Fallen for Rock (14 page)

‘You look different. More relaxed than last night.’

I blushed under Mike’s scrutiny. How was it possible that he could figure me out so quickly?

‘That would be the good company,’ I joked. ‘And taking a holiday.’

‘Hmm yes, a holiday. That sounds good. I’ve got to try that sometime.’

There was a tired undertone in his voice that worried me. An up-and-coming rock star oughtn’t to sound so weary. Once more I got the distinct impression that something wasn’t quite right in the world of MonX, but before I could probe a little further, a bell went.

‘Twenty minutes until show time,’ Mike diagnosed. ‘Better get dressed and ready. Where do you want to watch tonight?’

I waggled my head in contemplation. ‘I think I’ll try the VIP seats tonight, if that’s an option.’

‘Of course. I’ll get Adam to show you there.’

Chapter Twenty-Four

It was different, watching the show from the balcony. The sound was better, and I was a lot less hot. Plus I had a much better view, and I relished this different perspective. MonX were certainly an outstanding band made up of accomplished musicians, and I cringed to think that I had ever doubted the skill or expertise behind rock music. If only I could tell Nate about my change of heart.

But I guessed that ship had very much sailed. Even though I had half expected some kind of text or message during the night—it would have been fateful, wouldn’t it, to have got a call from Nate halfway through my lovemaking with Mike?—there was nothing.

I knew my relationship with Nate was well and truly over. There could be no doubt about it now. But still my heart wouldn’t accept it. Going crazy with Mike the previous night, and
going
with Mike, hadn’t changed my feelings for Nate. I loved him.

Having sex with Mike and coming on tour was merely an effort on my part to get over Nate, I was fully cognizant of that fact. It was working up to a point; I was discovering a whole new side of me that I wouldn’t have found otherwise. Ironically, though, that made my heart ache even more for Nate. Because this new Emily, she would have been the perfect girlfriend for him.

Can you betray someone when he doesn’t want to know you anymore?
That thought swirled round and round my head while I watched my second MonX concert. Technically, I supposed, betrayal involved actually being in a relationship. And I wasn’t. I was free. But
practically
, my heart wasn’t free. My heart still belonged to Nate, and probably always would.

Then again, by that logic, I might as well join a convent. And as that wasn’t an option, I had better move on and hope my heart would heal of its self-inflicted wound. Which brought me back to Mike.

The best way to get over a man is to get under another
. Crass statement of crass statements from a sitcom I had never even seen and yet, suddenly, its logic appealed.

‘Emily Trenden,’ I whispered under my breath. ‘You’re officially in crisis. You’re on the rebound. You’ve
no
idea what you’re doing. So I hope you know what you’re doing, going along with yourself like that.’

Crisis or not, I was committed to my course of action. A couple of hours later, I found myself checking into a cheap and cheerful chain hotel with Mike and the band as though I had been doing this all my life.

‘It’s not exactly the lap of luxury,’ Mike apologised after he had closed the door to our room behind us. ‘We’re not quite rich enough to go five star all the way. Accommodation comes out of our own coffers, and I ain’t ready to burn through our meagre budget. Even though some…’ He paused for a second, but appeared to change his mind about what he was going to say. ‘Anyway. Sorry I can’t offer you something better.’

I cut short his apology with a kiss. ‘It’s okay. This is perfectly fine. It’s clean and quiet, and…’ I pushed Mike gently onto the bed while I spoke, ‘I’m sure the bed is nice and comfy.’

He grinned at me appreciatively. ‘At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.’

‘At the end of the day, that’s all that matters,’ I repeated before discarding my clothes. ‘So I’m afraid we’ve got to test it. And the shower, too. But one thing at a time.’

After a night of not sleeping very much at all, we rose early on Monday morning to board the coach and head for Manchester. I felt excited as the road trip nature of my adventure continued to exert its pull. Yet where I had expected singing, laughter, and camaraderie, the mood on the bus was strangely subdued.

‘What’s wrong? Have you fallen out or something? Or do you need some space from each other?’

Mike smiled ruefully. ‘The latter. Touring is tough. We’re on top of each other more or less all day, every day, and it’s wearing. It’s like the worst kind of relationship, except we never even get to walk away. So travelling time is time for headspace. Everybody likes to veg out. We’ll be all right when we get there, you’ll see.’

‘Wow.’ I laughed softly. ‘I had no idea. I had this vision of bands being jolly and creative on tour. You know, writing songs, using every free minute of time to make music…’

‘Oh, we do do that. We used to do it all the time, but we’re a bit knackered. Now we write and practice when there’s a deadline, or when Adam has booked studio time somewhere. This tour is so short and sweet, however, that he’s decided to let us off. Good job too. Otherwise…’ He erupted into a cheeky grin. ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t get to spend any time with you at all.’

‘So what do we do?’

Mike winked. ‘We talk. And we play games.’ He wiggled in his seat and fumbled in his back pocket until he retrieved a pack of cards.

‘Musical top trumps?’

‘Uh-huh. It’s eighties pop and dance. You up for this?’

I suppressed a belly laugh. ‘It’s not my scene, but I’ll have a go. You’re a guaranteed winner.’

‘Is that a promise?’

‘Possibly. If you had a “classical composers” set, you wouldn’t stand a chance, but I’m game if you are.’

 So we talked and played games while the other band members passed the time listening to music on their iPods or reading magazines or snoozing.

When we arrived in Manchester, everyone snapped out of relaxed apathy into full-on concentration. The roadies had driven through the night, and the stage was ready for soundcheck, so the band got busy right away for an hour. However, there were no interviews or TV appearances scheduled that day, which meant more waiting around after the short, sharp burst of action.

‘It’s all stop and go for you guys,’ I commented to Mike over dinner in the green room.

‘Yeah. “Hurry up and wait.”’ He echoed what Jed had told me during that first soundcheck, and grimaced. ‘You got that right.’

‘Mike, it’s probably not my place to say this, but none of you strikes me as very happy.’ I shrugged. ‘This is simply an observation. I’m finding it a little hard to reconcile what I see with what I expected to see. Don’t get me wrong.’ I put a reassuring hand on his arm. ‘I’m having a great time. It’s just that you all seem out of sorts with each other. Jaded.’

‘We are a bit, I suppose,’ Mike conceded. ‘Still, it’s all normal. We’ll be right as rain on that stage tonight, you wait and see.’

‘It’s not…’ I hesitated. I didn’t mean to sound presumptuous, but I had this nagging worry at the back of my mind that needed to be addressed. ‘It’s not me, is it? I’m not cramping your style in any way? Because if I am, I’m quite happy to clear off, you know?’

‘No!’ Mike’s vehement response startled me, and I jumped. Mike smiled and spoke more gently. ‘No. Please, don’t even think that. It’s wonderful having you here. You’re a breath of fresh air. Please don’t go.’

‘Okay. If you’re sure…’

‘I’m sure. You’re different. Most girls come backstage, and they’re all over us. They demand photos and kisses and autographs in strange places…’

‘I’ve had my share of hugs and kisses,’ I stated the obvious.

‘But that’s different. That’s between you and me. You’re not…you’re not attention seeking. You’re simply
here
. With me.’ He raked a hand through his hair. ‘How can I explain? You seem to care. You’re
interested.
I don’t quite know why you here, but you’re not after the thrill—’

‘Oh, trust me, I am.’ I had to correct him there. ‘I’m doing this for the thrill, and to prove something to myself. I’m here for entirely selfish reasons.’

Mike held my gaze. ‘Be that as it may, you’re not here to get your photograph in the papers, or to sleep with everyone in the band plus all the roadies, or to validate yourself somehow. Ack.’ He mussed up his hair some more. ‘I’m not saying this very well. Since we got famous, we’ve been trailed by people who’re like leeches. They’re not interested in us, only in what they can get out of us. You’re not like that.’

I laughed out loud. ‘No, I’m not a leech, that’s for sure. But I
am
here to validate myself. In a manner of speaking.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well.’ It was time to come clean. ‘My boyfriend—my
ex—
he wanted to be a rock singer and guitarist. It was his life’s dream. He had a band. He was practising all the time. And I hated it. I hated rock. I didn’t see his talent or the attraction of the music. I didn’t
get
any of it.’

Mike raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re kidding, right?’

‘Sadly, no. We broke up. I dumped him one night after we’d had a row, and I haven’t heard from him since.’

‘Didn’t you say
he
won the VIP tickets?’

‘I did. And he did. But I couldn’t get him to come along, so I thought maybe if I came by myself, it would change things.’ I gave a rueful smile.

‘And? Did it work?’

‘No. Yes. Both, I suppose. He never showed, but I discovered rock. I…’ I sniffled.

‘You still love him.’ A statement, not a question.

‘I…no. Yes!’ A shuddery breath escaped from my lungs, and Mike put an arm around me. ‘I do. But it’s over, and it’s killing me.’

We sat together for a few moments, and Mike started to shake. His shoulders heaved, and his whole body trembled.

‘What’s so funny?’

More shaking and trembling, and a nodding-shaking of head. It took Mike a minute before he could speak. ‘I don’t believe it. I’m your rebound guy.’

I opened my mouth to protest for form’s sake but thought better of it. ‘I suppose you are.’

‘I’ve never been anyone’s rebound guy before.’

‘I’m sorry. I…the last thing I wanted was to upset you.’

‘No, no! I’m not upset. I’m intrigued. It feels weird. Interesting.’

‘You don’t mind?’ I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice.

‘Well, I do a little. Because I do really like you, and maybe it would have been nice to meet you under different circumstances. Not-rebound-circumstances. But.’ He shrugged. ‘It is what it is, and hey, I’m an opportunist. If you’re fine with it, and the sex is great, and I’m okay, then where’s the harm. Right? Plus—’ He put a finger on my lips before I could say anything. ‘I get to have stunning company and play games. What’s not to love?’

I grinned. I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help it. ‘You’re sure you’re sure? No strings attached? No hurt?’

Mike curved his lips into that sweet little lopsided smile. ‘You love having sex with me. Don’t say you don’t.’