FAME and GLORY (29 page)

Bruce wasn't yet sure that Suzi hadn't just decided to play possum to make him let her go, so he held on to his lady and turned to Janelle.  He spoke in measured tones, but left no doubt where his allegiance lay in the current conflict.

“You need to get out of this room, right now.  What we do and where we play, or don't play, is none of your business.  Do. You. Under. Stand. Me.”

Brandee spoke quickly to Janelle.  “Why don't you go get something to drink, so we can talk about this?”

Janelle's eyes filled with tears borne of more than one emotion.  She was still angry at Suzi.  She was angry at herself that she had gotten carried away and put Brandee in an awkward position.  That is, if it was an awkward position.  Maybe Brandee was going to let herself be talked into sending Janelle away for good.  Most of Janelle's tears were because of that possibility.  She couldn't bear the thought of not being with Brandee for as long as the singer wanted her near.

Janelle sniffled and left the room without another word. She considered standing by the door and trying to listen to what was said inside, but was too afraid that someone would catch her to follow through with that thought.  She went back to the waiting area, where the members of the group had slept the night before.

Jake sat on the corner of Brandee's bed, in a position where he could see everyone as he talked.

“I'll go into Sacramento and get a bus ticket for Janelle.  We don't need--”

Brandee interrupted her husband.  “No, you won't.  She'll be fine.  I'll make sure of it.  I want her to stay.”

The three musicians looked at the couple on the bed.  They saw a man with the expression of someone who had been punched in the stomach.  They saw a woman with a look that was calm and serene.  Nothing more needed to be said.  Janelle Kelly was a member of
Brandee,
at least until her departure from them in Crescent City, and the Evans marriage was a three-headed hydra until then.

Deanne came into a room that was eerily silent when she brought the release papers for Brandee to sign.  The papers included instructions for the care of her facial wound as well as helpful hints about pain control.  The nurse also brought a plastic hospital bag with the logo for St. Helena Medical Center etched on its flap.  The bag had the creams, dressings, and analgesics that Brandee would need while her injury was healing.

After the formalities for leaving the hospital were complete, Brandee and Jake were left alone so the patient could get dressed.  Brandee, more spry than she thought she might be after the ordeal, quickly put on her performance gown from the previous night, and skillfully applied her daytime makeup.  She and Jake talked little during this time, and what they talked about was of little consequence.  Jake didn't know what to say that would make a difference.  Brandee didn't appear to feel that anything needed to be said.

The rest of the group waited in the area where they had slept the night before. The waiting area was now about half filled with families and loved ones of patients who were undergoing treatments and procedures of some kind at St. Helena.  The members of
Brandee
couldn't talk openly about what was on their collective minds.

Janelle stood to the side, as far from Suzi as she could get.  The young girl was breathing a little bit more easily.  She figured that if she was going to be sent away, they would have told her when they first came downstairs, instead of ignoring her like they had.  That was fine by Janelle.  She wasn't about making friends with them, anyway.  She had a nagging worry that she still might be ejected from the group's presence when Jake came downstairs, but beyond that, she knew, and didn't care, that she had burned her bridges with the others.

When Jake and Brandee came downstairs, they were accompanied by an orderly who was pushing Brandee in a wheelchair.  She had wanted to walk out of the hospital on her own, but hospital rules forbade that.  Jake walked behind them, carrying the bag of essentials that Brandee had been given.

The six travelers congregated around the rental van.  Jake helped Brandee into the middle seat of the van and climbed in beside his wife.  Suzi and Bruce were together in the back seat.  This left Janelle to ride in the shotgun seat beside Diane.  In a matter of minutes, the rental van was speeding down Sutter Street, headed for the Sierra Highway and Cache Creek Casino, 23 miles away.  The only discussion in the van was about how to best get to Crescent City for the next night's show.

When the group arrived at the casino, everyone except Brandee clambered out.  She had agreed to stay in the air conditioned van and let the others work on getting their gear since the temperature at the amphitheater was already nearing 90 degrees.

After the gear was loaded, the group separated into three vehicles.  Jake drove alone in the rental van, having arranged to return it in Ukiah to avoid a return trip to Sacramento.  Since the rental was in his name, he needed to be the one to return it.  As he left, Brandee and Janelle were in the Sprinter, but were still in the parking lot.  Diane, Suzi, and Bruce were standing outside the newly repaired Nissan.

Suzi had wanted Bruce to ride with Jake.  When she said that to Bruce, though, his answer was, “I asked him to let me ride with him.  He said he wanted to be alone.”

“Why would he say that?  Alone isn't good right now.”

Bruce ran his hand through his graying hair.  “I don't know what's on his mind, to be honest with you.  I don't like the way it's gone down, though.  I'm damn sure of that.”

Suzi looked stricken.  For all of her “shoot from the hip” style, she had a heart the size of a cruise ship.  She had grown to love the members of
Brandee
and, except for Bruce, none more than Jake.  His easy smile and warmth drew Suzi to him like butterflies to a garden.  To see him walking around burdened like this was almost more than she could take.

“At least it's only 40 or 50 miles to Ukiah,” she said.  “He'll be with us after he drops the van off.”

Diane had been quiet so far.  She was as heartsick over what had happened to the group as Suzi.  She wondered what was on Brandee's mind, and she didn't trust what was on Janelle's mind.  The younger girl's outburst in the hospital room had given them a clear message.

“Let's head out, guys,” she said.  “We need to stay close behind Brandee in case something happens to her.”

“Something already has happened to her,” Suzi said.  “She's gone stupid.”

The total drive time on this day was going to be just under three hours.  The group would stop at The Sherwood Inn Motel in Garberville, leaving them less than three hours the following day to get to Crescent City.   Two easy drives to the show would help Brandee get back into the normal rhythm of the tour.  At least, that was the plan.

“I was so scared,” Janelle said as they found Highway 20 westbound.  “I was so scared that you weren't going to be okay.  I was afraid the fire was going to make you not beautiful.”  Her voice trailed off as she started to cry.

Brandee took Janelle's small hand in hers.  She noticed how petite Janelle's fingers were compared to her own.  She noticed, too, that Janelle's fingernails were rough and bitten. She didn't know whether that was always the case, or something that Janelle had done in the anxiety of the previous several hours.

I'm fine,” she said.  “You heard what the doctor said.  I'm going to be as good as new.”

Janelle gulped at her tears.  “I wouldn't have known what to do if you had been hurt for good.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” Brandee said, brushing her lips against the knuckles on Janelle's left hand before patting them back into the younger girl's lap.

Brandee wanted to talk about anything except the electric jolt that she had taken the night before, so she decided to find out more about the spiritual side of Janelle.  She had been pondering the conversation that she and Janelle had shared on their way to Winnemucca.  She had more questions, and it would be a good way to steer the talk on this drive away from hospitals and the volts of electricity that her face had absorbed.

“Tell me more about the mystics and how it applies to us.  I'm really interested.”

Janelle dried her eyes and turned in the seat, warming quickly to the subject.

“Mysticism is why I'm a feminist.  We live in a society where men are the dominant of the species.  It's criminal how they've been allowed to do that to us.  All through history, women have been possessed by men.  We haven't been allowed to grow on our own, like we should be able to.  I read a book one time that said that women have been placed into a role of just being 'not men'.  It's like we're the Dollar Store knock off of the man.  And when woman is defined as not-man, she is cast into the trash can of ideas that somehow didn't work.  This partly explains why many men can so naturally speak of their cars and their women, and say things like, 'It's my house, my wife, and my money,' It also shows the fact that women are so easily associated with disorder, chaos, irrationality, and impurity.  There are no positive or creative categories in not-man; it's a confusion of cosmic proportions!  We don't matter to men as much as their sports car does!”

Brandee looked at her passenger, amazed again at how much hidden depth there was to Janelle.

“What about my life?” she said quietly.  “Do you think I'm a non-man?”

Janelle took Brandee's hand in her own and held it against her own heart.

“Yes, Brandee, but it doesn't have to be that way. You're so beautiful and so creative.  Of anyone I've ever met, you're the one that should most be allowed to fly free of the constraints that society has placed on you.  You're the one who should play by her own rules.  You don't need to be tied down by what a man-created, man-based, man-run society lets you do.”

Brandee was silent for a moment.  She realized that the universe may have paid her quite a favor by bringing Janelle's ideas into her life.  This was why she had been so adamant that Janelle be allowed to continue with the group.  The singer felt herself unfolding into someone that she had never allowed herself to be: a woman flying freely toward the sun.  She was so grateful to Janelle.

“You're the best thing ever,” she said to Janelle, squeezing her hand fiercely.  “Thank you.”

Janelle's heart leapt in her chest.  She was being listened to by the person whom she admired most.  More than that, she was being taken seriously.  Her ideas were treated by someone else as if they had the merit that Janelle had always believed they had.  The fact that that “someone else” was Brandee made it all the more unbelievable.

“I love talking to you, Brandee,” Janelle said simply.

Brandee was hungry for more.  “I love talking to you too.  What does being a feminist have to do with finding The Creator Spirit that you were telling me about, though?  What about him?”

“That's what I'm talking about, Brandee!  The Creator Spirit isn't a him. It’s a her!  Women are the creative forces of the cosmos.  We bring forth life.  We are the image of the Creator Spirit!”

Janelle was bouncing Brandee's hand up and down in her evangelistic fervor.  Her eyes were gleaming as she imparted this precious knowledge to Brandee, who was even more precious to her than her own ideas.

A cloud came over Brandee's face.  She felt that she was on the verge of something that would fill a void in her life, but something that Janelle had said raised a doubt.

“Does that mean I'm wrong for not wanting to have children?  I mean, if women are the creative force and all?  Am I, um, I don't know, interrupting the creative flow or something?”

Janelle shook her head vigorously. “Nothing could be further from the truth.  We're all called by the Spirit to create in our own unique way. You're creating beauty and light with your gift.  Brandee, you create life inside my heart every time you sing.  It's why I love you.”

Brandee, who is not the most emotional of young ladies under normal circumstances, teared up over Janelle's declaration.  She thought that the events of the last few days might have something to do with the tears, but she didn't bother to brush them away.  Instead, she started to sing.

Janelle took Brandee's hand in hers, placing her thumb over the singer's knuckles and rubbing gently in a circular motion.  Three days ago, she wouldn't have sung out loud in the shower.  Today she sang to Brandee in a passable low-range soprano.

***

The musicians in the Nissan weren't singing to one another; they were having a lively discussion about what had happened in the hospital room that morning.  Bruce had come up with yet another nickname for Suzi.  This time, it was “Rocky Balboa.”

“Be honest, Rock,” Bruce said.  “You would have stopped short of cold-cocking Janelle, wouldn't you?”

“I honestly don't know.  All I could think of right then was 'this little shit-for-brains called me a cow.'  I might have dropped her where she stood.”

Bruce played a bit more with the “Rocky” analogy.  “She's no Apollo Creed.  You could have killed her.”

Suzi snorted, a habit that she had picked up and used whenever the subject of Janelle was raised.  “It wouldn't have been any great loss to the world if I had killed her.  God, she pisses me off!

She then turned her eyes to the sky and gave another impression of Janelle Kelly.  “Ohhhh Brandeeee!  Can I kiss your lily white assssssssss?  Pleeeaaassseee!”

Diane and Bruce roared in laughter.  The release felt good, especially when Suzi joined in.  It felt like days since the three of them had enjoyed a good belly laugh.  The stress of the latter half of the tour was wearing them out.  Bruce pulled Suzi into his arms, told her that he was going to hug her for all she was worth, then carried out his promise.  Diane smiled at the two of them.  She knew that, to Bruce, “all she was worth” was plenty.

Jake found the Enterprise rental office on North State Street in Ukiah.  They took the rental van off of his hands with minimal paperwork, so he was quickly finished and waiting outside the office for the other two vehicles to catch up with him.

Within 10 minutes, Brandee drove up beside him and rolled down the window.

“Hey fella.  Shall we stop at Starbucks?  Janelle wants a cappuccino and I have to pee.”

Jake looked over the top of the Sprinter and saw a Starbucks directly across the street.  He hadn't had a caramel macchiato since the day the tour started.  He supposed that he might as well have one now. He nodded his assent and went to the Nissan to tell them the plan.  Diane found a parking place next to the Sprinter and the members of the group filed into the coffee shop.

“How far is it to Garberville?” Bruce asked Jake when everyone was seated.

“An hour, maybe a little less,” Jake responded.  He then turned to Brandee.  “How are you feeling, honey?”

Brandee waggled her hand back and forth in the international gesture for so-so.  “I'm doing okay.  I'm glad we're staying where we're staying tonight.  A night of breathing the redwood forest will be a good thing.”

Jake nodded.  He hoped that being in more familiar territory, home to himself and Brandee, would do wonders for her physically as well as for their relationship.  To that end, he was also ready to say goodbye to Janelle.

Two days to Crescent City,
he thought to himself. 
I can make it two more days.

Jake took over the wheel of the Sprinter for the last hour of the trip to Garberville.  Since the Sprinter could only hold one passenger in its fully loaded condition, Janelle had no choice but move to the Nissan for that hour.  She was none too happy about this turn of events, but felt that it would be bad form to complain.  It had been a beautiful morning for her up to this point.  Why ruin it?  It was only an hour.

Brandee was feeling the effects of the night in the hospital and the strong narco-analgesics she had been given, so she was glad to surrender the driving chores to Jake for the run up Highway 101 to Garberville.  She tried to tell him a few of the things that Janelle had told her about the spirit world, but she was too tired to get very far.  She was asleep before they got out of Ukiah and slept the rest of the drive.

Surrounded by several million acres of redwood timber, Garberville was the southern terminus of the coastal redwood forest along 101, which was called “The Redwood Highway.”  Even though the coast redwoods continue southward, nearly to San Francisco, the highway swings east, away from the ocean and away from the ocean mists that a redwood needs to thrive.

The Sherwood Forest Motel in Garberville was, as Brandee had indicated, literally in the redwood forest, with only the office in an open area near the road.  The members of
Brandee
all had a certain “we're home” feeling wash over them as they unloaded the vehicles.  They were inside the boundary of Humboldt County, where
Brandee's
members had met and founded their group.  Surely, this slice of God's country would be the tonic that they all needed to be able to re-group and re-commit to each other and to the group as a whole.

Brandee went inside Room 11 and fell right back to sleep, but Jake found himself to be too restless to sit in the room while his wife slept.  He went to Bruce and Suzi's room three doors deeper into the forest.  That's where he found, not only Bruce and Suzi, but Diane as well.

“Where's the kid?” Suzi asked Jake.

“I don't know. I thought she was down here with you guys.”

Diane spoke up.  “Don't worry about her.  I saw her start down one of those walking trails next to the parking lot.  She's going for a little hike, I guess.”

Suzi responded, “I wasn't worried.  I was going to suggest that we hurry up and change motels while she's gone.”

Diane looked troubled.  “Things haven't been the same since she got here, have they?  Is it her, though?”

Bruce and Suzi looked at Diane, and said, in unison, “It's her.”

Diane smiled, but continued.  “Hear me out.  Did Janelle cause the disruption, or did she come along at just the right time?  Or just the wrong time, as the case may be?  When Suzi got pregnant, or at least told us that she was pregnant, we all got excited.  That brought up the question of kids for Jake and Brandee.  We all know what happened then.  I just wonder if we're blaming Janelle for some things that just aren't her fault.”

Bruce nodded.  “Groups get road weary, too.  Maybe that was part of it.  Maybe you guys were getting tired of my face.”

He paused for a moment, scratching the stubble on his cheek.  “Probably not that, though.  Maybe you guys were getting tired of Suzi's face.”

With that, Bruce jumped back and sat at the top of the bed, out of Suzi's reach.  He had learned to anticipate when she was going to punch him, and she didn't disappoint.  Suzi swung a wild right hand, aiming for the shoulder that Bruce had just taken out of her reach.

Jake and Diane smiled at each other.  They both felt that Diane had a point, but that Bruce's theory of the group being road weary was spurious at best.  How could anyone get road weary when Bruce and Suzi were around to entertain with their antics?

“Diane may have a point,” Jake said.  “Janelle will be gone soon, anyway.  Then, we won't have her to blame.”