Fear Me (35 page)

I poked Keiran in the back and he finally pulled me back around in front of him. “What was that?” I demanded while sending Keenan a displeased look.

“You got the first roll,” he said, gesturing toward the lane and ignoring my question. I was pretty sure there was steam coming from my ears as I walked to the lane. I took one last look at Willow who was at the counter getting shoes with Thomas before picking up a ball.

Two strikes later, I was admitting that I sucked at bowling but didn't have time to pout about it because in swaggered a pissed off Dash. Right now he was a far cry from the easygoing, playboy who could charm the panties off any girl he chose.

He headed straight for Willow where she was two lanes away looking bored. Willow had yet to see him when he came up behind her. He snatched Thomas’ arm from her shoulder before gripping the back of her neck, picking up her purse and shoes and guiding her towards the door.

He gave a brief nod to Keiran and Keenan as he passed us with Willow who never said a word. She was either in shock or just happy to be ending her date. Just like that he was out the door with her. It ended as fast as it had begun.

I turned accusing eyes on the culprits who shrugged and feigned innocent looks. I wasn’t buying it. They called him here. I looked over two lanes at Thomas who was red-faced and confused.
Poor guy.
He seemed nice enough but he unknowingly entered a battle he had no hope of winning. Ever.

“Are you going to let me call her?”

“Why?” He picked up his ball for his turn.

“To make sure she’s okay?” Guys could be so dense.

“She’s okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know Dash.”

“And I know Willow.” I held out my hand, indicating that I wanted my phone. He held my gaze and reached into his pocket.

“You’re a handful, you know that?”

“So they keep telling me.” I turned away and immediately dialed Willow. I had to phone her twice before she answered.

“Aren’t you on a date?” I heard Dash’s smooth voice filter through the line.

“Why are you answering her phone? Put her on.”

“No.” That was all I heard before the line went dead. I looked over at Keiran who was trying his best not to look amused.

“Satisfied?” He asked with a smirk. I made a face and pocketed my phone.

“Whatever. Is it my turn? Where did Keenan and Sheldon go anyway?” I was more than annoyed and didn’t do anything to hide it.

He shrugged and picked up my ball then handed it to me. “You suck at this.”

“Thanks. I didn’t notice,” I quipped.

He ignored my sarcasm and wrapped his arms around me, duck walking us to the lane. “You got a good ball but you need to adjust your stance. Your legs are spread too wide.”

He kicked my left foot forward slightly and adjusted my stance.

“Now when you aim, aim for the right since you are right handed. You’re aiming for the middle, which is causing a split that is when you actually do hit the pins. It makes it hard to get the rest. I want you to release the ball in front of you. Don’t swing back so much because if you hurt yourself and hit those pretty, long legs and can’t wrap them around me, I’ll be mad as fuck at you. Bend at the knees not at your back. The only thing allowed to break your back out is me and I promise you will love it but this way, not so much. Pay attention to your aim. You’r3 not aiming at the pins, your aiming at the arrow you want the ball to follow. The pins just happen to be in the way.”

I’ll be honest here. I wasn’t sure if we were talking about bowling or sex. Maybe Sheldon was right and I am dick dizzy.

“Let’s see you try.”
Oh, bowling. Right.

I tried to remember what he said once he released me and his scent wasn’t driving me nuts. I kept my stance like he told me and aimed for the arrows and released. The ball smoothly rolled forward and hit the pins.

All except one fell but I released a victory shout, which was probably more like a screech. I turned around and jumped on Keiran wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing him. When I finally came up for air I looked down at him.

“Good job. Let’s see if we can get a strike.”

“Or you can take me home now and do what you promised…”

* * *

Sheldon told her parents that she would be sleeping over with a friend so we headed straight to Keiran and Keenan’s house. I didn’t know how comfortable I was yet sleeping over at Keiran’s house but he didn’t give me much choice after I gave him the green light to take me home.

Thinking about how Keiran hunted down Sheldon and Keenan from their dark corner and practically threw our shoes at the poor cashier before hauling ass out of the alley brought a smile to my face.

We entered the house and I noticed once again that their uncle wasn’t home. I tried not to judge, thinking about how often Aunt Carissa was on the road because of her career. I didn’t know their story so it wasn’t my place to form an opinion.

Keiran seemed indifferent to his uncle’s absence but I noticed how Keenan would discreetly look around before disappointment shadowed his features. He never let it show for long though. As quickly as it would come, it was gone again.

I knew how it felt to wonder if your parents loved you or not. At least he knew where his was…or if they were even alive and didn’t abandon you… I shook off the thought and turned to Keiran who was watching me.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Why do you always want to know what I’m thinking?”

“Because you’re still hiding.”

Was that what I was doing? A part of me still believed that this was a cruel joke and he still hated me. Ten years of fear doesn’t just fade away does it?

“So are you.” It was the only thing I could think of to take the heat off me.

“Maybe. But not because I don’t trust you.” His tone was accusatory. “But because I think it will keep you safe.”

“From what?”

“Me.” His expression was pained. I definitely needed answers.

“Did I ask you to protect me?”

“It kind of comes with the package.” His lips curled in a sneer and I could tell he was pissed.

“Well I did pretty well when you were the threat. Maybe you still are…”

“You’ll find out if I’m still a threat as soon as you get your ass in my bed.”

“Is that all you care about?” I asked, feigning anger.

“At the moment.”

“You can be such an asshole.” I moved to sit on the couch and got comfortable. I wanted to remain in the living for as long as possible to keep us on equal grounds. As soon as he gets me into his bedroom I knew all bets were off.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Lake? I’m trying.”

“I never asked you to!” I screamed the words before I could catch them. When had we started to argue?

“And I’ll never give you a choice!” he roared back. He was standing on the other side of the room but I felt his anger as if he was standing right in front of me. “You keep fighting this. Fighting me. Why?” His voice was guttural and pained. I wanted nothing more than to give him what he wanted but I couldn’t. I was still holding on.

“Because I don’t believe in happy-ever-after, Keiran. You took that away from me a long time ago. How am I supposed to forgive you if I don’t even know
why
?” My voice broke at the last.

I lifted my head and saw him turn away from me to face the wall. His hands gripped the built-in bookcase as his back tightened with tension.

“Keiran, please –”

“I was going to the court to play basketball, just like every day. I didn’t intend to like the game. I just wanted to embrace the one thing I was good at besides what I was taught to do. I would even sneak out in the middle of the night to play so I wouldn’t have to sleep. John finally caught me one night, so he put up the hoop in the back. It didn’t stop me from leaving, though because I wasn’t willing to accept anything from him. I didn’t want to have to say thank you because what the hell would I have to be thankful for? Eventually the nightmares stopped and I could sleep again…until you came along.”

He gripped the mantle once before letting go to face me. His eyes were burning bright with silent fury.

“You looked so innocent that day. So sweet and nurtured like you never had a bad day or did a bad thing. You reminded me of everything I was and what I wasn’t. That night I had nightmares again for the first time in weeks. But this time was different. It was you in my nightmare now, not
her or any of them
. I told myself that none of it was real anymore and that I wouldn’t hurt you or anyone. I didn’t want to be a bad person.” He released a dry laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. “I knew then that she got to me.”

I desperately wanted to ask about this mystery “her”. Had she been a girl or a woman?

“I wasn’t prepared to see you again. I thought—I hoped, that maybe you were just passing through but then I saw you again on the playground. You were going to save Buddy when no one else would. Not even his sister would try.” He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, averting his eyes.

“There is nothing more in this world that I hate than a hero…” his gaze caught mine once more as he said, “not even you.”.

“Is that why you pushed me?”

“When I tried to stop and you wouldn’t listen, I wanted to punish you. After I pushed you, I realized I could hurt you and that I would never be good and I hated you for it. I didn’t expect you to stay. I thought again that you would go away but you never did and I was stuck with the constant reminder of who I was every time I saw you. No one could make me feel that way but you so I tried to break you. I guess it backfired because as we grew older I began to want something different from you and suddenly making you cry wasn't nearly enough. I knew I couldn’t have you because you weren’t meant for someone like me and that pissed me off.”

My mind was raced with questions. I didn’t know whether to be mad at him or sad for him. No child should have those types of thoughts or think of themselves that way, especially at that age when your childhood is so crucial to your future as an adult.

“Say something,” he demanded.

“Who was she?”

‘What?” His eyes shifted away and his face paled.

“You said you had nightmares again but about me and not her. Who was she?”

He took a deep breath and ran his hand down his face. “She was someone who didn’t deserve what happened to her.”

“Was?”

“She’s dead.”

“The girl in the picture,” I said. He nodded as I stood up and walked over to him but he took a step back, retreating from me until his back hit the bookcase. I took his face into my hands and kissed his lips softly before gazing into his eyes. I saw heat and emotion flash in his eyes and felt his body shift toward me.

That’s good baby. Stay with me.

I wanted to ask him about his nightmares but decided against it. I didn’t want to risk it. His moods
shifted around like a ticking clock except no one would know what came next.

“When did you first see me?”

“At Pies, Shakes, and Things, two days before the playground. I was riding by on my bike and saw you on the other side of the sidewalk with your Aunt. It was your voice that caught my attention. You were singing along to Sweetest Thing by U2. I sat there on my bike and listened to you try to hit every high note. It was the first time I could remember smiling ever. I didn’t see you for long because you went into the shop. I wanted to follow you in. I almost did.”

I remembered that day clearer than I’d remembered any day. I was feeling sad over being separated from my parents for the first time so my aunt took us out to get ice cream to cheer me up. I heard the song come over the radio when we arrived. It had been my favorite song so my aunt turned up the radio and I hopped out of the car to dance along to the song. I was so caught up in forgetting I was sad that I didn’t realize I was being watched.

“What was her name?” I asked. He swallowed hard and shook his head but I gripped his face tighter. “It’s
okay, Keiran. Tell me. Please, I need to know.

“Why?” His voice was laced with emotion.

“Because she’s the real reason you hate me, isn’t she?” He stared into my eyes for so long that I thought he wouldn’t answer.

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to tell me why, at least not now. Just tell me her na –”

“Lily,” he blurted out before I could finish.

“Lily,” I repeated, testing her name on my lips. Strangely I felt a connection to her. Maybe it was because she was the bind that tied Keiran and me together.

“I can’t talk about her, Lake.” Keiran pleaded with me through his eyes. I kissed his lips softly which seemed to relax him and tried an easier question

“Earlier you said that you made sure I wasn’t asked out by anyone. Why?” His eyes darkened with obsession and then his hands were on my hips, yanking me into him.

“I’m not a good guy so I didn’t mind being selfish. If I can’t have you, no one will.”

“You mean would?”

“No I mean will.”

“You can’t decide that for me.” He shrugged and shot me a look that said, “
Wanna bet?
”

“I already did. It wasn’t just guys anyway. I didn’t want anyone near you. Sometimes it felt like I was trying to protect you. Or rather who you are. Ironic, isn’t it? I wanted to protect the very thing I hated,” he said bitterly.

“I had Willow,” I argued.

“She wasn’t a threat. To be honest she is much like you are but weird.”

“Willow isn’t weird. She’s special.”

“That’s the same as saying she is weird.”

“It is not.”

“Okay,” he smirked.

“If you felt that strongly about me what would you have done when school was over? We all go our separate ways once we graduate. Some people never see each other again.”

“Do you really believe that?” He shook his head and continued on instead of waiting for my answer. “I don’t think you would have gone far.”

“Why?”

“I wouldn’t have let you. I know that now.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It isn’t meant to make sense, Lake. It just is.”

“You realize what you are saying isn’t normal?”