Fearless (22 page)
Lexi wasn’t surprised to wake up to the sound of someone banging on her door early the next morning. “Give me a minute,” she muttered when the banging persisted. She grabbed a white terrycloth robe from the end of her bed and shoved her feet into matching slippers.
“Alexis Marie Brooks, open this door right now,” Sierra shouted, pounding her palm against the pane of glass in the middle of the heavy wood door.
Lexi pulled the door open while she tried to slip her other arm into the robe. “What is the matter with you?”
Sierra pushed her way into the small foyer. “For starters, my sister was engaged to a homicidal maniac whose family threatened her life and she chose to keep me in the dark about it. I had to find out about it from reporters.” She fisted her hands on her hips. “How could you keep that from me?”
Lexi thrust her hands into her tangled hair. She couldn’t have this conversation without a cup of liquid adrenaline in her hand. “Follow me,” she said, padding into the kitchen. “Do you want coffee?” She covered her mouth to stifle a yawn. Sleep had been in short supply last night. She tossed and turned, torn between picking up the phone to call Josh and waiting for him to come to her.
Sierra was half a step behind her. “I can’t drink coffee; it’s not good for the baby.”
“Another reason I will never get pregnant,” Lexi mumbled. She took a mug from the overhead cabinet and reached for the coffeepot she had set to brew before going to bed early last night. Sierra perched her behind on a barstool at the counter. “First things first, why the hell didn’t you tell me Chris was such a monster, Lex?”
Lexi turned to face her sister. Sierra had been the one person in her life she could always count on. She hated that she had disappointed her. “I’m sorry, sis.” She dropped her head and looked into the contents of her mug. “I was too ashamed.”
“Ashamed?” Sierra said quietly. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, honey.”
Lexi looked Sierra in the eye. “We always swore we would never end up in a situation like Mom did. We said we would be smarter, we would be stronger, and we would fight back if a man ever tried to hurt us like that.” She choked back a sob. “I wasn’t strong enough to fight back.”
Sierra slid off the stool and stood in front of her. “He’s a despicable excuse for a human being. He’s the one who should be ashamed of himself, not you.” Sierra took the mug out of Lexi’s hands and set it down on the counter before pulling her into the protective circle of her arms. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone, honey. I wish I could have been there for you.”
Lexi sobbed on her sister’s shoulder, finally releasing all of the fear, anger, and frustration of the past week. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.” She hiccupped. “I wanted you to be proud of me.”
Sierra pulled back to look at her. “Are you kidding me? I am proud of you. You are the strongest, smartest, bravest woman I know.”
Lexi sniffled and reached for a paper napkin to wipe her eyes. “I had to prove that to myself. That’s why I had to testify against him. You understand that, don’t you?”
Sierra sighed as she reclaimed her seat. “I get that, I do. I just wish you would have told me what was going on.”
Lexi placed her hand on top of Sierra’s and squeezed it tight. “I know I should have, but I didn’t want to do anything that might hurt that precious baby you’re carrying. Please don’t be mad at me.”
Sierra looked at their joined hands. “You could have told me before I got pregnant.” She sighed. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. I’m just so grateful you’re all right, thanks to Josh and Derek. It sounds like they saved your butt.”
“They were great,” Lexi said, trying not to fixate on the dull ache in her chest at the mention of Josh’s name. She had hoped he would stop by or at least call last night, but the fact that he hadn’t made any attempt to contact her spoke volumes about his state of mind where she was concerned.
“Did something happen between you and Josh?”
Lexi took a sip of coffee to buy more time. She knew the question would come up; she just didn’t know how to answer it. She didn’t want to lie to her sister, but she wasn’t ready to share the intimate details of their time together either.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
Lexi looked up, surprised by the insight. She would have expected ridicule or condemnation about sleeping with him and leading him on, but she never expected her sister to be so in tune to her feelings about the man. “Yes,” she whispered. “What am I going to do?”
“Oh, honey.” Sierra sighed. “I’m so sorry.”
She looked up, confused. She had expected a lecture about taking a chance and opening her heart, not sympathy. “Why are you sorry?”
“You don’t know?”
Lexi tried to swallow the lump of panic that was lodged in her throat. “Know what?”
“I talked to Ashley before you got there yesterday. It seems she and Josh are going to try and work things out.”
Lexi’s hand shook and the coffee sloshed over the rim onto the granite countertop. “Oh my God,” she whispered. “I knew this would happen. I knew he was still in love with her. Why did I let myself believe that we could have a future?”
“Is that what you wanted, a future with Josh?”
“I was scared at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn’t imagine my life without him.” She had to face the fact that she no longer had a choice. Josh was reconciling with his ex-wife and that left her with a lifetime to come to terms with her regrets.
“I knew you two were close, but...”
Lexi hadn’t filled her sister in on her relationship with Josh over the past several years because she didn’t want to be forced to analyze or justify it. Sierra knew they were friends, nothing more. “He became one of the most important people in my life. We’d talk and text every day. He’d come to Arkansas or I’d travel here at least once a month while you were living in Oklahoma. He was the first person I wanted to talk to when I woke up in the morning and the last person I wanted to talk to at night. I compared every guy I met to Josh. Hell, I couldn’t even have a normal relationship because of him.”
Sierra propped her elbows on the table. “Did you tell him how you felt?”
She shrugged. “We talked about it recently. But you know Josh; he wants more kids and a wife who will be there at the end of the day. He needs someone like Ashley, not me.” It killed her to admit it, but Josh had made the right decision.
“Did you sleep together, Lex?”
She nodded her head. Closing her eyes, she tried to block out the flood of memories.
“I think you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel.”
Her eyes flew open. “No way. You have to promise me you won’t say anything to him about this. Please, Sierra, promise me you won’t tell him?”
“I promise, but I think you’re making a big mistake.”
Josh dreaded having this conversation, but after his talk with Derek last night, he knew he had no choice. It was time for him and Ashley to own up to their mistakes so they could move on with their lives.
He raised his hand to knock on the door of the house they once shared when Mike opened it.
“Hey, Dad, Mom thought you might stop by this morning. You gonna be able to make our baseball game this afternoon?”
“I’m gonna try, buddy. Is your mom around?”
Mike stepped back to let him enter the house. “Yeah, she’s in the kitchen. Go on in.”
“Thanks.” He had been in this house hundreds of times since the divorce, but he was still hit with a wave of nostalgia every time he crossed the threshold. He saw Jay sitting on the couch in the family room with ear buds tucked in his ears, scanning the music on his iPod. He waved his hand in greeting and smiled. He would catch up with his kids later. Right now, he needed to talk to Ashley.
She was bent over, taking a batch of muffins out of the oven, when he walked into the kitchen. He was struck by how little time had changed her. She was still the same sweet, beautiful girl he knew back on college. She had made mistakes, but given his track record, he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t guilty of lapses in judgement. “Hello, Ashley.”
She jumped and one of the paper-clad muffins flew out of the tray. “You scared the hell out of me, Josh.” She laid her hand over her chest. “What are you doing, sneaking up on me like that?”
“Sorry.” He glanced over and saw Jay’s head poking over the back of the couch. Given the fact that he’d lectured his son dozens of times about the decibel level of his music, he didn’t think there was any risk of him over-hearing their conversation. “We need to talk.”
She smiled and set the muffin tray on the stovetop to cool. “I thought you might stop by this morning. That’s why I made your favourite muffins. You want one while they’re still hot?”
“No, what I want is some answers, Ashley.”
She frowned, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “I don’t understand.”
“Derek and I had a long talk last night. He told me everything.” He watched the color drain from her face.
“Whatever he said...”
He held up his hand. “Don’t even try and deny it.” They had been divorced a long time, but it still cut deep. He could understand Derek’s mistake, given the fact that he set the whole thing in motion, but Ashley was the one who wore his ring, who promised to be faithful to him. It hurt to think she lay down with him at night after making love to Derek.
She looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry; we never meant for it to happen, Josh.”
“Were you in love with him?”
She finally looked him in the eye. “Yes.”
He leaned against the counter. “Is that why you wanted the divorce?”
The tears slipped over her lashes, leaving a trail on her cheeks. “I thought he and I were going to be together.”
He clenched his teeth. “What happened to derail your plans?”
“He left me. He couldn’t deal with the guilt. He couldn’t face you...”
Josh rubbed his hand over his head. He had spent a sleepless night reliving those days in his mind. The conversations he and Derek had about his marriage, his fears about losing his family. The more he thought about it, the more hurt and betrayed he felt, but he still understood how it had happened. He had to admit that he was as much to blame as Derek and Ashley. He should have known there was still something between them. How blind had he been back then? Even seeing them together yesterday, it was obvious they still had feelings for each other.
Ashley took a step toward him. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I still love you. I meant what I said; I want us to try again.”
He looked down at the woman who had once been his only love. He wasn’t angry or bitter. He didn’t feel anything for her anymore. If she and Derek wanted to be together, he would wish them well. “That’s not gonna happen, Ashley.”
“Is it because Derek told you about us?”
He slid his thumb across her cheek to catch a falling tear. “No, it’s because I’m not in love with you anymore. I haven’t been for a long time, long before the divorce.” He didn’t want to hurt her or sound harsh, but he was ready to move on to the next chapter in his life. He couldn’t do that until he closed the book on this one.
She whimpered. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean that. You’re just hurt and upset right now.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m in love with someone else. Even if Derek hadn’t told me what happened between you two, we still wouldn’t have a chance.”
“It’s Lexi, isn’t it?”
He shook his head. “I want to marry her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel the same way.”
She reached up to kiss him on the cheek. “Then she’s a fool. I hope she realizes that before it’s too late.”
Lexi had spent the better part of the day sitting on her couch watching sad country music videos on TV and eating popcorn that promised a prize at the bottom of the box. She kept hoping for a new life, but was sorely disappointed when she uncovered a temporary tattoo or collectable card. When the doorbell rang after five o’clock, she was certain it was her sister coming by to make sure she hadn’t drowned herself in the bathtub, so she tried to ignore it. Sierra would encourage her to talk about her feelings and she didn’t see the point; it wasn’t going to change the fact that the man she loved was going to be starting a new life with his ex-wife, and she was facing the prospect of a lonely future without him.
“Lexi, it’s Jay. Sierra said you were home. Can I come in?” Jay shouted through the stained glass panel beside the door.
Now she felt foolish. He would probably go home and tell his father he had dodged a bullet by not getting involved with an anti-social freak like her. “Just a minute,” she yelled, running to the hall mirror. He may tell his father she was acting neurotic, that she could live with, but she didn’t want him to add insult to the injury by reporting that she’d looked hideous.
She refastened her hair in a ponytail and pinched her cheeks to add color. It was the best she could do under the circumstances. She couldn’t leave the poor kid standing on her porch all night while she made herself look presentable. She opened the door and plastered a smile on her face. “Hi, Jay, this is a nice surprise. Come on in.”
He stepped into the small foyer and stuffed his hands into his coat pockets, looking uncomfortable. “Sorry to just stop by like this, Lexi. I know I should have called first. Dad mentioned you were staying here.” He paused looking uncomfortable. “Sierra let me in.”
Her heart lurched at the mention of Josh; though she knew it was something she would have to get used to if she intended to stay in Nashville. He was a part of Trey’s life, and as a result, he was a part of her sister’s life. “No problem. You don’t need an invitation to stop by. Come on in. I was just...” She thought about the best way to finish that sentence. Sulking? Feeling sorry for herself?