Feel the Rush: A Hard Feelings Novel (InterMix) (15 page)

She gasped. It was sharp and quick, and the fullness that took over her was exactly what she was craving. Her muscles pulled as she stretched to accommodate his thick, long cock. It was a mix of pain and pleasure that was weaved together so tightly it was hard to differentiate between the two. Whether it was painfully pleasurable or pleasurably painful, she didn’t know. And she didn’t care.

“God, baby,” he said against her mouth as his lips kissed her and his body slammed into her with a force that rocked her body back and forth. She couldn’t keep the moans locked away, not when he was sending her through hell wrapped in angel wings—it was blissful, iniquitous pleasure, and she was completely lost in it.

Somewhere in the midst of it all she slipped away. Her mind left any and all realms of thought, and all she did was feel—that’s all she could do. He consumed her so completely that it left nothing but the way he was making her body feel as he sent her closer again. She clenched tightly around Reed as his hands dug into her thighs, pushing her legs closer to her chest, allowing him deeper still. He wasn’t holding back, he was giving her just what she had wanted, just want she had asked for.

She arched against the bed, her hands clinging to his biceps for support as another orgasm reverberated through her body. This time she didn’t scream out his name, she didn’t moan or cry out—she couldn’t. The pleasure took everything she had in her and she was left with nothing, nothing but the feel of Reed releasing his own pleasure inside her before he collapsed onto the bed, pulling her into his arms.

She molded against him, her body tangling with his as they both struggled to catch their breath. He lifted her chin with his fingers and sweetly pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and easy, completely different from the raw, intense, passionate ride he had just taken her on. She melted into his kiss as his hands lightly skimmed up and down her body, soothing the aches that lingered in her spent muscles.

“That was a nice puzzle piece,” he said when he broke their kiss. “Happy birthday,” he whispered. Then he tucked her in his arms, and she drifted to sleep.

Chapter Thirteen

The sun was streaming through the glass wall, warming her naked skin, as Meagan stretched her aching legs. She opened her eyes to see a sleeping Reed wrapped around her like she was a security blanket. She rolled over, struggling to shift under the weight of his arm that was draped across her, and pressed her back against his naked chest, wedging herself in close. She tucked her head back, nestling under his chin and he automatically pulled her in against him.

She smiled. “You’re awake?”

“I’ve been awake.”

Meagan grabbed onto his hand and wrapped it around her tighter—if that was even possible. “For how long?”

“Long enough to see you drool, kick me a few times, and mumble something that sounded a lot like ‘Reed is a sex god.’ I couldn’t be sure, though.”

She thrust her elbow back. “I don’t drool.”

He pressed his lips to the back of her head as a sleepy laugh escaped. “You do, baby.”

“Dammit, Reed,” she whined.

“Sorry, sugar.”

A knock on the door broke through their combined laughter. “Hey, you two, you planning on coming down anytime today? Becky made lunch and we’re getting ready to load up the truck,” Murano hollered through the door.

She turned in Reed’s arms, a lazy, sex-induced smile on her face. “What time is it?”

Reed reached for his phone on the nightstand. “Damn, it’s after one o’clock.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Yep.” Reed leaned over and kissed her forehead. “We better get up and get moving.”

Meagan climbed out of bed and made her way to where her clothes were laying disheveled on the floor, Reed never once taking his eyes off of her. He scooted toward the end of the bed, reached out, and pulled her in between his legs. “I think you’re right, it’s definitely more fun to touch than to look.”

He traced the curves of her body with his hands, his cock rising as he leaned forward and kissed the swell of her breast.

Meagan’s hands braced on his shoulders, pushing him back. “I’m usually always right,” she teased. She stepped out of his embrace and pick up her clothes, quickly getting dressed before Reed had a chance to distract her again.

Reed pulled on a pair of worn jeans up over his hips, threw on a T-shirt, and then walked barefoot toward Meagan, who was raking her fingers through her tangled hair. There was something about the determination in his steps that made her . . . anxious . . . excited . . . unsure.

“You hungry?” he asked, stopping in front of her.

“Starving. Feed me.”

Reed’s lips turned up, and she didn’t like the crooked angle of his grin or the impish gleam in his eyes. “Reed—,” she warned.

He bent over and wrapped his arms under her butt and threw her over his shoulder.

“Reed Porter, what the hell are you doing?”

“Taking you downstairs to feed you, sugar.” He smacked her ass—hard—making her jerk in his arms, then turned and jogged out of the room.

She was still laughing like a kid when he paraded into the kitchen with her flung over his shoulder. He sat her feet down on the floor and the back of her hand instantly made contact with his chest. “Thanks.”

He winked. “Welcome. Eat. I’m gonna go grab a shower.”

***

Reed came back downstairs carrying his bag in his hands. As he stepped into the great room, Becky appeared in front of him, blocking his path.

“Hey, sis.”

“Don’t hey me. I thought you said she was just a friend.” Becky nodded toward the living room, and Reed followed her gesture with his eyes to where Meagan was cradling a cooing Addie in her arms.

Reed’s brows furrowed. “We are friends, Beck.”

“Reed, the entire cabin heard you two last night.”

He smiled as the thought of that woman screaming out his name loud enough for everyone to hear raked through his memory. And he liked it.

“Wipe that smirk off your face, Reed. That was
not
something I wanted to hear.”

Reed’s shoulders shook with a suppressed laugh. “I wish I could say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

Becky rolled her eyes and slapped him on the back of the head. “Well, Addie seems to like her. So she’s got me there.”

Reed tilted his head to the side of his sister so he could look at Meagan again. He leaned his shoulder into the wall and watched her.

Meagan tilted her head forward and rubbed her nose against Addie’s little stub of a nose, and Addie reached up her tiny hands, grabbing a fistful of Meagan’s blond hair. Reed heard her soft laugh as she carefully untangled her hair from the baby’s grasp. Lifting her in the air, she tickled Addie’s tummy with her mouth, earning a sweet belly laugh from his niece. She tenderly kissed her head and held her close, swaying her hips back and forth as she talked softly to her.

She looked so happy, so natural. So this was the Meagan that she saw for herself. This was the Meagan she wanted to be, the future she wanted to have. And seeing her now, it was a future that would fit her perfectly—one she deserved.

Reed ran his hands through his hair as a tightness took over his chest. The wave of happiness that encased him this morning when he woke with that beautiful woman in his arms suddenly seemed wrong—it seemed selfish. She had laid it out there for him. She had told him she wanted to be friends. She had made it perfectly clear what she was looking for—what she wanted. And Reed knew he wasn’t it. He wasn’t whole—not anymore. That part of him was ripped away four years ago. The only way he knew to fill that void was to let the adrenaline seep into his wounds—help him remember while allowing him to forget at the same time. How could he be a part of the life Meagan wanted? He didn’t deserve it.

Becky’s eyes shifted between him and Meagan, and she sighed. “You really like her, don’t you?” she asked, her voice penetrating his thoughts.

“I do.”

“So what’s with the sad face?”

“I’m not what she wants—or what she needs.”

Meagan took that moment to look at him and smile, Addie still tugging on the blond strands of hair that hung down in front of her shoulder. He smiled back then turned to Becky. “It was good to see you, sis. Tell Conner bye for me.”

She frowned, her face lined with worry. “Reed?”

“I’ve got to go, Beck.” His voice had thickened. He leaned down and kissed his sister on the forehead, never making eye contact with her as he lowered his head, then he made his way to the living room.

Reed stopped and stood in front of the woman who he knew was too good for him, the woman who deserved more than he could give her. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to give her the things she wanted. And he knew her terms, it was a deal breaker.

“Reed, I think Addie needs to come stay the weekend with her uncle sometime so I can love on her some more. She’s the sweetest baby, and I’m already in love with her.”

If only he could go back in time twelve hours and offer to take the couch instead. If only he could rewind time and take back what went on between them—then maybe what he was about to do wouldn’t feel like it was ripping him open from the inside out. But he’d be lying if he said he wanted to change even one fucking second of the time he had had with her last night.

Reed lifted his hand and gently stroked the top of Addie’s head. Meagan’s eyes scanned his face and her smile instantly faltered.

“Hey, look, I’m gonna ride back alone. I’m so sorry, sugar. Luke will take you home.”

Meagan’s eyes connected with his, a long, pained stare forming ice in her big blue eyes as the distance he was wedging between them settled over her. She swallowed hard as she slowly nodded her head, tucking her chin to her chest as she bounced Addie in her arms.

“That’s probably for the best,” she said, and her words sliced through him like a thousand sharp daggers, splintering parts of him that he didn’t even know could hurt.

The tightrope snapped, and he was tumbling fast.

He opened his mouth to say he was sorry, to try to ease the hurt that was forming in every facet of her expression, but she pinned him with a look that stopped his words cold, lodging them in the back of his throat. Then she turned from him and walked away. And he did the same.

Chapter Fourteen

Reed didn’t see Meagan much the rest of the week, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. He had fucked up—he knew that. He selfishly took what he wanted, knowing good and well that what she wanted he couldn’t give her. And now, that little moment of weakness had cost him—it had cost him her.

Sure, she would wave to him if she passed him as she was leaving the apartment, and she always said hi to him if she saw him in the courtyard with Tiny, but that was the extent of it. Every time he tried to take their conversation past the greeting stage, she cut him short. The last thing he wanted was this giant space between them that was full of awkward tension and regret. He liked her too much for that. He missed her.

After a Saturday spent out on the lake with his buddies, Reed headed back to his apartment to bring Tiny home and to get cleaned up to head back over to Murano’s for their monthly poker night. He was looking forward to a night of nothing but his guys and a case of beer. He needed a night that would distract him from the desperate need he had to walk next door, barge into Meagan’s apartment, and demand that she talk to him. He didn’t fucking deserve that, though. He’d walked away from her. He’d pulled out of that cabin, alone on his bike—leaving her behind.

He hadn’t wanted to walk away from her that day, but he’d needed to. He needed to put that small amount of space between them to strengthen his willpower, to revert his status back to the one he claimed before he slept with her again. And if he would have stayed, if he felt her slender body slide against his, if he felt her cradle him from behind with her legs, and if he felt her arms clinging to his waist as she rested against his back—he would have caved. He wouldn’t have been able to hold true to the friends title he accepted anymore than he could when she was wrapped in his arms in his bed.

He didn’t blame her for pushing him away either. He didn’t blame her for cutting his legs out from under him and ignoring him as he so desperately tried to mend the fucking crater he created between them.

Why should she talk to him? Why should she forgive him and give him a second chance at the friendship she offered him? She shouldn’t. But he fucking wanted it—because not having her at all was pure hell.

Reed walked out of his apartment to head to Murano’s. He was locking up as a tall man strode down the narrow walkway toward his building, and Reed got that gut-twisting intuition that caused a red haze to fuzz the edge of his vision. It was the ER doctor, the one who took care of Brewer. He hoped he would turn the corner and head toward the stairs that led to the apartments above him—because if he didn’t, then there was only one other place he was going.

“Hey, man,” he said, nodding his head casually at Reed as he passed him and walked toward the front door of the only other lower-level apartment in that building—Meagan’s.

He knocked on the door and it almost instantly opened. The guy’s face lit up and Reed hoped like hell Eva was standing on the other side of that door, because if she wasn’t, Reed didn’t know what the hell he would do. But he knew better than that. The man worked with Meagan—he was there to see her.

There was that fucking jealousy thing again, rearing its ugly head when it didn’t have a damn claim to do so—but that didn’t change the fact that his heart started pounding in his chest and small beads of sweat clung to his hairline, as he stood there and waited, unable to peel his eyes from the scene unfolding in front of him. It was like driving past a horrible car accident. You didn’t want to look, you knew it would make your stomach drop if you saw the evidence of life slipping away, but you couldn’t help but drive by slowly and turn you head to see as much as you possibly could.

A sound reached Reed’s ear, clouding any and all thoughts that were previously taking up the space of his mind. It was Meagan, it was her laugh. Fuck, it’d been one goddamned week, and the sound of her voice meeting his ears quenched a thirst he didn’t realize he had.

He watched as she stepped out of her apartment. She was wearing a gray dress that clung to every curve and dip of her body, and he imagined running his fingers over the seams, testing the feel of the fabric under his fingers as he trailed them along her body. It cinched her generous breasts, cutting low, showing a beautiful amount of soft, supple, golden cleavage. It stopped at the middle of her smooth thighs, giving him a view of the legs he had had wrapped around him not too long ago. Her small feet were arched, standing in a sexy pair of soft, pale-pink heels. She was absolutely stunning.

The guy opened his hand to her and she slipped her fingers through his without hesitating. Her cheeks gained a rosy tint as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek in greeting. Reed’s hands clenched into fists at his sides as a burning feeling crept through his veins. Seeing her with him was like swallowing a splintered rock—it didn’t go down easily and it didn’t settle well.

They walked hand in hand down the pathway, and when her eyes fell over Reed’s, he saw her breath hitch. Her eyes stayed on him and she offered a sweet smile, but it was that subtle moment when her chest expanded slightly and the hollow of her throat caved inward that gave her away. Like always, her body couldn’t lie to him.

“Hey, sugar,” he said, stepping onto the sidewalk that led to the parking lot—intercepting her.

She frowned a little. “Hi, Reed. This is Jason.” Her words were rushed—she was uncomfortable.

Reed didn’t acknowledge her introduction, he heard her, but he wasn’t going to acknowledge it—instead he just looked at her, not willing to drop his eyes—but she was. She shifted her gaze to the ground for a brief moment, and when she looked back up an indifferent smile—an imposter of the sweet, genuine one he knew her lips were capable of producing—was set in place.

She swallowed hard. “Good to see you,” she lied.

Reed tore his hand through his hair. “Meagan—”

She shook her head quickly, the movement barely noticeable.

Meagan stepped around Reed, but he only shifted back in front of her. Her head lifted, the skin around her eyes bunching as she released a deep, aggravated sigh. She closed her eyes briefly as if she was forcing herself to calm down. Good. He wanted her to be mad at him, he wanted her to open those hauntingly perfect blue eyes and tell him to go fuck himself. He wanted her to get mad, because mad he could fix, mad he could handle. But her ignoring him—he couldn’t fucking take that anymore.

“Jason, can I meet you at the car, please?” Her voice was sweet as she smiled her reassurance at him.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine, I just need to talk to Reed for a second. I’m sorry, I won’t be long.”

He nodded and released her hand and walked toward his car.

As soon as he was out of immediate earshot, her head snapped back at Reed and she pinned him with a look that could have dropped him dead. “What the hell is your problem, Reed? I’m on a date.”

“I see that.” The words came out of his mouth with more accusation than he should have had. He blinked slowly. “I’m sorry, sugar.”

“You’re sorry.” She laughed, and the sarcasm that clung to it was souring the beautiful sound he missed so much. “For fucking me? For leaving me? For what exactly, Reed?” She shook her head. “Look, I’m not getting into this with you. What’s done is done.” She started to walk away but he grabbed onto her wrist and spun her back around to face him.

“No . . . I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Her lips pressed together tightly and her eyes, the eyes that hid everything from him—the eyes that were a beautiful, secret puzzle piece, lowered their protective shield, and he saw the damage. Damage that formed every hole in her heart, and now Reed was part of the infliction.

He reached for her hand but she pulled it away. “I’m not some sad little girl that gets her panties in a bunch over a man she slept with. I’ve been down that road with you before Reed, we fucked—it was great. Did I want to travel down that same path I was trying hard to stay away from? No, but it happened—what’s done is done.” She swallowed hard as her breaths became shallow. “I expected more from you, though, Reed.” Her voice got soft. “You weren’t the sexy soldier that took me home from a bar this time. You were my friend—I cared about you, and you walked away from me with no explanation. You just left.”

“Fuck, Meg.” If ever there was a moment that a woman had the power to make a man fall to his knees and beg—it was that moment. The way her voice cracked from the sound of threatening tears damn near brought him to the ground. He hurt her—not only was he looking into the eyes of the one woman who was capable of slowing him down, he was looking into the eyes of the one woman he couldn’t bare hurting. But he fucking did, and he was afraid that she wouldn’t let him back in. He needed her in his life—even if it wasn’t the way he so desperately wanted.

He ran his hands through his hair as his head lowered. He looked back at her. She was just staring at him with a lost expression on her face, and he felt defeated. “You don’t even know how much it kills me that I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. But when I saw you with Addie . . .” He blew a heavy breath from his mouth. “You set the terms, you laid down the ground rules, and I broke them—and I’m sorry. But I care about you too fucking much to not have you at all. Can’t we just go back? Can we be friends—I need more than just a casual hello from you. Please.”

She lifted her hand and smoothed her palm down the side of his face. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” she said, a soft whimper trailing the end of her words. Then this time, she left him.

***

“Was everything okay back there?” Jason asked as she slid down into his very nice, respectable, safe car.

Meagan folded her hands in her lap, trying to keep from twisting the strap of her purse as she attempted to calm the irritable swarm of vexation that caused heat to course through her chest and throat. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure, because it seemed like—”

“It’s fine, Jason. Reed is just my pain-in-the-ass neighbor.”

“Okay,” he said, unconvinced, but Meagan didn’t care at that moment to try to change his opinion or sooth his battered ego from the obvious tension that was strung between her and Reed. She was too riled from seeing him, too shaken from the penetrating gaze he gave her and the pain that lingered in it. He was hurting, she saw it written in every line on his face—but she couldn’t give him what he was asking for. She couldn’t go back to friends, as much as she missed his playfulness and the easy comfort he brought her, it would be too hard. She had a glimpse of him—of the sexy lover, of the intense man who had a power to shake her to her core—and she couldn’t get it out of her mind. After seeing that part of him, being friends would never work—she would always want more. And he wouldn’t.

Jason looked over at her as he shifted his car into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot. It was his shy, worried expression that had her slightly wounded heart softening around the edges.

She lifted her hand and rested it on top of his that was holding onto the gear shift between them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Reed just . . . I’m . . . he . . .”

He flipped his hand over and laced his fingers through hers, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “I get it, Meagan,” he said, letting her off the hook. “And it’s okay. You’re with me right now, and that’s all I care about.”

She sighed and relaxed against the leather of the seat and forced herself to push Reed from her mind and focus on the man next to her.

She looked at him and squeezed his hand back. This man just got better and better. She could now add understanding to the list of great qualities that he seemed to possess. Oh yes, she was making a list.

Once they were at the restaurant, she felt she needed to whip out said list and start checking things off. Jason was pulling out all the stops.

Opened her car door—check.

Sweetly held her hand—check.

Held open the restaurant door for her—check.

Pulled out her chair—check.

Order a bottle of her favorite wine, yes, a bottle—check.

He was being the perfect date. Sweet and attentive, asking all the right questions and, surprisingly, appearing interested. So their conversation was a little stiff and awkward, that was to be expected on a first date, right? She couldn’t check everything off her dating list right away. . . .

Jason poured her another glass of wine—she was on glass number three. Any more and he would be carrying her out of there.

“So,” he said, sitting back in his chair after the waiter took their plates and he ordered dessert. “Do you want kids?”

Her eyes lifted from her glass and she was sure that the expression that was written on her face was flirting with shock.

Jason laughed, and it was nice to hear. She was beginning to think he didn’t have it in him. “I take it you don’t want kids, huh?”

She smiled back. “Oh, no. I do. You just surprised me. Not too many guys ask that question, especially on a first date.”

His eyes dropped slightly and he leaned forward in his seat. “Yeah, well, I’m not most guys,” he implied, his voice low.

The little hidden innuendo that seemed to sneak into his words gave her the first flinch of excitement all night—that little flutter she was waiting to feel from him again. She had been worried that it wasn’t going to come.

Good head on his shoulders—check.

Easy on the eyes—check.

Wants a family—check, check, check.

Not to mention he would make some pretty beautiful babies—not that she was thinking about that. Well, not too much.

Either his little admission or the three glasses of wine was making her feel a little more comfortable and she started to relax. She generously dug into the chocolate cake the waiter had set down in the middle of the table, and she blushed and turned her head to the side when Jason reached over and wiped the icing off the corner of her mouth.

Sweet and sexy—check.

But then her eyes caught a glimpse of something as her head was turned toward the window. Something that gave her more than just a little flutter of excitement. Something that caused her chest to go tight and her palms to clam up. She could feel her heart thud against her ribs and it was threatening to knock the air from her already deflated lungs.