Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3) (10 page)

“Infertility.” Carlee repeated the word
, and it tasted sour on her tongue. She felt Matthew’s hand lightly caress the top of hers and then give her another squeeze. She never wanted him to let her go. “When can I go home?”

“
You still have some recuperation to do before we do anything, but I’d like to take care of some of the preliminary steps to get you ready for the radiotherapy while you’re here. I can tell you that riding in a car won’t be the most pleasant experience for a while. Many of my patients say the sensation of the car’s movement and the passing scenery is heightened – like the worst case of motion sickness ever. We’ll talk about discharge plans later, OK? I think you’ve got a lot to process. I’ll be back tomorrow to talk again,” the doctor said and turned to leave. “If you have any questions, you can call me,” she said returning to leave her card and added, “anytime.”

“Thank you,” Carlee said.

~ ~ ~

It
was quiet for a while and finally, Andy said, “We’ll step out a few minutes, to give you two a little time alone.” He didn’t want to leave; he wanted to stay with her in case she needed him, but he went to her and kissed her cheek. Geni followed and pulled the door closed behind her. Andy grabbed her hand as they went down the hall to the solarium.

Matthew scooted his chair close to her bed. He took her hand and brought it to his cheek. “I love you,”
he said. “Thank you.”

“Thank me?”

“For keeping your promise. You were right, ya know. It
is
going to be OK.” He hugged her, and the tears came in a flood.

~ ~ ~

That evening, Andy and Geni left to give them some time alone. They had a lot to think about. Carlee’s dinner tray was delivered for Matthew, and they brought Carlee thickened clear broth and apple juice. She was hungry, and the broth and juice filled her up.

Later
Hatchet returned for another check on Carlee. “We don’t have to do this quite as frequently,” she told her. “Everything has been good, and Dr. Lincoln said we could back off so you could get some good rest.”

“Hatchet, can Matthew crawl up here with me for a
while? I promise I won’t move.”

“As long as you
can be still.” She smiled and added, “I’m going home for a bit, and my friend, Rena, will be coming in every hour or so. Get some rest, princess. Prince Charming, behave yourself.”

Once she was gone,
Matthew crawled in beside her, “I just need you to hold me; I promise I won’t move a muscle,” Carlee said.

He did
, and a long time passed. Wrapped in Matthew’s arms, Carlee was very quiet. “What’s on your mind, sweetheart?” he asked, brushing a kiss along her temple.

She turned to
him but didn’t say anything at first, just looked into those eyes that always showed her love.

“What is it
, Carlee?” Matthew asked.

“Are you worried
that we might not be able to have children?” she asked, finally.

“I
’m not worried. I’m sad because this thing happened to us that might take away our right to choose. Are you concerned about me with that thought?” he asked, pulling her close. “Because you shouldn’t be; we’re in this together, for better or worse right? You said everything would be OK, didn’t you?”

“
I never thought about us having a family, not really, until last night. Even when we were concerned that pregnancy may have been what I was experiencing with the nausea. I just never thought about it. And now we’re being told we might not be able to. I just keep thinking how beautiful our babies would be,” she smiled at him, running her fingers through his hair.

“I think so
, too. But Carlee, let me give you another way to think about it,” he said, not missing a beat. “Andy had no part in what an outward beauty you are, but he had plenty to do with the inner beauty that glows from everything you say and do…” He pulled her closer and kissed her.

“Matthew Davis…”

“Yes, wife?” he laughed.

“I love you…” Carlee said.

“I love you right back.”

~ ~ ~

The nurse slipped quietly into the room, observing the young couple sleeping, Matthew curled so close to Carlee that they seemed to be one, and she smiled. She looked over the monitors and finally, lightly touched Carlee’s arm. “I’m Rena. Sorry to interrupt, Miss. Just need a few minutes.” She took her temperature and blood pressure, and Matthew never stirred.

The nurse slipped out
, and Carlee watched the sleeping man beside her, loving him more than life, and again she prayed…

~ ~ ~

Friday morning, when she opened her eyes, Matthew was not there. She felt sad, missed him - hated the thought that he’d left. A moment later he entered the room.

“Hey, look at you!” he said with a big smile
and a cup of coffee. “I can’t imagine it, but you look even better than when you opened your eyes yesterday.”

She remembered being asleep in his arms, remembered the feel of him holding her, and
she let out a sigh. The nurse, Rena, returned. “Good morning sunshine!” And Carlee remembered her being there a few times in the night, never really awake enough to process that she was, but she remembered it.

“Can I have a sip of that coffee?” she asked the nurse as she took her vitals.

“Give it a try and see what happens. You’ll know if you can drink more,” she said with a smile and left them.

Matthew handed her the cup, “Oh man, that’s the best worst cup of coffee I’ve ever had!”
she said, and they both started laughing.

“Mom and Andy are on the
way, and according to Rena, Tamara is on her way to talk to us about what’s next,” he said kissing her cheek.

“A sponge bath!” Hatchet said entering the room.

“Whatever,” Carlee replied sarcastically.

A tall blonde-
haired, younger man knocked and stuck his head in. “Ross Malphress,” he said. “I’m the physical therapist, and I’m here to move you around some to assure your circulation is good and to keep you from getting stiff. Mr. Davis, if you’d like to stick around, I’ll show you what we’re doing, and you can help when I’m not here.”

“And then I’ll show you how to give her a sponge bath!” Hatchet quipped.

“Whatever,” Carlee said again and they all laughed. But she did think about Matthew and herself having those moments alone.

Ross flipped back the covers on her l
eft side and pulled her leg out, bending, rubbing, and massaging it as he did. He bent it up, pulling lightly to stretch it several times before he moved to her right side and turned to Matthew. “Your turn.”

Matthew took her leg and mimicked the movements that the therapist had done. Ross only stopped him once
to show him proper extension of the stretch. With every move he made, Matthew’s eyes were locked on Carlee and hers on his with a grin on her face. Ross took one arm and did the same, bending, stretching, and massaging, and Matthew did the other.

He rolled Carlee first to her left side and massaged her back and shoulders, and then went to the other side of the bed to do the same. “We’ll leave this one to me for now, but you can rub her shoulders and continue th
e arm and leg stretches throughout the day. It’ll make it easier on her when we are finally able to get her out of the bed. I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Mr. Davis can you take over?”

“Call me Matthew,” he said
, and emphatically added, “Yes, I can!”

~ ~ ~

Hatchet returned to the bedside with a pan of warm water, the shower gel Geni had brought previously, and a washcloth.

“Hatchet, wait,” Carlee motioned for her to come closer and whispered in her ear. “When can
that
tube come out?”

“Soon as we
’re ready to get you out of the bed; we’re working on it, missy,” she whispered back and rolled Carlee to her side as the therapist had done and began to gently wash her back. She went to the other side and did the same. She turned to Matthew and said, “Here’s a clean gown, and yes,” she said turning to Carlee, “for now, this is
the
gown. Matthew, you can wash the rest as you continue the stretch and massage that Ross showed you. I’ll give you a few minutes. Don’t know as I’ll be doing a BP check just after this ordeal, but I’ll be back,” she said with a wink and closed the door.

Chapter Seven

Saturday,
Andy and Geni arrived around nine in the morning. Andy happily thought that Carlee looked rested – refreshed actually. He was already dreading that Geni was leaving the next morning.

Tamara
followed right behind them. “Well, good morning! I’m happy to see that you are responding well to
everything
. How are you doing with the thickened liquids? Any nausea?”

“No,” Carlee said. “When can I eat something real? I’m starving…”

Her words brought a laugh from everyone. We’ll try you on some porridge and see how that goes, and we’ll think about lunch later. I’d like to spend a few minutes going over the radiotherapy process. You are all welcome to stay and listen,” she said looking to Geni and Andy, “because I believe family plays a big part in recovery and treatment – in
many
ways. You’ll be visiting with my artist in the next few days…”

“Artist?” Andy asked.

Tamara laughed, “I like to make this a comfortable experience and artist sounds more casual then technician.”

I like her
, Carlee thought as the doctor talked to Andy.

“As I told you before, we have to be very precise when we begin, so we will mark you up to make sure we get it just right. We’ll take you to the machine and I
’ll line up the beam that will be used. I have very exact measurements to get us exactly where we need to go. Next, Candice will begin marking so that we hit that exact spot each time. We may have to shave a little more around the surgery site so that we have plenty of room to do so. We’ll put you in an immobilization device and make molds that are exact to you, your head, and upper body – much like a cast – this will assure that you are in the same position every time during treatment. That’s very important. I like to use shields as well, to assure that none of the radiation beams stray to good tissue. We call all of this the simulation process; it’s like a practice run for all of us before actual treatment. I know that was a lot of information, so we’ll pause there and talk about what’s next after we see this step through. Any questions at this point?”  

Carlee looked around the room as the process was explained
, and she saw anxiousness all around. “So Doc, what color do you use?” she asked and they all looked at her.

“I’m sorry?” the doctor replied
in question.

“The ink stuff to mark my head, what color is it? I need to know so I can plan my wardrobe.” She said it so seriously that everyone remained in a hushed state. “Hello? Is anyone listening to me?”

Suddenly, Tamara realized that she was trying me make light of the situation to put everyone else at ease and responded, “Red; it’ll match your natural color scheme!” and they all laughed. “Carlee, I’m going to love going through this with you!” the doctor told her, thinking about all the patients she’d worked with who’d had such negative reactions to the experience ahead of them. “We’ll see how you feel in the next day or so and get this started. I’ll see you later; good day, all.”

~ ~ ~

A little later, Hatchet came in with a tray for Carlee. “Mmm, porridge,” Carlee said with a bit of a snit. Hatchet lifted the lid.

“Wait! Oh my good
ness! Is that what I think it is?” she asked excitedly, everyone craning his or her necks to see what was in the bowl.

“You were wrong,” Hatchet said, directing her sarcasm to Andy.

“About?” he asked with a curious smile.

“There are grits to be found in London! I had to dig
- deep I tell ya - but I found them! I read that just a touch of bacon drippings makes them really good, but I wasn’t sure the belly could handle that, so just a little butter today,” she said with a big smile, proud of her surprise. “I’ll be gone for a while. Rena will check on you and I’ll see you later.”

“Hatchet, wait, please. I need your help with something before you go.
”

Word was out that Carlee was in the hospital
, and she had received several arrangements of flowers throughout the days she was there and more arrived that morning.

“There are so many of these flowers
; can you ask if someone who isn’t getting flowers would like some of these?”

“I would be happy to talk to the volunteers
and ask them to accommodate that request. How thoughtful,” she said.

“We will pull the cards, but there are so many that I’m not enjoying the flowers so much, just the thoughts.
” Geni watched her - not the spoiled child of a rock star at all, but a practical, down-to-earth beautiful young-woman.

~ ~ ~

Geni talked Matthew into going home for a while to get some real rest and a shower. While he was gone, Carlee dozed. Geni stepped out to the solarium to make some calls, and while it was just Andy in the room Carlee stirred.

“Hey, Papa. Where’s Geni?”

“She had a few calls to make to get things ready to head home. You doin’ OK?”

“I just still
feel really tired. Hatchet said part of it is the lingering effects of the anesthesia, and that it might take another day or so to go away. I’m sad that Geni is leaving; I understand that the rest of her world is waiting, but I have loved her being here. I hate that she is leaving us.”

“Me too,” he said. “I’m going to miss her.”

“Papa, I don’t know how to explain it, but in the night, after the surgery, I felt Mama here. She was comforting me, giving me peace, I think.”

“I know that feeling,” he said in a quiet reflective voice. “I’ve felt her myself the last week or so.”

“She’s telling us it’s all going to be alright.” Carlee looked at him, and he knew she wasn’t just referring to her health.

“I like Geni. A lot, Carlee.”

“I know, and I can see that she likes you too.” She turned to look at him. “It’s OK, Papa; Mama’s been gone a long time. Live. This last week has made me keenly aware of what a precious gift life is. Live, Papa.”

“I love you, sweet girl,
” he said leaning to her, placing a tender kiss on her forehead.

~ ~ ~

Geni was on her way back and stopped outside when she heard them talking. It wasn’t that she was eavesdropping, she just heard them and didn’t want to intrude.
‘Live’
she’d heard Carlee say, and she hoped that they both – Carlee and Andy - did just that. Life is a precious gift; Carlee was right. But she felt other gifts that she hoped Andy realized. She was falling in love with him. She wasn’t sure she could say the words, unsure where she fell in his life, so she would keep it to herself – for now.

~ ~ ~

Matthew returned around one to find Carlee asleep. “Did she eat?” he asked.

“They brought yogurt for lunch
and she sucked it down like she hadn’t eaten in days. Oh wait,” Geni laughed, “she hasn’t! Hatchet said they were going to prepare something more solid for dinner and see how she responds,” Geni said.

“You two are going to have an early morning; you should go rest up and pack. I saw the empty suitcase on the bed. She’s fine
, and I’m staying tonight.”

“Matthew…” Geni began.

“Mom, I showered, had a bite to eat and a good nap. I’m not leaving her. Go,” he responded.

Carlee stirred at their conversation. Rubbing sleep from her eyes, she looked around. “What’s going on?”

“Andy is taking Mom home so she can pack. She’s on that early flight home, and they need to get some rest,” Matthew said, leaning to kiss her.

They
visited a while longer, and finally Geni rose and went to Carlee’s bedside. “I’ll see you next week,” she told her and leaned to kiss her cheek. “I’m going to take care of some things and gather up lots of love and kisses to bring back to you.”

“Be safe. I want you to come back,” Carlee said and felt a lump in her throat.

Andy walked to the bedside, and Carlee reached to put her arms around his neck. As she did, he remembered every time in their life together that she had done the same, and he wanted to cry. “I’ll see you in the morning, sweet girl. I’ll get Geni off to the airport and then I’ll come straight here. I love you,” Andy said as he turned to leave.

“Papa?” Carlee said in a soft voice, fighting back tears of her own. He turned to look back
at her. “I love you.”

“
I love you right back,” he responded. 

~ ~ ~

After they were gone, Matthew joined her in the bed, and they watched TV for a bit. Finally, his body spooning hers, they napped. When they woke he told her, “I’ve got a quick errand to run; got something I need to pick up. I’ll be back in an hour tops. Rest.” Nuzzling her neck, he whispered the words in her ear.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s a surprise. I love you. An hour,” he repeated and kissed her.

It was quiet in the room, and she closed
her eyes. Her thoughts drifted to Andy and what was going on in his life, and what he continued to give up for her. She raised the head of bed the small amount that she’d been advised was allowable so that she was sitting up just a little. She reached to the drawer where Geni had slipped the book. Taking it in her hands, it seemed to fall open to the exact place she knew she wanted - her mama’s last message to Andy.

I think back on all the things we’ve shared, and I love you all the more. I hope you know that you made my life better these last months. What you gave up to be with me… I can’t imagine if it hadn’t been this way. I don’t know if I would have had the will to go on if you hadn’t been there, being able to share one more day with you…

Carlee read the words, her fingers delicately caressing the pages, and her eyes filled and spilled, at the emotions she felt.

I saw ‘Rent’ on Broadway a while back. Megan had a small part. Recently, the lyrics from one of the songs keep going through my mind over and over… “525,600 minutes… how do you measure a year in the life…?”

Oh, the numbers of minutes I keep reliving, keep remembering, keep wishing for… They have been like flashes of light the last few days; some overwhelm me and some make me so happy that I believe I can make it a little longer…

I want my life to be remembered as a quilt. Wrap it around you. Let it warm you. Each of you is a piece of my quilt of life. Each of you put there for a different reason. Maybe your block of time was a small one, maybe you were the center block of color in a particular pattern in the quilt of my life, but each of you are an integral piece. Some blocks in that quilt are the cornerstones, maybe of the whole quilt. Maybe it was a cornerstone of a part of the pattern. Security. Honesty. Integrity. Love. Some blocks were the strength I needed at a certain time. Some blocks are the compassion I needed at an especially difficult time. But each block represents love. My quilt would not be complete without your part in the pattern. I want to leave pieces of my quilt for each of you.

As she read the words, she started to cry. She could feel Beth’s emotions so strongly. Carlee knew her fears because she felt them, but her mama’s diagnosis was so much more finite. “Is this your way of sharing yourself with me today – bringing these words to me?” she said aloud.

At that moment
, Danni Matchett entered the room. “You talking to me?” she asked.

“No, my mama,” Carlee replied wiping her eyes. “I guess you do go home
, Hatchet; I missed you today.”

“Just had to sneak off for a shower and a few
quick winks.” She sat on the side of the bed to take her blood pressure. Seeing the book that Carlee held, she said, “I read that.”

“You did?”

“Yes, years ago, and I just finished it again yesterday.”

“Is that why you want to take care of me?” Carlee smiled, wiping tears from her cheeks.

“I reckon it is. I told you before that there was something about you that made me want to see it through with you. Now I remember why,” she replied.

“I almost know it by heart. I know exactly where whatever I need is in the book and somehow it just opens to that place,” Carlee said as Hatchet did her work.

“After I read it the first time, I wondered what happened to the ‘little red-haired girl’, that Andy fell in love with,” Hatchet replied with a tender smile. “Now I know. Let’s get you freshened up some. I passed the hubs on my way in, and he said he was off to get a surprise for you.”

“I need to call him real
quick.” She took the phone and dialed, “Hey, is your surprise anywhere near home?”

“It can be;
what do you need?” he asked.

“The quilt in the closet, the smaller one. Can you please bring it back
with you?”