Authors: Mercedes Keyes
She glanced at him, "You said I was old! Why don't you just lead me out to the nearest pasture and leave me there." She couldn't help herself, she hated being told she couldn't do something because her age dictated that she not. It was going to take longer than he at first thought and so he lifted himself up to sit next to her. "Oh go command your ship and leave me be." She grumbled petulantly.
"Our ship is in capable hands. Put the book down and look at me."
"I'm not old!" She denied emphatically.
"Of course you're not."
"You said I was ...o-o-old."
Manny tried not to laugh, but a chuckle escaped anyway. Lena glared at him. "Oh am I ever glad you find humor in it!" She went to charge up and leave again when he pulled her down onto his lap. "Let me go, I'm not going to sit here while you laugh at me."
"I'm not laughing at you, really I'm not." He pleaded sincerely. "I'm laughing at the way you say it, as if it is the end of the world; as if all life stops at forty if you can't bare another of my children and it's not true."
"Not for you maybe, everything you did at twenty, you can still do."
"So can you."
"Just not have another baby!"
"Lena!" He shook her a bit as he bit into his mouth so not to laugh at her. It wasn't funny after all, not to her anyway. Manny couldn't help it; it was just so incredible that someone who looked as she did would even have that type of insecurity.
"Darlin' listen to me."
Lena sat stiffly on his lap looking anywhere but at him, resenting the fact that he obviously thought her the butt of a joke.
"Lena…"
"What?"
"Look at me."
She finally did, "How can I make you understand?" He tried to think.
"My suggestion is that you should hurry before senility kicks in."
She smarted off, narrowing her eyes. Manny laughed, she surged to her feet only to be pulled back into his lap again. "Will you sit…now listen to me. This has nothing to do with whether you should or should not have another one of my children. Lena, you were not placed on this earth and by my side to produce babies until the source of your strength to do so is sapped, then be set out to pasture to be replaced by someone younger. You have a whole lot more to offer me, than an endless supply of Webster's. We have two sons who are more than capable of filling that bill, let them do so, and a daughter who no doubt will follow suit. You, Mrs. Ceś alena Webster, have done your part. All I want now is you." He pulled her in closer on his lap, relieved as her arm went around him, relaxing against him. "By my side, to share my life, to love and seek all the things we have yet to see together, just you and I, please?" He finished, placing a gentle kiss to her chin, then her lips. Lena leaned her head against his, nodding, "If that is your will."
"It is, let's pray the gods of luck are on our side and Gaitsu can help us with this."
"No Manny, I would be so embarrassed."
"Trust me…trust him, that is one man who knows a lot about the workings of our bodies. Otherwise…we run the risk of it happening again. I need to be able to make love to you."
Realizing there was no other way, because she too could not imagine them not making love, she agreed to speak with Gaitsu, but she wanted to be the one to ask him, not Manny, and he agreed. Three days passed with Manny and Lena in marital bliss. Since Lena already spent so much time with Gaitsu, learning about Asian foods and medicines, she didn't waste any time asking him if he knew of a way that would prevent a woman from conceiving. Pleased that she had come to him, and understanding their dilemma, he went into a very lengthy and deep discussion on the woman's monthly cycle. Not only was he able to help but he gave them a variety of ways to avoid it, bidding them both to be cautious because neither was fool proof. Heeding his words, they were careful but would never be able to resist each other.
In the end, Manny realized that it didn't matter. Should she once again come to be with child, so be it, he would accept it as he did his others, but still kept in mind Gaitsu's counsel and practiced loving his wife more with caresses and gestures than the act when her cycle made her fertile. The weather settled with them far out to sea, and Manny brought Lena up on deck often to walk about and get fresh air, as well as to peer through the spy glass to see that the Royal was always in sight.
She would also gaze out searching the
horizon to see if the Mazon Voyager would catch up to them. "You think everything is okay, that they've set sail on time?" Lena asked worriedly on one such deck stroll, arm in arm with her husband.
"You worry too much, they'll catch up to us in no time, you'll see – when we moor off the shores of Makia, the Mazon will be with us." He assured her.
As days passed, she tried with everything in her not to think about it, she tried to ignore the way she was feeling, but her neglect to see to her need was getting the best of her, the need rearing its ugly head as if a demon was sitting jealously by, resenting her for daring to believe she could go without. Sandra's words had flitted in and out of her mind since they’d set sail. She set out to prove her wrong. Standing over a steaming pot, Lena felt the first twinges of that re-occurring headache. Pulling the long wooden spoon from it, she stood rubbing her temples in hopes of ignoring it. It was a Thursday; she had actually gone seven days without her medicine, when she was accustomed to taking it daily, sometimes twice, but mostly at night. She stood a moment gazing into the pot, as the throbbing seemed to become almost immediately intense once she realized it could not be ignored.
Chewing on her lip she looked back at Gaitsu, maybe he could help her. "No." She said softly to herself. Going this long without had proven she was not dependent on it. Sandra was wrong, it was harmless, she functioned perfectly well and there was no reason not to continue on. Besides, she knew it was better to go on and take her medicine before it grew worse. That morning when she awoke, she was already feeling impatient and edgy. She had even snapped at Manny for sneaking up behind her, scaring her and he had only been playing. Putting down the long wooden spoon, she felt her hands trembling.
"Something wrong, Miss Lena?" Gaitsu asked, noticing her change in manner. "'No, I'm alright, I'll umm, I'm a bit tired, maybe I'll take a light nap." She informed him, leaving the kitchen and heading for the spare cabin where she kept most of her things, so as not to crowd the room she and Manny shared. Even as she walked, she could feel the throbbing steadily increasing at the base of her skull, her stomach quivered as her nervous tension increased. She hated getting like that, she was even afraid of it, the pain had a tendency to become overwhelming if she didn't take her powder on time and she was late, very late.
She'd have to remember not
to neglect that responsibility again, especially when she thought about the way she was that morning with Manny, her act had thrown him, without a word, he’d gone up on deck and had yet to return. Kneeling before her trunk, she located her reticule with the small envelopes containing the powder, and removed one.
She put the rest back
and went to the pitcher, pouring herself a cup of water. Opening the envelope she poured the entire contents into the water, usually she took a little less than half, having skipped so many days, she thought more might make her feel better quicker. She was stirring the contents in the cup when she was startled again by Manny, making her jump and spill some of the cup’s content.
"What are you doing?" He asked, entering the room. He didn't like the tension between them but noticed that she was growing more jumpy and agitated as each day passed and for no reason that he could see. Swallowing his pride, he went looking for her to ask what was going on, only to find her in the room mixing something to drink.
"Manny! You startled me, my goodness don't sneak up on me that way."
He ignored her as he came forward, making Lena even more nervous to have him in the room with her when he'd expressed certain dislikes about her taking the medicine.
"I asked you, what are you doing?" He repeated the question more firmly, eyeing the spilled water with its powder residue on the commode. Lena picked up a cloth to sop up the spilled liquid, ignoring his question and trying to smile she asked, to lighten her building agitation. "Is there something you wanted?" She wondered if he could see that she was trembling. He was very aware, looking from her to the cup, and decided he was going to ask one more time.
"What are you doing, Lena?"
'Oh please God, don't let him mess with me now! Don't let him give me a hard time. I just want to take my medicine, that's all and lie down.'
"I um, felt a small twinge ... you know, a little headache coming on, I'm just going to take a little of my medicine before it gets worse, maybe take a nap." She swallowed, feeling the trembling actually climb up her arms making her shiver a little. "I see, good thing its a little twinge, perfect time to tell Gaitsu, he can help it."
"Gaitsu's busy – cooking, I'm fine with this Manny, that won't be necessary." She enunciated each word with over emphasis. "No one on this ship is starving. I prefer he make
you
his priority."
Chapter Sixteen
Lena ground her teeth feeling every muscle in her body grow tense. "Manny, do me a favor right now, please, leave me alone. I don't need you, telling me, what to do. Just - let me take my medicine, and everything will be okay."
"If Gaitsu can get rid of the pain, you don't need the medicine." He saw her grinding her teeth for control. As she reached up to wipe her brow, she sniffled. "You're obviously coming down with something, I won't take your health for granted and I’m insisting that you let Gaitsu help you."
Lena felt a scream bubbling up deep from within her, a vicious retort to make him go away, but she bit it back with bared teeth and felt herself shiver again. "Are you cold Lena?"
She looked up at him with a smile on her face that was no where to reaching her eyes, eyes cold and hard, warning him to leave her be. "I tell you what, you let me take the medicine this time, and the very next time I feel my headache coming on, -( she offered bringing the cup to her mouth)-, I'll let Gaitsu handle it, but for now-..." She turned from him to drink it, when she found it wrenched from her, spilling some of it on her hand and on the floor. For a moment she stared incredulously at her empty hand and the wetness there, mildly stunned at the thought of licking what there was on her hand. However, Manny's actions took priority, making her react, with snapping eyes and narrowed lips, she ground out, "Why did you do that?! You spilled it! Do you know what you’ve done, give me that back!"
Manny stood with his heart pumping madly in his chest, he wasn't stupid, he'd been around long enough to know what some "Medicines" could do to people, especially medicines for pain that were habit forming.
He didn't know what Lena was taking but
he did know there were very few for pain that didn't make one dependent upon them if over used. He certainly wasn't going to allow her any more until he knew which one it was. He ignored her demand and informed her firmly. "You will go to our cabin and lie down; I will bring Gaitsu back there to see to you."
Lena could feel the tension growing and along with it a fear, fear that he might keep her medicine from her, she could feel the back of her neck stiffening, her eyes were throbbing strangely. She felt compelled to take her medicine. He had to understand, the pain would not just settle in her head; it had a tendency to travel throughout her body after a while, it would make her nauseated, dizzy and horribly ill. Lena reached both hands behind her neck pulling there to release some of the stiffness and mounting pain, growing more irritated by the minute.
"Does your neck hurt?"
"It wouldn't if you would just give me back that cup. Please Manny, don't try to force me in this, don't try to control me. Just – just give it to me, let me lie down, and – and all will be well...Okay." She softened her voice, pulling her hands from her neck stepping up to him, grasping his shirt, unaware of how tight she was holding it. "Please Manny, let's not argue ... I know you don't wish for me to feel this way - to be in any pain ... do you?"
Manny felt his heart constrict, the woman before him, on the verge of begging, grovelling, was not his Lena. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and played along with her, putting his arm around her waist, softening his voice. "Okay, I'll tell you what, we'll give Gaitsu a chance first, then if that doesn't-…"