Authors: Michael Z. Lewin
Jenny said, âYou're a private detective?'
âThat's right,' Howard said. âA genuine private eye.'
âWell, what a coincidence. So is my friend Marie here.'
Howard stared at Marie, obviously surprised. He opened his mouth. When eventually a word came out the word was, âBull.'
âNo, it's true,' Jenny insisted, abandoning Marie's lie for a version of the truth. âIn fact Marie was working on a case only, this afternoon, weren't you?'
Howard continued to stare at Marie, his jaw hanging loose.
âYeah, she is gorgeous, isn't she,' Jenny said. âGo on, Marie. Flutter your eyelashes for the nice man.'
Marie, well rum-and-coked, fluttered her eyelashes. âAin't those bitchin' eye-trims?' Jenny said.
âYou may be pretty,' Howard said, âbut I bet you don't work on dangerous cases like I do.'
Marie said, âI bet I do.'
âTell about the case you were on today,' Jenny invited.
âWell,' Marie said, âtwo men were trying to kill this other man, but weâthat's the detective agency I work forâwe're giving him round-the-clock protection, no matter what the expense.'
âThat doesn't sound very dangerous.'
âMore dangerous than showing people a picture.'
âWell,' Howard said, âfinding her's only the start.'
âSounds more like the finish to me,' Marie said, tossing her hair. She laughed, like she laughed at David.
Howard didn't like it. âYou may protect people,' he said, âbut I bet you've never killed anybody.'
âOh, and I suppose you have,' Jenny said.
âCould be,' Howard said.
âYeah!' Marie said. âWe really believe that! And I bet the stain on your shirt is a bloodstain.'
Howard looked down at his shirt. There was no stain. The two girls laughed and hugged each other.
âYou're taking the piss,' he said, growing angrier. âBut you shouldn't mess with me. I have killed someone.' He glared at one giggling girl, then the other. âI have.'
David said, âIs there any ice cream?'
âI think so,' Gina said. âMaybe Howard was on the fiddle and it showed up in Block Letter's accounts.'
âAnd there was a showdown,' David said as he removed a container from the freezing compartment. âAnd Howard smashed his head in.'
âSome of the quiet ones get violent when they're angry,' Gina said.
David spooned ice cream into a bowl. âThat plays,' he said solemnly.
âI drive a Jag,' Howard said.
âA Matchbox Jag?' Marie said. She and Jenny giggled. Rosetta watched.
Howard fumbled in his pockets. He pulled out a set of keys and waved them. âI do!' he said. âA real Jag, and it's great. I've had it customized. It's got a sensuous interior.'
âBut no engine!' Marie said.
âCome out and see,' Howard said. âI'll take you for a ride.'
â
Me
?' Marie said. âGo for a ride in a car with
you
?'
âWhy not?' Howard said.
âGet a life.'
âHonest, it's great,' Howard said. âYou'd like it.'
âI bet he doesn't even have a Jag,' Jenny said.
âAny more than he ever murdered somebody,' Marie said. She turned to Howard. âHonestly! You're so full of shit it's coming out of your ears.'
âI never said “murdered”,' Howard said.
âSee?' Marie said.
âI just said “killed”. It wasn't like I jumped out of a dark alley or anything. It was more an accident.' Suddenly he dropped his eyes, as if struck by an unpleasant memory. He played with the keys in his hands.
The three women glanced at each other, reacting to what seemed suddenly to be a core of truth.
Quietly Rosetta said, âHow did it happen?'
Howard said nothing.
Marie said, âWas it self-defence, or what?'
âGo on,' Jenny said. âI bet if you tell her she'll go for a ride in your Jag.'
Nobody laughed. For a moment nobody spoke. Then Howard looked up at Marie. âWould you?'
âI might,' Marie said.
âIt was no big deal,' Howard said with a jerky shrug. âI was working at this place, and the boss was an old bloke, but he got at me all the time. Nothing I ever did was right. And then he said he wanted to see me, and he accused me of some stuff and it was all lies but he just wouldn't listen and so I kind of hit him. With a piece of wood. And I found out later he died.'
âThere was a piece of wood handy?' Jenny said.
âIt was the stock of a gun. There were some old guns around,' Howard said.
The three women were silent as they absorbed what they had been told.
âSo,' Howard said to Marie, âare you going to come for a ride with me? Or are you chicken?'
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
When the telephone rang, Gina answered it immediately.
Charlie said, âI certainly didn't expect to be talking to you
again
today. I have this recurrent dream. There I am, sitting at home, my feet up, maybe watching a film on the tele. But each time I wake up and I'm still at work.'
âWhat's happened?' Gina said. âHas Varden talked to Howard?'
âHoward's nowhere to be found,' Charlie said. âThis is about something else altogether.'
âWhat?'
âGina, do you know where your children are?' Charlie asked.
âMy children?' Gina looked at David, who was watching her across the kitchen table. âDavid's here. Has something happened to Marie?'
âNot those children,' Charlie said. âI mean your other children. Your older children.'
âI don't understand,' Gina said. Then, âIt's not Angelo, is it?'
âWorse,' Charlie said. âI've got your in-laws down here.'
All three women accompanied Howard to the university carpark. âSee,' he said. âIt is a Jag. I told you.'
âSo it is,' Jenny said.
âYou didn't believe me,' Howard said.
âI'm impressed,' Marie said. âIt's good. Isn't it, Auntie Rose?'
Rosetta's
joie de vivre
had floated farther away with each successive rum and coke. As with the wine two nights before, the higher her blood alcohol got, the more bitter she became about Walter. And now, his
message
. Rosetta had no interest in anybody's Jag. So she said nothing.
âShall we get in?' Howard said to Marie.
âOK.'
He could hardly believe it. He fumbled at the car door with his keys. âGreat!' he said.
âBut only if my friends come too,' Marie said.
Gina offered to drive to the station to collect Mama and the Old Man but Charlie said he would drop them off on his way home. âHome,' he repeated. âSuch an unfamiliar word â¦'
But in the event Charlie came up for a cup of coffee and to recount the extraordinary behaviour of Gina's in-laws. âI couldn't believe it,' he said. âI had my jacket on. I had my briefcase in my hand. And then I get this call from downstairs.'
âWho else should we call?' the Old Man said.
âI'm not complaining, Mr Lunghi,' Charlie said. âI'm just saying I was surprised. When was the last time you or Mrs Lunghi was in a police station?'
âThose terrible boys were breaking in,' Mama said. âTo steal. They were criminals.'
âWhat boys?' David said.
Charlie said, âTwo lads saw that the door at this Block Letter place had been forced. They went home to get their van and came back to cart away whatever they could load into it. Shows a bit more initiative than most of them have. Your common or garden opportunist doesn't go home for the van. But they certainly didn't bargain for the likes of these two.'
âBut what were you doing at Block Letter?' Gina asked Mama and the Old Man.
âNot at,' Charlie said. âIn. They were inside.'
Gina looked from the Old Man to Mama.
Charlie said, âThese two malefactors were the ones who forced the door in the first place. They only told me that on the ride here.'
âTo you, Charlie, we should tell the truth,' the Old Man said.
âDon't blame me,' Mama said. âIt was not my idea.'
âThey got a come-uppance, the two hooligans,' the Old Man said with tired pride.
To Gina Charlie said, âWhat your in-laws told the booking sergeant was that they were walking past the open door and thought the lads were behaving suspiciously. The one they captured kept saying, “They was inside already!” but of course nobody believed him.'
âYou
captured
someone?' David said.
âHe was a thief,' Mama said. âAnd I didn't hit so hard he should make all that noise.'
âThe other one ran,' Charlie said, âbut we have the van owner in custody. Your avenging in-laws caught up with him while he was trying to get it started.'
âNeeds a service,' the Old Man said.
âEven if he got away,' Mama said, âwe saw his registration number.'
âSo you didn't have to hit,' the Old Man said.
âEasy to say now,' Mama said.
âThis one we got will rat on the other,' the Old Man said. âYou can tell.'
âWho got?' Mama said.
Gina said, âBut you didn't answer my question. What were you doing at Block Letter?'
âAh,' the Old Man said. âYou got the papers?'
Mama took a sheaf of documents from her handbag. âWhat do you think? I dropped them?'
âAfrican,' the Old Man said. âLike Shayler told us.'
âShayler?' Gina said. âAs in our client?'
âOh, by the way, Mum,' David said, âMr and Mrs Shayler came to consult us this afternoon.'
âThey what?'
âGrandad took them up to the flat,' David said.
âWhy didn't you tell me, David?' Gina said.
âI meant to. Sorry.'
âIs there anything else you want to tell me?'
âListen,' the Old Man said. âNobody tells her anything. Now she knows what it's like.'
âFor instance,' Gina said, âdoes anybody know where Angelo is? And what he's up to with Muffin?'
Angelo got off the train tired but satisfied. He went down the stairs and through the underpass and it wasn't until he had emerged in front of the station that he began to think again about what he should say to Salvatore. Not to mention Gina. He crossed at the lights and headed toward home.
As he walked along the side of the bus station, a car squealed to a halt behind him. He turned to the sound and saw the car was a Jaguar. He stopped to admire it. One of the older models. Now
that
was a car.
As Angelo watched, the Jag's passenger door opened and a young woman backed out, bending into the car's interior. In a moment Angelo could see why. The first young womanâwho put him in mind of Marieâhelped a second young woman out. This one, in turn, helped a third.
The third woman was Rosetta. And, yes, the first woman
was
Marie. Angelo set off toward the Jaguar. âMarie! Rosetta!'
As Angelo drew close he heard a weedy male voice say, âBut you
promised
you'd come out with me again.'
âI didn't say
when
!' Marie said. âDon't call me. I'll call you.' She slammed the passenger door. The three women moved away from the car at a trot.
âMarie?' Angelo said.
âDad!' Marie said. âWe're just going to the chipper before Jenny catches her bus. We're starving!'
âHi, Mr Lunghi!' Jenny said.
Behind Marie, Jenny and Rosetta Angelo saw the driver of the Jaguar open his door and begin to emerge. âMarie, who is that in the car?'
âHe says he's Clint,' Marie said.
Jenny giggled. After a moment's delay, Rosetta laughed too, loudly.
âAuntie Rose is pissed,' Marie said.
âI'm pissed,' Rosetta said. âPissed as a newt.'
The Jaguar driver saw the three women talking to Angelo. He got back in his car, revved his engine, and screeched away.
âNewt, newt,' Rosetta said.
âBut he's really
Howard
!' Marie said.
âHoward?' Angelo said. âHoward the Printer?' He looked after the Jag.
âTonight he was Howard the Detective,' Marie said.
âNewt,' Rosetta said.
âHe fancies Marie,' Jenny said.
âWho does?' Angelo said.
âHoward does!' Marie said. âHe gave me his home phone number and everything. And he told us the most amazing story!'
âWalter,' Rosetta said. âWalter.'
âWhat?' Angelo said.
âWalter is a newt,' Rosetta said. âHe says he's going to have it reversed. But I don't want his baby, Angelo. I don't want it. I'm too young. Besides, someone else is coming to lunch tomorrow. So you tell Gina, I don't want Walter's baby. OK?'
CHAPTER NINETEEN
âIt wasn't a real murder,' the Old Man said.
âI bet the dead man doesn't agree with you, Papa,' Salvatore said.
âWill you have some spaghetti, Mr White?' Mama asked. âShall I put some on your plate?'
âYes, thank you. And, please, my friends call me Iggy,' Ignatius White said.
âAnd some sauce, Iggy?' Mama said. âIt's got mussels, my own recipe.'
âWonderful.'
âI mean it wasn't a real murder
case,'
the Old Man said. âNot with surveillance and investigation and routine and detail.'
âI'm sure the police did plenty of that,' Salvatore said.
âBut
we
didn't,' the Old Man said. âThat's the point.'
âAre they going to arrest him?' Marie asked.
âThey may already have done it,' Gina said. âCharlie said they were going to his house this morning.'
âOooh, poor Howard,' Marie said.
âBut he's awful, Marie!' Rosetta said. âSo smirky, and full of himself, and think what he did to that poor man.' Rosetta shivered.