Falling Stars (12 page)

She
didn't leave.

All
of a sudden, feelings and memories from the bar infected my mind. Kneeling
forward onto her bunk the memories seem to numb. I slowly looked over her
sleeping face. What was it about her? The feeling was there, the allure pulling
me closer and closer. Lying forward against her, she jerked up screaming and
shoving me away. When I tried to back away from her, she pushed me completely
off the bunk and I fell to the floor.

"Fuhhckk…."
Stumbling back up into a standing position, the effect of the alcohol got
worse.

Her
screaming for me to leave her alone made me focus on her. She had her back
pressed to the corner of the bus wall and fear was clear on Mia's face.
Memories consumed me. Her fear filled face flashed before my eyes.

"I'm
turning into him." Angrily I stumbled to the back of the bus. Reaching the
side table for the pill bottle, I lost my balance. The contents of the table
landed on the floor around me.

"Christopher?"

I
tried to ignore her, sure that she was making sure the coast was clear before
bolting off this bus.

"Christopher?"

Fuck,
why is she still her
e?

"Go.
Away!" Her fingers grazed my arm. Yanking away from her, I stood, and got
in her face. "Leave. Me. The. Fuck. Alone!"

Dizziness
swept over me and threw myself down on the bed, hoping she would just go. I
didn't need anyone else to see me in this state.

She
spoke again and I sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. The lure grew. My eyes
locked onto every movement she made. Nothing could take my eyes from her, every
movement like a siren's call.

"Christopher
did you take these…." She stopped short and looked at me.

Why
wasn't she running? Why wasn't she afraid to be here?

"Christopher.
Did you take any of these?"

I
couldn't figure her out. Suddenly my chin was in her hand pulling my face to
look her straight in the eye.

"Did
you take any of these pills and how many did you take?" After my silence,
her face dropped with a sigh. "Please answer me."

Still
trying to understand, I remained silent.
She never did what I thought she
would do. Why was she still here?
She didn't leave when she had the
chance or when I told her to go. She would leave if she knew what you did, what
was deep down inside of you.

"Fine,
I'll get Nicholas," Mia started toward the door.

I
thought of her and of Gwen. There was no holding it back any longer. Dropping
my face into my hands, the sobs bubbled out of my chest.

"I'll
be right back" She was trying to reassure me. Reassure me, the person who just
scared the shit out of her.

Without
thinking, I grabbed her arm, pulled her in front of me, and pressed my head
against her. I'm not sure what exactly compelled the action, but I closed my
eyes. There was nothing. There was no image, no memories, nothing. I held her
in place for a long time. She stayed with me, silently and longer than I
expected.

"Did
you take any pills?" Shaking my head, I slid my hands around her waist,
holding her to me. Afraid she would leave, now that she had her answer, I held tighter.

She
finally attempted to move, but I couldn't let her go. It felt like she was the
only thing holding off the nightmares waiting behind my eyelids. I lay back on
to the bed, taking her with me. Tension filled every one of her muscles and she
tried to fight the move. I knew she was afraid and uncertain, but I couldn't
let go. Not yet.

I
rolled so she was on her back and I curled into her. Making sure she was unable
to leave me, I buried my face into her side and closed my eyes. It still wasn't
there. The memories, the nightmare, it wasn't there. It was just darkness. My
body relaxed into hers.

She
shifted a little after we relaxed, but then she tried to get up. I locked up on
her. There was no way I could give this up. Not knowing what was waiting for
me. Without moving my head out of her side, I spoke.

 "Please
don't leave" It was muffled, but she heard me. She didn't leave.

When
I woke the next morning, I couldn't believe I'd slept the entire night. I slept
a whole night without waking up screaming. I haven't slept like that for, hell;
I couldn't remember the last time I slept like this. Let alone a night where I
slept without pills.

The
night came back to me and I dropped my head down to the body pressed mine. Mia
was still in bed with me, she hadn't left. Gently pulling my arm off her, I sat
up in bed. Running my hand through my hair, I looked over once more to Mia
curled up on her side still fast asleep. She didn't leave.

Panic
set in. This was too personal. It was too intimate. How did I let this happen?
I had to get out of here. Grabbing some clothes on the way out of the room, I
showered and dressed. Leaving the bus, I went for a walk to clear my head.

This
wasn't in my plan. I didn't need to be an emotional wreck right now.

Maybe
having her on the bus was a bad idea. Yeah, it was bad timing to have her on
the bus with me. It was so close to…to that night and…it doesn't matter, I'm
sticking to the plan. This changes nothing.

About
to step onto the bus and make sure she realized that nothing had changed, she
stepped off the last step. I furrowed my brow at her, just waiting for her to
say something about what happened. She didn't. Her face was completely blank.
She ignored me and kept walking toward the arena.

Holy
shit, was she really going to pretend it didn't happen? Part of me felt
relieved, but a small part was angry with her.

*
* * * *

The
Salt Lake City concert was amazing. The arena was the largest we'd been in,
yet, and the crowd was insane. We had been so into the concert and pushing ourselves
on stage that we decided to hang out on the bus and relax afterward.

"So
how are things with the lunatic?" Laney giggled and took a drink of her
beer.

I
rolled my eyes and took a drink of mine. There was no way I was telling them
about last night.
No way in hell.

"Same
ass, same hole" I laughed.

Kat
broke into hysterics.

"I
don't know how you do it" Serena shook her head. "We really shouldn't
have let you get on that bus." She looked apologetic.

"No,
I could've just refused." I sighed and took another drink.

"Is
the song at least coming along?" Laney asked.

"Sort
of," I shrugged. "We haven't worked on it much since the last time I
told you about it. I guess we have to work on asshole time." Winking at
Laney, she giggled.

"Fuck,"
Kat breathed out. "He is a real dickhead isn't he?"

"Who
is?" All of our heads turned to see Una standing there smirking at us.

"Christopher,"
I answered nonchalantly "who else?"

"Is
he still giving you a hard time?" She came in and sat down with us.

"You
could say that, but what else is new?" I stretched my arms over my head. "Once
we get this damn song finished I won't have to deal with him like this anymore."
I gave her a large smile.

Una
stood up.

"Mia
can we take a walk?" My face dropped and I instantly got nervous. "Calm
down, I just want to talk one on one, you know?" She motioned for me to
follow her. Placing my beer on the small table, I followed.

Once
we were a good ten feet from the bus she started speaking.

"I
want to talk to you a little bit about Christopher."

I
nodded.

"Now
keep in mind I don't know everything and what I do know isn't much, but I want
to give you as much information as possible," she sighed. "I should
have talked to you sooner." She looked at me apologetically. "Maybe
it will help, maybe it won't, but I have to at least tell you."

Now
I was even more nervous.

"Christopher
didn't come to live with Nicholas until he was around twelve years old and by
that time Christopher had many emotional issues. He'd lived with his mother.
Neither Christopher nor Nicholas knew of each other. In fact, when Nicholas
married Gwen, Christopher would have been at least two years old. Gwen brought
with her a son, Jackson, who was almost three." She paused. "Christopher
was brought to Nicholas after his mother's death."

"After
her death?" I repeated her last words as a question.

"Yes,"
she answered. "That's really all I know Mia, but perhaps it helps your
situation. I'm not sure." She stopped walking and I stopped too.

We
turned around and as we walked back to the bus, I tried to absorb and process
everything she'd said. She hadn't told me much, but it was enough to make me
curious and a little apprehensive.

Laney,
Kat, and Serena bombarded me with questions when I got back and I gave them a
very brief summary, leaving out some information. Then I claimed to be tired
and left to get ready for bed.

Truth
was, it was more like exhausted. After dealing with Chris last night, the
intense concert, and Una's disclosures, I just wanted to curl up in my favorite
blanket. Showering quickly, hoping the hot water would ease my tension, I threw
on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before brushing my teeth and hair. Then
burying myself into the bunk, I let myself slip into unconsciousness.

I
don't know what time it was when I heard Christopher yell out, but my eyes shot
open. Fear settled in for a moment. Lying very still, I kept my eyes closed.
His door slid open, but I continued to pretend I was sleeping. Even when I his
arms slipped under my body and lifted, I kept them closed.

When
he lay me down on his bed and climbed next to me, I peeked through half closed
eyes. All I saw was the wall across the room and the clock on his nightstand.
He was lying behind me and wasn't touching me. My mind was racing, not knowing
if I should get up or just lay there.

No
longer able to keep my muscles tensed, I shifted around slightly. Christopher
moved, but barely. I settled into a comfortable position and didn't get up.
Looking back to the clock it was four-thirty. After a few moments I heard heavy
even breathes. He was asleep. I wasn't sure if I would wake him, so I just
relaxed until I fell back asleep.

Just
as the morning before, I woke alone. So, this would become the trend.

Chapter
Eight

Once
dressed, I stepped out into rainy Denver. The drizzle was constant and the air
cold. Shivering I pulled my hooded jacket tighter around my body, wishing I
would've worn a sweatshirt too.

"Mia!"
Serena ran up to me.

"Hey,
what's up?" I smiled, happy to see my sister. We walked toward the arena
to grab something from the breakfast table.

"I
was listening to the song you left with me and we should rehearse it." She
smiled large. "I think it's a really fun, energetic song and maybe we can
play it tonight – if we nail it in rehearsal."

"Sounds
like a plan." She wrapped her arm around mine. Once we finished eating, we
found Rob to see about rehearsing on stage.

"Shouldn't
be a problem, give me an hour or so, okay?" Nodding to Rob, we walked to
the
Hush
bus.

Kat
and I decided to get some exercise, which I hoped would relieve some of the
tension and stress in my neck and shoulders. Borrowing some workout clothes
from Serena, I avoided running into Christopher at all costs. We went where the
choreographer, dancers, and backup singers were working out.

"Hey,
mind if we join?" Kat winked at him. The choreographer laughed at her.
Then he looked over to me.

"Mia,
are you going to behave?" He playfully scowled.

"Who
me, why wouldn't I?" I bumped his hip with mine and walked by. Saying
hello to our backup singers I noticed a couple unfamiliar faces. Trying to be polite,
I gave them a smile. However, there were two bleach-blonde girls giving me
dirty looks.

"Uh
oh, there goes our normal workout," one backup singer giggled. Her giggle
pulled my attention from the bleach-blonde bimbo twins.

I
scoffed playfully. "Why does everyone assume I'm such a terror?"

"I
wouldn't say you're a terror." She stretched her arms over her head.

"You
just like to change my established workout routine." The choreographer interrupted
and finished.

"Aww,
you love it. It keeps it interesting." I smiled like a Cheshire cat.

 He
laughed and handed me the remote to the radio.

"You
might as well take it now."

Grabbing
the remote, I hit the play button. The choreographer smiled and then started to
instruct us with tension bands and lunges. After a few more songs and way too
many squats and leg thrusts, I was dripping sweat and ready to terrorize.