Family Pieces (34 page)

Addison raised her hands to cover her face. “I don’t know.”

“Put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a change. Maybe, just maybe, it was the best choice your mother had at the time. Lots of women put babies up for adoption. Not everyone is perfect, but at least you’re here.”

“Understood, Em. What would you have me do?” Addison demanded.

“Talk to them.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Emily said, exasperated.

“It would tear apart my parents. I mean Mom and Dad. The only parents I know. Not to mention what would happen if the media got a hold of this. I can only imagine the headlines. And…and what would people think about me running this magazine?”

“That you’re capable?”

“No, that my adoptive father gave it to me out of pity.” “Addison, you are completely crazy. I swear. I’ve never seen you act this irrationally.”

Then Emily saw a side of her friend even she’d never seen.

“How can a mother give up a child, Em? How could she give me away?” Tears flowed down Addison’s cheeks as she broke down completely. Emily wrapped her arms around and rocked her.

After several minutes, Addison pulled away.

“I didn’t ask for this,” she said, wiping her eyes, struggling to regain her composure.

“I know you didn’t.” Emily paused. “Addy, you probably don’t want to hear this and I’m certainly not a shrink, but I think the only way you’re going to get past this is to face it head on. You’ve let the past affect all of your attempts at relationships. But it doesn’t have too. Not anymore.”

Addison thought of Russell and every other man in her past. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You run a billion dollar business. You have a strength within you that I could never have. You can.”

Emily stood and kissed the top of her head. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need. You know that.”

Addison wiped her eyes trying to erase the smudges of eyeliner. She hated letting anyone see her cry. But for once, she didn’t care. The embarrassment, the weakness, whatever it was that she conjured in her mind no longer mattered. She knew what she needed to do.

24

K
arsen threw a mismatch of clothing into her suitcase. Her flight left in two hours. The last minute fair maxed out her credit card, but she couldn’t worry about that now. She tried calling Brad. No answer. She left a voice mail letting him know her intentions. Hanna, she knew, would fill him in on her conversation with Addison.

She hustled through security with little time to spare. Her flight was boarding the last section of seating. Breathlessly, she handed her boarding pass to the attendant and stepped onto the breezeway.

Her Blackberry vibrated inside her bag. She fumbled for it while she walked. Brad. “Hello?” she answered, against her better judgment and in no mood for an argument.

“Karsen, what the hell are you doing now?” he yelled through the phone.

“I have to see her, Brad. I have to talk to her.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to us. You need to accept that. You can’t fly to New York on a whim. Damn it, Karsen, she already made it clear. She’s not interested.”

“If I see her in person, she might change her mind.”

“Karsen. Get a grip. She could have you arrested.”

“I don’t care.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I have to go.”

“Karsen!”

“I’ll call you when I get there.”

Addison apologized to Emily for cutting their afternoon plans short, and headed for her parents’ house. When she arrived, her mother looked surprised to see her. She waved her in with her free hand; the other was holding a notepad with the phone tucked awkwardly under her chin. The color in her face once again looked normal and she was scurrying around finalizing details for the charity ball.

Addison brewed a pot of tea in the kitchen while her mother finished her call. Her nerves swelled. She hadn’t remembered being this anxious since leading the first board meeting following her dad’s retirement.

“Honey, hello. This is an unexpected visit.” Mrs. Reynolds kissed her daughter’s cheek.

“Hey, Mom. Sorry about just dropping in. You look like your old self again.”

“Thanks, but is the word ‘old’ necessary?” her mother smiled.

“You know what I mean.” Addison handed her a mug. “Here, I made you some tea.” They each took a seat around the kitchen table.

“Thanks. Are you okay? The stars have to align in order for members of this family to tear themselves away from that magazine. Lord knows your father never left early.”

“Where is Dad?”

“Golfing. Where else?”

“Figures.” Addison thought about whether to wait for them both to be present, but rationalized that would probably never happen.

“Mom, someone, I mean…they contacted me.”

“Who contacted you, dear?”

“My biological family.”

“Oh.” Her mother’s hand shook as she set down her tea. She sat silently her eyes gazing downward.

“I told them I didn’t have any interest in meeting them.”

“I see. And do you?” Her face shifted. Addison had never witnessed an expression like this on her mother’s face. She appeared sad, but there was something else. Fear?

“Not so much an interest, but a need. I need to know why.”

Her mother didn’t respond. She got up and walked out of the room leaving Addison sitting alone at the table not knowing what to do next. A few moments later, her mother returned. She held out a simple white, sealed envelope.

“I was waiting for you to ask.”

“What is this?” Addison looked quizzically as she took the envelope from her mother.

“She wrote it. Katherine wrote it and asked if I’d give it to you some day.”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Mom.”

“You’re not hurting me, dear. I knew this day would come.”

Slowly, Addison tore the edge of the envelope and pulled out a hand written letter.

Addison’s eyes blurred once more as she noticed the ‘i’ in Katherine was dotted with a heart, the trademark of a teenager. Her mother cupped her hand over hers. “She was only sixteen, Addy. From what I under stand, your father left and her parents forced the adoption.”

“Why did you wait until now to tell me?”

“I’m sorry. I guess I was afraid. I was afraid that you’d go searching for her and perhaps… she’d be a better mother to you than I ever was. The longer I waited, the harder it became.”

“Mom,” Addison looked up at her mother’s face. “You were, you are, a wonderful mother.”

“No, I wasn’t. I drowned myself in activities because I didn’t want to fail you. It was easier to hide behind nannies than to be a real mother.”

“You didn’t fail me. You did the best you could.”

“Maybe.” Her mom was crying, too. Addison couldn’t remember the last time she saw her cry. She hadn’t cried even when she was diagnosed with cancer. “Addison, I’m truly sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Sorry that we, that Dad and I, handled this so poorly.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I let my selfishness hurt you.” “You didn’t hurt me.”

“Yes. Yes, I did. She loved you, Addy. I saw the terror in her eyes as they took you from her arms. It’s an image that I’ll never forget. And I…I let you think that she didn’t.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, and it’s my fault. Every time I see you on the brink of happiness, I think, maybe this time she’ll let herself be loved.”

Addison spoke defensively. “My relationship choices have nothing to do with me being adopted.”

“Whether you believe that or not, I disagree.”

She didn’t want to argue the point further. “The letter mentioned two things. The letter and the charm, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then why keep the letter from me? You told me the necklace was from her.”

“I told you the necklace was left with you. I guess I felt the letter would push you to pursue finding her. I know it was wrong. You deserve to know the truth. You deserve to meet her.”

“Mom, you know I love you, right?” Addison asked.

Her mother brought Addison’s hands to her lips and kissed them. “Yes. I know. I love you more than you know.” With that, her mother gently set her hands back onto the table and straightened up. She blotted the tears with her napkin and slowly reverted her face to normal, like nothing had happened.

The remaining conversation returned to a superficial subject. As Addison opened the front door to leave, her mother grasped her hand.

“Addy, he’s coming to the ball, you know.”

Addison understood ‘he’ meant Russell.

“Mom, it’s over,” she said softly, giving her mother’s hand a squeeze. As she headed down the walkway, though, a smile played upon her lips and she silently thanked her mother for telling her, a glimmer of hope growing in her heart.