensive Duet Book 1) (26 page)

What the fuck is her problem? It's as if she’s trying to say I’m like her and everyone else. I’m not. I’ve never really seen this side of Blair before.

As if she’s reading my thoughts, she adds, “I’m not trying to be a bitch here. I’m just pointing out you’re a hypocrite. You’re claiming you want no part in these fake marriages, but you’re getting into one which is even worse than what we do. At least Roger and I love each other in our own way. There’s no love in what you’re doing.”

I don’t get a chance to respond before Blair is standing and reaching for her purse. “I think you need to revisit your story. I’m not Ashley. I’m not trying to keep you from marrying Jordan. I support you guys one hundred percent. I just want you to be aware you’re doing the same thing you claim to not want to be a part of.” She smiles and kisses us goodbye, leaving me more confused than when I arrived.

“Ashley doesn’t want you to go through with the wedding?” Jordan asks breaking me free from my thoughts.

I hadn’t said anything to anyone about Ashley’s reaction until tonight. Her lack of support has been a hard pill to swallow. I worry that this might be enough to forever change our friendship. But unfortunately, I don’t have any extra energy to devote to changing her mind.

“No.” I sigh. “She was very upset with me when I told her what’s going on. She even claimed you and I aren’t really friends. It’s my fault though because I bitched to her for months about not wanting anything to do with you, and now I’m telling her I’m marrying you.”

“Well, that’s only mildly insulting,” he jokes. “But it’s not as though I’ve been around her other than New Year’s Eve,” he says as he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me in to kiss my forehead. “What can I do to help? We already have enough to contend with without added grief. I can’t have you any more stressed out than you already are.”

“Spending more time with her and Tanner should help. I’m sure it will make her feel better,” I say so softly even I can tell there’s no conviction behind my words.

“What we’re doing isn’t the same thing as Blair and Roger. It’s not the same as my parents, but, at least it’s not an illusion. We both know what we’re getting ourselves into.” I know he’s trying to reassure me, but Blair’s words really shook me to my core.

Am I becoming the type of woman I hate most in the world? Am I becoming like my mother? I remember just how against this arrangement I was when my father first brought it up to me. There was so much anger and betrayal. I don’t feel anything close to that now. Am I actually becoming a desensitized socialite losing the grasp on the person I am?

But on the contrary, I do care about Jordan. I may even love him. Granted it’s not the kind of love you should be building a marriage upon, but I think, in this case, it’s enough of a love for him as a person. And I know Jordan cares about me. He’s never pushed me into marrying. It was actually my idea when my father went off the rails. But I also know how much it means to him to make his father proud. It’s not the same thing as Blair and Roger or even my parents. But it’s also not what Jordan’s parents have or Ashley and Tanner have either.

Alex

“The place looks really good,” Tiffany says, her smiling face filling the screen of my iPhone. “I love the blue color on your walls.”

“Thanks. How are things in Arizona? You get a new neighbor yet?” I ask reversing the camera on my phone so we can have a face to face conversation. I make my way to the couch where I sprawl out. These last two weeks have been grueling, and I’m worn thin. I’ve been spending most of my days at the field with the team getting everyone prepped for the season. Fourteen hour days can beat you down pretty quickly. Everyone thinks being the trainer is the easy job. Yeah, fucking right. There’s so much shit I’m responsible for. Every player, every trainer under me, rehab strategies, training schedules, making sure recovery is going as planned. It’s a year-round job, and I’ve been out of the loop here for the last two seasons. I’m playing catch up here while still relaying all the necessary information back to Arizona to help out their new head trainer. Throw in the move and the time change and I’m practically dead on my feet.

“I saw a couple checking the place out the other day, but I haven’t seen a moving truck yet, so I have no clue if they took it,” she smiles at me before it disappears and a look of concern takes its place. “You look tired. What’s going on over there?”

Sighing, I try to explain. “I am tired, Tiff. I’m happy to be home, but I don’t know what home is anymore. Do I consider this home since this is where I’m from? But really what do I have here? My mom’s gone. I’ve never met my father. I have Ashley and Tanner, but they have Michaela and a life together. A life I’ve been on the outside of because I’ve been across the country. I’m starting to wonder if I made the wrong move coming back here. So much of here reminds me of her, and when I think of her, all I can think about is her with someone else.” I feel a little lighter getting all that off my chest.

I’m not one to throw myself a pity party, but I can’t seem to help myself. I feel so alone being back here. I have so many great memories here, but that’s all they are now: memories. I lost mom about eight years ago. Heart attack. Never saw it coming. Everything just feels so different. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I was an outsider in Arizona so it didn’t feel as consuming there, and I had a friend right next door who was there when I needed some company.

It's not that I don’t have Tanner and Ashley here, but they have a whole new life. They’re married and have a new baby. Things change, and I’m thrilled for them. They deserve it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m now the single friend. When friends start to get married, social lives change, and I understand. I’m just in this weird place, and I don’t know how to get out of it.

“I’m sorry, babe. Trust me when I tell you I know just how you feel,” she sighs. “But what if I said I may have some good news for you?”

“You may have some good news, or you do have some good news?” I ask trying to force a smile on my face and pull myself from my wallowing.

“I may have some good news. Remember that night a few months ago when we were talking about trying to get me out of the position you’re in right now?” she says.

“Yes, I do actually,” I respond. I was trying to convince Tiff she needs to get away from Scottsdale. She’s living in the apartment she shared with Lena, caged in the four walls where they started building their life together. She can’t escape her. Not at home or at work. Her ex is an EMT, and as an ED nurse, it means at least once a week she runs into her at work. Sometimes she even has to work with her when she brings in a patient. One night after a run-in with her, I suggested she look for an opening in another hospital somewhere and see what happens. So we posted her résumé online on a website that spanned the entire country.

A smile spreads across her face before she continues, “Well, I got a call from New York Memorial the other day asking me if I would be interested in coming out for an interview for an open position in their ED department.”

Genuinely happy for her, and for myself at the prospect of having her near again, I return her smile with a sincere one of my own. “That’s great, Tiff. What’d you tell them?” I ask.

“I told them yes, of course. I’d be stupid to not take an interview at one of the best hospitals in the New York area.”

“Wow! When do you come out?” I feel the excitement building. I’ve really missed her these last few weeks, and I would love to spend some time with someone who gets me and my emotional state right now.

“My interview is in two weeks. I’m planning on staying a week.” The excitement on her face in contagious. I haven’t seen this much happy emotion on her face ever.

“You’re staying with me, right?” I’m not going to let her book a hotel for a week. She has to stay with me.

“I didn’t want to assume. But I would really love to stay with you. I was looking at hotels, and they’re all pretty pricey.”

“I know, welcome to New York. That’s why you should stay with me,” I beam.

Her face turns nervous, and she bites her bottom lip, which is what Tiffany does when she’s unsure. “Do you think it's a good idea? I don’t want to make things harder for you while you’re trying to figure out this whole thing with Quinn. I don’t want to be a hindrance to any plans you may have.”

Shaking my head, I reassure her. “You aren’t getting in the way of anything. I don’t have anything planned really. I haven’t even seen her since I’ve been back.”

“Well, then we have some work to do when I get there, don’t we?” she smirks. “I’m not going to let you give up. She’s not married yet.”

Alex

“So how’d it go?” I ask Tiffany as she opens the door to my truck. I took the morning off, pushing back my schedule until noon so I could go with her to her interview. New York City isn’t a place you want to be wandering around for the first time when you have somewhere to be. The last thing I wanted was for her to take the wrong train. And driving herself was out of the question. Driving in the city is hard enough for people used to the aggressive asshole drivers in this area. Tiff wouldn’t have made it over the George Washington before throwing the towel in.

“I think it went really well,” she says, buckling her seatbelt. “The director seemed to really like me and she called in the head of the ED. That has to be a good sign.”

I nod my head in agreement. “I don’t know much about the hiring process of nurses, but I assume meeting the chief of the department you’re interviewing for is definitely a good sign.”

A smile spreads across her face, “I didn’t meet the head of the ED at Overview until the second round of interviews. Now I just can’t wait to get this monkey suit off.”

“Aren’t monkey suits typically tuxes?” I ask laughing. When Tiffany came out of her room, if you can call it that because technically it’s my office, she was wearing a black skirt suit. It was weird to see her all dressed up. I’ve never actually seen her in anything other than scrubs and gym gear. She’s not your typical girl. I didn’t think she actually owned a skirt.

“If the outfit you’re wearing has the word suit attached to it, you can refer to it as a monkey suit,” she says as she leans down to pull off her shoes and slip her feet back in the flip flops she wore when we left the house earlier.

Shaking my head, I ask, “Guess it’s safe to say you won’t be wearing that Sunday to the baptism?”

“No, I won’t,” she chuckles. “Are you sure it’s okay you bring me?”

“Yes,” I sigh. We’ve already gone over this, but I guess we will again. “Ashley and Tanner are very excited to meet you.”

“But Quinn’ll be there, and I guess so will her fiancé. Ashley’s her friend. I really don’t want to be in the middle of the drama-fest between the two of them. If Quinn decides to make the day uncomfortable for me, Ashley’s going to side with her. I don’t want to be part of a spectacle on an important day in your goddaughter’s life.”

I admire her for where her head is at, but she forgets one important thing.

“Quinn left me, babe. She hasn’t tried to contact me in two years. She’s marrying someone else. You don’t have anything to worry about. I doubt she’s even thought about me much since she ripped my heart out.”

Fuck, does saying that out loud suck. It hurts. Knowing she’s now committing to marrying someone else burns. I would’ve given her everything she ever wanted, but I never got the chance.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Tiffany says, leaning over the center console to grab my hand. “I know how hard this must be for you. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to see Lena running around with a fiancée. I’d probably want to commit murder, so I’ll go and be your wingwoman. I should actually pity her. She has no idea what she lost.”

“You know, in another life, we could’ve been great together,” I admit, squeezing her hand. She doesn’t realize her comment about being my wingwoman hits me harder than ever considering that’s how I got Quinn to agree to hang out with me more. I played it perfectly. I could see even then Quinn had commitment issues, but I was also naïve to think I could change her mind.