Family Pieces (25 page)

“I’m fine,” she uttered by rote. She pulled two plates out of the cupboard. “Thanks for picking up the food. Want something to drink?”

“Sure. A Coke if you have one. Or water. Whatever.”

She opened the fridge and pursed her lips, feeling embarrassed for having offered drinks she didn’t have. She took a glass from the cupboard and filled it with tap water.

“Sorry. It’s all I’ve got. Guess I need to get to the store, huh?”

Brad simply shook his head. He pulled out two square boxes by their little metal handles and set them on the counter. Karsen handed him a fork and opened the second box. She’d read that greasy food exacerbates morning sickness, but she’d experienced the opposite. She scooped a pile of orange chicken onto her plate and then added a portion of pork-fried rice next to it.

“So,” she smiled broadly trying to ease her way into an appropriate moment to break her news. “How are things going with Hanna?” She stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork and popped it into her mouth. The heat radiated inside her mouth, stinging her tongue. She grabbed her glass of water and swished the cold liquid around like mouthwash until the burn dissipated. “Yowsers! That’s hot.” She set her fork down across her plate to wait for the food to cool before attempting another bite.

“Yowsers? What are you, twelve?” Brad taunted her.

“Leave me alone and answer my question.”

“Off to a good start, let’s say. It hasn’t been that long,” Brad said to appease her. He knew he couldn’t avoid the conversation entirely.

“But you two seem to spend a great deal of time together,” she pressed, wanting details. Of course, she’d heard Hanna’s take on the relationship but she wanted his.

“I’m sure you two talk.” He assumed Hanna shared every detail. Well, hopefully she didn’t share everything.

“Come on…” she prodded, still stalling while her insides wrestled in angst.

“It’s good. She’s …,” he hesitated. He’d talked to his sister about his girlfriends before, but this time was different. Hanna was Karsen’s best friend. “She’s incredible, really. She is beautiful and she gets me. She even laughs at my jokes.” Karsen noticed how his face beamed as he spoke.

“She is pretty cool,” Karsen winked at him.

“Yes, she is.”

“Speaking of your jokes, whatever happened with the reality show? I’m sorry I’ve been so preoccupied,” She stammered, “with the break-up and all… I haven’t even asked you about it. I know Hanna said your last show went gangbusters.”

“The reality show? What reality show?” he teased for a moment, glad for the segue to his big news…

“So…?”

“I leave for Hollywood in two weeks!”

“Holy shit!” She jumped out of her seat and hopped onto the couch, jumping up and down like a hyperactive toddler. “That’s incredible!”

He motioned for her to sit down. “You know what happened to the monkeys jumping on the bed?” Karsen laughed as she jumped to the floor.

“Yes, they fell off and bumped their heads.”

She plunked down on the couch, pumping her legs up and down, unable to restrain her new found energy. “Have you told Dad?”

“Not yet. I wanted to tell you first. Except, well…”

“Hanna knows?”

“Yes.”

“I guess I’m going to have to get used to playing second fiddle, huh?”

“Sorry.” He shrugged.

“No worries. I like that you’re happy. And now, oh my God! You’re going to Hollywood! My brother the star!”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, sis. I’m not even on the show yet. There are forty called to Hollywood. Only ten make the actual show.”

Karsen just smiled, unable to control her excitement. She knew he’d be one of the ten. She held her tongue on her situation for the remainder of his visit. She couldn’t bear the thought of ruining his good news. Everything else could wait.

Brad kissed his sister on the cheek as he left. “Call me if you need anything.” He was worried about her. He knew she’d been through a great deal, but so had he. He sensed there was more going on with her but if she wouldn’t open up to him, he didn’t want to force it. At least not yet.

Closing the door behind her brother, a ray of happiness broke through the storm cloud hovering within Karsen. She couldn’t help but share in Brad’s excitement and elation. She was thrilled for him. His success gave her hope, hope she desperately needed to weather the stormy events of her own life. She could tell Hanna had kept her secret thus far. Otherwise, Brad would never have avoided the topic. He would be furious. The guilt of lying to him festered within her. She hated having secrets, but she couldn’t tell him now. She knew her brother and she knew what he’d do.

She popped her daily prenatal and chased it down with a long gulp of water. The teakettle whistled, and she poured herself a cup of hot tea before settling down on the couch. She snuggled a blanket around her waist and tucked her legs underneath, finding comfort in its warmth. This had become her usual routine as a newly single woman. While most girls her age hit the nightclubs, she sat watching her shows – alone – from her favorite spot on the couch.

She logged onto her laptop, the screen scrolled to life with her family’s photo set as the background display. She remembered that day vividly, everyone scurrying to get ready. Her mom couldn’t get her hair quite right. Her dad sat patiently waiting without so much as a word, while Brad and she fought over the mirror in the bathroom. In the photo, their family appeared united and content, the preparation issues resolved.

“I need you, Mom,” Karsen whispered to the screen, lightly brushing her mother’s image with her fingertips. “I can’t do this alone. Please give me a sign showing me what to do. And when I say a sign, I mean huge blaring green and red lights.”

She surfed the web aimlessly for the next two hours, scanning for information on babies and pregnancy. The amount of information available overwhelmed her.

Maybe James was right. Maybe it would be easier to end the pregnancy.

She hated herself for even thinking what that meant. She’d listened as her mother had lectured her about abstinence and safe sex. She felt as though she had failed her. If she terminated the pregnancy, she could avoid telling Brad. She could avoid telling her dad. No one but Hanna would ever know. But, how could she? She didn’t know if she could carry that burden. This was not how it was supposed to happen. She had always dreamed of having a family. How could she choose not to keep the baby?

18

“W
hat you need is some good old-fashioned retail therapy,” Hanna declared after listening to Karsen’s depressed tone. “I’m coming to pick you up. Be ready in ten.”

Hanna hung up before Karsen could decline. Although Karsen appreciated Hanna’s concern, she’d much prefer to hide in her apartment and not come out until this whole fiasco was over.

Hanna appeared as promised and honked the horn obnoxiously. “Get your booty out here, Karsen!” she shouted out from the driver’s side window. “We’re hitting the mall!”

Karsen ran to the car and held her finger to her mouth like a mother to a baby, “SHHHUUSSH!” She climbed into the car. “The last thing I need is to get evicted. Could you keep it down?”

“A little noise never hurt anyone.”

“So, where are we going?” Karsen was less than excited to be going anywhere, but she knew Hanna well enough to know she would have drug her out by her toenails if she had declined. She’d rather avoid the scene or else, with her luck lately, find the police at her door breaking up a domestic dispute.

“Scottsdale Fashion Square. I thought we’d grab some lunch and then I need to see if I can find a new pair of black pants. On sale, of course. And then…I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Karsen wrinkled her nose.

“Yes, and you can’t say no.”

“Tell me what it is.”

“That would take all the fun out of it, now wouldn’t it? Let’s just say, you need it.”

At the mall, the girls wandered through several stores, mostly window-shopping as neither had a great deal of expendable income. But something about trying on new shoes and browsing through racks of clothes seemed to be working, as Karsen’s fears subsided – at least temporarily – and she felt almost normal for the first time in what seemed an eternity.
Thank goodness for Hanna
, she thought.

They took the escalator up to the third floor.

“Here we are!” exclaimed Hanna, her dimples deepening as a bright smile brimmed across her face.

Karsen looked around. “Nordstom? We can’t afford anything here.”

“We’re not here to buy anything,” Hanna said, grabbing a hold of Karsen’s shoulders and turning her to face the entrance of the in-store spa.

“I can’t afford spa treatments either, Han, you know that.”

“Surprise! You have a massage booked in twenty minutes. It’s already paid for. And, as I said in the car, you can’t say no.”

“Yes, I can. And I will. You can’t afford that either, although I must say I do appreciate the gesture.”

“I said it’s paid for. If you don’t use it, then a hundred and fifty dollars is wasted and I’ll be pissed.”

“Hanna, no! I can’t, really,” Karsen protested.

“Look, K, don’t worry about it. I bought used books this year instead of new. I’ve halted my expensive make-up habit, and I set aside some extra money for an emergency. Just go take your mind off your life for an hour. I meant it when I said you really do need it, and I want to do this for you.”

“But what if you have an emergency?”

“This IS an emergency, Karsen. You ARE the emergency,” Hanna said with terse impatience. “You need this more than I need extra money lying around. I’d probably waste it on some too-expensive gift for a boyfriend anyway.”
Even though for Brad it would be worth every penny
, she thought to herself. “Now, just go. PLEASE! They said it’s completely safe for pregnancy, and you can sit in the lounge and drink lemon water and eat fruit until you pop. I’ll meet you back at the food court in a couple of hours.”

“Okay, okay. One massage sold to the neediest girl on the street,” Karsen said sarcastically. She gave Hanna a kiss on the cheek and looked her in the eyes. “Thanks. I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

Karsen smiled and entered the frosted glass door leading to the spa. For one blessed hour, she was free of her anxieties and fears.