Falling Under (7 page)
“Sure,” I answered as if the room hadn’t shifted sideways in the last thirty seconds. I forced myself to look at him. He wore a sapphire blue button-down shirt with a slight sheen and well-worn jeans. The shirt molded to his frame and begged to be touched.
My heartbeat filled my ears, at first a rapid staccato rhythm that resolved into a deeper, resonating thump, like too much bass in a car stereo. I was aware of my blood being pulled in and out of my heart the way the moon directs the tide. And then the pounding hiccuped and the beat was no longer my own again.
Did he feel it too
?
?
I knew the rest of the world was moving right along, time was inching forward, and lives were being led all around me, but I was in the eye of the hurricane as far as all of that went. Timeless and still, we regarded each other over the empty desk between us.
His eyes were fringed in lush, dark lashes and his lips were rich, plump, forbidden. I imagined kissing them and my tongue swept across my mouth as if he were whetting my appetite. He hissed and reared back in his seat, shocking us both with his reaction and flinging us back into the present.
I was mortified.
“Look, I haven’t even read the chapters yet. Maybe I should do that first and then we can talk about the project. Okay?” Haden asked, his voice sounding tinny and a little fake.
I nodded. It made sense. After all, he had just started school here. Of course he needed to catch up. Still, disappointment tasted like dry popcorn and caught in my throat. He turned around, and I stared at his neck, wanting to crawl over my desk and kiss him there. His nape turned red in the spot where I stared and he picked up his stuff and moved back to his desk. As if he knew what I was thinking.
And couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
CHAPTER FOUR
A
wakening in the yard again made me angry.
wakening in the yard again made me angry.
I didn’t ask for this. The ghoulish nights and humiliating days seemed unfair. It wasn’t as if the life I led directed me to this point. Nobody worked harder to stay out of trouble than I did, so why did it stalk me in my slumber?
The labyrinth beckoned, and as usual I responded. Though foliage had returned to the thorny sticks, the atmosphere was no friendlier. In fact, the path was trickier and I encountered more dead ends despite the strong pull of the center. Topiaries of life-size humanish forms startled me and red eyes watched me from deep inside the bushes. My nightgown stuck to my body where I perspired despite the chill.
I wondered what would happen if I refused to continue. Would I wake up from a bad dream or would the consequences be more dire? Though the fiends had yet to threaten me, they weren’t cuddly and sweet either. Something told me that crossing the creatures of nightmares would mean very bad things for me, and that, for the moment, they tolerated my existence here because Haden desired my appearance.
Except that maybe he didn’t.
I kept going because I needed answers. If this was a dream, what was my subconscious trying to tell me? And if this was real…
I coughed as the smell of smoke filled my nose. The closer I got to the core, the warmer the air became, until at last I reached the clearing.
A bonfire had replaced the parquet dance floor. Tonight there were no dancing ladies in finery and jewels. In fact, there were no clothes at all, aside from a hat or two, because there was no flesh at all.
Animated skeletons reveled around the fire in a circle, laughing raucously. They creaked and rattled as they moved, the sound unsettling and dreadful. Many of them drank from cups, and the liquid would spill from their necks and ribs as they swallowed.
One of them noticed me, and a hush fell over the crowd until they all moved at once to get a better look, craning their necks. The sound was a horrifying symphony of cracking and clicking. I was too afraid to run, too afraid to cry out, too afraid to blink. A soft mew escaped my throat and the backs of my knees quivered.
From behind me, a male voice said, “If it frightens you so, why do you keep returning?”
Why his voice calmed my fear, I can’t understand. It touched me like a blanket fresh from the dryer, warm and soft. My nerves stilled and he stepped around me so that we were facing. He smiled and it devastated me, tearing at little pieces of me I didn’t know I had until he began shredding them.
“What are you, Haden?”
He made a careless gesture with one hand to his boneyard and they resumed their party. Mollified, I guess, that my company wasn’t unwelcomed. The scraping noises of all of them moving at once again sent shivers down my spine.
“What do you wish me to be, Theia?”
“I wish you to be … honest.” Because I didn’t know what else to wish for.
“Do you?” He tilted his chin and appraised me. “I’m not certain of that at all.”
“Please.”
“Honestly?” He bent at the waist and spoke softly in my ear, his voice low and warm. “I find you absolutely enchanting.”
The tremors traveled from my ear to my toes, with an interesting side trip that made me glad I’d remembered to wear a bra to bed.
I looked for the lie in his dark eyes, but found an earnest expression instead. He straightened regally and stepped back, decreasing the intimacy between us.
It was then I noticed he wasn’t in his formal attire this evening, though what he wore could hardly be considered modern. His oversize white shirt was rumpled and untucked from his breeches, like he’d just stepped off a pirate ship.
The skeletons’ rabble-rousing grew louder, but the grinding of their joints hurt my head and I rubbed my temples.
“I’m not sure you should be here, Theia.”
That made two of us. “Where is here?”
“This is my world.” He gestured to the creatures surrounding the bonfire like a ringleader at the circus. “My legacy.”
“Why am I here? How did I get here?”
“I wish I knew.” He pinned me with an intense gaze, one that should have frightened me. Instead, it electrified me. “You have the way of moonlight about you. Like you’re made of silvery beams of light.” Upon further inspection, he added, “You don’t belong here.”
His words felt like a cut across my chest. Everything was so contradictory. “You don’t want me here, then?”
“Is that what I said?”
“You talk to me in circles.”
“I suppose I do. You are no better, my little lamb. Tell me, why are you here?” He ushered me back into the maze and away from the bone party, stopping in a large corner by a fountain alight with candles.
“I don’t know—I thought you did. Am I dreaming? What about school? You pretend you don’t know me. And what about the burning man?” The questions came out on a rush of air. I must have sounded like a lunatic.
Haden, if it was really Haden, responded to my barrage with, “The burning man?”
I exhaled loudly. “You answer questions with questions.”
“You don’t like me.”
“I don’t
know
you.”
know
you.”
“I don’t think you’ll like me any more if you get to know me either. This place, it blooms from your presence like a flower to the sun. But it isn’t good for you. I wish one of us was strong enough to keep you away.”
I stepped towards him, not consciously, but yet there I was. “So you do want me here.”
“Theia,” he warned, “you were made for something else. This is not your destiny.” He sat on a bench that I could have sworn hadn’t been there a minute ago. “Falling under the spell of it will only bring you heartache.”
“I’m not dreaming, am I?”
“Do you think you are?” I rolled my eyes, and he chuckled at my reaction. “Sometimes the answers are more questions. Sometimes down is up.” He reached to the foliage and plucked out a black rose, though I hadn’t noticed any flowers on the bushes before. He inhaled the scent and then held it to me.
I placed my fingers gingerly on the stem until I noticed there were no thorns and accepted his offering, not sure that I should have but unable to resist all the same. “Thank you.” He hadn’t let go of the stem and we both stared at the flower between us. A strange sensation overtook me and I spoke without thought. “I can feel your heartbeat, Haden.”
He loosened his grip on the rose. “It’s hard to imagine you don’t belong when the pull is so strong. You may have to be the stronger of us.”
“I don’t know how to be strong. I don’t know how to be anything.”
He clucked his tongue and dismissed my comment. “You know more than you think.”
“I’d like to know where we are.” I sniffed the rose, startled that the scent wasn’t like any flower I’d smelled before. Instead, it bore a spicy fragrance with vanilla undertones. It smelled like Haden.
“Maybe it doesn’t have a name.” He flashed his trademark grin. “Maybe it’s different things to different people.”
“I think it’s a dream.”
“Maybe for you it is.” He reached for my hair but stopped himself. “Maybe you should wake up.”
And then I did.
I sat up, stunned at the sunlight and not as stunned as I should have been to find a long-stemmed black rose atop the pillow next to me.
Donny handed me her blended mocha drink. “Hold this, will you?” She bent at the waist and fluffed her fingers through her hair. Whipping back up, she reminded me of a supermodel with perfectly tousled mink tresses. “God. My mom switched shampoo and my hair is so flat now, it’s driving me nuts.”
“Your hair looks fine.” We were waiting for Amelia at our usual spot in front of the Main. My mind kept traveling back to the rose and to Haden, trying to make sense of either and failing miserably.
Amelia eased down next to me and plucked the mocha from my hand, handing it back to Donny after she’d taken a drink. “Don’t forget we have Madame Varnie after school today.”
“Ugh. Can’t we get our wisdom teeth removed instead?” Donny answered, and then she sat up straighter. “I spy, with my little eye … fresh sneetch at nine o’clock.”
Right before she said it, the left side of my face had warmed as if the sun was shining on it. Quickly, I bent over and pretended to dig through my bag on the ground and stole a glance. Sure enough, Haden was headed straight for us. Whatever I was looking for in my bag became really hard to find. I rummaged through it, cursing at my stupid inability to act like a normal person. No way was I making eye contact. It’s not like he would stop before he reached us either. Our spot just happened to be a bench close to the front doors.
My face got warmer and warmer and my search for the elusive object in my bag became ludicrously intense. When Haden stopped directly in front of my bag, my gaze made the slow journey from his feet up. Hunched over my schoolbag, I was at eye level to his crotch and I couldn’t help but rest my gaze there just a second too long, as if my skin weren’t already on fire with the blush from hell.
Imagine my surprise when he crouched to my level. “Hey, partner.”
Chai tea. That’s what he smelled like. A little exotic, a little sweet. His features softened, waiting for my response, but I couldn’t form one. His lips were so close that I could barely restrain myself from tasting them, which was an unlikely and unwelcome thought, but it traversed my mind anyway.
Donny resumed her practiced slouch, and Ame sighed slightly. Their presence offered me a little courage and allowed me to speak, finally. “Did you, um, finish the reading?” My father’s voice in my head chastised me for the “um.”
“I did. Maybe we can work on some of the questions at lunch?” He smiled. I was unprepared for my reaction to the most potent weapon Haden had in his arsenal—a real smile, one that reached his eyes. One genuine emotion was enough to unravel my life from the security of everything I’d ever known.
For seventeen years, I’d tried to live Father’s way. Each step measured, my words carefully chosen. In his fortress of fears, I grew up—but not strong. I yearned to replace the hole in his heart left by my mother, so my life never belonged to me. My own heart was my weakest muscle, never exercised, never even flexed.
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