Feel the Rush: A Hard Feelings Novel (InterMix) (13 page)

He wanted to understand her. Fuck, he wanted to know everything about her, even her crazy-ass ticking clock theory.

“Help me to understand, baby.”

Her eyes widened at the endearment he slipped out. He didn’t even mean for it to happen, but he couldn’t help but like the way it sounded rolling off his tongue.

***

A tingle coursed through Meagan’s bones when Reed called her
baby
. She hadn’t been called that in a very long time. Actually, she hadn’t been called that by anyone other than Daniel, the man who broke her heart eight long years ago, right before she met Reed.

Reed winked at her. “Sorry, sugar.”

“No, it’s okay. It just caught me off guard. A man hasn’t called me that for a long time.”

“I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t happy about that.”

She splashed water on his face. “Be serious.”

His eyes glazed over, and he looked at her like he could see through her, and it scared the living hell out of her. “I am being serious. Tell me about him.”

“About who?” Her subconscious instinct was to evade his question, to dodge the bullet that was aimed at her memory. She repositioned herself in the tube, letting her lower body submerge into the water as she latched her upper body over the side of the tube.

Reed brushed his thumb across her arm, gaining her attention from where she was previously focused, skimming her fingers across the top of the water. “About the man who broke your heart.”

She swallowed hard as she felt the color drain from her face. A sense of betrayal rocked through her mind as it lingered over the small fissure that was still visible on her heart. “There’s not much to tell,” she lied. “He was the first and last man I have ever loved.” The fact of the matter was, she just didn’t want to talk about it. Bringing up the man she thought she would spend forever with—bringing up Daniel—was like opening up an old wound and pouring in salt and whiskey. It hurt . . . still.

She and Daniel had dated all of her junior and part of her senior years in college. They were inseparable, and she’d loved him more than she ever thought possible. He was sweet, and handsome, and funny. He was also silly and playful, and if she took a step back and thought about it—he was a lot like Reed.

Daniel was a football player for the University of Florida, with hopes of going pro. They met at a frat party that she had basically dragged her roommate to. He spotted her the moment she walked in the door, and she knew in that one instant that she needed him. Meagan was a little shy back in college, but that all seemed to change when a little tequila was thrown into the mix. It didn’t take her long to gain the liquid courage to make her move. They danced and talked the remainder of the party, and before the sun came up that next morning, she was fast asleep cradled against his naked chest, wrapped in his strong arms. Those same arms held her nearly every night after that. She fell so hard and so fast that it blinded her. She didn’t even see it coming. . . .

She was waiting for him outside the locker room. The loud voices that filled the locker room had finally started to taper off. The Gators had just claimed their victory over the Illini, and the guys were more than a little revved up.

Meagan knew how to read Danny. She knew how to see through him. It was a practiced skill, one she loved learning. But when he walked through the locker room doors, she wished like hell she could read the emotion that was written on his face. It was one she had never seen before, and the worry it caused to course through her put her on edge.

“Hey,” she said as he stalked toward her. His eyes were hard, cold, and angry. She had never seen him like this. Never.

“Let’s go,” he barked. He never talked to her that way.

“Danny, what’s wrong?” She reached her arm up and placed her hand on his hard bicep. She felt the tension in his muscles, the rigidness in his body. Something was wrong.

He jerked away and stormed into his truck, throwing his duffel behind his seat before he slammed his door. Meagan had a moment of hesitation. A tiny part of her was afraid to get in that truck with him, afraid to know what had happened that seemed to take over the man she loved. But she loved him—she had to know what was wrong. She wanted to fix it.

Her body moved before her brain had a chance to catch up and she climbed into the truck. Daniel didn’t say a word, he just put the truck in reverse and peeled out of the parking lot.

She didn’t know where they were going. She didn’t know if they were going to the usual post-game party or if they were going back to her house or his. He wasn’t driving in a familiar direction, and she didn’t even think he knew where they were going.

“Baby, what’s going on?” she finally asked after what seemed like forever of silence. They had just won another game, he killed it out there on the field. He should be basking in the afterglow of victory, not sulking.

His head shifted to hers for the first time since they had gotten into the truck. Remember that reading him thing she was so good at? She wished like hell that she couldn’t read him at the moment, because the look he gave her sent her heart to the pit of her stomach.

“What is it?” she demanded.

“Fucking Jo,” he huffed.

Jo? Jo, Jo . . . oh Jo. Beautiful blond cheerleader who had been dating the QB, Avery.

“Avery’s girlfriend?”

“Yes,” he spat.

“What about her?”

“She’s fucking pregnant.”

Meagan’s eyes widened. Avery’s girlfriend was pregnant?

“Well, I don’t understand why that’s such horrible news. Sure they’re young, but they seem to really care about each other. It’s not the end of the world.”

Daniel shot her a glance that might as well have pierced her chest with a knife. He had never looked at her with such anger, maybe even hate. “Why the hell are you so fucking mad?” she snapped. Whatever was going through his mind, he needed to tell her, because this pissed-off stunt he was pulling was getting real old, real fast.

“Why am I mad?” He was shouting, another thing he had never done to her. “His fucking life is over. What’s it going to be like with a knocked-up girlfriend? And the draft is soon. Fuck!”

“Calm down, Danny. They will figure it out.”

Daniel finally pulled onto a familiar road after his sulking detour. They were heading to his house.

“She needs to get an abortion.” The words left his mouth in a cold, dead sweep that had Meagan second-guessing them.

“What?”

His face momentarily turned to her, but it was long enough. She had heard him correctly. At least he had the decency to look guilty.

“You did not just say that,” she whispered. That volume even sounded like a stretch.

“Meagan, she’s fucking pregnant,” he said as he pulled up in front of his house. His roommates were already gathering on the front lawn with a couple of girls on their arms. Looked like the after party was here tonight.

“What if it was me, huh? What if I was pregnant?”

He didn’t flinch, he didn’t blink. His face remained stoic—like the answer had always been there. Like he didn’t even need to think about it. “You don’t want me to answer that right now, M.”

“Like hell I don’t!” She shook her head, unable to wrap her mind around the words he was saying. This wasn’t the man she loved. This wasn’t the man that she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with. He wouldn’t want that. He couldn’t . . .

“So you’re telling me that you would want me to kill the life inside me? Kill your baby?” Meagan was supportive of women’s rights and their choice to do what was best for them. But that would never be Meagan’s choice.

Her eyes stayed locked on his. She needed to see his face, she needed to see his reaction. The first reaction was always the most honest form of the truth. In that split second when your mind didn’t have time to wrap around whatever it was that was thrown at you, that’s when your true colors showed—your first reaction didn’t lie
.

“It is my baby!” he blurted as his fist flew into the dashboard.

That’s when her world decided to flip on its axis.

That was when she found out that everything she wanted, everything she loved, was a complete lie.

She had lost the ability to breathe. She just sat there looking at him as he stared out the windshield. He was so consumed with his own fear that he didn’t even seen Meagan crumbling right in front of him. The longer she looked at the man she loved, the more she hated him.

“Look at me,” she demanded.

The coward that he was took his sweet little time shifting his body toward her. His eyes met hers and there was only a tinge of remorse in them—the rest was fear, and she knew that fear wasn’t a fear of losing her. It was a fear of losing himself.

His jaw clenched tightly under his skin and his voice was cold when he finally spoke again.

“It is my baby.”

And she saw her future ripped from her hands with those four words.

***

“I beg to differ,” Reed said, his voice bringing her mind back to the present.

“What?”

“I think there’s a lot to tell about this asshole, he obviously fucked with your heart. I can see it on your face right now.”

Meagan pinched her lips together, forcing herself to maintain eye contact with Reed as she tensed her body, trying miserably to ward off the chill that seemed to seep into her bones, regardless of the July heat. Reed was reading her more easily than she felt comfortable with. She didn’t know if she wanted him to have that power over her.

She blinked her eyes slowly. “He just didn’t want the same things I wanted. End of story.”

Reed nodded his head. “Ah, he didn’t want kids?”

“Nope.”

“And that’s a deal breaker for you, huh?”

“It is.” She never thought she would have a deal breaker. She never thought that a man she loved wouldn’t want the same things out of life that she did. But now she knew better. She couldn’t risk it. She didn’t want to feel the way she felt that night ever again.

Reed lowered his body into the water like Meagan had, leaning his arms over the side of his tube, still holding on to hers. “But what I still don’t understand is, what’s the rush, sugar? You have plenty of time.”

Meagan didn’t want to get into her life story with Reed. She didn’t want to hash out all the miserable details of her failed relationships and her reasoning for wanting what she wanted, but Reed was as stubborn as they came. And she wanted him to understand. She wanted to wipe that too-much-life-to-live-before-settling-down look off his face.

“You’re right, I could have plenty of time. But I might not. My mom and dad thought the same thing. They thought that they had all the time in the world to start a family. But when they finally decided to try to have a baby, it was too late. My mom was unable to get pregnant.”

Reed looked at her, the question written plainly on his frustratingly handsome face. “I’m adopted,” she said.

***

“You’re like this amazing, intricate puzzle, and you’re finally giving me some pieces to put together.”

Meagan laughed, and Reed was relieved to see the flush creep back into her cheeks. He thought he had lost her there for a minute. He thought the Meagan that he loved to see had slipped into the fucking past with that son of a bitch who hurt her. And that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted her here with him, he wanted her good thoughts, he wanted to see that smile pull across her face, and he wanted to see those pearly whites shine at him while her body unknowingly flirted with his own thoughts. Thoughts he was trying to not have, but he was failing—miserably. Good news was, he was back on that fucking tightrope—both feet balancing, unsteadily, but he was back on. And that was all that mattered at the moment.

“I think that’s a first. I’ve never been referred to as a puzzle before.”

“Yeah, well, you’re taking a while for me to figure out, but I like that you’re finally showing me.”

“So you don’t think I’m crazy?”

“Now, don’t go putting any words in my mouth, woman,” he teased.

She laughed and took another drink of her beer.

Reed was in no hurry to settle down, he had too much life to live before he did that. But he admired how Meagan wasn’t going to apologize for what she wanted. He loved how she put him in his place and let him know it too. If they’d been in a relationship, her thoughts for her future would have had him running fast in the opposite direction. But now the fact of the matter was, the way she wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted, and the way she wasn’t going to let anyone hold her back, made him like her that much more.

Chapter Twelve

So, the day wasn’t a complete bust. Yes, she was the age we shall not mention, but she’d enjoyed her birthday. For waking up feeling like all she wanted to do was to crawl back in bed and sleep the day away, she had to say that it turned around pretty well. Staring at Reed with his shirt off for the majority of the time probably had a great deal to do with the appeal of the day as well.

Meagan was lounging in the free-standing hammock that was on the back deck, her hair still damp from her recent shower. Everyone had long since gone to bed, and she was enjoying the quiet. Tiny had rested his enormous head in her lap and she raked her fingers through his dense, soft fur.

She was staring out at the river, watching the soft ripples move across the calm water. She pressed the wineglass that rested in her hand to her mouth and savored the robust flavor of the cabernet that settled on her tongue before she let it coat her throat. The night had finally completely taken over the sky, no more fading blue hues lingering around in the late hours, no, now it was completely dark. The few remaining fireworks would occasionally light up the night sky from somewhere distant along the river—but other than that, it was black. It was peaceful, the only sound was the faint trickle of the river down below, the soft breaths from a satisfied Tiny, and the occasional crackle of fireworks as they faded away.

Tiny’s head popped up off her lap the second before she heard the door to the house open up.

Reed walked into view and she smiled up at him as he stood over her, nothing on but a pair of gym shorts hanging low from that perfect V in his hips. Dammit, there he was again with no shirt on. She pulled her eyes away and took another drink of her wine.

“Hey, whatcha doin’ out here all by yourself?” he asked as he sat down on the oversize patio chair that was next to her. Tiny clumsily made his way to Reed and lowered his head onto his lap.

“Just enjoying the last of the lingering fireworks.”

Reed took up the hypnotic task of rubbing the top of the dog’s head. “Yeah, have you had a good birthday?”

“I have. Thank you for making the dreadful three-oh not so dreadful.”

“Anything for you, sugar.” His voice had that soft, sleepy, sexy rasp to it, and paired with the Southern drawl that really seemed to make an appearance when he was tired, Meagan was done for—that voice sent a shiver through her body, prickling goose bumps all over her legs—the good kind. “Where’s Eva?”

“Up in our room, more than likely getting her hair pulled.”

Reed narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Luke’s with her,” Meagan explained, and Reed cracked an approving grin as he gave an understanding nod. She returned her own form of an approving smile, hell, she was happy for Eva. “I’ve offered to take the couch tonight.”

Reed’s jaw set tight, his strong eyes boring into hers. “You’re not sleeping on the couch,” he declared, his tone not leaving much room for argument.

“Yes, I am,” she protested. “It’s fine. I’m a hard sleeper, I can pretty much crash anywhere.”

Reed lifted his hand from Tiny and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his bare chest. “Okay, then you can crash in my bed with me.”

She sucked in a sharp breath between her teeth. “I don’t think so, Reed.”

He leaned forward again, resting his forearms on the tops of his thighs. The thick muscles of his shoulder flexed, causing Meagan to gawk like a hormone-crazed teenager.
Great
.

Reed smiled, apparently privy to her little drunken, gaping eyes. Damn wine . . .

“Look, it’s late. Come to bed. I will be a complete gentleman.” He lifted his fingers in the air. “Scout’s honor.”

Meagan debated her options as she finished the last of her third glass of wine. She toyed with the idea of her body curled next to him. It was tempting, and the thought was very appealing. She had slept in the same bed as Trevor many times—but she was afraid it wouldn’t be the same when she was lying next to Reed. Trevor could curl up behind her and wrap her up in his arms and she would feel nothing but content—no flutter of excitement, no wanton desire to feel more of him. But what if she did with Reed? Actually, she already knew the answer to that question—she would feel those things with Reed, she didn’t need to be in his arms to feel them either. But ultimately, her body’s cravings won out against her pesky internal need to weigh the repercussions. She wanted that contact, even if it was just lying in the same space as him, sleeping.

“Fine,” she said. “But I’m warning you, I’m a kicker. And I sometimes talk in my sleep too.”

Reed stood up and reached out for her hand. “That’s okay, I snore.”

“Well, good thing I’m a hard sleeper then,” she said, placing her hand in his, allowing him to help her up. Her legs swayed under her, causing Reed to move his grip from her hand to her elbow as he steadied her.

“How much wine did you have, birthday girl?”

“A glass or two . . . or three . . .”

Reed chuckled and shook his head. “Come on.”

Reed led Meagan to his room and she smirked when she heard the soft mumbles and cries coming from the room at the end of the hall. That little hair-pulling assumption was probably right.

She followed Reed down the other hall, which led to his bedroom. Reed flipped the switch to his room and Meagan had to squint her eyes from the sudden blinding light. “Oh, shit, sorry,” he said, quickly turning it back off.

Meagan walked to the far side of the room where the wall was completely made of glass from ceiling to floor. The view was breathtaking, even in the dark of night when she couldn’t make out much other than the shine from the water and the crackle of colors sparking up the night sky in the distance.

She felt Reed walk up behind her. “Great view, huh?” His body was close, close enough that she could feel the faint heat radiating from his naked chest onto her back, but far enough away that they weren’t touching.

“It’s beautiful. And you can see the deck and the pool from your room too.”

His head moved forward, his mouth hovering dangerously close to her ear. “How do you think I knew you were down there?”

Meagan turned around, their nearness knocking the breath from her lungs. She had to tilt her head back to look into his eyes, and she almost regretted doing it—almost. They stared at hers with a rawness that held her captive, an intensity that she knew he possessed, but she hadn’t been sure until that very moment how much it could consume him. He was looking down at her like he was unable to do anything but that—like she was the one holding him captive instead.

She involuntarily licked her lips, and when the little action registered with her now clouded mind, she took a step back. The small distance she had put between them cooled the moment that had penetrated the air, and with that small distance, Reed’s body seemed to soften, his muscles relaxing and his breathing evening out.

“Here,” he said, holding out a T-shirt to her.

She took it from his hands. “Thanks.”

He turned around, keeping his back toward her as she pulled off her tank top and unsnapped her bra, letting them both drop to the floor.

“Better hurry up, sugar. I’m trying hard not to sneak a peek here.”

She laughed, relieved that whatever moment had passed between them wasn’t going to make this little sleeping arrangement any weirder, or more difficult, than it was already going to be. She pulled his T-shirt over her head and narrowed her eyes when he glanced over his shoulder.

“Damn,” he said, hanging his head between his shoulders when he saw that she was already in his shirt, a wicked grin fanning his face.

“I thought you were going to be the perfect gentleman?”

Reed winked at her before he threw himself on the bed, pulling the covers down and spreading out on his back.

Meagan rolled her eyes, unable to suppress the smile that was threatening to take over her face. He had flipped the switch, and carefree Reed was back in full swing. She shimmied out of her shorts, leaving them discarded on the floor with the rest of her clothes.

She crawled into bed and curled up in a ball on her side facing him. His head was turned toward her and a slow and sweet smile tugged on his lips. It was cute and honest. It was lacking the impish pull or that playful smirk. It was just a genuine, sweet smile, and she couldn’t help but return it. Reed lifted his arm up above her pillow and patted his chest. “Come here.”

Meagan didn’t hesitate. She could use a warm body to hold onto, even if that’s all it was. Reed was comfort—and she let him encase her in it.

Her head nestled in next to his shoulder, and his arm left the pillow and wrapped around her back, holding her close to him.

“See, not so bad, huh? What’d I tell ya? Perfect gentleman.”

She tucked in closer, it felt too good not to. “Uh-huh. Perfect.”

Reed huffed a short, soft chuckle, then pressed his cheek to the top of her head and sighed as he tightened his hold on her.

“Reed?” Meagan whispered, after a few moments of silence passed.

“Yeah?”

“We’re friends, right? I mean, friends that are clearly attracted to each other, but friends, right?”

He laughed, a deep, authentic, sexy laugh—his warm breath spreading across the top of her head. “You could say that.”

“Okay, so I need you to be honest.” She lifted her head to look at him. “I’m tough, you’re not going to hurt my feelings. I just want you to answer honestly. And none of that bullshit tell-her-what-she-wants-to-hear crap that men always do.”

“Shoot.”

“Am I wife material?” She lowered her head again, relaxing it back on his chest.

“What in the hell kind of question is that?”

“An important one.”

He took a deep breath in, her head rising and falling with his chest. “I think you’ve had a little too much wine.”

“Probably so, but really. Am I? I mean, if you weren’t so fly-with-the-birds, bungee-jumping, wing-flying-walking-whatever-it-is crazy that you are. If you were to slow down—could you see yourself with someone like me?”

His hands started lightly skimming over her back with the tips of his fingers, and the feeling was delicious. “I don’t know, Meg. I’ve never thought of my life like that. It’s never been in my cards, so I’ve never played my hand. But I’ll tell you, no lie, that yes, you are absolutely wife material.”

She rolled out of his arms and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him. The faint light from the moon that was seeping into the room did little to aid her eyes in the darkness, but she could still make out those handsome features she loved to look at, and he was smiling.

“So what the hell is the problem?”

He rolled to his side and leaned up on his elbow as well. “You’re not the problem.”

“I know. It’s the good-looking, up-to-no-good, panty-dropping, sweet-talking, don’t-want-a-relationship Mr. Wrongs that I’ve been dating. I’ve established that.” She dropped her arm and fell back onto the pillow.

“Panty-dropping? Did you really just say that?”

She rolled her head to the side to look at him. “Yes, I really just said that.”

He inched closer to her as she lay on her back until he was pressed up against the side of her body. His hand reached out and smoothed the hair away from her face. “You will have it all one day, Meg.”

She swallowed hard, unable to take her eyes off of him as he looked at her with such assurance that she was almost forced to believe him. “And what makes you so sure?”

A smile cracked open his lips and lines creased around his eyes. “Do you need me to make a list?”

She wiggled on her back, situating herself under the covers. “I would love for you to make a list, why thank you.”

“Smart-ass.”

She shrugged.

“Look, sugar. You’re the fucking package. You’re funny as hell, and half the time I don’t even think you mean to be. You’re strong, you’re not afraid to go for what you want, and you’re not ashamed to let everyone know it either. You’re witty and sarcastic, which makes for a hell of a good time being around you, and you’re a knockout. You have this sweet, gentle beauty about you paired with this crazy sex appeal that you seem to use even when you have no fucking clue that you are, and it’s even sexier when you do it on purpose.” He paused and leaned over her. “You’re everything good and bad and interesting mixed up into one. You’ve got it all.”

She laid there, her eyes unable to shift from the riveting ones staring back at her. His words left a wave of longing trailing after them. Hearing him tell her she was everything, that she had it all, not only shocked her, but it swayed her. It tipped her thin needle, pointing to the scale that was weighed down with everything she tried to ignore—and every single thing was a part of Reed. But she couldn’t ignore the way he was making her feel at that very moment, and she didn’t want to. Her arms lifted and wrapped around his neck, her fingers brushing over the short hair on the back of his head. His eyes stayed fixed on hers, never moving, never wavering from the hold he had on her. She waited for him to crack that cocky smile, but nothing. It was like he was afraid to move, afraid to break his contact with her, like she was going to bolt from him at any moment.

Her fingers crept around to his jaw, and she ran the pads of her thumbs over the fresh stubble that was prickling his face. She could feel the tension in his muscles working under his skin. She smiled to herself, he was trying so hard to hold true to his gentleman promise, and she would definitely give him credit where credit was due, but right now—she just wanted him to kiss her.

***

The moment her fingers pressed against the side of his face, he felt an overwhelming need to cover her mouth with his until he could no longer feel or taste or smell anything other than her. But he couldn’t. He knew where she stood. He knew what she wanted—what she needed. And he also knew he wasn’t it. He wasn’t crossing that line, because if he did, he was afraid there would be no going back.

But then her shoulders left the mattress, her blond hair tumbling down until the ends were skimming across the sheets as she lifted her head to meet his. She hovered there for a moment, waiting, almost begging him to kiss her—so he did.