Fated Identity (Red Star #6) (2 page)

“If I recall correctly, it was
your
bed I left this morning.” Grady was willing to fight fire with fire as he turned back around to witness Brienne’s reaction. This was a battle she’d never win. “I’d say my grieving process has been quite comprehensive, wouldn’t you?”

Grady hadn’t meant for this conversation to come around to them, but Brienne had been the first one to throw down the gauntlet. Yes, his wife had died and left him a widower over five years ago now. Had he loved her? More than his own life, and he would have traded places with her in a split second if he’d known a suicide bomber was going to make his way into the makeshift hospital tent during one of Madison’s mission trips with Doctors Without Borders. He’d grieved and he’d moved on…most recently with Brienne. They made excellent bed partners and both were happy with the way things developed, so he was confused as to why she would throw Madison’s death into the conversation like she had. It was unfair and it was downright uncalled for.

“Touché,” Brienne murmured with one brow arched higher than the other before she straightened from her desk and pulled her chair back in place. Grady would have sworn he saw a flicker of hurt flash in her baby blues, but her professional mask was back in place by the time she was seated. She gestured toward one of her guest chairs, but he walked to the corner window and stared out over the numerous rows of enveloping pine trees basking in the morning sun. He was still on edge and he needed time to collect himself. “Grady, this isn’t about us. I had a job to do and I felt it in Starr’s best interest she be furnished with all the available information on hand to do with as she wishes. It’s pointless to even discuss this. Technically, the case has been reviewed by the after action board and closed. The original members of Red Starr HRT were officially declared dead for legal purposes a while back and we aren’t pursuing this unless we are given a mandate or something more concrete is developed. It’s over and done with.”

“Which is precisely the reason you never should have communicated any further information to Starr. Did you know she and her team were the ones who rescued those Nigerian girls a couple of months ago? She received your message during that mission and it was a distraction we didn’t need on our side of the house.” Grady shook his head at this endless circle they were traveling in, deciding to appeal to Brienne’s softer side. He knew it well and she wasn’t the hardass her office personnel thought she was. “You know of my friendship with Red, as well as the fact that I keep in contact with Starr personally and not just professionally. I’m directly requesting you to keep me in the loop from here on out—before making any further calls. I’d rather she hear anything of importance from me than a—”

“Complete fucking stranger?” Brienne asked, not so subtly pointing out the barriers each had put into place back in the day. Grady shot her a cross glance, noticing she’d closed her eyes in irritation as if she were the one with the right to feel betrayed. The words she used in place of what he was going to say didn’t sit well with him. “This is the way you wanted it, Grady. We lead separate lives, inside and outside of this office. My professional dealings don’t always require your review.”

Grady waited for Brienne to say more, but she fell quiet. It made him think she knew more than she was letting on. He could easily go over her head to obtain the means in which she’d acquired her intelligence, but he didn’t want to have to do that. She’d been pulling away from him little by little this last year and he wasn’t quite sure of the reason why. He’d actually put it on the back burner to deal with after his trip to Florida, which apparently wasn’t going to happen now. He made a mental note to get in touch with the FBI Special Agent-In-Charge, because it was clear he was staying in Virginia to deal with personal matters.

“You want to know what I revealed to Starr? I was able to gather intel on the day Red and his team were supposed to meet with their contact at the rendezvous point near a village outside Islamabad. My source gave names, dates, and times corresponding with the hostage rescue mission Red Starr had been assigned to. Red and his team never arrived, Grady.”

“We had solid intelligence Red and his team ran into a large group of well-armed insurgents,” Grady countered, wanting the name of Brienne’s source, but knowing she wouldn’t give it. Pakistan was technically considered an ally, but those within the Agency knew better. Any intelligence given on behalf of America always made it back to the factions who were closely related to those same terrorists the United States was fighting against. It made it very hard to get things done. “I was at Starr’s side when she received confirmation. Your guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what he is talking about.”

“My source is a woman and she’s not wrong.” Brienne picked up a pen from her desk and rolled it in between her fingers as she appeared to think over what she was going to say next. Grady leaned a shoulder against the windowpane, feeling the slight electronic vibration while studying her features and trying to get a fix on what was different today than any other for the past four years of their relationship. She was right, to an extent. They always tried to maintain their professional roles during work hours, but there was a chill in the air he didn’t like. “Should anything else arise as a result of this source’s information, I’ll judge then if it’s something you should know professionally.”

Grady stiffened at Brienne’s dismissal, not liking this side of her and not willing to let her put any more distance between them at the moment than he’d already allowed. He leisurely crossed her office floor and walked around her desk, leaning down until his hands rested on the arms of her chair. He always gave her his full attention and now was no different. He was at eye level and it took her a moment to meet his stare. It was then he realized she’d made another decision without consulting him…this time on a subject a little more personal, and he hadn’t thought that was possible.

Brienne was leaving him.

‡

“T
his isn’t the
time nor place for this, Grady,” Brienne said, her heart rate spiking at the way his dark eyes looked into her, past her carefully erected barriers. She’d thought she had the coming week to personally come to terms with her decision since he was supposed to be in Florida, but it looked as if she wasn’t going to get her anticipated reprieve. “We’ll talk about this later.”

“We’ll talk about this now. You want to tell me what is really going on?” Grady knelt in front of her so she couldn’t avoid the question. He was searching for answers, but she was very good at camouflaging her thoughts and eliminating her tells. She refused to get into their personal lives while at the office. She’d certainly had years of practice and she could prove quite the adversary when the need arose. The thing of it was, he wasn’t used to being in this position and it was clear he didn’t appreciate the sliver of unease she’d dangled in front of him. She hadn’t meant for the conversation to go this way. “You seemed fine when I left your apartment this morning.”

“Things haven’t been fine in quite a while,” Brienne said softly, doing her best to cushion the blow while avoiding the bait. She realized she’d surprised him by kicking her black heel against the clear mat underneath them, but she wouldn’t allow him to take control of this discussion like he had the tendency to do. She might like to give up some measure of control in the bedroom, but not when it came her professional life. She rolled her chair far enough away to regain the advantage of her personal space. She stood to her full height and tossed the pen onto her desk. The ball of anxiety she’d been living with started to unravel and she wasn’t able to suppress the words that spilled over her lips. “You still love her with your whole heart. You still love Madison. I could accept that if there was some room in your life for me, but there isn’t even an inch. I refuse to compete with a ghost from your past, so I’ve made some decisions for my own personal growth.”

It was a rare occurrence where Grady was ever speechless, but Brienne had apparently managed to render him so now. She hadn’t meant to hit him with something so far out of left field, but she was tired of fighting a losing battle. He unfolded his lean muscled frame and straightened his suit jacket, his sophisticated style being one tiny part of his overall charisma. She was younger than him by a good ten years, but never once had that made a difference in their relationship.

“My love for Madison has never been a problem before,” Grady reminded Brienne somewhat cuttingly as he walked back around to the other side of her desk as he seemed to reinforce his offense. His previous anger came back twofold, but she stood her ground. She had too much to lose should she give an inch at this juncture. It was time she changed the rules of engagement, in and out of the bedroom. “She was my wife. For you to ask me to forget her—”

“I never said you should forget her or that you shouldn’t have loved her,” Brienne sharply clarified, not wanting to revisit this recycled conversation and find that he’d put words in her mouth. She stepped around the desk and held her head high for a battle she’d long been prepared to have. “I accepted long ago that I was nothing more than a filler for Madison’s presence, and at the time I was more than okay with that, given both our needs. I’d just returned from a field assignment where I’d experienced things that still remain in my nightmares. You nevertheless manage to ease those terrors when they revisit me in the dark.”

“Then why are we even having this conversation, Brienne?” Grady ran a hand through his dark hair that was peppered with silver, clearly not understanding where she was heading with this. Part of her felt guilty for having kept the truth from him, but her time was running out and she needed to make a decision. “We’re both content with the way things are or were.”

“That’s just it.
You
are content.” Brienne closed the distance between them until she was able to lightly rest her hands on the lapels of his jacket and stare up into the dark brown eyes she’d woken up to every morning for the past four years. They had both kept their separate residences, taking turns staying the night in each other’s beds. It wasn’t hard considering their travel schedule, but she was being offered something a little more permanent, which would essentially end whatever
this
was between them. “I need more, Grady. I’ve been trying to tell you that for a while now, albeit subtly. You’ve just turned a deaf ear to what I’ve been saying.”

Grady gently placed his warm hands on either side of Brienne’s neck and didn’t stop the upward caress until he was cradling her face. The tender gesture was in total contradiction to the gathering storm settling over his features and her heart could almost feel the blow he was about to land.

“I’ve listened to every word you’ve ever said to me, sweetheart,” Grady murmured, pulling her closer if that were even possible. She wished it were for something more intimate, but this was his way of making a point. “Never once have you said you wanted more than what we have had and I’ve reiterated multiple times that I could never bring myself to remarry after being widowed. You accepted that. So you tell me where my misunderstanding comes into play?”

“I guess it doesn’t,” Brienne whispered in regret, praying her heart didn’t shatter into a million pieces while he looked on. She slowly inhaled, wishing now she hadn’t as the sensual fragrance of his cologne enveloped her as if to remind her of what she would be missing so very soon. She gave herself a few more seconds before slowly pushing against him until his hands fell at his sides. She immediately missed his touch. She cleared her throat to say what she should have voiced long before now. “I’ve been offered a permanent position with the State Department Bureau of Diplomatic Security at our embassy in Cairo. You can understand how my current assignment uniquely qualifies me for the work that needs to be done there. I’ll let them know my decision in the morning.”

“Is there a reason you didn’t share this with me when you were first given this new job proposal? It would seem that you’ve been keeping a lot of secrets from me lately.” Grady’s brown eyes became even darker if that were possible, with what emotion she couldn’t say. It hadn’t been Brienne’s intention to hurt him, but neither one could continue with the way things were. “What exactly is it you want me to say to you? Of course I want you to stay here with me, but I wouldn’t stand in your way if this could further your professional career.”

Brienne would have laughed at the most appropriate of answers he’d just given her if she thought she wouldn’t cry instead. Grady wanted her to stay, but yet he didn’t want to hold back her career advancement of all things. He couldn’t love her the way she needed to be loved, and therein lay the crux of the problem.

“I don’t want you to say anything,” Brienne said sadly, wishing she hadn’t said anything and given them one more day. “My decision is made. I’m taking the position in Cairo. I’ll be leaving at the end of the month.”

“You don’t need to throw away what we have.” Grady wasn’t a man to plead for anything, but Brienne could have sworn there was a hint of despair in his voice. “I want—”