Fashionably Dead Down Under (27 page)

She reluctantly released me, but her body
stayed tense. “What do you know about the Sword?” she repeated.

“I know it’s missing and I know I now suspect
you of taking it.” I watched a myriad of expressions cross her
face, but the largest was disbelief. I relaxed a bit. My gut and
heart knew she didn’t steal it.

“I would never do that. It would put the
Balance of Chaos in jeopardy, not to mention the lives of my father
and grandfather,” she ground out. “What else do you know?”

“I’m asking questions at the moment,” I told
her. “You’ll get your turn. How many know of the Sword?”

“Most believe it’s a story—that it doesn’t
really exist.”

“Yes, and?”

“The True Immortals know.” She glanced around
in a slight panic. I wasn’t sure if she was scared to tell me or
terrified someone would hear her.

“Well, duh.” I rolled my eyes. “I assumed
they knew. Who else?”

“I’m not exactly sure.” She shook her head
and picked at her freshly painted nails. “I think my sisters know
and most likely my dad’s top advisors . . . ”

“How do you know about it?” I asked. This was
going to be a little easier than I’d originally
thought—possibly.

She paused and gave me a hard stare before
she went on. “Grandpa told me about it,” she said. “I don’t know if
he was supposed to so I’ve never told anyone.”

“Which sisters do you think have any
knowledge of the Sword?”

“I can’t be sure . . . why do you want it?”
she demanded. “If you hurt my father, I’ll . . . ” Her fists
clenched in anger and tears filled her eyes.

“Stop.” I grabbed her by the shoulders and I
got in her face. “Your father asked me to find it. It’s been
stolen. I would never hurt him. You have my word.” I kept my voice
low. The room was starting to fill.

She eyed me with distrust, but I saw the hope
in her eyes. “You won’t use it against him?” she whispered.

“I may be a loose cannon but I’m not an
idiot. I want it back where it’s supposed to be so I can go home.
As lovely and over the top as Hell is, I really prefer
Kentucky.”

She took a deep breath and laid her head on
my chest. “I knew something bad was happening. I felt it. I just
didn’t think it was this. I thought it was that Amanda was having a
boy.”

“Why is that bad?”

“It means she carries the true heir to Hell.”
Her body tensed. “Do you think Amanda has the Sword?” Dixie gasped
and tried to pull away. “I’ll kill her.”

“Dixie, no.” I held her firmly and got right
back up in her face. “You will do nothing. I will watch Amanda and
if she tries anything I’ll take care of her. You are out of this.
Do you understand me?”

“I know I’m not as magical as my sisters, but
I love my father despite his shortcomings, and I will fight for
him. Always.” Her slim body shook and her eyes blazed red. She was
gorgeous.

“Why would Amanda kill him? The child hasn’t
been born yet.”

“Many doubt the child is his,” she said. “If
my father is gone they will have to accept the child as their ruler
regardless.”

“Okay, but a simple DNA test will solve that
little issue. Whether Satan is here or not.” Heaven help us all,
maybe they did really need me here . . .

“Astrid, what you don’t understand about
Demons is a lot,” she sighed and put her hand on my face. “Every
Demon in Hell carries some of my father’s DNA—even those he didn’t
sire. It’s a magical ritual that happens when a child is born that
determines who the true father is. Without my father . . . no magic
or ritual. The child will have to be taken at face value and since
it appears at this time my father believes the baby is his, the
population will follow that lead.”

“That is so fucked up, I don’t know what to
say,” I mumbled.

“Just be happy you’re half Vampyre,” Ethan
whispered over his shoulder. “You ladies need to finish your
chat—we’re getting some stares.”

“Dixie,” I urged. “Let me handle this. If I
need your help I will ask for it, but I don’t want you getting
hurt. Promise me.”

“I promise to let you do what you have to
do,” she said.

“Okay, that is a total bullshit answer
because you just promised nothing and . . . ”

“All rise for Satan,” Cole shouted above the
din of the crowd.

“We’ll finish this conversation later,” I
hissed and pulled her and her grinning face out from behind the
plant.

The crowd hushed as Satan entered with a
radiant Amanda on his arm. I could tell nothing from the way she
mooned at him. She was either a great actress or totally innocent.
The Devil was dressed in Prada and so was his consort. Stunning
didn’t even begin to cover it and the crowd purred its approval.
Satan’s smile almost made me forget my name and I giggled as I
recalled I’d told him he was a pansy ass.

He was followed by the Sins. They came in a
close second to their father and his consort. They shown like
jewels and I studied them carefully. This was not going to be as
easy as I thought. I searched the room for Cole. I wanted to keep
my eye on him too. He stood to the side and watched Satan and
Amanda with intense interest. It may have been a mistake on my part
not having gotten to know him a bit better. Well, no time like the
present.

“You’re more beautiful than all thoth
bitcheth put together,” Carl whispered in my ear and I jumped.
Where in the hell did he come from?

“Carl, you just scared the shit out of me,
but thank you.”

“Your motht welcome, Athrid. I’d offer you a
drink, but alath I have no blood,” he said apologetically.

“It’s okay,” I assured him. “Hey Carl, why is
Janet afraid of the Guards?”

His demeanor changed on a dime from sweet and
harmless to furious. “Did they talk to her?”

“No,” I said quickly as I realized I could be
inadvertently opening a fucked up can of whoop ass.

He relaxed marginally. “Ever thince she had
her beard and muthache removed they have perthued her. Janet ith my
mate and I won’t tolerate harathment. I will kill them.”

“Oookay,” I reassured him. “I’ll keep my eye
on them.”

“Thank you. I mutht get back to work. Have a
lovely evening, Athrid.”

“Did he just say his girlfriend had a beard
and mustache?” Ethan asked as we watched Carl slip back into the
crowd.

“Yep.”

“We need to go home.”

“I couldn’t agree more. How do my boobs
look?”

“Edible, why?” he asked.

“Because if I can’t have a sword I need some
kind of weapon.”

His mouth gaped open and his eyes blazed
green in anger. “I am holding my shit together for the moment, but
I need to understand what you just said. Tell me that you did not
just ask a Master Vampyre, not to mention your mate, if your boobs
would be a good weapon to use on other men in this room.”

“Actually I did.”

“Astrid, the temptation to put you across my
knee and spank you and then fuck you so you won’t be able to notice
another man for the rest of your unnaturally long life is so very
tempting at the moment. It will take everything I own not to do
just that,” he snapped.

“That sounds awesome,” I said honestly. He
closed his eyes and let his head fall back on his shoulders. “But
we have a Sword to find and I need to figure some shit out. So, if
my boobs will distract . . . I will use them.”

“Shall I pull my dick out?” he asked
sarcastically.

“Not yet.” I winked and left him standing
there in shock.

Cole was surrounded by Guards, but he stood
to the outside of the circle and watched the room. He was as
stupidly beautiful as the rest of the Demons in Hell, but there was
something harder about this particular man. As a Guard, I wondered
if he was permitted to use his magic to kill. I assumed so or he
would be fairly worthless to Satan.

“Hi, Cole,” I said and extended my hand in
greeting.

He nodded his head curtly and ignored my
outstretched hand. What in the hell did Demons have against polite
greetings? Was it because I had Vampyre cooties? I let it fall back
to my side, but kept my smile firmly on my face.

“Miss Porter, it is good to see you this
evening,” he said, barely giving me a glance as he continued to
scan the room.

“Call me Astrid,” I said. “Are you
armed?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Now I had his
attention.

“I asked if you were armed. As a Guard I
wondered if the rules were different.”

He considered me for a long moment. “No. I
don’t need weapons to protect my Savior. Are you?”

Oookay, he gave me the creeps, but that
didn’t mean he was guilty. “Nope, just my fangs.” I grinned and
gave him a quick peek. He wasn’t impressed.

We stood in awkward silence and his eyes
drifted back to Satan and Amanda.

“She’s lovely,” I said, hoping he’d let loose
and dish on Amanda.

“I have no clue who you mean,” he said in a
flat voice that made it clear I was annoying him—so much for my
boobies.

“Amanda. She’s something else.”

He glanced over at them and his eyes narrowed
slightly. “Yes. She is.” Turning back to me, he gave me another
curt nod. “Please accept my condolences about your father. He was a
misunderstood man. I must get back to work. Good evening . . .
Astrid.”

My mouth gaped open and words got lodged in
my throat. What in Satan’s name did he mean that my father was
misunderstood? I was fairly sure he was not misunderstood at all.
He was a psychotic loose cannon in Hell and everyone I’d come
across thus far, including his mother, was pleased to hear of his
demise. Cole was a weird one. It was also odd that Satan hadn’t
asked him to find the damn Sword. Did that mean my uncle didn’t
trust his second? This was a fucking mess.

“Did the boobs work?” Ethan asked, knowing
full well they hadn’t helped a bit. His supersonic hearing would
have clued him into the failed conversation.

“My boobs were fabu.” I smiled sweetly. “I
think he’s gay.”

Ethan’s laughter followed me as I made my way
toward my cousins . . . and Dante?

What was Dante still doing in Hell and why
was he with the Sins?

“All three of you have the same Offensive
Leprechaun name because you’re triplets,” Envy informed Gluttony,
Pride and Sloth as she scrolled Facebook on her phone. “You’re
Sharty O’Legspreader.”

“That’s absolutely foul,” Pride sniffed. “I
don’t like that one.”

“I do,” Sloth laughed and ruffled her
sister’s perfect hair. “It’s also accurate where you’re
concerned.”

“Can it, bitch,” Pride said as she scooted
away from her sloppy triplet.

The Sins stood in a group isolated from the
rest of the dinner guests. They looked like high fashion models
with a bad attitude. I didn’t blame people for avoiding them. If I
had a choice I would do the same, but I didn’t have one. I had a
freakin’ job and I was beginning to think the pay dirt might be one
of the nut-jobs in front of me.

“Astrid,” Wrath cooed. “Divine as usual.” She
leaned in for an inappropriate lip lock, but I was saved by Dante
of all people.

“What is this Facebook you speak so highly
of?” he demanded of Wrath before she was able to make the cousin
love connection. She rolled her eyes in disgust and pointed at
Envy.

“Ask her.”

“What is your last name, Dante?” Envy asked.
Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “And your birthdate. The day, not
the year.”

“Alighieri,” he spat, completely insulted
that she didn’t know. “And my birth date is September
fourteenth.”

“Envy, don’t,” Greed warned as she sidled up
to Dante and wrapped her arms around him. Well, now I knew why he
was here. I’d called it correctly at the poker game. I wasn’t quite
sure what she saw in him. He was substantially shorter and his
attitude sucked, but who was I to judge true love or a meaningless
hook up?

“Dante,” Envy purred, ignoring her sister’s
warning. “Your Leprechaun name is Slutty McKnobhobber Douchebag
McShitsucker.”

The entire group went silent as a highly
unattractive purple suffused Dante’s face. “I take extreme offense
at that dreck. That is ungainly for a woman to use that kind of
vulgar language and I shall not partake in this conversation.” He
put his rather large nose in the air and walked off in a huff.

“Holy hell,” I gasped and sucked back my
laughter. “Did it actually say that?”

“I embellished just a tiny bit.” Envy giggled
and tossed her long shiny locks over her shoulder.

“What exactly do you see in him?” Wrath asked
Greed.

“Did you see the size of his nose?” She
grinned suggestively.

“You’ve tapped that?” Envy asked, wrinkling
her pert nose in disgust.

“No,” Greed said. “But after tonight I will.
Excuse me.” She rushed off after the very disgruntled Dante.

In front of me stood Wrath, Gluttony, Pride,
Sloth, Greed, Envy, but no Lust. I scanned the room for Ethan to
make sure Lust wasn’t stupid enough to try anything else. Ethan had
joined a conversation with Cole and the Guards. Smart man. Boobs
didn’t work, but testosterone might.

“Who you looking for?” Wrath asked with a
knowing grin.

“Santa Claus.”

“Interesting. I think he’s in Purgatory—with
Lust.”

I froze and stared at her for a moment to see
if she was telling the truth. She was. My body relaxed. I hadn’t
realized how tense I was about bumping into Lust after what she’d
heard. At least now I didn’t have to. My guess would be that Satan
didn’t think she had the Sword or she would be here. I did need to
have a little chat with my uncle, but that was going to be
difficult. Shit.

“Dinner is therved,” Carl called from the
middle of the room. He was flanked by Janet on his right and Myrtle
on his left. Myrtle gave me a covert thumbs up and I shot her one
back.

“Take your seats, my friends and family. The
show is about to begin,” Satan bellowed joyously.