Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3) (7 page)

Matthew and Andy went to the café to get coffee while Geni went to the solarium and made a few calls. She cancelled the flights Carlee and Matthew had made to go home for Christmas. She called Kimmy, to ask her to let the rest of the family know what was happening. She called Thomas and Brian… and she cried. When she figured the guys would be on their way back, she heard Carlee’s words in her mind,
I can’t even think of any of this, can’t process any of it, if you can’t be strong with me!
She darted in the restroom, washed her face, and touched up her make-up. When she came out they were waiting with the coffee.

The nurse went to the solarium and told them they could
return to the room.

They came an hour later to take her for the CT scan and MRI.

Chapter Five

She was out of the room at lunch
, and Andy knew she’d be hungry when she came back. He also felt the need for a diversion; his mind was racing, and he needed time to be alone to think. “I’m gonna run out and find us something to eat,” he said and headed for the door. Geni got the impression that he needed to be alone for a bit and didn’t offer to join him.

“He’s struggling, I can see it,” Matthew said.

“He’s scared.”

“I am too, Mom.”

Car
lee was back in the room when Andy returned. “There’s a deli across the street. I got sandwiches: salami, ham and Swiss, and there are two turkeys and a roast beef,” he said handing her the bag. She looked in, took the sandwich she wanted, and passed the bag to Geni.

“Thanks
, Papa!” she unwrapped the sandwich and took a big bite. “Oh, soooo good!” She was wiping her mouth as a man in a white coat knocked.

“Dr. Mark
Lincoln,” he said, “I’m the neurologist. May I come in?”

“Sure,” Carlee said, “just finishing
some lunch.” She introduced everyone and asked, “Let’s just get to it. I kinda just want to know what’s going on so that I can figure out how we go forward.”

The doctor smiled at her cut
-to-the-chase tactic. “Well then, there is, in fact, a mass that we need to explore. The good news is that it’s localized; that’s really good,” he said with a smile. “Also good is that it has very clear, definite borders, most likely non-cancerous, but we can’t say for certain until we go in.”

“Surgery…” Carlee said.

“Yes. It’s most likely a meningioma. Sometimes we just monitor these tumors, but the location of this one is most likely why movement caused the severe nausea, and the fact that it can grow and press against the brain means it needs to come out. You’ve already had a nasty experience with it. We don’t want any more of that.”

“I see,” Carlee said as the others looked on. “So we operate to remove it, then what?”

“We send it for pathology and then figure out what next.”

“And
exactly what does the surgery involve?” she asked.

Andy
was watching her intently. Geni wasn’t sure he was breathing, and she was watching him to make sure he was OK. Matthew sat beside Carlee holding her hand, and she had a strong grip, showing him her fear. But her courage in that fear amazed him.

“Because of
its location, we will have to go in through the top of your head – a craniotomy. We will have to shave a place on your head to allow us clear access to where we need to go in.” He ran his fingers around an area on the top of her head to show her. “We’ll leave as much hair as we can, and then we’ll cut out an area of bone to be able to get in there.”

Geni was amazed at
the poise and strength Carlee displayed. She was still watching Andy out of the corner of her eye, seeing him watching Carlee like a hawk.

“We’ll keep you on a good dose of steroids
for now. I’d like to do the procedure early Wednesday morning,” the doctor said.

“
Wednesday… yes, just get it over with,” Carlee said, quickly. She didn’t want to think about it. “I want to go home.”

“I’ll give
you time to think of any questions you may have. I’ll stop back later. It’ll be OK, Carlee,” he said.

“Thank you.”

They were all quiet for a while. No one really knew what to say, so they said nothing. Carlee looked at the clock on the wall, heard each tiny ‘tick’ as the hand counted off the next second, and the sound was unnerving. It was after four in the afternoon, and finally she said, “Papa, can you and Geni give Matthew and I some time alone?”

Andy
didn’t want to leave, but he knew they needed that time. “I love you, sweet girl,” he said and kissed her cheek.

“I love you
, right back,” she said. “Geni, thank you.”

~ ~ ~

After they were gone, Matthew wrapped her in his arms and held her.

“
Stay here with me like this for a little while. I just need you to hold me,” she said.

He wrapped his arms around her and never wanted to let her go.

Finally, she told him, “Please take my rings and put them in the box with the bracelet. Take them home with you when you go.”

“I’m not going home,” he said.

“Yes,” she said firmly, “you are. You need to get a shower and some rest. You can come back in the middle of the night, or the butt-crack of dawn, or whatever, but you need to go rest for a while. Get out of here.”

“Carlee,” he began.

“Matthew, I need time to let this all sink in; it’s a lot to think about. You need to rest. One of us has to have a clear head. I think my ‘clear head’ left with the doctor. Please don’t argue with me,” she said firmly. “I’m tired. Go, please. Rest.”

“I love you,” he said.

He left her to go down the hall and get Andy and Geni. Back in the room, Carlee saw the emotions on Andy’s face. “Matthew, I’ll call you before I go to sleep.” She wanted a few minutes with Andy.

Matthew kissed her and whispered in her ear, “I love you.”
He turned to Geni and asked if she was ready.

She
nodded, leaned to kiss Carlee’s cheek, and they left.

As they walked down the hall, Geni asked Matthew, “Do you need me?”

“I always need you, Mom, but why don’t you wait here for Andy. He may need you more.” She kissed his cheek, and he left her. She sat and waited, watching for Andy.

~ ~ ~

Carlee and Andy sat quietly for a while, and finally she asked him, “Can you just sit up here with me for a few minutes?”

He climbed in the bed with her and wrapped her in his arms, and the fearful tears that
they’d both been holding back came in a flood.

The nurse was about to knock, but saw the two of them and decided to come back.
She was witnessing such a tender moment that interrupting didn’t seem right. What she needed could wait just a little longer.

As Andy held her, he prayed
silent prayers.

She’s so young. Please don’t let this be something we can’t overcome. Let her heal. Let her be healthy and live. Let her experience the world and the love that she shares with Matthew into her older years. Please don’t take her away from us.

Carlee curled closer, and as though she could read his mind, she whispered, “Philippians 4:13, Papa.”

He remembered her sharing that Bible verse when they were in Arundle on their European journey. “I love you, Carlee.”

“Love you too; now go so I can rest.”

He gave her a squeeze and slipped from the bed. He placed
a tender kiss on her forehead and turned to leave. When he reached the door, he looked back.

“It’
ll all be OK. Go,” she said, but wondered if she was trying to reassure him or herself.

He
met Geni in the solarium. They sat quietly for a few minutes and finally he reached for her hand. “Ready?”

“Do you want to talk?” she asked.

“Not now,” he replied and led her down the hall.

~ ~ ~

On his way home Matthew made a call; he knew it was going to be hard, but it needed to be done.

“Matthew,” Dean Rollins said when he answered. He was the President of the Cancer Foundation and a good friend to Carlee and her family. “How nice
it is to hear from you. I don’t know if you’ve seen the commercials with your artwork there in the U.K., but the promotion is going well! Check the website!”

“That’s great. Dean, I’m calling you about a personal matter. It’s Carlee.”

“Oh, Matthew… what is it?” he asked, his voice filled with dread.

“Short version for now, she’s been diagnosed with
a possible meningioma. She’s having surgery on Wednesday morning.”

“Matthew, I’m sorry to hear this news. Let me gather some information for you. I’ll get it to you as soon as possible. I’ll send an email out to those who need to know. You take care of you. That’s one of the most common problems with a diagnosis such as this; the caregivers forget that they need to be well. We
’ll all be praying. Please stay in touch and keep me posted. If I can help you with anything, just call.”

~ ~ ~

Back at the flat, Geni fixed a bite to eat. As they sat at the table, all of them were thinking of Carlee at the hospital alone, but it seemed to be what she needed. Only Andy and Matthew both knew she wasn’t really alone; in her mind, she was with Beth.

Matthew showered and
crawled into bed. Geni looked in a few minutes later and found him fast asleep.
Mental and physical exhaustion
she thought. She and Andy shared a glass of wine. There was no conversation. They were processing what they’d learned that day.

Finally she
told Andy, “I need you to take me somewhere tomorrow so I can grab a couple of things. I didn’t have much with me when we went to your house from Jacksonville and I need a few things.”

“Whatever you need,” he said. “I’ll find out from Matt where we can go.”
He was quiet a moment and said, finally, “Thank you for being here with me.”

“Where else would I be?” she asked as he pulled her into his arms.

After they were all gone, Danni Matchett stepped in to check on Carlee. “I came by earlier, but I saw you with your papa and decided it could wait. Why aren’t you asleep?” she asked.

“Why are you still here?” Carlee
asked with a light tired laugh.

“I’m pulling a couple
extra hours so I can keep an eye on you.”

“Go home to your family. I’m fine.”

“Actually, I don’t have a family. Always wanted to take care of others, but never felt that I-gotta-have-a-baby urge. Plus, me thinks a man is required, and I haven’t met a real man, only a few assholes,” she laughed. She sat on the edge of the bed and turned to face Carlee. “Whatever this is, it’ll be fine. I believe that,” she said finally rising to take Carlee’s blood pressure and check her IVs for the evening.

“I hope so,” Carlee replied.

“Good night, missy, I’ll be back here in the morning.”

“Hatchet… Thank you.”

~ ~ ~

Carlee lay there awhile, quietly reflecting. The nurse had left a soft light at the doorway on, and the room had a soft glow. She didn’t want to go to sleep just yet, so she prayed.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… Please give me that strength…”

~ ~ ~

Geni woke
in the middle of the night, and Andy wasn’t in the bed. She went into the living room and found him sitting in the dark; only the light from the streetlight outside and the light display on his tablet illuminated the room.

“You OK?” she asked
as she sat beside him.

“Had to get this down while
it was on my mind,” he replied and turned the screen to her. She read what he’d typed.

I remember the first time I saw you

My heart will never be
at the same

Sometimes it’s just a whisper

But I always hear your name

Your smile has warmed me inside, out

It’s what this sweet life’s all about

I’ve watch you in a crowded room

I’ve seen sweet love, grow and bloom

“I think there’s more, but this is what came to me. I gotta get it when it comes to me,” he said. “This one’s just poetry for now; I haven’t heard the tune yet.”

“
That’s beautiful, and I know it’s about Carlee, but it could be words of love for anyone,” She told him and paused before she added, “This is all going to be OK, Andy. You have to believe that.”

Her voice was a soothing sound to him. He closed the tablet, put it aside
, and held her. They sat there for a while, and finally Matthew came out.

He looked at the clock; it was 3:30. “Why are you two up?” he asked.

“Same reason you are,” Andy said.

“I’m going back,” he said.

Geni rose from the sofa and went to him, wrapping him in a mother’s embrace. “Lie down another hour, please. Even if you don’t sleep, Carlee needs to rest, Matthew, and if you go she’ll want to comfort you.”

Reluctantly, he did, and
he slept two more hours.

~ ~ ~