Family Ties (6 page)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The coffee table in the Jericho’s TV room is pushed in front of the entertainment console to make room for our assortment of blankets and pillows. An hour after dinner and we’re already in our pajamas.

Rose brings in two bowls of popcorn. One for me and Arissa, one for her and Andrew. Arissa starts a movie with the remote once everyone is ready.

Near the end, the phone rings and Andrew goes to answer it. He returns less than a minute later with the cordless phone in hand. “Sara, it’s for you.”

No. My parents can’t change their mind in the middle of a sleepover.

I take the phone and leave the room. “Hello?”

“Happy New Year, Parker,” Jason greets.

I hear his smile through the phone. “It’s not New Year’s yet.”

“Just go with it, Parker,” he says.

I sit on one of the living room sofas and cross my legs. “I thought you could take a joke, J.”

“I can, but you rained on my parade.”

“What are you doing calling me here?”

“I can’t call you at home, can I?”

“No.” He can’t, so he calls me the one place he can because he knows I’ll be here. I bury my face in my free hand. “J, what are you doing?”

Dipping his toe out of the friend zone.

“I missed you, Parker.”

My eyes water. “You can’t do this.”

“Don’t friends call friends?”

I play with the hem of my blue pajama pants. “They do, but we’re not just friends. Are we?”

“I
want
us to be more than friends.”

“It can’t happen.”

“You keep saying that.”

I dry my eyes. “Because it’s true!”

“Don’t you think—”

“No.” I cut him off. I can’t give him hope where there is none. I can’t allow it to take root in my heart either. My parents will crush it with their iron wills and I’ll be left with nothing. Again.

“Are we still friends?” he asks, a hint of somberness in his voice.

“I want us to be. You and Arissa are the only friends I have.”

More silence.

“What aren’t you telling me?” he finally asks.

I’m damaged goods and you’ll never want to have anything to do with me when you find out. “I can’t. My pare—”

“Okay. Say no more.”

“How’s your vacation?” I ask, avoiding more questions.

“Too many people under one roof. I had to walk down the street to call you and get away from everyone.”

“Sounds dreadful.” I smile, even if he can’t see me.

“The worst,” he says, playing along. “How’s your sleepover?”

“We’re watching movies.”

“I’ll let you get back to your movies, then. See you Monday, Parker.”

I return to the TV room, settling into the blankets and pillows on the floor.

“Who was it?” she whispers.

“J.”

She bolts up to a sitting position, crossing her legs and studying me.

“He just called to say Happy New Year, Riss.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Drop it. We can’t be anything but friends. You know that.”

She faces me on her side, tossing her arm over me. “I wish it could be different for you.”

Me too.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Arissa roots around in her brown paper bag, causing it to rustle more than usual. Her eyes gleam at me with her wide, teasing smile.

“Whatcha got, Jericho?” Jason asks, craning his neck. “Ooh!” His eyes shimmer.

She draws her hand out, placing a small, round plastic container without a lid in front of me. “Happy birthday!”

A yellow cupcake with a touch of vanilla frosting rests inside. Arissa pulls out two more containers, one each for her and Jason.

I choke down the tears trying to surface.

March twenty-fifth is always just another day for me. Never a reason for celebration or cupcakes, even if it’s my birthday. I can’t tell them I’ve never had my own birthday cake or celebrated my birthday. Not without telling them everything.

“Sorry we can’t do a candle so you can make a wish and blow it out,” she apologizes.

If only she knew. It’s already a happy birthday. “The cupcake is more than enough, Riss. Thank you.” I remove it from the container and tear the paper liner back. The frosting is thick and sweet, and the cake is light and pillowy with a hint of lemon bursting on my tongue. It’s the best cupcake ever.

Jason drops a thick, heavy present wrapped in green in front of me. I lick the crumbs and frosting from my fingers, then rip the paper away.

The Complete Grimm’s Fairy Tales
in hardcover.

“Thanks, J.”

His dark hazel eyes shine. “My pleasure, Parker.”

It’s not easy. I know he’s dating again, but we’ve never met her or the one before her. Different lunch periods. I count it a blessing, since lunch is the only time we see him now that basketball is over. If they had the same lunch we’d never see him or I’d be forced to watch him with another girl. It’s bad enough knowing there are other girls.

Arissa coaxes me into her house after school. Rose gives me another cupcake and a yellow gift bag containing a leather bound copy of
Wicked
and
Son Of A Witch
in one volume.

“Thank you!” I hug her and Arissa. “Can I keep them here?” I ask Arissa, taking out my tome of
Grimm’s Fairy Tales
.

“You sure you don’t want to take them home?” Rose asks.

My father trashing my room, searching for my Christmas present from Jason replays in my head. No doubt he’d do it again and destroy the books if I bring them home.

“Victoria will wreck them if she sees them.”

Rose eyes me longer than usual.

“Let’s take them upstairs,” Arissa says, grabbing her backpack. 

I place my books in Arissa’s room with my copy of
The Wizard of Oz
then return home, stopping short in my bedroom doorway.

Father lazes on my bed in his work clothes with a look of scorn on his face. “Where were you?” He sits up.

“Arissa’s. Rose wanted to give me a cupcake for my birthday.”

He climbs off my bed and lumbers towards me. Whiskey is acrid on his breath as he speaks, “Your birthday? Who gave you permission to celebrate your birthday?”

I shuffle backwards, wanting to roll into a ball like a pill bug.

“Get back here, you worthless piece of shit!” He seizes a handful of my hair and yanks me into my room.

I shriek, dropping my backpack and covering his hands with mine to keep him from ripping my hair out. I stumble under his grip and nearly fall.

He shoves me onto the bed and unbuckles his belt. “I’ll give you a fucking birthday celebration.” The lowering zipper is like nails on a chalkboard to my ears. I grit my teeth, burying my face in my pillow to hide the tears as he rams into me without care or concern.

“You think…”
Slam.
“…your friends...”
Slam.
“…would still...”
Slam.
“…be your...”
Slam.
“…friends if...”
Slam.
“...they knew...”
Slam.
“...how damaged...”
Slam.
“...you are?”

My friends would be repulsed if they knew.

He grunts one last time and collapses on me, squishing me between his corpulent body and my mattress.

Sara must always be miserable.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Sophomore Year

The highlight of summer was going to Magic Mountain with the Jerichos. I had never been on a roller coaster before. Arissa took me on all of them, starting with Colossus. I gripped my restraints so tight that my knuckles turned white as our train creeped along the track before the big drop. Once the wind was in my hair and I was screaming, I realized what a release it was. That cathartic yell letting everything I keep inside, out.

On the first day of school, Jason perks up in his seat as Arissa and I walk into our English class. “Happy to see me, Parker?” A wide grins spreads across his face.

“Surprised to see you, more like it,” I tease, taking the desk behind him.

“You two really need to go out on a date and get it over with,” Arissa says, sitting on my left. “That is, if you’re between girlfriends, Waters.”

“In due time,” Jason retorts, shifting around in his seat.

We compare schedules and discover the three of us have Biology and Geometry together.

“Jason!” a voice screeches from outside.

Our heads turn to the doorway that frames Becky Statton. All five feet of her is clothed in a pink t-shirt tucked into a denim skirt belted with white leather, and her blonde hair is gathered into a high ponytail.

Arissa gapes at Jason. He gives her a slight shrug and leaves his seat, guiding Becky with a hand on her elbow away from the doorway, but still in our line of sight.

She smiles while they talk and he smiles in return, nodding at whatever drivel she’s spewing.

I glance wide-eyed at Arissa, then back to Jason kissing Becky without thought to who might be watching. The ache in the pit of my stomach is like my father punching me and almost heaving up my breakfast afterward. I slouch, fiddling with my pencil and notebook.

“Becky Statton?” Arissa asks incredulously when Jason returns.

His brow furrows. “Yeah. What of it?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“We started hanging out a month ago,” he answers, taking his notebook out of his backpack.

“Hanging out?” she asks, sarcasm in full effect.

“Okay, dating. Are you happy?” he asks, throwing his notebook open. “Can we not do this here?”

“You’re the one with the girlfriend following you to class for a kiss.”

“Whatever, Jericho.”

“What, Waters? Can’t take the heat when it’s dished back at you?”

“Maybe,” he mutters.

Arissa purposefully waits for me to sit at a table in Biology, then sits at the one next to me.

“What?” I mouth.

She shrugs with a deceitful grin. Jason sees the open seat when he enters and sits with me. I narrow my eyes at her.

It’s a delicate dance we do, her pushing me towards him while I push him away.

“Can we talk later, Parker?” he whispers.

“I guess so.”

Lawrence Hall takes the seat next to Arissa. He’s a late bloomer, scrawny and short. His orangeish-red hair is bright against his pale skin and the braces on his teeth don’t help his image at all. He’s the complete opposite of Arissa’s type.

Two can play this game.

I chuckle and pass her a note:

You’re the one who chose not to sit next to me.

She crumples the paper, giving me a dirty look.

Jason pulls me into a non-crowded corner of the cafeteria during lunch and Arissa watches from our table. I lean my side into the cold wall with my arms crossed, pretending to study the floor because my stomach is tied in knots.

“Parker, I’m sorry.”

“For what, J? It’s not like we were dating and you suddenly started dating Becky,” I say, eyes still aimed at the ground.

He places his forearm against the wall, setting his free hand on my shoulder. “Yeah, but I didn’t say anything to you or Arissa about her before she showed up.”

“I get it. It’s not like she’s your first girlfriend and it’s not like I can date you anytime soon.” I glance into his eyes, shining like polished amber.

“You know I want it to be you.”

“Yeah, and you can’t wait forever. Life goes on.”

“It’s not like that, Parker,” he says, his hand cupping my cheek.

“Tell me what it’s like.”

“I know I need to stay away from your house and that means three months of not seeing you. Honestly, I was bored.”

“So she’s a plaything?” I wrench my face from his hand.

“That’s not what I mean,” he answers, running his hand through his hair and huffing. “Can you stop being defensive for just five minutes? Please?” 

I wave my hand for him to continue.

“I spent the summer hanging out with my friends. I ran into Becky while we were at Swami’s one day and we talked. Before I knew it, we were hanging out every day. Then one day we kissed.”

“Sounds so romantic,” I say, rolling my eyes and using sarcasm to mask the pain.

“Parker, I like her. But I like you more.”

“I’m not the girl for you, J.”

“Then why the jealousy?”

“After all the flirting you do with me I’m
not
supposed to be jealous even if I can’t date you? Yeah, that’s real fair. Double standard much?”

“You’re not okay with this?” he asks, surprised.

I want to scream,
In what world would
anyone
be okay with this?
But I don’t. I can’t cause a scene. “I’m confused,” I say instead. “I thought we sorted this out before.”

“I missed you.”

His mournful tone slams me in the chest, joining with my own. He’s sharing everything with three words, the tone of his voice, and the regret in his eyes. He’s right here. I can reach out and touch him. I can hug him. But he can never be mine. It tortures my soul, ripping me apart from the inside.

I catch a glimpse of someone in my peripheral vision. “Hey, Becky.”

“Hi, Sara,” she returns, a little too cheerful.

“Give us a minute, Bec,” Jason says.

“Okay!” She turns and trots off to the seat where she left her lunch.

“Awkward,” I sing under my breath.

“Parker, I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all. I’m trying to be honest with you.”

“Okay. Honest.” I straighten and poke his chest. “You can’t keep flirting with me and telling me you like me more than Becky, or any other girl you’re dating, and then go back to them.”

“Then let’s go on a date,” he says, like it’s that easy to resolve when he knows it isn’t.

“That will never happen. We’ve been through this.”

“Then the only thing I have left is flirting.”

“No. The only thing left is we forget about all this. You go on with Becky and stop flirting with me.” I leave without giving him a chance to respond, knowing I just sounded the death knell to our friendship. I plop down next to Arissa and fold my arms on the table, letting my head fall on them.

“What happened? I saw Becky interrupted you two.”

“I feel like someone is ripping out my insides, Riss. Make it stop.” The tears I did so well holding back escape unrestrained.

The warmth radiating from Arissa as she wraps her arm around me is like a cocoon keeping me safe from the world.

“What did he say?”

“He likes Becky, but he likes me more.”

“That’s a good thing, Sara.”

I look up at her, tears still streaming and my eyes hot. “Right. Like my parents will let me date. Anyone. Ever.” I swipe my hand across my face. “I’m so confused I don’t know which end is up.”

“He
really
likes you, Sara. He always has.”

“But I keep telling him I’m not the one for him and he keeps at this.”

“Because he knows you like him.”

She may be right, but it’s an impossible situation. “I just don’t know what to do anymore. This hurts,” I say, laying the side of my head on my still folded arms.

Arissa gazes across the room. “He’s looking over here,” she whispers.

“What?”

“It looks like Becky is being long-winded as usual and he’s checking on you while she’s busy talking.” 

“Thanks for that stunt in Biology, by the way.”

“Sorry. You know me. I get an idea in my head and I run with it.”

“You don’t run with it, Riss. You go insane.” 

She tips her head down, sticking her tongue out at me. I return the gesture and finally laugh.

We choose two desks next to each other in Geometry when Jason walks in. He claims the desk in front of me without a word. He opens his notebook and writes, hunched over his desk.

Arissa watches him and I wave for her attention. When her gaze flickers to me, I gesture to Jason and mouth, “What’s he doing?”

She shrugs, opening her palms up.

I sigh softly, digging my notebook out of my backpack and setting it on the desk. My head drops in my hand in frustration.

The echo of Jason ripping a piece of paper out of his binder bounces off the walls in the nearly empty room. He sets the paper on my notebook, turning back without a glance.

I read the note.

I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and I don’t mean to. This is a messed up situation. I date the other girls because you keep saying you aren’t the one for me. And I keep flirting with you despite all that because I like you so much.

I stare at the back of his head before penning a reply.

I like you too.

I wish my parents would let me date, but they won’t. And I wish I wasn’t jealous of the other girls, but I am. 

I slide it under his right elbow. He looks down and pulls it out.

The other students come in, choosing their seats.

The note appears over Jason’s shoulder. I take it and open it. 

What do you want me to do?

If I say I want him to leave me alone, I’ll lose half of my friends. If I tell him I want him to break up with Becky, it won’t be fair to him.

I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I glance over at Arissa waving at me.

“What?” she mouths.

I shake my head. “After school,” I mouth back.

The bell rings and I get lost in my head instead of listening to the teacher.

My pen hovers over the paper.

I don’t know what I want other than to not feel this way. I don’t like the thought of not having you as a friend and it’s not fair for me to ask you to wait. I never did before, I won’t start now.

I don’t give it to him right away. No way am I getting caught passing notes in class. It’s not worth the punishment Father would mete out.

I pack my backpack quietly during the last few minutes of class. I jump up as the bell rings and set the note on Jason’s desk as I rush to the door, not wanting to see his reaction.

I tell Arissa about the note on the walk home.

“What are you going to do?” she asks.

“I don’t know.”

Victoria decides to watch TV instead of doing her homework after school.

“Why didn’t you make sure she did it before watching TV?” Mother asks me when she gets home from work.

“I didn’t realize I was responsible for her doing her homework.” I answer.

“Don’t fucking smart off to me, Sara. I’m not in the mood.”

She never is. “I’m not smarting off. I’m telling you that you never told me I was supposed to make sure she did her homework.”

“Well, you are,” she says haughtily. “Since she didn’t do it, you’re grounded for the rest of the week.”

The problem with Jason is bad enough, now I’m in trouble at home because Victoria didn’t do her homework. Where is the fairness in this world?

The last year with Arissa showed me parents who love their child and let her be a child. Each day in my home is insufferable and I want out. So I push back.

“The rest of the week? The first football game is Friday. I didn’t even do anything to get grounded!”

She scowls, pointing a finger at me with her other hand on her hip. “You watch your fucking tone.”

“But I didn’t do anything!”

“Go to your room!”

“Fine!” I storm off to my room and slam the door behind me.

I jump at the loud boinging rattle of the doorstop being hit by my door a few seconds later. Father glowers at me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks, closing the door behind him.

“I came to my room like Mother told me to.”

“Don’t you ever talk to your mother like that or slam your door again.” He slaps me across my face with enough force to knock me on my bed and a searing pain to cover my cheek. He unbuckles his belt and steps out of his pants.