Far-out Show (9781465735829) (56 page)

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Authors: Thomas Hanna

Tags: #humor, #novel, #caper, #parody, #alien beings, #reality tv, #doublecross

BOOK: Far-out Show (9781465735829)
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“He learned from the inhabitant’s device,”
Venrik pointed out with reluctant admiration. “But he’s added a
factor. We learned to filter the relevant signal from the extra
ones being overlaid on it by the earth system. He’s found a way to
set up echoes of all the transmitted signals so that we can’t
filter those out because they’re out of synch but that together
they make such annoying noise we can’t stand to listen to it.”

“Those echoes are special because they have
to dampen in the communications systems, they don’t stop
immediately,” Svenly explained. “So once his program makes that
happen there will be too much noise for us to make sense of
anything for at least several minutes. If his program keeps
reinforcing the signals they could last for hours.”

“It seems that Nerber doesn’t want us
interfering for at least a while and right now it seems we won’t,”
Venrik said.

“That’s unacceptable,” Feedle shouted.

“Then take over the controls and make him
stop,” Svenly said.

* * *

In the pod Nerber brought up Eroder on the
small monitor.

“What are you doing? Eroder asked. “And then,
how are you doing it? I see things being shut down and nothing I’m
doing changes that. As captain that really upsets me.”

“I’m going to reassure you that the ship is
not yet out of control but that if I don’t do what I’m doing I
believe it will be soon. For now I am hanging onto control.
Understandably you and the techs are trying to cut off my access
and control but to my relief the signs are that so far you haven’t
been able to do that. I don’t have time to argue or debate this,
Eroder. I’m sending you the full description of what I’m attempting
to do and why.”

“At least give me a hint what this is about,”
Eroder said.

“It’s in the material I just sent you. During
the trip through the snaggiewarp to earth Wowseyla, a top of the
line newest design zerpy I brought with me, found and copied all
the ship’s program schematics from the hidden and triple password
protected sections of the ship’s stored information that is largely
hidden from most searches.

“The high powered zerpy’s analyses found an
underlying problem that is quickly causing chaos. I have to seal
off and therefore permanently disable the sections of the control
programs that are causing the trouble. I can’t take the time to get
the crew to trust me and do what I know needs to be done, I have to
do it - and fast. You guys will insist on analyzing each change in
detail first and there’s simply no time for that.

“I’ve set my zerpy Wowseyla the task of
preparing changes based on the feedback it’s currently getting from
the various systems. For truly sure I expected that to go a lot
faster. Only now do I learn that you guys have made big changes in
the programs. I understand what you did and why but it’s slowing up
my response. Only time, and not much of that, will tell if I’m
saving us all or if it’s too late to do that. I’m confident that I
won’t cause a disaster but I accept that you’ll want to debate that
at length. Gotta go, new analysis information coming in. Hold
tight. I’d tell you not to worry but there’s plenty for us all to
worry about.” Nerber disconnected.

* * *

A short time later Nerber said, “Dear diary,
I am amassing this extensive record of my thoughts to explain my
adventures if I don’t survive to do so – and as memory janglers if
I do as I would for truth prefer. I will continue while the zerpy
processes information and works out rerouted paths for
commands.

“I am Nerber to
Bang-Boom Shows
Certificated
but if they ever go searching in the official
records they will not find such a one. That doesn’t mean I am a
fiction and a fantasy, only that my for truth and for official
reasons name is Omtonk. I have used the fake-who-I-am identity
Nerber for several years for complicated reasons I will explain at
some future time but those who need to follow me back in time will
need to know that name.
Rempilcarp
, it seemed best to
disappear for my personal safety. I knew too much and could put too
many on the spot.

“For this record, I became a show contestant
in part because I worked for a time for PHEW, the company that I
see designed the inexcusably complicated and deliberately unlogical
changes to dear
Whizybeam
’s control systems. When I was told
how they wanted us to design programs to keep those using them but
unaware of their details from making any major corrections I
questioned and then I protested that idea. Obviously that would
gravely endanger those using the system, whatever it was going to
be installed in. I was fired and there were attempts to help me
have a lethal accident.

“I reported the general aims of the new plans
to the governors without a big fuss because it wasn’t right to put
some major project in jeopardy so those who would be at a safe
distance could feel better that they were in charge. When I came to
suspect that A.D.U. was the company paying PHEW to create those
booby-trapped programs I felt I should check that out.

“I also became a contestant in part because I
also worked for SHHH, Secret Heroics Headscratch Helmetry, a
company devising the most advanced technologies on our planet. We
were especially far ahead in zerpy design, testing new, small units
with greatly, and I mean
greatly
, increased and improved
abilities. Some of those devices are so useful that the governors
have taken exclusive possession of them and, as of last I heard,
the company wasn’t even allowed to discuss what those can do, much
less how they can do it, with anyone without explicit clearance. I
made major contributions to the company but I was forced out by a
jealous rival in an administrative position. That really put me in
danger.

”At least I had the satisfaction of knowing I
hadn’t yet told them anything about some even more powerful new
zerpy programs I was working on. Those are mine to develop and sell
and they are big-big. I admit that I ‘forget to return’ some test
hardware that I fashioned into my super but mini-sized zerpy
Wowseyla. All its software though, even the new ideas for what such
devices can do, are my own modifications and improvements over
anything that existed before. Wowseyla is mine and I am proud as I
can be of it and very dependent on it at this time.”

* * *

The three producers paced in the hall outside
the security pod. They walked parallel paths, Hasley, then Feedle,
then Lacrat. Three steps behind one another to keep them from
bumping together at the reverses.

“I checked with Molten in the zerpy servicing
room. He moved everything stored in Wilburps in the show’s
processors. The zerpy is now turned off and in a storage spot on
the wall,” Feedle said. “I stood over them and made Svenly and
Venrik do a fast search through what came out of it looking for
anything that will tell us about Nerber and any special tricks he
was using. They say there’s a lot of good show material but there
are also extensive holes in the information. Times when nothing was
recorded and the zerpy itself wasn’t aware that it wasn’t
operational.”

“Good, that’s the kind of thing we’re looking
for,” Hasley said. “Proof that he tampered with the zerpy.”

“What good does it do us if we don’t know
what happened at those times?” Lacrat asked. Realizing that
wouldn’t take them into a useful discussion he quickly added, “Did
we learn anything from zerpy Wilburps that seems relevant to the
ship’s current problems, Feedle?”

“They can tell that the zerpy downloaded what
all it had stored just before it was transported up. It barely
completed that transfer before it was grabbed. But there are no
signs that Nerber or anyone tried to erase any stored stuff,” she
said.

“What does that mean?” Lacrat asked.

“Someone wanted to be able to learn all that
Wilburps recorded but didn’t care if we learned it all too,” Hasley
said.

“Do we have any overall conclusion?” Lacrat
asked.

Feedle said enthusiastically, “You bet I do.
Add it up. Signals Wilburps recorded but couldn’t interpret.
Something in the transport record that Biccup can’t explain. The
techs’ saying among themselves that Nerber must have a high-powered
zerpy with a huge data storage capacity and that has recorded
everything from the moment he landed down there. That means Nerber
has a big-big amount of usable show material. Which means we will
get that from him for our exclusive use. If he gets killed in the
process that’s actually to our advantage. Arguments?”

“How could we argue with such an obvious
conclusion?” Hasley asked as he stopped to glare at the pod
door.

Feedle stopped beside him and glared.

Lacrat stopped beside her, shrugged
agreement, and glared.

“Aha!” Hasley said and marched off down the
hall. The others shrugged and followed.

* * *

A few minutes later the three producers were
back in that hall. Hasley, with Wilburps hovering beside him, went
to the pod door and pounded a fist on it to be heard inside, not
projecting aggression. The other two stayed down the hall where
they might not be obvious but could see and hear everything.

“He asks who is out here and what you want,”
Wilburps said.

“Ah, so you are in there, Nerber. I was
worried about you when I couldn’t find you to ask if there’s
anything I can get you to help you relax after your scary
adventure,” Hasley said.

After a moment Wilburps said, “He has what he
needs.”

“Tell him I thought that since you shared the
thrills with him he might want to talk out some of his remembrances
with you, Wilburps. That’s why I brought you here to the door.”

Wilburps said, “He repeats that he has what
he needs.”

“Can we talk about what happened to you,
Nerber?”

Wilburps relayed the answer. “No. He says he
will have no more to say to you by way of me.” Then the zerpy
settled quickly to a soft-landing on the floor.

Feedle and Lacrat hurried up. Lacrat stared
at the zerpy and asked, “What happened to Wilburps?”

“Nerber demonstrated that he can control
things like our zerpies from in there. This ruse won’t work,”
Feedle said.

“Is it wise to say that aloud?” Lacrat asked
in a whisper.

“He might as well know it is open conflict
from now on,” Feedle said through clenched teeth. “It would have
been easier if he took Wilburps inside so we could use the zerpy to
take control of things, maybe even kill him and be done with it.
Now we’ll do it the messy way and he has no one but himself to
blame for his stretched out agony.”

“Isn’t it unwise to say that aloud?” Lacrat
whispered.

“I’m determined, therefore he’s as good as
dead,” Feedle said. “Clear the way, I’m going to open his shell and
make me the owner of a whole bunch of show material.”

She went back up the hall a bit and with
considerable scraping and clanking noise dragged a large cloth bag
to the door. The others stepped aside and dodged as Wilburps rose
into the air and moved a distance down the hall, then it remained
hovering there at waist-height.

“Should we record this as show material?”
Lacrat asked.

“We’ll have Wilburps do it,” Hasley said.

Feedle took seven large and dangerous looking
tools from her bag and spread them on the floor so they would be in
easy reach as she got into this. She glared at the closed door,
rubbed her hands together in anticipation, and reached for a
bazooka-sized device that looked like a drill on steroids.

But that slid out her reach across the
floor.

Anticipating what might be about to happen,
Lacrat moved down the hall away from the others and from the
hovering zerpy. He was concerned about his safety. He could alter
any recorded images that showed his fear later.

Growling to encourage herself in her
aggression, Feedle grabbed for a large battering ram that was
within easy reach.

But then it wasn’t within reach. It slid
away, then it and the other six tools rose into the air in a large
circular pattern, as if caught in a slow-moving whirlpool swirling
around Feedle in its center.

Hasley ducked and dashed down the hall to
join Lacrat.

As Feedle grabbed for but missed first one,
then another, the tools swirled faster and faster while also
beginning to individually rotate, swivel, gyrate, and make chopping
moves.

“Give it up, Feedle,” Hasley called.

She hated to admit defeat but as the swirl
tightened so she had to fend off free-moving tools Feedle saw she
couldn’t win this match but could end up maimed or dead. Not
winning positions. She ducked, and when there was a momentary
opening in the ring of metal objects she ducked through that and
ran down the hall to Wilburps.

To her relief the tools dropped to the floor
with considerable clatter rather than chase her. To her annoyance
Wilburps moved quickly down the hall ahead of her staying beyond
her reach. “Wilburps, settle,” she ordered.

The zerpy continued down the hall.

“Come back here!” she shouted after it.

It promptly reversed direction and moved back
toward her – but at high speed, head-height, and with a few little
wiggles in its moves that suggested it wasn’t going to stop until
it hit something solid or hit something solidly.

She dropped flat on the floor and covered her
head with her arms. The zerpy swopped down and passed over her
close enough that she could feel it but without it harming her.
Directly outside the pod door it settled to a soft landing on the
floor as it shut down.

“We need a new plan,” Hasley called from down
the hall.

 

 

Chapter 40

Eroder sat at the main control room console
with Icetop and Yelpam looking over his shoulders. They were
focused on two monitors in the console.

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