Falter (34 page)

“Why would my Guardian choose to be neutral?” I asked as I fought back sobs.

“I don’t know.” For the first time, I saw the warrior angel’s gaze fall to the floor, his expression confused and sad. “I have told you all that I know, Nevaeh. The fact that I’m not being given more information is another reason why I suspect you’re The Clavis.”

“I don’t understand. You know things, but then you don’t?”

“Look, I’m an Arch. My duty is in battle and worldly concerns. I don’t meddle in individual matters. That is what Guardians do. They are the beings that carry humans through life, guiding, inspiring, consoling, and tending to their souls. That is their job, to whisper in the ears of a human, to steer them to righteousness without forcing or overcoming free will…,” his stern eyes filled with pain for his brethren, “just to have those ears turn the other way. Constant disappointment and sorrow come to those beings. In the end, the sin you humans are born with usually gets the best of you and betrays the bonds the Guardians have strived to nurture for so much of their lives.”
 

His expression steeled, straining to hide the painful emotions he truly felt. “This is not what I was made for. So, no, I don’t know much about you. And it’s not my job to feed your bratty need for answers.”
 

I decided not to push his temper and sat in silence.

He set the empty bowl down on the coffee table in front of him and leaned back against his wings, crossing his ripped arms over a muscled chest. “All angels are connected in a way. We can feel when another is hurt, happy, needing help or missing. However, we share our knowledge the same way as yours, word of mouth. We are not all-knowing as He. The information I’ve gotten, my dear, is from talking to the Guardians. The only reason I intervened here the other night was because I was given orders to.”

“What orders?” I asked quietly.

His teeth clenched, and his jaw twitched with superiority. “The Lord wanted me involved. For some unknown reason, He sent me to tend to this matter—whatever it is.”

“But why would
you
be sent if it’s an individual matter?” My brain screamed from overload, struggling to connect the dots.

“I don’t question—I do what I’m told. All I can think is that the outcome of whatever happens with you will be of grave importance to all realms.” A sly smile lifted at one corner of his mouth.

“So, how can we know if I am this ‘Clavis’ for sure?”

“I don’t know, yet.”

I was flipping-the-fuck-out inside. My heart pounded, my breath rushed in and out, and my mind raced with jumbled questions. “Why would God hold these things from you? I mean, you’d think He would want me on his side and would do whatever was necessary to get me there,” I whined.

“He has reasons for what He does. We don’t always see the logic in it.” Watching me roll my eyes at his cliché response, he continued, “Think about it. If a child accepts Him freely on their own, aren’t they more likely to stay with Him? Their love stronger and more adamant than if they were persuaded or forced? He strives for true love. He accepts the choices made against Him, no matter the pain. But remember, just because He forgives you and loves you when you stray, doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences from your own accord.”
 

His words burned through my heart. I knew the right thing to do, but was it in me to do it? Did I have the strength to leave George to suffer the torture I saw in the portal? At this very second, he could be experiencing unimaginable agony. The possibility of one of those demons harming him made my chest constrict.

“What’s the next move?” Gavyn chimed in after a moment of silence between Malach and I.
 

The angel tore his eyes away from me. I know he could see the battle inside me. The fact that I even had to think about it seemed to intrigue him. “Right now, there is nothing more to do. Not until I find out more—or she declares herself,” he answered Gavyn, then directed his accusing glare back toward me. “It would be nice if we could find your Guardian.”

“Sure, I’ll just charge up the angel tracker strapped to my back.” I snorted at the ridiculous thought and rolled my eyes.

“You will know when you find them. You will have a bond that is unlike any other.”
 

As the words left his smiling lips, only one face flashed into my mind. I inhaled the whisper of his name. “Archard.” When I forced his image from my thoughts, I realized I was clenching the counter even harder now, and Gavyn and Malach were watching me intently.

“Nevaeh, do you know who it is?” Hope laced Gavyn’s tone.
 

“No,” I lied. I couldn’t tell him, yet. I cared for him too much. If Archard was my Guardian, it would explain the strength of my feelings when I was near him. Maybe, I could stop it. Maybe, I could control the bond, now that I knew why it was there. But I couldn’t tell Gavyn until I knew my feelings for Archard were nothing more than a pesky side effect of our supernatural tie to each other. And there wasn’t a chance in Hell I was going to give Malach any more insight than I had to.

My eyes followed along one of the Archangel’s soft wings. He lifted an overconfident eyebrow at me. Could he know that I might have an idea of who my Guardian is?

Knock, knock
.
 

A light tapping at the door made us all jump. Before I could even get off the counter, Malach was up and blasting through the ceiling. The pressure was a mere gust of energy now. A beautiful mixture of colors beamed down from the silvery opening of his portal. The sight was mesmerizing—like a rainbow of warped, wavy reflections. I could almost enjoy his portals opening and closing now.

Gavyn passed under the puddle on the ceiling as it shrunk down to one tiny drop of water and disappeared. “I’m comin’,” he called to the door.

I moved into the hallway in case it was Layla.

“Hey, man, I just wanted to know if you needed me to open up. We’re all ready down there.” The voice was male. I released my breath. “Oh…and Layla left a note for you.” A white envelope crossed over the threshold as Gavyn reached for it.
 

“Yeah. Can you go ahead and unlock the doors?” He glanced back at me and then again to the person at the door. “I’ll be down in a few.” Gavyn gently pressed the door shut and walked towards me, tossing the envelope onto the bar.

“Aren’t you gonna open it?” I tried to hold back my surprise at his gesture.

“Nah.” He made the last few steps and wrapped his arms around my waist, “Nothing to worry about now. You have enough to deal with.” He smiled then intersected my beginnings of a protest with a kiss, soft and sweet. “Now, get ready. I have human duties to take care of, and you’re going to the library. See if you can find anything about the Guardian Angels and The Clavis there.”

“First of all,” I pulled at the droopy sweats I had on, implying that I didn’t have any clothes. “Second of all, do you really think there will be anything in the library about the
story
?” I wasn’t about to admit that it might be a prophecy.

“Yes, I do. Other Celatum have jobs, too. Some of them are authors, and I’m willing to bet that they documented stuff about this life. Besides, you need to learn as much as you can.”
 

One of his fingers dipped inside the loose waistband of my sweats and traced along my bare waist. Heat radiated from his hand and warmed my cool skin, sending a shiver through my body. “I’ll see if I can find some girl clothes for ya.” He smiled at my reaction to his touch and kissed my forehead.
 

As he left, my eyes settled on the unopened envelope lying on the bar. Something urged me to peek. Jealousy or deceit—I could feel the ill intentions creeping out of the corner of my mind. I quickly shoved them away and decided against any snooping.

The icy morning air helped perk me up since I was seriously lacking some sleep lately. I strolled through the crowded streets, happily blending in with the ordinary people passing by. There was comfort in the strangers. It felt…normal.
 

Pulling the brown, bomber-jacket Gavyn found tight against me, I enjoyed the prickly sensations the wind left in my lungs. Memories of George and me, cuddling next to a small fire and telling folktales, surfaced. With those memories came that impatient ache in my heart, longing to save the father I lost. I shook my head to dismiss the thoughts, carefully putting George in a safe place at the back of my conscience.

I focused on where I was going and noticed that almost every person I passed was grinning directly at me; the grins were not friendly by nature, but strange smirks. Hard shoulders shoved into me as they strolled by. The space around me filled with more and more people, elbowing and pounding into me.
 

“
Hisss
,” I heard from one of them, then another. “
Hisss
.” A foul, sickening smell polluted the air. My gut rolled on itself, threatening to vomit.
 

I searched the crowd for anyone that didn’t look like a grinning zombie, anyone that could offer help if my internal demon radar was accurate. Everyone just stared right through me with their eerie smirks. There was no one to help.
 

Suddenly, someone stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
 

Be strong. Don’t show fear. They might just want to ask me directions
.
 

As we silently glared at each other, the woman’s face began to distort. The skin around her mouth loosened as if there were no muscles holding it in place. Her lower eyelids drooped until I could see the thin, red membranes behind them. Some features sharpened as others slackened against her bones. Her color paled to an ash-gray. The whites of her eyes filled with inky black and swirling blood-red. She smiled at me impishly through the mess of sagging skin.
 

Cackling erupted from her throat. Panic cut through my nerves sharper than a knife.
 

My eyes searched desperately for help again in the mass of bodies, but no one acted as if they saw me or the woman.
 

“What do you want?” I shouted at the lady.

A blend of voices hissed from her mouth. “We are
always
watching you, Nevaeh. Come, join usss.”
 

“I have not decided yet, demon.”
 

I can do this. Be strong. Be strong.

“Yesss, we know. Time is running out. The Master wants you to decide. If you want to sssave your precious George, make a decision, little one.” Another sickly cackle rumbled out of her droopy mouth. “You have one week, child.”
 

I almost hurled at the sight of the red, raw flesh showing beneath her sagging eyelids and the thick drool stringing from her lips, but I swallowed it back.
 

You can’t show weakness, Nevaeh.

“I’ll think about the offer.” My words trembled.

The demon-woman’s head began to turn away from me. It didn’t stop. Bones crackled and popped against the torsion as her skull rotated on a stationary frame.
 

She continued laughing. However, the laugh was now full of agony and gurgling. Silence followed when her airway collapsed against the three hundred and sixty degree rotation of her head.
 

Puke filled my mouth and exploded like a volcano onto the sidewalk. I couldn’t decide whether it was because she was a demon, or because of the terrifying dislocation of her head.
 

In between heaves, I caught glimpses of the demon stumbling backwards off the sidewalk. People moved around her oblivious to what was happening. They just glided to the side as if she were merely a road sign in the way.
 

The possessed woman stepped into the street and collapsed on the ground. No screams, no gasps. No creepy grins focused on me. Only the chatter of uninterrupted conversations filled the air when a truck rolled over the lump of skin and bones lying on the roadway. The driver didn’t even stop to see what they hit after the axles lifted and bounced over her corpse.

I sucked in a lungful of air, finally done emptying my stomach. I stared at my surroundings, unsure of what was real and what was in my mind. Do I see if the woman she was still lived, or do I ignore what just happened and hope the demon was dead?
 

Just then, white and blue flames engulfed the body, burning it to ash in a matter of seconds. I couldn’t stop the tears that started pouring from my eyes. Should I feel sorry for the human she might have been? Or was it demon the entire time? The human instinct inside of me, the person I was before exposed to demons and angels, wanted to mourn for the woman. Another part of me knew better.