Fallen Elements (19 page)

Ryan could see from the intensity in the
woman’s blue eyes that she meant what she was saying, or at least
believed she did.

“I won’t insult you by reminding you I was
drunk.” Jenny looked down at her coffee as she chewed nervously on
the inside of her lower lip. “I
will
say that seeing you
with Leah, and knowing you had spent the entire day with her - it -
it just made me jealous. I realized how much you mean to me.”

Ryan listened as Jenny stammered through her
explanation. She understood what Jenny was trying to say. She even
understood what Jenny was feeling, but understanding didn’t remove
the hurt and hesitancy from Ryan’s heart.

Clearing her throat, Ryan forced herself to
make eye contact with Jenny. The brown haired woman sat across from
her, her blue eyes bright with anticipation. Ryan had never been
good at breakups. They had always left her feeling as if critical
time had been wasted, and she would find herself focusing more on
the lessons learned than the person left.

“I don’t want to see you anymore.” Ryan was
surprised by the directness of her words and tone.

Jenny’s eyes widened. “Just like that?”

Ryan cringed at Jenny’s accusatory tone.
“Yes.” Several more curt comments ran through Ryan’s head, but they
would only delay the inevitable. She had always known Jenny had an
edge to her. It was born of many things Ryan admired about the
woman, but tempered with the woman’s sense of entitlement. Her
behavior with Leah only brought Jenny’s less admirable qualities
into focus for Ryan.

“You know me, Ryan. I won’t beg.” Jenny
leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table.

Ryan nodded. “I know.”

Jenny leaned back and crossed her arms over
her chest. “Is it that easy for you?”

Ryan shook her head. “No. I just don’t see
the point of making a scene.”

Jenny scoffed. “You were all too willing to
make a scene on Leah’s behalf.”

Heat shot to Ryan’s face, and she took a deep
breath before speaking. “We can just stop. There doesn’t have to be
bloodshed.”

Jenny stared at Ryan, her eyes narrowing
suspiciously. “You’ve already started up with her.”

Ryan frowned. She and Jenny had always kept
things casual, and Jenny’s accusatory tone took Ryan by surprise.
“No.”

“Please don’t lie to me.” Jenny said calmly.
“We’ve always been good at keeping each other honest.”

Ryan sighed, her shoulders drooping. “I am
telling you the truth. You behaved like a spoiled child the other
night, and that comes from somewhere. It’s part of who you
are.”

“We all have less than gracious aspects of
ourselves. I can think of several things about
you
that
aren’t very attractive.”

Ryan stood up, leaving the tea untouched. “I
won’t do this with you. There were a lot of great things about you
and me, and some not so great. Those are weighted heavier for
me.”

“Then go.” Jenny waved her hand toward Ryan.
“Have your fling. Do whatever you will with a woman literally old
enough to be your mother.”

Ryan quickly sat back down. Jenny leaned
back, Ryan’s sudden movement catching her off guard. “Why should
any of that matter?” The indignation of her anger was coursing
through Ryan. “You behaved like a spiteful bitch, and if you want
to convince yourself that I’m ending it because of some love affair
with Leah, then go for it.” Ryan struggled to speak past the
tightness in her throat, and to keep her tone hushed to avoid
public scrutiny.

“And I will tell
you
the same.” Jenny
hissed. “If you want to convince yourself that you’re ending us
because of some drunken slip of the tongue, then
you
go for
it.” Jenny stood, and pulled her brown leather Tory Burch purse
from the back of the chair along with her ivory J. Crew puffer
style jacket.

Without another word, Jenny left, and Ryan
sat hunched over in her chair.

“I can’t manage to comfort you over this one,
friend.” Nicole handed Ryan a can of Natty Boh, and sat down next
to the despondent woman on the sofa.

Ryan had walked back to her house, Jenny’s
words still ringing in her ears and stinging at her heart. “I don’t
need you to comfort me.” Ryan was feeling unreasonably irritated
with the world, and she was having difficulty tempering
herself.

Nicole took a drink of her beer, and shook
her head. “Don’t get pissy with me. I never liked her, and I
certainly won’t pretend to be unhappy over you breaking up with
her.”

Ryan sat her beer down on the end table next
to the sofa, and rubbed her face with both hands. “I know. I
know.”

“Then if I’m right - what’s the problem?” A
confused Nicole asked.

“The problem is Jenny wasn’t altogether
wrong.” Ryan picked up her beer and took a long drink.

Nicole frowned. “About what?”

Ryan looked incredulously at her friend.
“Really? Are you making me say it?”

Nicole’s brow arched. “Oh. Oh - I see.”

Ryan emptied the beer, and wondered if they
had any of the liquor from the party left. “Exactly. And so did
Jenny.”

Nicole shifted so she was facing Ryan. “So
what if she got
that
right. I can think of twenty other
reasons you should have - and would have - broken up with her.”

“But now it’s out there.” Ryan pointed to an
imagined point in the distance. “Just hanging around.”

Nicole chuckled. “Not really. It’s not like
Jenny is going to run off and tell Leah that you’re madly in love
with her.”

“Whoa. I never said I was in love with her.”
Ryan tensed. “I like her, and I think she’s attractive, but don’t
go crazy with the love thing.”

“Fair enough.” Nicole pursed her lips. “So
-”

Ryan rolled her eyes. “So?”

“Are you going to ask her out?” Nicole
smirked.

Ryan waited for the answer to pop into her
head. On the surface there didn’t seem to be a reason not to ask
Leah out. Wasn’t the point of dating to see if you were compatible?
Below the surface, though, there seemed to be innumerable reasons
Leah and she wouldn’t work.

“Maybe.” Ryan slouched, feeling like a
petulant child.

Nicole sighed. “Myers, why do you have to
make things so difficult? This is as tested and true as anything
out there. Girl meets girl. Girl likes girl. Girl asks girl
out.”

Ryan stood, and took her empty beer can into
the kitchen. “You left the part out about the one girl having a
history with the other girl’s family.”

Nicole appeared in the entrance to the
kitchen. “Doesn’t matter. Water under the bridge, and nothing to do
with the here and now.”

Ryan leaned against the kitchen counter.
“Easy for you to say.”

“Look, if this is the deal breaker, then just
ask her about it.” Nicole insisted.

Ryan looked down at the brown linoleum floor.
Her struggles with her family had long since rid her of any
delusions of a happily ever after. She had learned most things in
life - at least in her life - didn’t have clear starts and
finishes.

“I kissed her.” Ryan muttered.

Nicole exhaled. “You’re on your own with that
one.” The woman returned to the living room.

Ryan heard Nicole flipping through channels
in the living room, but wasn’t ready to be social again. She didn’t
think of herself as a fatalist, but she knew there were no cures
for the inevitable uncertainties of life. With Leah though, Ryan
had to face the fact she wanted and hoped.

Chapter 10

The county seat of Howard County, Ellicott
City was about thirteen miles west of Baltimore. The town was
divided into a downtown historic area and the larger unincorporated
section. Ryan drove her Honda along Main Street, and past a variety
of assorted shops, antique centers, and restaurants that lined the
historic district’s main road.

The town had been founded in the late
seventeen hundreds as a mill town adjacent to the Patapsco River.
During the eighteen thirties, the expansion of the Baltimore and
Ohio Railroad through Ellicott City provided the region with its
first railway stop outside of the city of Baltimore.

Now the city was known for its picturesque
hills and wooded scenery, and as the home of the now closed
Enchanted Forest theme park. The fairy tale themed amusement park
had gained notoriety as a set piece in director John Waters’ film
Cry-Baby
.

Ryan had waited until nine in the morning
before leaving her apartment. She was nervous about seeing Leah for
the first time since the party, and had taken her time getting
dressed and out the door. It was the last week of April, and the
weather continued to be unseasonably cold for the area. A fine mist
fell as Ryan crossed a set of railroad tracks, and continued along
Main Street.

It was early enough that Ryan was able to
find street parking less than a block from Leah’s store. The
buildings that lined the two lane street were no more than three
stories tall, with slat board siding indicative of most of the
structures’ ages.

A wooden sign hung from a black iron rod
jutting out from the side of Leah’s shop. The words
Portable
Magic A Book Shop
were raised in red lettering against the dark
maple wood of the sign. Ryan smiled at the pun as she ascended the
wooden steps to the shop’s front door.

A small brass bell hung on the backside of
the wood and glass door leading into the book shop, and emitted a
light, metallic jingle when Ryan opened the door. Crossing the
threshold of the shop, the smell of old paper and leather wafted
over Ryan. She couldn’t remember the last time she was in an actual
bookstore, as opposed to one of the textbook stores on campus. The
shop clearly specialized in rare and old books, as was evident by
the bookcases full of thick, leather and canvas bound books.

The musty smell was comforting as Ryan let
the door close behind her. The space was narrow, but deep, and Ryan
could see several bookcases near the back of the store covered in
thick plastic tarps. She assumed this had to do with the
renovations Leah had alluded to.

“Oh, good morning, Ryan. What brings you out
this way?” Ryan jumped as Marty walked around one of the bookcases.
He was balancing a tall stack of books in his arms, while securing
them under his chin.

“Lord! Sorry, you startled me.” Ryan
instinctively covered her chest with her hand, her heart
momentarily speeding up.

“Sorry about that.” Marty slid the stack of
books he was carrying on the counter next to the cash register. “We
don’t usually get people in this early on Saturdays, so my
apologies for not being up front when you came in.”

Ryan shook her head. “It’s fine. Is Leah
here?”

Marty paused, and pulled a worn leather bound
book from the top of the pile. “She’s - she’s on a call with
buyers.” Ryan had been lied to many times in her life, but Marty
was perhaps the worst of all at concealing it. His face flushed and
his eyes darted back and forth when he spoke.

Ryan smiled. “I’m happy to wait.”

Marty shook his head. “I’m sorry. What I
meant was she’s on a call with buyers at her house, and won’t be in
for several hours.” The sound of a door closing at the back of the
store drew Ryan’s attention, and moments later Leah came into
view.

“Ryan. What are you doing here?” Leah stopped
in her tracks, and instead of stepping forward into the opening
near the register, remained at the end of the bookcase.

Ryan’s eyes moved to Marty, who was now so
red she feared he might pass out. “Ah, I was hoping we could talk.
I know you’re busy with calls, but I won’t take long.”

Leah looked at her business partner, her eyes
narrowing. “Calls?” Marty shrugged, and without a word scampered
toward the back of the shop.

The tension and awkwardness were palpable,
and Ryan was beginning to regret her decision to do this in person.
“Look, you’re clearly uncomfortable so I can just -”

Leah shook her head, finally stepping forward
to stand next to the counter. “It’s okay. What do you need?”

You.
Ryan nearly laughed as the
single, simple word skittered across her mind. “I want to apologize
for Jenny. She was a horse’s ass.”

Leah walked behind the counter, and began
nervously organizing the stack of books the clerk had brought up.
“She was drunk. It’s happened to the best of us.”

Ryan shook her head, and stepped toward the
counter. “That’s not an excuse. Besides, I suspect she would have
behaved badly regardless of her penchant for binge drinking.”

Leah started to say something, and then
stopped. The two women looked at each other over the stack of
books. Ryan felt a cascade of heat roll over her body, as if she
had just been submerged in a warm bath.

“And I’m sorry about the other thing, too.”
Ryan looked down, suddenly feeling very uncertain. Part of her
wanted Leah to say the kiss had mattered, and that it was okay. The
other part of Ryan wanted it to mean nothing so she wouldn’t have
to manage the torrent of emotions the blonde incited in her.

Leah managed a weak smile as she stopped
fidgeting with the books. “
That’s
happened to the best of
us, too.”

Ryan’s eyes shot up. She was relieved Leah
wasn’t offended by her forwardness, but also put off with the
implication that she had kissed Leah because she was drunk. “But I
wasn’t -”

Holding up her hand, Leah interrupted Ryan.
“It doesn’t matter, let’s just forget about it.”

Ryan’s heart was pounding in her chest, and
she knew she didn’t want to forget about it. “No, I wasn’t drunk,
and I’m not sorry I kissed you.” Ryan stammered. “I’m sorry it
wasn’t anything more.”

It was Leah’s turn to blush, her eyes turning
downward. “Oh.”

That wasn’t the response Ryan had hoped for,
and the look of uncertainty and dread on Leah’s face was not the
come hither look Ryan preferred from the women she was attracted
to. “Can we maybe -”